Wedding planning

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

Personally, I haven’t.

the template for the invites I have selected for the wedding did include a section about “we don’t need gifts” etc… but we have asked for that to be taken out and we’ve put the menu in its place.

honestly I think a lot of people give money nowadays anyway or vouchers as they know that couples will already be living together and won’t need toasters and cutlery etc. I always give money or a voucher at a wedding.

each to their own though, but it’s just something we felt we could do without, if we end up with random gifts then so be it, it might be all the guest can afford to give.

 

[Giggling Squid]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

Our friends who recently got married had a token John Lewis gift list (new towels, new bedding etc, a few bits for people who wanted to buy a thing) and a honeymoon gift list via the company they booked their honeymoon with. Another friend used a website which gave options to donate money, buy food/drink/experiences etc, I think it was buyourhoneymoon.com

 

[bellinibobble]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

Of all the wedding traditions and etiquette, I honestly think those poems are the worst I’ve yet to read one which doesn’t make my toes curl. No problem with the actual gifting of money though - makes my life easier as a guest so why not!

I would be tempted to not mention gifts at all and assume that the vast majority of people will give you cash (because that is what normal people will do in real life - not the MN outcry). Or say nothing, but if asked, be signed up to one of those places where people can gift you honeymoon vouchers.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I would be tempted to not mention gifts at all and assume that the vast majority of people will give you cash (because that is what normal people will do in real life - not the MN outcry). Or say nothing, but if asked, be signed up to one of those places where people can gift you honeymoon vouchers.

I'm not mentioning them, if people want to get a give money that's great but I feel too embarrassed to say anything.

 

[bellinibobble]

I'm not mentioning them, if people want to get a give money that's great but I feel too embarrassed to say anything.

Same, but I’m getting married abroad so feel like I can actually get away with the ‘your presence is present enough’

 

[Disneylifeonly]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

Tbf the poem option is one most people use. I cannot tell you the last wedding I have been to or looked after that didn't ask for money for a honeymoon. Times are different now, people already live together and have their homes pretty much the way they want it by time they get married, so no one really asks for toasters and kettles etc anymore.

Tbh though see if you don't mention it all, people will either get you a token gift, or just automatically give money. Some family members may be a bit old school and phone and physically ask for something to get you, so maybe have something small in mind just in case
Like my brother and his wife didn't put anything but my auntie who's very old fashioned didn't want to give money, so they asked for a new iron

 

[Holidaybobs]

We’ve decided upon asking for donations for our local dogs’ home because we genuinely don’t need anything. Those closest to me know I love personal/sentimental stuff like a photo with a funny line or poem. So I expect a few will do that alongside as it won’t cost much.

 

[fudgebox]

We’re not asking for anything either, I’m just happy people will be coming, but if they do ask me I will mention money for the honeymoon!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

You don’t. Most people will ask you if you want/need anything. If you say no, rhe majority will still give you cash on the day. Asking for money in any way is tacky - even if it’s done via a poem or if it’s only directed at those who may want to give you a gift, it still ends up sounding grabby.
We made a point of saying we didn’t need or want wedding gifts. We genuinely didn’t and didn’t really expect anything but 99% of those who came gave us a card with cash inside.

 

[opintionatedperson]

If someone asked for cash I'd probably go out of my way to not give them cash.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Giving money is standard. Asking for it will always feel too brazen.

 

[follyol]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

There’s no shame in the game honey! I think it’s a generational thing -people over a certain age think it’s crass to ask for money but most people live together before getting married these days so why do they need stuff for the house?!

We are just saying ‘your presence is a present’ but if you insist on giving us a gift please feel free to contribute towards our honeymoon. If you Google polite ways to ask for money for a wedding you should find some suitable wording.

If someone asked for cash I'd probably go out of my way to not give them cash.

Really? Can I ask why? I agree that a poem is cringe but think asking for a contribution to a honeymoon in a nice way is fine!

 

[Lulu Goss]

There’s no shame in the game honey! I think it’s a generational thing -people over a certain age think it’s crass to ask for money but most people live together before getting married these days so why do they need stuff for the house?!

