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Joining this thread. Iāve got roughly 4 weeks to go until I reach the golden 12 week mark and my brain is just spaghetti at this point. I also know the 12 week point doesnāt mean that much and wonāt reassure either. I feel like Iām stuck living in suspense and my brain is just consumed with all the worries that PAL brings š©·
It's terrible how slow the days are moving when you are waiting to get some reassurance right? I hope everything goes smoothly for you and you can continue seeing strong heartbeat. Are your checkups more often now because of the previous experience?
I'm so upset with the way my nurse has been talking to me this past week. I found out I'm pregnant last Wednesday immediately after my MC last month, no period in between. My MC happened while I was traveling so the whole thing was dealt with abroad / private, I only had a checkup at my doctor last Tuesday and that was supposed to be my first pregnancy scan at 10 weeks. When I called my doctor a day after my scan to tell I got a positive again she was rude to me and told me that it's probably nothing because my hormones are still confused. When I told her my pregnancy tests were negative almost immediately after MC but are now positive again she reluctantly ordered a blood test for me, which I did on Friday at 4w.
Now she's scarring me that hcg 57 is way too low and should be at least 200 to confirm pregnancy (?) and that maybe it's a "leftover" from previous pregnancy. But all of the charts I found on the internet say anything between 10-400 is normal or at least 50-100 for 4w. I wonder what she'll say tomorrow but I just HATEEEEE the condescending way in which she's trying to convince me I'm not even pregnant. And I'm sensitive enough as it is.
I'm just dreading to reach a 6w mark (for now) so I can keep the pregnancy longer then the last time. Then the first ultrasound, then NIPT. But the days are dragging so much! And I hate how all the joy went out from something that was supposed to be the happiest part of the life. I'm just a ball of anxiety.
I'm so upset with the way my nurse has been talking to me this past week. I found out I'm pregnant last Wednesday immediately after my MC last month, no period in between. My MC happened while I was traveling so the whole thing was dealt with abroad / private, I only had a checkup at my doctor last Tuesday and that was supposed to be my first pregnancy scan at 10 weeks. When I called my doctor a day after my scan to tell I got a positive again she was rude to me and told me that it's probably nothing because my hormones are still confused. When I told her my pregnancy tests were negative almost immediately after MC but are now positive again she reluctantly ordered a blood test for me, which I did on Friday at 4w.
Now she's scarring me that hcg 57 is way too low and should be at least 200 to confirm pregnancy (?) and that maybe it's a "leftover" from previous pregnancy. But all of the charts I found on the internet say anything between 10-400 is normal or at least 50-100 for 4w. I wonder what she'll say tomorrow but I just HATEEEEE the condescending way in which she's trying to convince me I'm not even pregnant. And I'm sensitive enough as it is.
I'm just dreading to reach a 6w mark (for now) so I can keep the pregnancy longer then the last time. Then the first ultrasound, then NIPT. But the days are dragging so much! And I hate how all the joy went out from something that was supposed to be the happiest part of the life. I'm just a ball of anxiety.
Thinking of you both ! And anyone that has to go through this itās bloody hard and really can suck the joy out of something thatās meant to be happy !!
One thing I regret from my PAL is never taking any bump pics
One thing I regret from my PAL is never taking any bump pics
Iām almost 7 weeks and it really does take the joy from it all. Iām constantly feeling my boobs to make sure they are still sore, checking obsessively that I havenāt bled even though Iāve had a 6 week scan at the weekend that showed everything was great.
Last time my partner was taking pictures of everything and watching every baby related tik tok under the sun to prepare himself but this time he isnāt. When I asked him if he wasnāt as excited he said he was but last time was just so painful heās scared to go through it again.
A crystal ball would be amazing really š„² but I just keep reminding myself that today I am pregnant and things are okay, itās getting me through (but the weeks are INCHING along).
@sushimama I hope that your results are good, my fingers are crossed for you!
Last time my partner was taking pictures of everything and watching every baby related tik tok under the sun to prepare himself but this time he isnāt. When I asked him if he wasnāt as excited he said he was but last time was just so painful heās scared to go through it again.
A crystal ball would be amazing really š„² but I just keep reminding myself that today I am pregnant and things are okay, itās getting me through (but the weeks are INCHING along).
