Wedding Planning #4

[Forallthoseasking]

I got engaged last month and getting married in Oct 2025. 2 years gives us enough time to save without loans but also get the vendors of our choice. We've confirmed the church and reception but even though it's 2 years ago, many desirable dates were already gone. If u want May 25 you need to visit & lockdown a place ASAP, loads of people get engaged at Xmas/ new year so you can get a head start before people start looking in the new year

Agreeing on this! We are October 2025 and when booking our venue in May this year, we weren't the first Saturday booking for Oct 25.

Saying that, it's in Cheshire which tends to book up earlier than most places

 

[DanaScully]

I can't talk about dress prices as I paid way more than I wanted just got sucked into the whole experience and just went with it. My parents did pay half but the money easily could have went to better use and I never ever splurge on anything so I kick myself thinking about it but it's done now , can't change it.
We are having a very low key abroad wedding though so haven't had the majority of other costs if i was having a wedding at home with all the guests

I feel like most of us here will have something like this that we regret or would change if we could go back, so you're not alone. I have some dress regrets too, and both my fiancée and I found our exact dresses online second hand for a fraction of the price we paid in the shops after we'd bought them. 🫣

It's very easy to get sucked in and make rash decisions and I think some wedding dress proprietors can often play a part in adding to that pressure we feel. I personally really disliked dress shopping and I'm glad I'll never have to do it again!

 

[_Laura]

So its been 3 weeks since my wedding and I'm just back from our honeymoon - still on cloud 9. What a day!
Would love to do it all again but I am so ready now for all the little trips and holidays we can plan without having to worry about putting money into the wedding pot I really am just buzzing to properly start married life.
Thank you so much to everyone on this thread who helped me with advice etc over the past year and a half.
Good Luck to anyone still planning their wedding - it will absolutely be the best day of your life and all the little worries will just fall into place

Congratulations!! How was it? Where did you go on honeymoon?

Apart from marrying my partner, that's what I'm looking forward to the most tbh! We've both been saving a significant-for-us amount each month and I can't wait to take little trips again, go on more dates, get my hair dyed at the hairdresser and just be a bit carefree when it comes to spending money!

 

[fudgebox]

I get married in 10 days and am scared I’ll be ugly I’ve always really struggled with my body image and hate my face in photos. I had my final dress fitting and just felt so underwhelmed. I look at all this wedding content with perfect brides and feel shit.

It also doesn’t help that I am pale and feel it’s not attractive. I got a spray tan for my hen and it looked nice but not natural. I went to a bridal specialist and it was a light tan but with my date and new year closures, I would have had to get the tan 4 full days before and it wouldn’t look it’s best. I’ve went for sunbeds (wrong I know) but I’m pink toned so no discernible change. Don’t know if it’s too late now to try a gradual tan.

I just feel crap

Your husband will want you to look like you on your wedding day that’s why they want to marry you, for you! Please don’t worry I’m sure you will look back on pictures and love how you look!

 

[_Laura]

It's so difficult with weddings, isn't it?

Our budget is pretty much around the national average for weddings, and sometimes I feel like I need to justify myself for spending that much money on a day but also for not spending more!
Sometimes, I feel like couples who elope or have a small wedding come across as judgy (not on this thread which I find very supportive! Just generally speaking) by saying that it doesn't matter, it's just a day, that they wanted to focus on the marriage rather than the wedding, we don't need to show off, etc. I even notice it within my family. My SIL and her husband had a "small" wedding in the sense that they went to the city hall and paid for a meal at their favourite restaurant. And don't get me wrong, it was a lovely wedding and it really suited them. But every time wedding planning is mentioned, my SIL and MIL are always quick to tell me that it doesn't matter, that people won't remember most of it anyway, etc. We set a budget that works for us, so please don't imply we're being ridiculous by spending that much. And the opposite is also true, I've definitely been guilty of saying that things we're not getting (favours or cake) don't matter or that people won't remember the flower centrepieces anyway when, if I'm being completely honest with myself, I only say this because we can't afford it all and these were the things we decided to save money on! I know I wouldn't be saying this if we had unlimited funds

I genuinely love this thread and how open-minded everyone is!

