What is the hardest thing you had to go through in life and could you overcome it

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Hello All, I've been going through some personal issues and emotionally i feel tired, hopeless and that i will never be able to cope again. I have to ask myself, do you want to die or do you just want to stop feeling like you do. I was brought up thinking my father was my biological father and i was lied to all the time. When i asked about my biological father i was told it is not important, to apologise to my adoptive father that i found the information. I dont know anything of my biological father. Soon after i was told that i am infertile and yet i became pregnant and i was so happy. I lost the baby due to etopic pregnancy, which caused more damaged. I was hoping for another miracle but nothing ever happened again. I married the love of my life, and to be honest he is an alcoholic. He only drinks at home, hiding it from me and i find these hidden bottles and a glass all over our house. We have a blessed life, good occupations and a beautiful 10 bedroom french villa in the country for just the two of us. I should feel grateful for what i have, but materialistic things means nothing if the only thing you want is to be first in someone's life. I know he loves me dearly but i know that he would choose alcohol before me each time. Expecting him to be there for me emotionally is like going to a hardware store to buy a bread. It breaks my heart every day and i struggle to accept my circumstances. I know other people are going though things much worse than mine, and that i should be grateful, but all of this that i am telling you i kept a secret for so many years and letting it out on here is my only release.
 
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You will get through it.. I know it feels like you cant see any positives but life can get better.
Have you gone to counselling?
The toughest things I went through was being made redundant realising my ex was a domestic abuser and both my grandparents dying all within a year. Sometimes you get through things but you dont know how. I'll never get over the dv but I've become a stronger person.
 
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Annie , you are stronger than you realise and you can do this.
Would you consider going to speak to someone , it can help so much getting these feelings out , then you can let them go. Would your husband consider getting help for his alcohol problem? He will need to have some kind of acknowledgement that he has a problem and the need to get help . Have you spoken to him about this ?

My biological dad took his own life when I was 2 , in order to keep that from me , my uncle decided to play the dad role and I grew up thinking he was my dad.
Obviously when I found out at 16/17 was very traumatic.
My uncle died 5 years go and that hit me hard. He was an alcoholic , ex military and had many problems in later life. His passing is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to cope with in life .
Whilst I'm not in your exact situation , I can relate to the things you have mentioned.
 
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Hi Annie - you can make changes and, little by little, your life will feel better. You could think of the option of separating from your husband. It seems like there is enough money to ensure you would both have a decent life afterwards. Start new hobbies and join clubs. You could think about fostering or respite care. I know it's easy to dish out advise but, by helping others, you will feel more worthwhile and gain some peace. All of this can't happen overnight of course but, in a year or two, you could have a new life.
 
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There’s nothing so hard in this world that you can’t overcome it, little by little.

I suffered a stillbirth at 6 months and then went on to have 2 miscarriages 1 after the other. I now have my little miracle. It does and will get better x
 
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Thank you for understanding and the encouragement. i love my husband very much and i dont want to leave him, i know i cant fix him, but i feel i need to be there to protect him. After a while one just wish someone would do it for you
 
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Thank you for understanding and the encouragement. i love my husband very much and i dont want to leave him, i know i cant fix him, but i feel i need to be there to protect him. After a while one just wish someone would do it for you
Accepting that they can't do it for anyone else is so difficult , but it really is true.
I understand you wanting to protect him , you love him. Please talk about it with him. There is so much help out there if he's willing to accept it
 
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I was injured during the birth of my daughter (undiagnosed 3rd degree tear) and it took 3 years and countless appointments to find it and 8 years and the involvement of solicitors to get the nhs trust to do anything to help my deliberating symptoms. I had a couple of surgeries in the end and will need many more for years to come but it’s been 10 years now and I still don’t know how I survived when I could barely leave the house.
 
