What is the hardest thing you had to go through in life and could you overcome it

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My hardest thing was finding out about my husband’s affair and then the split. Nothing at all like some of the things you wonderful women have coped with but it hurt. I tried to take one day at a time, focus on small steps and, while it’s a cliché and sounds trite, seeing the bigger picture and trying to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t helped. It’s still tit though.



One thing that irritated me and still does is when people say ‘I don’t know how you do it’ – it’s because there’s no choice!
 
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Reading your post made me cry. Someone once said to me about loss 'you never get over it, you learn to live with it'. 🙁
That sums it up pretty well. I’m not sure I’ve learnt how to live with it quite yet though. I hope I do. My chest hurts all the time. I have so many physical symptoms that it’s hard to put it to the back of my mind. Grief is weird and confusing and so debilitating.
 
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Thank you for understanding and the encouragement. i love my husband very much and i dont want to leave him, i know i cant fix him, but i feel i need to be there to protect him. After a while one just wish someone would do it for you
It sounds like you are co-dependent.
 
I was in and out of hospital as a kid. I needed a vital operation (think like the replacement of a pacemaker except for the brain - I have hydrocephalus) but kept getting sent home from the ward, the doctors thought mum was hysterical and making it up, my symptoms were treated as migraines. It went on for a year - headaches at the slightest thing (noise, light, movement), vomiting, seizures, in and out of consciousness... I was 7. this went on for a year and eventually, all options exhausted, i was booked in for the operation. When they put me under they admitted that I was at death’s door and had it been left a day longer I would have died, had the operation and was perfectly fine literally overnight. i haven’t needed another operation since but I dread being ill like that again in case the same thing happens 😬 - sort of made me lose faith in the nhs a wee bit and I will always feel bitter at the loss of a year of childhood! 😅
 
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Being homeless, with no money, no friends or family from age 15-18. Living in hostels with needles lying about the place, bed bugs and mice. Whilst in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. My ex wouldn’t even let me pick my newborn up and soothe him crying. I kicked him out when my son was 3 weeks old. Worked my arse off (literally) every single night as a webcam model, getting 4 hours sleep each night then getting up and giving my son the best life possible. One year on I have an amazing house and I run a successful business, a nice car, my son doesn’t see his dad, but we have amazing friends and support- I couldn’t be more happier right now.
 
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My mom was diagnosed with cancer in January 2013, we fought it, it went into remission, it came back, fought it, went into remission again and then came back in high force and it was too late. The doctors told us they could not do anything more for her in November 2015. The month I got pregnant after trying to get pregnant for a year. You can imagine how she felt that she would not get to see her granddaughter.
She died in May 2016 after so many months of pain, basically she struggled to die all in agony. People whom you tell someone died from cancer think they died like in the movies, silent and all of the sudden. So f***ing false. It takes a person so much time to die from cancer, one of the most horrible deaths. The worst were the final 3 weeks, because by this time the cancer took away her walking ability, her eye sight, her speech and her mind. She transformed from my loving mother to a very difficult person who could not be satisfied with anything. My dad was on edge with her and I had to constantly intervene to calm them down. The mother I knew all my life as a beautiful very posh woman was now a tortured debilitated human being. She was always looking at me like she was begging me to save her. You cannot imagine how torturing it is to see your mother in this state and not be able to do anything. How cruel nature can be! My father and I watched over her day and night, and still had to work, so we had to take turns. The night she died I had just stepped out. It's like she knew I left and decided to spare me the pain and died in my absence. By this time, I was 6 months and a half pregnant. Until I gave birth I could not truly cry and mourn her because I could feel my baby descend from the motions my abdomen was making while crying and I was scared of having a miscarriage or a premature birth. So I had to learn to keep everything inside. Once I gave birth, my baby was extremely fussy. Didn't sleep and wanted to breastfeed all the time. So i was awake 20 hours a day, breasts were sore and bloody, my husband didn't support me at all. He was absent for the final 4 months of my pregnancy so I was all alone for my mother's death. The fact that I could not mourn my mom exacerbated my post partum depression and I had 2 suicide attempts in the first 8 months. The constant struggle of feeling guilty that I wanted out versus the fact that I had a baby depending on me was exhausting. For a full year after my mother's death I has PTSD. All the friends that I thought I had didn't ever so much as call to see how I was. My mother in law ignored me and my baby. At times I would not even get to eat because my baby was crying all the time and I had to hold her, but no one cared.
Babes, I am posting this to ask you to do what no one did for me when I needed it. When you hear someone has a relative who is struggling with cancer make them a homecooked meal and bring it to them. Give them a hug while they cry. Or at least give them a call. Especially if they are pregnant. No one should have to go through what I went through.
Now, after 4 years I can say I am better, but I can honestly say I can not smile the way I did before my mother's illness. My entire concept of what is important in life has changed and I am not sure this is a good thing. I am tougher and more mature, but the cost was too much.
One good thing that came out of this experience was that I am truly grateful to be alive everyday.
 