 

[Mamacita]

I absolutely hated dress shopping, and that’s ok too I didn’t enjoy the whole dreamy “omg I’ve found the one” experience all the bridal shops push onto you, I hated being asked all the questions about how does this one feel (it feels like a dress?), and as quite a blunt but very indecisive person I found every assistant I encountered to be way too OTT about how amazing all the dresses looked which was absolutely no help.

I’ve had to do the whole thing twice now cause my original dress doesn’t fit () so I’ve been to PLENTY of shops. In the end I found taking 1 friend who I completely trust and is as blunt as me did the trick for me personally!!

I hated that too, and I also hated the feel of all the dresses. All too heavy and uncomfortable. I ended up going for a skirt and crop top and it was great and much cheaper in the end.

I also think it's bullshit when they say wedding dresses sizing is different than high street and you're likely to end up in a bigger size than normal. I went with that and every single dress I tried on was too big

 

[RandomFrog]

I got my bridesmaid dresses from Lavetir - was a bit of a gamble at the time because I hadn't heard of them but they're amazing quality and fit my bridesmaids perfectly.

If you've got time before your wedding, black Friday sales are so good! Sounds obvious but I didn't even think of bridal stuff being on sale for black Friday but I saved a couple of hundred easily

 

[calmyourritas]

I'm really torn with just buying mine from Monsoon or Needle and Thread. Would I regret it? Or would I regret the expensive dress?

I’ve said it before but I sacked off my “proper” wed2b dress and got mine for literally £100 from quiz and I absolutely loved it and got so many compliments. It was the best decision for me!
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Side note - are people doing boxes for bridesmaids the morning of? I see some online that are mad and I don’t know what to do for mine! So far I thought to do the obligatory pyjamas (without bridesmaid on so just plain), slippers, eye patches for before makeup, a perfume atomiser thing for top ups through the day, a hair scrunchie, a little compact mirror, bucks fizz, some sweets and a bracelet and card.

I wanted to give bits they’ll use again not standard champagne glasses with their name and ‘bridesmaid’ on it. No offence to anyone doing that! I have one from my friends wedding I’ve just never reached for it again so not my vibe!!

I got mine a personalised tote bag, filled with
- pink sweet cone
- personalised travel jewellery box
- bride squad nightie (we actually wore these in the morning getting ready)
- bridesmaid bracelet
- mini pink bubble candle
- mini pink bath bombs
- personalised Prosecco flute and a cocktail in a can

Most of it was from Etsy

 

[DanaScully]

i'm so happy for you and congratulations! also as a wedding planner it's so lovely to see that one of your top tips is to look after your suppliers and make sure they've eaten. can't tell you how many times it's happened to me that people are in shock that we are eating after working all day - as if we're not human! so that's really nice of you. you deserved the perfect wedding day and i'm glad it went that way

Thank you so much!

Gosh, I couldn't imagine not looking after the people who were looking after us! It's such a shame some people don't see it that way.

 

[RandomFrog]

Ooh is that store Cariad in Swansea by any chance?




I think we all set a wedding budget and are happy to pay X for a dress/photographer as long as it all comes together. Or at least that’s how my fiancé and I are planning our wedding. We were happy to pay £1750 for a photographer for different reasons (when you add up the day of the wedding + travel, hours spent editing, 2 or 3 meetings before the wedding, we didn’t think the hourly charge was extortionate) but mostly because we made cuts elsewhere to be able to afford her. We’re not doing favours or cake for example. My dress was from Wed2b, my bridesmaids’ dresses will be from Vinted, we’re DIYing our wedding flowers and buying our decor from charity shops and Facebook marketplace.

