Vignettes and Pets #6 Three Degrees of Separation

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Miscanthus

I'm fuming for you....that's a huge ask and with no notice...AND when you are having ME time without hubby.

https://giphy.com/11tTNkNy1SdXGg
 
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Milking Keynes

Miscanthus said:
I'm fuming for you....that's a huge ask and with no notice...AND when you are having ME time without hubby.

https://giphy.com/11tTNkNy1SdXGg
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That gif is like me looking in the mirror last night

Silver linings - it looks like a lovely, sunny day, thank God! Imagine if I was stuck at the rugby pitch in the rain?

I hope you are somewhat rested @Miscanthus and are also enjoying dry weather - you can start resuscitating those Cosmos and hopefully getting them back to how they were. I know nothing of gardening but I imagine it’s devastating to plan and grow and then - through no fault of your own - see them diminish. Good luck
 
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Oops...

Can you tell your frocking sister to frocking foxtrot frocking Oscar from me please? What a frocking nerve! I mean she frocks of to Taylor frocking Swallow or whatever her frocking name is leaving you with her life to frocking juggle!


…and the above chart is horse droppings too!

Frocking cheek!

Here’s an idea - NO!
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I flopping told you to come and stay here when Himself was away! 🫣
 
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Milking Keynes

Well, thank you very much for your unwavering support I managed to park near the school - a minor victory. I have made spaghetti with my homemade pesto sprinkled with grated parmesan and served with ancient grain sourdough. Blooming delish. Now, I’m letting them watch tv for an hour til I get them to their matches. They go on for almost two hours and then I will pour an icy cold glass of Sauv Blanc for self.

They have told me all about everything from zombie Minecraft to ‘Mapoleon’and I’m struggling to keep up .

Disaster struck in Chicago. Poor daughter rang me - they got all settled in and went out. She had a Migraine about to start so went home. She went to her room and slept. At 3am she woke to find about 100 missed calls. The girls had given her the key and couldn’t get in. It’s a key to get to through the gate so no doorbell per se. The girls had been calling her since 9pm. They also had bought food for the kitchen. They had to find a hostel to stay overnight. One of the girls had a 6am start at a breakfast restaurant.

What a nightmare. She said she hadn’t seen them yet as it was 3am her time when she WhatsApp’d me. She never heard the phone and she didn’t put the key back in the box where they could have accessed it.

What could I say? Compensate them for the hostel; compensate them for the spoiled food (I’m imagining there was frozen food involved); get new sets of keys cut as one set is bound to either get lost or a similar scenario; apologise profusely and suck it up.

Then, I said, stop thinking about it and get your bearings for starting work tomorrow. Time the journey and familiarize yourself. Onward and upward.

God - what an unfortunate start - day one!
 
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Oops...

I hope when your sister returns she falls in through your front door laden down with arms full of flowers and fabulous gifts to say thank you! She frocking needs to dearest! My goodness, oh wow, wow, wow, my goodness, wow - when do you get time for yourself ? Tell me that! The one chance and you were really enjoying yourself and slam dunk - 2 kids arrive and you have to run them everywhere and feed them! YOU ARE JUST TOO NICE!

I had a London based client once and I was living in Bath at the time. She was keen to come and stay so I invited her. She tipped up at my house at midday on a Sunday and smilingly thrust a bag with ‘my present’ in it as she wafted past me and introduced herself to my home. Room by room. Uninvited. She climbed all 101 stairs and examined every room with a theatrical flourish which would have sent Dame Judy Dench scarpering for acting lessons. Oh how her arms windmilled. Oh how she wouldn’t have put that sofa there. Oh, how she was hungry had I booked a table? Oh how her mother was having problems and oh how she’d struggled to educate my client and her sister. Oh - look at the view, how far was it to the restaurant and were we walking or was I driving? She barely drew breath ( and neither did I) I took her to a restaurant in the Circus, where she gave me a lecture on the history of Bath architecture and - oh! No! That wasn’t enough food for her! I gave her mine off my own plate and she ate it all whilst telling me about her brother‘s highly intelligent son. Could my blokes do some landscaping for her in her own back garden btw? We went back to my home and she opened the fridge and helped herself to odds and sods and proceeded to drink 2 bottles of good white wine all to herself interminably holding forth as only she could before staggering to bed in the room of her choice (not the one I had chosen for her but she didn’t ask so I just let her carry on). The next morning she ordered my housekeeper to make her coffee and asked her to tell me she’d decided to get the earlier train back to town so she wasn’t able to say goodbye…When I came downstairs I noticed the bag with my present in it still by the front door. When I looked in the bag it was the Sunday paper that my client had read on the train down. She never got invited again!
 