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That sums it up pretty well. I’m not sure I’ve learnt how to live with it quite yet though. I hope I do. My chest hurts all the time. I have so many physical symptoms that it’s hard to put it to the back of my mind. Grief is weird and confusing and so debilitating.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine how you’ve got through it. Grief is the hardest emotion I’ve ever dealt with! The constant ache and pressure in your chest will hopefully ease off eventually and you’ll be able to breathe easier. The kindest thing I did for myself when I was deep in the grieving process was to allow myself time to wallow and feel sad! I spent a lot of days coming home from work and crawling into bed to cry myself to sleep. I know having children will mean this isn’t always possible and I hope you have friends and family supporting you and being there for you. Sending lots of love 💕
 
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My mom was diagnosed with cancer in January 2013, we fought it, it went into remission, it came back, fought it, went into remission again and then came back in high force and it was too late. The doctors told us they could not do anything more for her in November 2015. The month I got pregnant after trying to get pregnant for a year. You can imagine how she felt that she would not get to see her granddaughter.
She died in May 2016 after so many months of pain, basically she struggled to die all in agony. People whom you tell someone died from cancer think they died like in the movies, silent and all of the sudden. So f***ing false. It takes a person so much time to die from cancer, one of the most horrible deaths. The worst were the final 3 weeks, because by this time the cancer took away her walking ability, her eye sight, her speech and her mind. She transformed from my loving mother to a very difficult person who could not be satisfied with anything. My dad was on edge with her and I had to constantly intervene to calm them down. The mother I knew all my life as a beautiful very posh woman was now a tortured debilitated human being. She was always looking at me like she was begging me to save her. You cannot imagine how torturing it is to see your mother in this state and not be able to do anything. How cruel nature can be! My father and I watched over her day and night, and still had to work, so we had to take turns. The night she died I had just stepped out. It's like she knew I left and decided to spare me the pain and died in my absence. By this time, I was 6 months and a half pregnant. Until I gave birth I could not truly cry and mourn her because I could feel my baby descend from the motions my abdomen was making while crying and I was scared of having a miscarriage or a premature birth. So I had to learn to keep everything inside. Once I gave birth, my baby was extremely fussy. Didn't sleep and wanted to breastfeed all the time. So i was awake 20 hours a day, breasts were sore and bloody, my husband didn't support me at all. He was absent for the final 4 months of my pregnancy so I was all alone for my mother's death. The fact that I could not mourn my mom exacerbated my post partum depression and I had 2 suicide attempts in the first 8 months. The constant struggle of feeling guilty that I wanted out versus the fact that I had a baby depending on me was exhausting. For a full year after my mother's death I has PTSD. All the friends that I thought I had didn't ever so much as call to see how I was. My mother in law ignored me and my baby. At times I would not even get to eat because my baby was crying all the time and I had to hold her, but no one cared.
Babes, I am posting this to ask you to do what no one did for me when I needed it. When you hear someone has a relative who is struggling with cancer make them a homecooked meal and bring it to them. Give them a hug while they cry. Or at least give them a call. Especially if they are pregnant. No one should have to go through what I went through.
Now, after 4 years I can say I am better, but I can honestly say I can not smile the way I did before my mother's illness. My entire concept of what is important in life has changed and I am not sure this is a good thing. I am tougher and more mature, but the cost was too much.
One good thing that came out of this experience was that I am truly grateful to be alive everyday.
I lost my dad in 2012 and totally get you in terms of people not realising how painful and horrible death can be. My dad lost his mobility, independence, was in constant pain. Horrible. Our family couldn’t face him and stopped speaking to us after the funeral cos they didn’t like the arrangements we made. I still can’t get my head around it!