@sushimama I hope that your results are good, my fingers are crossed for you!
it really is.
so they claimed they would see me more often and offer more scans.. that hasnāt really happened. Iāve had an NHS scan at 5.5 weeks and 7.5 and they claimed theyād scan me again at 10 but theyāve refused as theyāre āhappyā with my progression! Iāve decided to go private instead
I had the exact same experience with rude nurses, just a slightly different situ. I had bleeding in this pregnancy, quite significant and it looked like it could have been ectopic. EPU wouldnāt scan me at first and insisted on doing hormones first. I KNEW I was at a certain point but they kept fobbing me off and saying they would have to check my levels first. Theyāre so dismissive of your situation. I get some people can get things wrong but thereās no need to be so rude. Iāve never heard that either- I have been told things that are not medically correct by the nurses so I would take no notice of her.
itās awful how what should be the happiest time of your life is just filled with constant doubts and worries and the unknown. I always say I could cope better if I just knew how it would turn out. Itās the not knowing that sends me crazy
Love this thread idea. I had a miscarriage about 5 weeks ago, think I ovulated around the 17/18th may so I'm now in the two week wait and symptom spotting like crazy! lol. Looking back at my symptoms for the last pregnancy, they're pretty similar so I'm hoping for this cycle 
I've been reading about being more fertile after a MC (don't think it's been scientifically proven) so I think I'm pinning all hopes on that. Xx
I've been reading about being more fertile after a MC (don't think it's been scientifically proven) so I think I'm pinning all hopes on that. Xx
I did so much research on this because I developed OCD from the loss and trauma and my compulsion was googling.Love this thread idea. I had a miscarriage about 5 weeks ago, think I ovulated around the 17/18th may so I'm now in the two week wait and symptom spotting like crazy! lol. Looking back at my symptoms for the last pregnancy, they're pretty similar so I'm hoping for this cycle
I've been reading about being more fertile after a MC (don't think it's been scientifically proven) so I think I'm pinning all hopes on that. Xx
itās not quite the case, itās because after a loss people are usually really keen to try again so theyāll time better, have better habits, be armed with more information etc. there is evidence however that the outcome of falling pregnant after a loss is often improved š©·
Yeah I think there's definitely truth to that, it makes sense doesn't it. I really hope so x
Yeah I think they are generally just lacking empathy when dealing with situations like this, I know this is a routine for them and they see a lot worse every day so probably an early loss to them is just some generic occurrence, but it's hard to explain until you experience it yourself. I can't believe how much it affected me and I only knew I was pregnant for two weeks! Sometimes I feel bad because of my obsessing, like I don't have a right to be so upset so early (I know all feelings are valid but still feel a little silly at times).
Now I'm thinking if maybe we rushed into another cycle too fast, at first it was just an obsession to see a + again but now I'm not sure if I'm emotionally ready. Especially because the first time it felt so "meant to be", it felt so right and exciting and this time I've been spotting for days, I hate my new due date (january)
, the joy is gone - I just feel so detached from it. The moment I started spotting I deleted the pregnancy from my app lol, preparing for the worst.Sorry to rant here, I told my friends about the loss but not about a new pregnancy yet. And it feels so lonely.
I could have written this myself, I felt the same when I had a MC. I was only about 5 weeks but I felt so silly being so upset because I hadn't even seen anything on a scan or anything, just lots and lots of positive pregnancy tests. I was reading about women who had losses 12+weeks and kept trying to tell myself I was "lucky". It's really hard.Yeah I think they are generally just lacking empathy when dealing with situations like this, I know this is a routine for them and they see a lot worse every day so probably an early loss to them is just some generic occurrence, but it's hard to explain until you experience it yourself. I can't believe how much it affected me and I only knew I was pregnant for two weeks! Sometimes I feel bad because of my obsessing, like I don't have a right to be so upset so early (I know all feelings are valid but still feel a little silly at times).
Now I'm thinking if maybe we rushed into another cycle too fast, at first it was just an obsession to see a + again but now I'm not sure if I'm emotionally ready. Especially because the first time it felt so "meant to be", it felt so right and exciting and this time I've been spotting for days, I hate my new due date (january)
Sorry to rant here, I told my friends about the loss but not about a new pregnancy yet. And it feels so lonely.
I hope your pregnancy goes well, I don't think the stress and worry ever leaves you. It should be a happy time but it's so hard to get excited xx
I was sad that the NHS didnāt seem even a bit concerned or empathetic with my pregnancy after loss, mc at 4.5years ttc and then took another 4.5 until I got pregnant naturally again. Iād hoped they give me early scans or anything to reassure me, at least through the first trimester but the support is tit, they couldnāt see any reason to they said. 
I hope other areas are better and if you need support you can get it somewhere. Not sure if you just have to push harder for it but I always felt like my concerns and anxietyās were always ignored for my whole pregnancy.
I have a 16month old now so I try not to dwell on it too much but I do feel incredibly robbed of something that shouldāve been so different.
We are ttc again and while I havenāt had a loss since having my son I still am quite scared if we do manage to get pregnant again whether it would stick or not
I hope other areas are better and if you need support you can get it somewhere. Not sure if you just have to push harder for it but I always felt like my concerns and anxietyās were always ignored for my whole pregnancy.