We are just saying ‘your presence is a present’ but if you insist on giving us a gift please feel free to contribute towards our honeymoon. If you Google polite ways to ask for money for a wedding you should find some suitable wording.

Oh definitely! All the weddings I’ve been to as an adult with my partner we’ve given money as that’s what the bride and groom have requested. I’d rather know it was going towards something they wanted rather than buying something they don’t particularly want/need!

Your wording is perfect and that’s exactly how I want it to come across too - we appreciate our guests sharing our special day so don’t expect anything, but we know our families and friends will want to give us something to mark the occasion!

 

[opintionatedperson]

There’s no shame in the game honey! I think it’s a generational thing -people over a certain age think it’s crass to ask for money but most people live together before getting married these days so why do they need stuff for the house?!

We are just saying ‘your presence is a present’ but if you insist on giving us a gift please feel free to contribute towards our honeymoon. If you Google polite ways to ask for money for a wedding you should find some suitable wording.



Really? Can I ask why? I agree that a poem is cringe but think asking for a contribution to a honeymoon in a nice way is fine!

I'm in my early thirties before you think I'm in another generation, also getting married this year just for a bit of background on myself.

Personally I think it's bad taste to put it allude to the fact you want a certain gift you should be grateful that you get anything from your guests as they're spending a lot of money already abeit accommodation / clothes etc for attending your day. I think it's cheeky to ask for cash even though I have never given anything but cash in any wedding I have gone to. Maybe it's an Irish thing but I know if I put in anything about wanting just cash my family would put me down a level and I'd agree with them.

But having said that, what I have learnt in the last few years you do what makes you happy. Don't give a duck about what other people think. So what makes you happy!

 

[Laurenia]

We’ve asked people not to give gifts at our wedding and put something along the lines of ‘your presence is present enough’. We have lived together for a couple of years and I don’t need to find space for another toaster. If people do decide to give us cash, we would probably use it to book some trips on our honeymoon we might not do otherwise.

I’d prefer to give a gift of money for a wedding for ease. Most couples live together beforehand so have everything they need and everyone’s taste is so different. I wouldn’t want to turn up empty handed to a wedding where the couple were paying potentially £100+ per head for food and drinks etc. I wouldn’t be offended by someone asking either. I tend to ask people if there’s anything they specifically want at birthdays/Christmas so don’t see it as being that much different. I’d rather give what the recipient would want than wasting my money on something to be shoved in a cupboard.

 

[Disneylifeonly]

In terms of gifts as well, one wedding I looked after, instead of gifts asked guests if they were able to to donate to Macmillan (the brides dad was unwell at the time) they got a nice box made up and everyone put the donations into there. They raised £2000

 

[BettyCrockerr]

In terms of gifts as well, one wedding I looked after, instead of gifts asked guests if they were able to to donate to Macmillan (the brides dad was unwell at the time) they got a nice box made up and everyone put the donations into there. They raised £2000

This is a lovely idea

 

[follyol]

I'm in my early thirties before you think I'm in another generation, also getting married this year just for a bit of background on myself.

Personally I think it's bad taste to put it allude to the fact you want a certain gift you should be grateful that you get anything from your guests as they're spending a lot of money already abeit accommodation / clothes etc for attending your day. I think it's cheeky to ask for cash even though I have never given anything but cash in any wedding I have gone to. Maybe it's an Irish thing but I know if I put in anything about wanting just cash my family would put me down a level and I'd agree with them.

But having said that, what I have learnt in the last few years you do what makes you happy. Don't give a duck about what other people think. So what makes you happy!

yeah fair enough I should have added maybe it’s also a cultural thing. To be fair I do think leaving it up to people (ie saying if you would like to contribute we have a honeymoon fund) is ok - I appreciate some people might buy a wedding outfit but that’s small fry if you’re basically having your food and drinks paid for for the day!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My family is originally from Hong Kong and will give money because that's what you do at Chinese weddings. (We're having a western-style ceremony, with a Chinese tea ceremony which is done at weddings.) I wouldn't ask for money from anyone else though. We live together already and have everything we want so instead of a register we requested a charity donation

 

[Begborrowsteal]

How long is the appointment when you give notice?