I had a miscarriage a couple of months ago at 13 weeks. Found out at the 12 week scan after suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum for 6 weeks (I was bedridden and could barely lift my head). Ended up in hospital for 3 days having medical management.I’m still having moments where I can’t believe it happened and have panic attacks. I already have a child and know that I am so lucky for that.

I recommend counselling. I had relational counselling where the counsellor looks at the relationships in your life and how they have defined you and why you might have been attracted to them. I found it very valuable. I took anti depressants at the same time and they worked brilliantly for me.

I just want to say everyone on this thread is so brave and I wish you didn’t have to go through this pain. It’s comforting to know I’m not on my own in a dark time xxx
 
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Having an extremely premature baby then being diagnosed with an incurable rare cancer weeks after the birth. Took me months to take it in and accept my life was now different. I'm not going to live as long as I would like (average life expectancy is just under 5 years and I am now 16 months into diagnosis) and I won't see my children grow up but we are living in the moment and enjoying what time we have. This why I joined this site because all these instagrammers don't realise there is more to life than watching it through your phone!
 
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Having an extremely premature baby then being diagnosed with an incurable rare cancer weeks after the birth. Took me months to take it in and accept my life was now different. I'm not going to live as long as I would like (average life expectancy is just under 5 years and I am now 16 months into diagnosis) and I won't see my children grow up but we are living in the moment and enjoying what time we have. This why I joined this site because all these instagrammers don't realise there is more to life than watching it through your phone!
I don't have the appropriate words to express my overwhelming feelings around this. However, please know that your choice to live in the moment is a beautiful mentality and will serve you well. I say this as someone who has lost many people to cancer, and some of them were so stressed, exhausted, and afraid that they couldn't enjoy their last years at all. I'm proud of you for choosing to live each day fully and appreciate the joy in each moment.

To be strong when the whole world would forgive you for being weak, that is the definition of true strength. You are remarkable.

So much more I wish I could say but words aren't sufficient. 😢 ❤
 
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I started puberty at 6 so feel like I never really had a childhood. I'm not sure I ever overcame that though. I have thought about getting counselling for this but I had counselling after I was date raped and never found it helped.

Watching my mum die of cancer was pretty horrific, I had just had a baby and felt guilty that I wasnt giving either of them the attention they required when I was with the other one. And more specifically walking away from her body knowing I'll never see her again was so hard. 4 years later I do feel that I am getting through it, i allow myself bad days and have a very supportive husband.

I wish I had more advice to give but I feel like I've just climbed an uphill battle everytime I've gone through something.
 
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My husband lost his mum to cancer in 2015. He was 29 and his mum was 62.

then in December 2017 his dad fell down the stairs at home and died. He was air lifted to Walton hospital in Liverpool but was brain dead.
It didn’t help he’d had a heart attack in November and needed a stent put in and the blood thinners he was on didn’t cause his brain to clot when he fell.

my husband is an only child and lost both parents by the age of 32. He also has no family left now in the uk just cousins in SA.

as well as going through that we also underwent ivf pgd to screen out a genetic condition my husband has.
We started IVF in April 2015, had 6 transfers and spent over £30,000. I had 6 failed transfers. Our clinic was in London so I travelled from Liverpool to London literally just for a blood test and back home continuously for 4 years.