I have a 16month old now so I try not to dwell on it too much but I do feel incredibly robbed of something that shouldāve been so different.
We are ttc again and while I havenāt had a loss since having my son I still am quite scared if we do manage to get pregnant again whether it would stick or not
I always say to people youāve absolutely no idea how awful and all consuming a miscarriage is until it happens to you. I always knew it would be bad because Iām quite a sensitive and emotional person.. but my god. I geneuinely feel like my life is in two parts and itās before it happened, and after.
we have every right to grieve no matter what stage it was, a loss is a loss. Itās so much more than just grief as it really does warp all elements of your life and future.
Iāve no idea if this helps but I donāt think you mentally reach a place where youāre good with trying again. Early brings fears it will happen again but honestly so does later. Iāve tried specialised counselling and thatās not done much at all. We tried right away again because I realised mentally that not being pregnant for certain dates or occasions was going to be incredibly triggering, and Iād find the process hard no matter what so I wanted to dive right back in.
Iāve deleted my apps and all the nice things I was doing before (peanut app, nhs app) etc. Iāve just lost all joy because all I can see is a horrible ending and the pain when you have to go and delete it all. I hate it, but what can you do?
I canāt get excited, and if I find myself doing so then my brain stops me and warns me that I might jinx it somehow and it all could change in a blink of an eye. I feel a kind of way when people are positive and just take their pregnancies and milestones for granted - not that Iām not happy for them, but just jealousy that I can never be that way.
The only thing that helps me is I have a few friends where this has happened to them, theyāve had many losses between them and they just get it. I find everyone else too hard to speak to as people just donāt understand
we have every right to grieve no matter what stage it was, a loss is a loss. Itās so much more than just grief as it really does warp all elements of your life and future.
Iāve no idea if this helps but I donāt think you mentally reach a place where youāre good with trying again. Early brings fears it will happen again but honestly so does later. Iāve tried specialised counselling and thatās not done much at all. We tried right away again because I realised mentally that not being pregnant for certain dates or occasions was going to be incredibly triggering, and Iād find the process hard no matter what so I wanted to dive right back in.
Iāve deleted my apps and all the nice things I was doing before (peanut app, nhs app) etc. Iāve just lost all joy because all I can see is a horrible ending and the pain when you have to go and delete it all. I hate it, but what can you do?
I canāt get excited, and if I find myself doing so then my brain stops me and warns me that I might jinx it somehow and it all could change in a blink of an eye. I feel a kind of way when people are positive and just take their pregnancies and milestones for granted - not that Iām not happy for them, but just jealousy that I can never be that way.
The only thing that helps me is I have a few friends where this has happened to them, theyāve had many losses between them and they just get it. I find everyone else too hard to speak to as people just donāt understand
Yes I was forever jealous of others being able to enjoy pregnancy and not have to think anything otherwise !
And I got the whole not being able to be excited and if I caught myself getting excited about something I had to stop myself
I hope if we do end up getting pregnant again that itās a bit different next time, but it is one thing that does make me wonder if we even be trying because I donāt think I could go through 30+ weeks of the same thing again, I was lucky to not have any issues while pregnant but the mental side of it is very hard
And I got the whole not being able to be excited and if I caught myself getting excited about something I had to stop myself
I hope if we do end up getting pregnant again that itās a bit different next time, but it is one thing that does make me wonder if we even be trying because I donāt think I could go through 30+ weeks of the same thing again, I was lucky to not have any issues while pregnant but the mental side of it is very hard
I always see tik toks of people taking a pregnancy test, getting a positive and then immediately heading off to buy baby gros and hampers to make to tell the grandparents and I just canāt ever imagine being so carefree!
I already know when we start to tell people after 12 weeks (
) Iāll be dying to add a ābut remember we have had losses beforeā itās so hard to strike the balance between managing your expectations and protecting yourself but also enjoying and being excited for your pregnancy.
I already know when we start to tell people after 12 weeks (
) Iāll be dying to add a ābut remember we have had losses beforeā itās so hard to strike the balance between managing your expectations and protecting yourself but also enjoying and being excited for your pregnancy.Iāve had two miscarriages in a row now. I am lucky to a have a wonderful 2.5 year old and although we had a wait to get pregnant it was relatively straightforward. I was always anxious when pregnant with her but the fact it went well kind of gave me a false confidence the second time around.
I got pregnant quickly the second time and told family but then ended up having a MMC picked up at a private 8 week scan. I had surgical management at 10 weeks.