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I def recommend having counselling, it can be such a huge help, even years later. I grew up in a home where there was severe domestic abuse which resulted in my mum and us kids packing and leaving home and moving 300 miles away in the space of 2 days. When I was 16 I would wake in the night with our lodgers boyfriend in my bed having sex with me, I never told anyone as I thought I’d be blamed for it happening and the lodger would come find him and laugh cos he’d sleepwalked in to my bed. It wasn’t until approx10 years after that I properly realised he’d been raping me, I just always thought it must have been my fault. I lost my younger brother to suicide at 28 which was devastating. I became involved with a guy who was well known as a great gentle giant guy but was really a severely depressed hole who became violent. He attempted suicide twice while we were together and throttled me twice till I passed out. I tried to walk away so many times and he would suck be back in with saying how he was scared and how much he needed me etc. He called me to his house where’s he threw petrol all over the house and me and him and then tried to set us on fire! He had taken an overdose which meant I was strong enough to fight him and stop him setting us alight. It ended when he tried to hang himself in my house when he was drunk and I stopped him, he left and drove his car into a lorry and died. I can honestly say I have never felt grief like it, it felt broken in two. I also had a massive sense of relief because I’d spent 2 years trying to stop him killing himself and now it happened. I felt free of him. I went for counselling 8 months after because I just felt I needed to talk and get everything out. I can honestly say I’m happy and loving life now. Sorry for the explicit details or triggers for anyone but I’m living proof that people are stronger than they think 😊
 
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I survived rape
there-I said it
he got off on the charge and watching the smug bastard walk out of court with his brainwashed girlfriend was the hardest thing I’ve ever done

i also walked away from my narcissistic mother-I know she keeps tabs on me and spreads her crap but I just don’t give a damn

im sending you loads of love-your life can and will change if you want it to
it may just be a different path xxx
 
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Hardest things I have been through; suddenly losing my stepfather with no prior warning. Absolutely fine one minute, gone the next. Telling my 5 year old the next morning. Supporting my mother through grief. 6 months later my sibling did something terrible due to being an alcoholic which none of us knew about. My niece and nephew were removed and my nephew is now in care, my niece with my mother.
During that time my father had a cancer scare and had to have a major operation to repair an artery.
Sibling did various other unthinkable things and caused heartbreak across the family.
My sibling is in rehab and has been since before christmas.
We have no relationship and I dont know if we ever will.

I try and focus on the positives in my life. I am not my sibling and I know I am a good person. I am there for my family. I protected my children by not letting them see or know what was going on. Things are a hell of a lot better than they were 12 months ago. I am able to leave my phone on the side without panicking every time it rings. What will be will be, I am not responsible for the actions of someone else.

Keep going, it will be ok in the end. If its not ok, it's not the end xxx
 
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As someone said above I definitely recommend therapy and try and find the right person and it will help!
I was sexually abused as a child by my older brother and never told my mum as she suffered with severe depression and I knew it would kill her - my brother was also her favourite so maybe I thought she wouldn’t believe me 🤷‍♀️ She died 2 years ago from alcoholic liver disease and I did think of telling her on her death bed but then thought there’s no point. I still fell so angry all the time (I don’t speak to my brother but he lives near so see him sometimes) but you can’t let the anger weigh you down. I’m reading a few self help books so hopefully that will help.
I’ve also had lots of suicidal feelings and wished a serious illness on myself but these days if I can get through one day without thinking this I know I’ve done good 👍
Chin up because us women are made of strong stuff xx
 
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I am so sorry for everything you're going through. As for your husband, maybe some couples counselling? As well as individual counselling for you. Counselling sounds daunting and scary but it can really be so helpful in helping us work through hard things and get our thoughts straight.

The hardest thing I've gone through was losing my 4 year old son. That was 4 years ago and it's not something I'll ever overcome. It's taken over every fibre of my being and every second of my life. I think about him ALL the time, which I wouldn't think was possible but he's on my mind 24/7 and I miss him so much. I don't know how I get through it and how I'm still here, but I am.

Knowing I have to get through the rest of my life without him is incredibly hard, but I have my two other kids and I know it would hurt them more if they couldn't have me as their Mum for the rest of my life. I have to be here for them.
 
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I am so sorry for everything you're going through. As for your husband, maybe some couples counselling? As well as individual counselling for you. Counselling sounds daunting and scary but it can really be so helpful in helping us work through hard things and get our thoughts straight.

The hardest thing I've gone through was losing my 4 year old son. That was 4 years ago and it's not something I'll ever overcome. It's taken over every fibre of my being and every second of my life. I think about him ALL the time, which I wouldn't think was possible but he's on my mind 24/7 and I miss him so much. I don't know how I get through it and how I'm still here, but I am.