My amazing friend then offered to be our surrogate and we are now 22 weeks pregnant and finally seeing light.

everyone here is so strong and amazing and I hope you all have the support network of friends we have that have pulled us up out of the dark times.
OP - have you close friends? Have you thought about counselling?I know when people are on the drunk mental health services and places don’t tend to get involved. Could you call an AA for advice?

to get me through tough times I used to read a lot of quotes. My favourite was:

‘ on the bad days when I don’t think I can possibly survive, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good’

My inbox is always open if needed, for anyone xxx
 
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My husband lost his mum to cancer in 2015. He was 29 and his mum was 62.

then in December 2017 his dad fell down the stairs at home and died. He was air lifted to Walton hospital in Liverpool but was brain dead.
It didn’t help he’d had a heart attack in November and needed a stent put in and the blood thinners he was on didn’t cause his brain to clot when he fell.

my husband is an only child and lost both parents by the age of 32. He also has no family left now in the uk just cousins in SA.

as well as going through that we also underwent ivf pgd to screen out a genetic condition my husband has.
We started IVF in April 2015, had 6 transfers and spent over £30,000. I had 6 failed transfers. Our clinic was in London so I travelled from Liverpool to London literally just for a blood test and back home continuously for 4 years.

My amazing friend then offered to be our surrogate and we are now 22 weeks pregnant and finally seeing light.

everyone here is so strong and amazing and I hope you all have the support network of friends we have that have pulled us up out of the dark times.
OP - have you close friends? Have you thought about counselling?I know when people are on the drunk mental health services and places don’t tend to get involved. Could you call an AA for advice?

to get me through tough times I used to read a lot of quotes. My favourite was:

‘ on the bad days when I don’t think I can possibly survive, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good’

My inbox is always open if needed, for anyone xxx
You are very kind - thank you. I am also in SA. My husband goes to AA meetings once a week for the past 5 months. He got himself a sponsor this week. I go to Al Alnon meetings for families of alcoholics. Most of the people there are adult children of alcoholic parents. I know it is hard for them, but going home to an alcoholic husband is different than dealing with your parents issues you had as a child. The sponsor came to our house on Monday to discuss his behaviour towards me, and my husband was just the best actor ever. He acted as if he could be Dalai Lama's brother. As soon as he left i was back walking on egg shells. I was locked out the house this past weekend and slept outside, i was allowed to enter the house in the morning when he took the dogs out. All of this breaks my heart, because this man tells me he loves me but he acts this way. Sponsor said i must be patient as he must still learn new behaviour skills and grow emotionally as the alcohol affects one's brain. I drive to work in the morning crying and act/pretend at work every day that all is well. Driving home i start crying again with pent up feelings of fear/anger/resentment. I did send him an email, yes an email because i am to scared to tell him in person that i am going on a holiday by myself to Thailand in March to clear my mind. So last night i was treated well, he is asking me not to go. It is a daily struggle and i want to believe things would change and that he can be normal again. I know this is a lot of private information to share on here, but since my friends and family knows nothing about this, it gives me some relief to post the truth on here.
 
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You are very kind - thank you. I am also in SA. My husband goes to AA meetings once a week for the past 5 months. He got himself a sponsor this week. I go to Al Alnon meetings for families of alcoholics. Most of the people there are adult children of alcoholic parents. I know it is hard for them, but going home to an alcoholic husband is different than dealing with your parents issues you had as a child. The sponsor came to our house on Monday to discuss his behaviour towards me, and my husband was just the best actor ever. He acted as if he could be Dalai Lama's brother. As soon as he left i was back walking on egg shells. I was locked out the house this past weekend and slept outside, i was allowed to enter the house in the morning when he took the dogs out. All of this breaks my heart, because this man tells me he loves me but he acts this way. Sponsor said i must be patient as he must still learn new behaviour skills and grow emotionally as the alcohol affects one's brain. I drive to work in the morning crying and act/pretend at work every day that all is well. Driving home i start crying again with pent up feelings of fear/anger/resentment. I did send him an email, yes an email because i am to scared to tell him in person that i am going on a holiday by myself to Thailand in March to clear my mind. So last night i was treated well, he is asking me not to go. It is a daily struggle and i want to believe things would change and that he can be normal again. I know this is a lot of private information to share on here, but since my friends and family knows nothing about this, it gives me some relief to post the truth on here.
You are not allowed in your own house???
 
Can I be honest. I’ve been through some tit but the hardest thing was watching the person I fell madly in love with love someone else.
I have moved on now and found someone had a family but when I see him or hear his name inside it does feel like a punch to the gut. It’s insane how much it affected me.
 
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@Annie101 I really feel for you and wish I could help. Talk all you want on here it sounds like your only release. I know that walking on eggshells only too well.