I wanted to try again straight away and got pregnant just before Christmas. This ended up being a pregnancy of unknown location and after lots of scans for ectopic I lost it naturally at around 8 weeks.
Iām now trying to take a break and get healthy (physically and mentally) before trying again at the end of the summer. That said weāve ended up having unprotected sex a couple times in the last two months and every time Iām straight back on the testing a week before my period is even due!
I worry I wonāt get pregnant again, but also worry a lot about if I do and how Iāll cope. Becoming more and more tempted to leave it at one but know Iāll regret not trying. Not sure at what point we say enough is enough
I got pregnant quickly the second time and told family but then ended up having a MMC picked up at a private 8 week scan. I had surgical management at 10 weeks.
I wanted to try again straight away and got pregnant just before Christmas. This ended up being a pregnancy of unknown location and after lots of scans for ectopic I lost it naturally at around 8 weeks.
Iām now trying to take a break and get healthy (physically and mentally) before trying again at the end of the summer. That said weāve ended up having unprotected sex a couple times in the last two months and every time Iām straight back on the testing a week before my period is even due!
I worry I wonāt get pregnant again, but also worry a lot about if I do and how Iāll cope. Becoming more and more tempted to leave it at one but know Iāll regret not trying. Not sure at what point we say enough is enough
So pleased to see this thread!
This is my third pregnancy in the last year. First was a missed miscarriage which we found out about at 10 weeks in July last year, second was a weird situation in Feb this year which didnāt add up from the beginning possibly classed as a āchemicalā but I canāt be sure as it was just strange from the off.
I am now 7-8 weeks ish. We had a scan at 6 weeks and all was fine, but we had that the first time too so although I was reassured, it doesnāt last long. I am trying to take each day as it comes, trying not to overthink but itās really hard to not think the worst when itās all you know.
I am a serial toilet paper checker and Iām not sure why I still do that as it meant nothing before, also prodding my boobs at regular intervals to see if they still feel the same or not.
Iāve had more sickness this time than ever before so Iām hoping thatās a good sign but you never know. I also doubt my symptoms sometimes - like is this really pregnancy sickness or is this something else?!
I have another scan next week and really Iād like to hibernate till then. I cannot be doing with work and people at work!!
This is my third pregnancy in the last year. First was a missed miscarriage which we found out about at 10 weeks in July last year, second was a weird situation in Feb this year which didnāt add up from the beginning possibly classed as a āchemicalā but I canāt be sure as it was just strange from the off.
I am now 7-8 weeks ish. We had a scan at 6 weeks and all was fine, but we had that the first time too so although I was reassured, it doesnāt last long. I am trying to take each day as it comes, trying not to overthink but itās really hard to not think the worst when itās all you know.
I am a serial toilet paper checker and Iām not sure why I still do that as it meant nothing before, also prodding my boobs at regular intervals to see if they still feel the same or not.
Iāve had more sickness this time than ever before so Iām hoping thatās a good sign but you never know. I also doubt my symptoms sometimes - like is this really pregnancy sickness or is this something else?!
I have another scan next week and really Iād like to hibernate till then. I cannot be doing with work and people at work!!
I got my HCG results back, it was 450 at 4w4d! It should double every 2 days and I started with 57 4 days ago so Iām really pleased with it. 
The nurse finally admitted I am indeed pregnant 
and they scheduled my first ultrasound at 7 weeks already because the doctorās going on a holiday after so I guess Iām lucky hehe. Ohhh this made me feel soooo much better, yesterday I was so down I didnāt know what to do with myself.
Iām still spotting tho so Iām thinking I should maybe cancel my tennis practice tomorrow and rest? I donāt want to completely stop but maybe just until the spotting stops because itās really intense and my heart rate goes through the roof.
Iām scared to do anything that could make the risk higher. š„²
The nurse finally admitted I am indeed pregnant and they scheduled my first ultrasound at 7 weeks already because the doctorās going on a holiday after so I guess Iām lucky hehe. Ohhh this made me feel soooo much better, yesterday I was so down I didnāt know what to do with myself.Iām still spotting tho so Iām thinking I should maybe cancel my tennis practice tomorrow and rest? I donāt want to completely stop but maybe just until the spotting stops because itās really intense and my heart rate goes through the roof.
Iām scared to do anything that could make the risk higher. š„²Thatās excellent news! So pleased for you!I got my HCG results back, it was 450 at 4w4d! It should double every 2 days and I started with 57 4 days ago so Iām really pleased with it.
Iām still spotting tho so Iām thinking I should maybe cancel my tennis practice tomorrow and rest? I donāt want to completely stop but maybe just until the spotting stops because itās really intense and my heart rate goes through the roof.
hopefully the spotting clears up soon as although lots of women experience it and itās fine I know itās such a worry!