I truly understand where you’re coming from and I would even tend to agree that pictures could never be worth £4000. But I’d say that that statement is true for you and for me. It’s not necessarily true for everyone. I had seen a photographer I really loved the style of, but who charges £2500. This was more that we could justify or were comfortable paying so we didn’t go for her (we had set a budget of max. £2k for photos). Had our wedding budget been £5k or £10k more than what it is, we probably would have picked her instead. I do think that the wedding industry is insane and I’m a firm believer that the “wedding” tax is real, but I think we (in general) need to find the right balance of spending the money we’re comfortable spending on whatever it is we’re comfortable spending it on while understanding that we’re all different. Some brides will be happy with a £80 dress from Coast while others will want a £5000 dress from Maggie Sottero. Some couples will want the big traditional wedding with all the trimmings while others will be happy with a city hall wedding and drinks at the pub. Yes it’s easy to be sucked in and pay huge amounts, but I also think it’s just as easy to take a step back and think “Hold on, do I actually really want X or do I feel pressured by society to get X”. You’ll (general you, not you RandomFrog) always be able to find cheaper suppliers, no one says you have to spend £1750 for a good photographer. We could have spend half that amount for someone else, had we wanted to. I think people who want to keep up with the Joneses have always existed, but I think that’s a “them” problem, not a wedding industry problem.

Agree with all of that, like I say we did that too, it was getting to be £20,000 and I literally had to check myself. We went travelling for 3 months and spent £8,000 so to me it's just mind boggling that the £20,000 is standard cost thesedays and people generally don't seem to bat an eye.

The reason I put my comment was because I made a point of because a photographer costs more doesn't mean they're better or superior should I say (my personal situation) but then most comments after basically said if you don't spend £1500 upwards then your photos will be shit

If you (again not personally you, just generally) want to and can spend 10s of thousands on a wedding then happy days but also if you want to spend £10 on a wedding then also happy days, neither should be made to feel like they're in the wrong or that your wedding is going to be shit because you want to be realistic/not get yourself into debt for one day
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My partner and I have a decent budget and there are elements of the day we want to spend more money on than others.
We sat down right at the start of planning and worked out that our photographer would be between £1000 - £2500, same with my wedding dress, I budgeted between £500 - £1200 for it.
The photographer is within budget and although she is expensive, her work speaks for itself and I couldn't imagine having chosen anyone else.
The same with my dress, as much as people might think it's a lot for one day, I'm within budget and know the dress is perfect for me.

Some elements of my day I do not want to cheap out on, and I don't regret or feel negatively about the money I've spent/spending as I know it will be worth it

I can still be shocked at some of the prices though lol, think a quote I was given for stationary was mindblowing and really that was one expense I was more than happy to cut back on because I was able to do my own save the dates on Vista Print for literally a fraction of the cost and they looked so lovely.

That is fab for you! As I say allocate your budget to where you prefer but you've said 'we've spent minimum £1000 on a photographer and I'm glad we haven't gone for 'cheap'' in response to someone genuinely being astounded by costs.

I personally think that could make anyone not just OP feel like they need to spend more to have decent anything which is just not true (and was my original point)

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I got some lovely mid block heels from ASOS, and they look stunning, not too high so I think they will be perfect - also got some little flip flop type sandals from Quiz with a little bit of a platform for the evening. Been wearing them around the house to break them in a little as flip flops between the tow always hurt me but these have been brilliant and so comfy!

 

[_Laura]

I need opinions please!

Context: My partner and I are getting married next year, at a venue that comes with accommodation for 20 people so my fiancé and I are staying there with the bridal party/groomsmen and partners. I'm foreign and my mother tongue isn't English, my entire bridal party (6 girls in total) are from my home country because we've known each other for over 20 years and I still consider to be my closest friends. Our ceremony will be at 1 and we're due to start hair and makeup at 7.

