Unpopular Opinions #26

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vanilla cupcakes

Of course no one campaigns for every cause, but to me there’s a difference between not actively fighting for a cause and saying you don’t care about it and the majority of people saying they do are lying
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Also, assuming these anti BLM posts are from women, I’d be interested to know if you feel like women should have to explain to men why misogyny is wrong? Should women have to educate men on how not to treat women as less than? Or do these rules only apply when the group you belong to are the perpetrators and not the victims?
 
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judgejohndeed

Ensay said:
I doubt his former wife wanted him to mope around and be alone for years.
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I see this is unpopular but I completely agree! I’ve spoken to my partner about this before and he’s very much in the ‘wouldnt move on’ camp but it kills me to think of him being alone if I was dead tbh. I’m not coming back and you only get one life. He’s still young and I really wouldn’t want him being alone for the rest of it. The only concern with meeting someone quite quickly is that it’s trauma bonding I guess rather than a real connection but you could say that about a lot of relationships.
 
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prozacprincess

My post was specifically referring to those who have issues with high earners. The type who make bitter comments about what we have, where we live or assume everything we have came easy.

I’m not sure what they class as high incomes but I’m guessing over 100k per year ? If your not one of those bitter people then obviously my opinion wouldn’t be the same of you.
 
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Peaches_xox

jackolantern said:
I’d argue most people don’t care about the BLM movement, they are just too scared to be ‘cancelled’ to say so.
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First and foremost it’s ridiculous that BLM is even a movement. It shouldn’t be a movement. It shouldn’t even be a thing but it is. You don’t have to be actively campaigning to support it. You said you don’t treat non white people any different but you also said its non white peoples problem, therefor you are treating people of colour differently because you think ‘meh that’s their problem, me and my white privilege are not effected’ that is the height of ignorance and disgusting.
 
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Ensay

Yeah I agree, I think it's healthy for someone to want their partner to find love if they were to die. Whereas some people seem to feel almost resentful about it, like their relationship meant nothing if their surviving spouse/partner doesn't mourn them forever more.

I understand what you mean about trauma bonding - I suppose it's a form of rebound. A family friend is going through it at the moment, which is probably why I feel more strongly about it. His wife sadly died from cancer in her late 30s about two years ago and he's currently seeing someone who also lost her husband a few years ago. Some of his family are really worried about him and think it's "too soon", whereas I think they should just be there for him and let him make his own decisions. All they should do is support him, rather than outright tell him he's 'wrong' for moving on.

But this is probably a bit deep for this thread!
 
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thegirlscout

True, but then I’m wondering if you can have really loved your wife/husband if you’re ready to move on so soon? It’s a difficult one, I keep going around in circles with it (hence countering my own argument )

Ensay said:
I did think there was a bit of projection going on to be fair.
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How so, sorry I’m not sure what you mean
 
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Merpedy

I think this is referencing what I said about a lot of race-specific groups being bad at explaining the issues?

Women already have to do this with some issues that are less discussed. Andrew Tate is a good example right now - there’s women having to explain that even if the guy is seen as a “joke” by someone, or is a personality created to be a joke as I’ve seen some suggest, that that’s still dangerous because he’s still normalising and introducing those views to plenty of people. But we are also in a slightly better position because discussing those issues isn’t as controversial as mentioning racism in Britain appears to be
 
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thegirlscout

jackolantern said:
I’d argue most people don’t care about the BLM movement, they are just too scared to be ‘cancelled’ to say so.
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I’d argue that most people do care about black lives mattering but find the performative activism too much. I think forcing someone to get down on one knee is stupid, I wouldn’t do it. But that doesn’t mean I’m automatically a racist. It’s easy to do something like getting down on one knee and posting a black Instagram square. But actually doing something to benefit the lives of ethnic minorities is more vital and important.
 
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Snippysnips

HEC1993 said:
I generally don’t like other kids apart from my own/my nieces. It sounds awful but even my close friends kids I find a struggle to warm too. I’m dreading the days when mine want sleepovers etc. Am I wired wrong?!
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Am the exact same, I CANNOT stand other peoples kids, like seriously cannot be bothered with them I only have one neice an love her to bits, also spoil her rotten, my cousins kids I tolerate an apart from two cousins I want nothing to do with because of their mum I also tolerate my other two younger cousins, but seriously my neice ain't getting friends at my bit like hell am I having kids coming round everyday to see if she's there, when she's with me I'll take her on days out or somthing
 

judgejohndeed

I'm not anti BLM so feel free to ignore me but I absolutely take every and any opportunity to explain to men why misogyny is wrong and why they should care about women and our rights! Should we have to? No, of course not. But the sad reality is the average person doesn't really care much about causes that don't affect them - look how long people have voted for the Tories for example - and if you want people to care about a cause that they perceive as not affecting their every day lives, and in fact many actually benefit from, you're going to have to do some explaining and influencing! That's on being an advocate for a living though...I'm sure people will disagree, and I understand why.
 
