*Pity party ahead*
I'm feeling down and sort of buzzed at the same time today. Like I could cry, but also like I'm so full of tension that I can't focus on anything and I don't even know if I'll sleep tonight.
Like I guess most people, the cost of living has really got to me. I'm getting paycheques and then having almost nothing left by the end of the day. I can't take a higher paying job because I am a carer for my very autistic relative. She's a great girl and I love her, but today I could just cry, the strain of everything is so much. My mobile phone broke completely out of the blue the other day (just won't turn on, no matter what I do) and I literally can't afford another. I need apps for so many things, like signing into work and contacting people I need to speak to, but the cheapest smart phones are £70. I don't even have £70 in the world. I will have on Tuesday, but this is what's crushing down on me - EVERY time I get some money at the minute, there is another expense like this and there is no money left over, ever. There are no phones for sale on Gumtree or Freecycle or FB Marketplace - well, none that I can afford!
I don't live an extravaggant life, I don't even have a tv license or Netflix subscription, my phone was PAYG, I've lost nearly 2 stone in the past few months and all my clothes are way too big to wear, I need shoes without holes, I need a mattress where I can't feel the springs sticking into me, I need washing up liquid, I need a day out with a friend, I need to cry, I need a hug, I need a break.