Knowing I have to get through the rest of my life without him is incredibly hard, but I have my two other kids and I know it would hurt them more if they couldn't have me as their Mum for the rest of my life. I have to be here for them.
I'm so, so sorry x x
 
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I am so sorry for everything you're going through. As for your husband, maybe some couples counselling? As well as individual counselling for you. Counselling sounds daunting and scary but it can really be so helpful in helping us work through hard things and get our thoughts straight.

The hardest thing I've gone through was losing my 4 year old son. That was 4 years ago and it's not something I'll ever overcome. It's taken over every fibre of my being and every second of my life. I think about him ALL the time, which I wouldn't think was possible but he's on my mind 24/7 and I miss him so much. I don't know how I get through it and how I'm still here, but I am.

Knowing I have to get through the rest of my life without him is incredibly hard, but I have my two other kids and I know it would hurt them more if they couldn't have me as their Mum for the rest of my life. I have to be here for them.
Reading your post made me cry. Someone once said to me about loss 'you never get over it, you learn to live with it'. 🙁
 
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I def recommend having counselling, it can be such a huge help, even years later. I grew up in a home where there was severe domestic abuse which resulted in my mum and us kids packing and leaving home and moving 300 miles away in the space of 2 days. When I was 16 I would wake in the night with our lodgers boyfriend in my bed having sex with me, I never told anyone as I thought I’d be blamed for it happening and the lodger would come find him and laugh cos he’d sleepwalked in to my bed. It wasn’t until approx10 years after that I properly realised he’d been raping me, I just always thought it must have been my fault. I lost my younger brother to suicide at 28 which was devastating. I became involved with a guy who was well known as a great gentle giant guy but was really a severely depressed hole who became violent. He attempted suicide twice while we were together and throttled me twice till I passed out. I tried to walk away so many times and he would suck be back in with saying how he was scared and how much he needed me etc. He called me to his house where’s he threw petrol all over the house and me and him and then tried to set us on fire! He had taken an overdose which meant I was strong enough to fight him and stop him setting us alight. It ended when he tried to hang himself in my house when he was drunk and I stopped him, he left and drove his car into a lorry and died. I can honestly say I have never felt grief like it, it felt broken in two. I also had a massive sense of relief because I’d spent 2 years trying to stop him killing himself and now it happened. I felt free of him. I went for counselling 8 months after because I just felt I needed to talk and get everything out. I can honestly say I’m happy and loving life now. Sorry for the explicit details or triggers for anyone but I’m living proof that people are stronger than they think 😊
I think you are one strong lady, if you can survive that, my problems seems little. I am happy you are now happy - sending you lots of love

I want to thank all of you ladies for your feedback, posting this yesterday was my first step moving forward. Keeping my husbands alcohol disease a secret from my family, his family and our friends is very hard, because you feel isolated and alone. As if i have 2 lives, one at work where i am confident and strong, and one at home where i walk on egg shells and fearful of what would happen next. To all of you that has gone through your own traumatic events in your life, it is an eye opener for me and i wasnt sure if it was the right thing to open up on here, but it is giving me courage. It is good to know that there are caring, non judgemental people out there. Thank you very much.🥰
 
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i lost my fiancé to suicide 7 months ago. It was 12 weeks before our wedding.
I’m surviving but I’m not sure how.
 
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i lost my fiancé to suicide 7 months ago. It was 12 weeks before our wedding.
I’m surviving but I’m not sure how.
I’m so sorry for your loss x

I am so sorry for everything you're going through. As for your husband, maybe some couples counselling? As well as individual counselling for you. Counselling sounds daunting and scary but it can really be so helpful in helping us work through hard things and get our thoughts straight.

The hardest thing I've gone through was losing my 4 year old son. That was 4 years ago and it's not something I'll ever overcome. It's taken over every fibre of my being and every second of my life. I think about him ALL the time, which I wouldn't think was possible but he's on my mind 24/7 and I miss him so much. I don't know how I get through it and how I'm still here, but I am.

Knowing I have to get through the rest of my life without him is incredibly hard, but I have my two other kids and I know it would hurt them more if they couldn't have me as their Mum for the rest of my life. I have to be here for them.
I’m so sorry you lost your boy. Truly heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you x

My hardest thing was my divorce, nothing compared to what some of you have endured but tough for me at the time.

To the OP, please seek some counselling. Talking always helps. The very best of luck to you x
 
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