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vanilla cupcakes

Yeah I’m not disputing that women do it, I mean that we shouldn’t have to as we don’t cause the issues. I constantly see people suggesting that black people should educate white people as if it’s somehow their fault that people are racist? There’s more than enough information that can be accessed and digested in literally any way that someone wants to. Even the idea that discussing racism is controversial to me is insane because it’s so blatantly an issue
 
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How-pathetic-you-lot-are.

One of my cats does the same, and if I don't open the door she starts "knocking" at the window. It's pretty good as I don't have a cat flap and when I leave the window open for her the local cats come in and pee everywhere.
 
Reactions: 2

How-pathetic-you-lot-are.

HEC1993 said:
I generally don’t like other kids apart from my own/my nieces. It sounds awful but even my close friends kids I find a struggle to warm too. I’m dreading the days when mine want sleepovers etc. Am I wired wrong?!
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Nope, I have yet to find another child (bar my own and my nephew) who don't annoy the crap out of me. My daughter has just started playing out with the local kids and I dread it when they knock at my door. One of the kids walked into my house and opened the freezer and took out a lolly ice without even asking so I feel justified in my distate for the little "darlings"
 
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judgejohndeed

I think the point is a lot of people don't 'want' to access information? If you're talking to a man about why he should care about dismantling something that he objectively benefits from, it's not effective or persuasive to say 'it's not my job to tell you this so go away and educate yourself'. A lot of people who aren't misogynistic or racist will not see themselves as being the 'cause' of the issues either so will think it's not their problem. Again, nobody should 'have' to do that or 'need' to do that, but we don't live in a perfect world. I find it quite weird when people (any cause here) complain that the situation for their cause isn't changing yet they actively refuse to talk about it with people, it's like expecting others to do activism for you and I don't understand that.
 
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Merpedy

I honestly think the performative activism would work far better if people actually outlined the issues they were trying to campaign against. The problem is that a lot of the social media posts are really really simple and often don’t provide information that is new/educational


The whole point of having to do educational stuff is because people don’t care enough to do it themselves unfortunately. The other person was also right that you can’t go and research every cause for every problem that exists because it can be emotionally tiring and obviously time consuming and some people just won’t find the issue to be that important, like how many people really care about dolphin captivity as an example?

Discussing racism is controversial (perhaps a better word could have been used by me there) in the sense that people don’t want to discuss or straight up believe that there’s no way Britain is racist- bit of a taboo subject in a way. Again, that’s why education is important and hopefully that would promote conversations about these issues
 
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S

SwimmingPigs

That attitude won't help
 
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thegirlscout

Peaches_xox said:
Black people didn’t create racism.
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Every race can be racist though.

I’ve talked about this before but I have a family friend who took off her head covering and her family have disowned her and there is a police investigation because they have tried to have her killed. She’s had to move away and start her life again because some backwards men. This is in England. In 2022.
 
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vanilla cupcakes

I agree to an extent and I understand where your coming from, but I think it’s more the expectation of black people to do so, as if they don’t explain it well enough then it’s their own fault that people are racist to them? For me white people are able to use it as a sort of get out of jail free card. It’s also easy for me as a white person to say I’d be happy to do it if I want anything to change, but I can’t imagine how draining it must be having to constantly justify my existence to people

as I said to the other poster, nobody is ever going to know everything and campaign for every issue ever, but thats not the same as saying you don’t care about it and that people who say they do are lying. It’s rude and reeks of privilege.
 
Reactions: 3

Peaches_xox

thegirlscout said:
Every race can be racist though.
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We’re specifically talking about BLM here and the original poster said something along the lines of not caring about an issue they didn’t cause. Black people didn’t create prejudice towards themselves, that’s the job of the white person, yet not the white persons problem to fix
 
Reactions: 9

Merpedy

vanilla cupcakes said:
It’s also easy for me as a white person to say I’d be happy to do it if I want anything to change, but I can’t imagine how draining it must be having to constantly justify my existence to people
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It’s draining either way even if it’s not as personal as justifying your existence. In a way you’re then justifying their existence? Though I suppose taking a break is far easier and any news stories/developments don’t affect you as much

Plus a lot of education is just talking over the same points, answering the same questions or addressing the same misinformation. Activism just isn’t that fun and a lot of the time it feels pointless
 
Reactions: 2
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