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Milking Keynes

Good heavenly god - that has got to be the worst house guest ever!! Elizabeth Bonnet-Bennet would never in a million years..... or even Hellcat... blimey! I’m reeling here! What a dreadful woman!

I think I told you the story of my ambassador’s driver. He had a couple stay and their demands were insane. He brought them to the pub while his wife was putting dinner together - they ordered expensive brandy letting him pay round after round on the premise of the - like you - The Present.

After putting up with them for two days and eventually getting rid, he went to their room where they said The Present awaited them. It was a miniature.
 
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Oops...

Some people are just SO focussed on themselves that they just don’t realise how boorish they are - or indeed how boring. I remember feeling flooded with relief my client had gone. It was awful. She didn’t even offer to buy a drink. She didn’t acknowledge I was left with a virtually empty plate as she shovelled my supper into her mouth whilst talking, talking, talking. She asked me NOTHING about me. At all! People like that teach us how not to be though. It’s always SUCH a shock to come across someone so self-centred. I told her that we only did commercial work for pension funds. We never did people‘s gardens. I did let my boys go and quote themselves for her garden privately. They created a wonderful garden for her for a really reasonable fee and she wanted to complain about the cost to me! I chased her! She got a bargain and a beautiful garden and didn’t appreciate it. She wanted me to do it for free because it was her and of course she was just soooo special. We know someone just like that don’t we children?
 
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Milking Keynes

God... people can be awful, honestly. I despair. How could they be happy in their own skin acting like this? It’s one of the reasons I loathe influencer culture - the constant hustle for freebies. It’s revolting. What is wrong in earning, budgeting, providing, investing on your own coin? It’s called life.
 
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Oops...

Exactly! Do you remember when that monstrosity of a small mammal outside kitchen cupboard thingy was built by some poor, unsuspecting chap ( probably with a start up company) in you know who’s garden. All that wood to turn black and rot! I mean it was awful - but no; she had to have it and it had to be free. She’s never shown inside those empty and unused cupboards has she? Too ugly…Would have cost the contractor a fortune to buy, make and instal.

As for my client - she was totally oblivious since the entire world was there to orbit her.
 
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Oops...

Still no sign of dear @happyforest ! Has she got lost in the log cabin in the mountains? Please let us know how you are dearest - am fretting a bit now…. Love to Wilbur x.
 
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Milking Keynes

Oops... said:
Still no sign of dear @happyforest ! Has she got lost in the log cabin in the mountains? Please let us know how you are dearest - am fretting a bit now…. Love to Wilbur x.
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Isn’t she sorely missed? Hope she comes back soon - I miss all her fantastic stories about her mum and daughters and her DH.
 
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Oops...

Last we heard she was moving in with her mother as her house had been packed up and sold…Then she was house hunting with a slight possibility of a log cabin…werrrrllll - I was hooked! She knows I am desperate for a log cabin story! I’m seeing bears, I’m seeing vast open fires, I’m seeing snow falling silently and I’m seeing hot cocoa and blankies on the sofa….BLISS!
 
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Milking Keynes

Same! The log cabin! I mean you were seriously ‘manifesting’ it @Oops - I was packing my fleece onesies, tins of baked beans, pepper spray in case of unwanted visitors, flasks of hot toddies and inflatable mattresses... I mean, not quite as sophisticated a list as yours but you have to prepare for the wilderness...
 
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Oops...

Oh! Wow, wow, wow, oh goodness me, how previous I was packing a rifle for unwanted visitors. Now where did I put the pepper spray?

Horatio! Please remove the rifle from my overnight bag for USA. Don’t ask ridiculous questions Horatio, just do as I ask…
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In case anyone is wondering who Horatio is - he’s my butler. Emily is taking a weeks holiday although heaven knows why she wants a holiday…
 
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Milking Keynes

Well, I very, very hope our Emily returns. Course she will - she will miss her hurricane mop too much Does she know Horatio has moved in?

Last week of single girl life. Still not a potato boiled.... tonight, after I collect daughter from the deli at 9pm, we will have goats cheese crostini with fig jam. Yummy yum. If I presented himself with it, he would look under the plate for the rest of it.

House is looking so much better with nobody to tidy up after except one. I feel like changing the locks!
 
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Milking Keynes

How are you @Miscanthus? Never stop thinking of you.
 
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Oops...

Havisham - I have found a class you can attend! It’s called “How To Successfully Change A Lock - Forever!“ I have booked you in on it. It’s up the road from me so you better get on the ferry pronto! Horatio has been told to prepare the best guest suite for you and has been out for the pepper spray for us both…
 
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Milking Keynes

Classes begin at 7pm and I’m all signed up... Idiots Guide to Changing Locks ..... beginner’s class
 
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