Right then, a few months ago, my future mother-in-law calls me, we have a bit of a chat, and as we were about to hang up, she says that it'd be great if her and her daughter (my fiancé's sister) could be added onto the hair and make up in the morning. Apparently, it would be so much easier for them, that way they wouldn't have to try and find someone in an area they're not familiar with. I was caught off guard so I just said "Sure, no probs" and then had a mini meltdown as soon as I hung up. I got in touch with my MUA who said that we could add two people but would need to start at 6 and my hairdresser said it'd be fine, she can get someone to come with her and not to worry. So technically, crisis averted, all can easily be fixed. I initially thought FMIL and FSIL could get their hair and makeup done first, so they can get out of the way before we all start getting ready but they're not staying on site so I don't want to risk them arriving late and it having a knock-down effect on the whole prep. My fiancé suggested they could just come late morning, already in their outfit, and just hang out at the venue until 1 but I think that's a terrible idea. It probably means that his dad, brother and brother-in-law would come too (they're staying at the same accommodation) and I don't want it to become a family hang out. The venue is dry hire, so it's likely my fiancé and his groomsmen will have a few things to supervise in the morning and I don't know, I feel like his family coming to hang out is going to change the dynamic?
I wanted to spend the morning with my girls, listening to the music we grew up with, walking down memory lane, talking in my mother tongue and not having to worry about whether or not people can understand us or feel excluded... Just being comfortable. I do like my in-laws, but I'm not as comfortable with them as I am with my friends, you know? I also don't want them around for the first look with my bridesmaids and my dad and all of that, I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I don't think it's their place. I know I won't have the guts to be like "Right you're all dolled up, now please leave, we'll see you at the wedding" and knowing them, I know they'll probably want to stick around because they'll want to share the moment.

Now I'd love to know what your thoughts are... Am I being dramatic? Should I just suck it up? I was thinking of finding them a HMUA in the area and say that in the end, we thought it'd be easier for everyone if we booked someone just for them, that's going to come to their accommodation in the morning. I think it's a good idea because I would have made the effort of finding someone for them so it's not like I'm like "Right soz, I changed my mind, you're on your own." But then I don't want to offend anyone and I'm a bit lost.

 

[DanaScully]

Ooh what kind of questionaires?

Basically a timeline for your day and what's happening when, what formal photos you want and who should be on them inc names and relationships, family politics they need to be aware of etc.

Our DJ and photographer have both sent a questionnaire and want a Zoom meeting with us also. It just feels a bit much! I can't imagine our older relatives having all this faff 30-50 years ago.

 

[imtakingabath]

I'm really torn with just buying mine from Monsoon or Needle and Thread. Would I regret it? Or would I regret the expensive dress?

I like the Monsoon dresses - I got one from Phase Eight which was £450 and I'm really happy with it, we're having a very small, low key wedding.

 

[alice.alicetam]

hello, do you have anxiety of people getting drunk and ruin your wedding day?

 

[FenellaTheWitch]

I can't believe the way some guests do behave. We were very lucky in that no one was that inconsiderate and we didn't have any no shows or ast minute drop outs.

Obviously, there are times when there's a genuine reason but to just not show is disgusting. If nothing else, the cost per head can be really expensive.

 

[RandomFrog]

Thank you for all of your responses I've talked it through with friends of course but I was feeling awful about it & friends are always on your side aren't they? I am missing my sister's wedding day after all but that's not my doing so I need to draw a lie under it now. Thanks again!

 

[Amylaauren]

Vinted! Boohoo have some nice cheap ones but quality isn’t great

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

So cheeky! I would say oh sorry we have filled the space since you split up, but new girl is welcome to the night do.

I’m very much a people pleaser but I’ve been a bit harsher than usual in terms of not inviting people that I just dont want there, had a couple of awkward convos but if people want to be upset about it that is their business not mine

That's a good thing to say actually, I will keep that in mind for closer to the time when the proper invites go out

I'm a people pleaser too and a bit of a pushover so never really know what to do for the best but at the end of the day its YOUR day
I just hate the idea of lots of random people there, and my partners of the same mindset too that we only want people we actually know or want there.

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

Did anyone pay for a company to do venue dressing for them?

Our venue is quite small so doesn't need much but I have no clue what a rough figure is. All we really want is sashes for the chairs and some bits for the table, alter and aisle but I have no clue where to even begin!

I did, it was about £500, we had table cloths, chair covers, centre pieces and signs etc, she also arranged things like our card box and some DIY bits we had.

We couldn't get into our venue until midday on our wedding day (we got married at 4) and so it would have made getting ready a bit rushed without her.

She took care of all the hiring of table cloths and wotnot, and also taking everything down and returning it the next day which was a big helped and saved us a job. That was totally worth it, as trying to source and do that ourselves would have been a pain!

I did consider buying all our stuff and then trying to sell it afterwards but in hindsight im so glad I didnt as it would have been a hassle.