I cut off lots of people in my life over the years. I seem to attract narcissists. I'm quite shy and private, so I am ideal fodder for self absorbed people who are all about themselves. There are 2 good friends who I just had enough of, and ghosted. Sometimes I regret going nuclear as we did have good times, and I don't have any friends now. I'm 45,and found that when I hit 30,my friends dwindled to nothing now.
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I'm sorry to say (really don't want to sound harsh), it seems its you who needs to improve a little as a friend. You can't just expect her not to talk to someone else just because you don't like them! And putting your friend's business on the internet like that isn't right imo - "have been a good friend to her in a short space of time lending money a few times,shoulder to cry on after her termination,messaging her during her bf drama." Not cool.
I’ve cut a lot of toxic friends off this year. I had a hard time with my relationship and they thrived off ‘the drama’ and almost seemed to bask in seeing me upset. I regret telling them anything as it only made things worse for me.
The saying if you want anything to last keep it private rings true with me. It’s often those closest to you who want to see you fail.
The saying if you want anything to last keep it private rings true with me. It’s often those closest to you who want to see you fail.
i’m inclined to agree. you can’t expect someone to blank a person because you don’t talk to them: plus this seems a relatively short friendship if it’s only been since april. it sounds op like you’re already a little annoyed by her and the support you’ve offered to her when she’s been going through hard times - it’s a friendship of five months, if you’re already thinking that you’re done with her then walk away.
i posted at the start of the year here about my toxic friend (i’d forgotten but just saw the post!) - and we haven’t spoken for the whole of 2022 so far
she has main character syndrome in the extreme and cannot retain details about anyone who isn’t her. i lost two grandparents in 2021 and she straight up forgot that my grandmother had died. this is a friend of over 20 years. she likes people who agree with her and will sit and nod while she talks about herself, i gave some blunt advice about her relationship and (as she left my house) knew that she wouldn’t talk to me after it because that’s what she’s done with a stream of other friends. and… she hasn’t 
i’m truly not bothered as our friendship had changed deeply over the past few years and i think we were both going through the motions of what it was when we were younger. she’s a perfectionist in that she expects everyone around her to behave perfectly towards her because she’ll cut them off for one misdemeanour or careless comment and i don’t need that stress. i have lots of other lovely friends. i do think she’s going to end up rather sad and lonely though.
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Helloi’m inclined to agree. you can’t expect someone to blank a person because you don’t talk to them: plus this seems a relatively short friendship if it’s only been since april. it sounds op like you’re already a little annoyed by her and the support you’ve offered to her when she’s been going through hard times - it’s a friendship of five months, if you’re already thinking that you’re done with her then walk away.
i posted at the start of the year here about my toxic friend (i’d forgotten but just saw the post!) - and we haven’t spoken for the whole of 2022 so far
i’m truly not bothered as our friendship had changed deeply over the past few years and i think we were both going through the motions of what it was when we were younger. she’s a perfectionist in that she expects everyone around her to behave perfectly towards her because she’ll cut them off for one misdemeanour or careless comment and i don’t need that stress. i have lots of other lovely friends. i do think she’s going to end up rather sad and lonely though.
I am having a lazy day and am wasting time on the internet...
But I relate to what you say about your friend.
I had a similar situation with a friend of mine end of 2021 and I also forgot about her, just recently thought of her and noticed how we haven't spoken in months and months.
Sometimes it is best to let things go and not chase people, especially if they seem to have a lot of issues with themselves.
Does anyone else feel like even though deep down they know their friend/s is/are toxic but you still keep giving them chances anyway on the off chance they might just be ok? Maybe I’m just a pushover but even though I know some people are toxic I struggle with cutting them off because I hate the thought of them thinking badly of me for doing so
Why would they think badly of you for cutting them off? Wouldn't they rather be prompted to reflect on what they did to make you cut them off?
I have in the past, I didn't have many friends anyway, and once i stopped contacting the toxic ones they stopped contacting me and i basically realised i had no friends... so i do get it. not a great place to be
oh absolutely. i think also you’re obviously friends for a reason so you might also have good memories and times with that person that you keep thinking about and hoping you can go back to. or maybe you give chances because you remember how the friendship used to be. with the friend i mentioned above, she was the one to stop talking to me and i think i was secretly relieved because i absolutely struggle with being the one to cut someone off even though i hadn’t been happy in her company for ages at that point.
friendship breakups are worst than relationship breakups sometimes.
I get your point a bit I was a bit upset when I posted.Without giving too much detail the issue with the person was quite bad she knew all about it so I don’t get why she would want to talk.As for putting her business out there I’ve not used any names and it’s all true so I’m fine with it.We are speaking again after a break.So all is good now.
Sorry you were upset and as I said I didn't want to be harsh or cause further upset to you, just wanted to give another perspective. Re. the not giving her name, it just seemed a bit gossipy to me that's all. Hopefully she isn't on tattle!
Nice to hear you're both speaking again
Does anyone else feel their friendships are very one sided?
It’s either I send a message/make the effort otherwise I would never hear from them. I get that people are busy but so am I, (working full-time, having a toddler etc).
It’s either I send a message/make the effort otherwise I would never hear from them. I get that people are busy but so am I, (working full-time, having a toddler etc).
I only miss one friend I had from school. Apart from her I’ve had friends come and go, but none of them I had a real soul connection with like my old best friend. I don’t have a best friend anymore but I don’t feel I really need one, although I guess it would nice. I think the internet has made it quite easy for people to not have friends in real life.
this is literally all of my friendships. It’s always me making the effort and they reply when they fancy it.
i have one friend who Ive had to distance from at the moment because she will only talk to me when she’s got a problem in her life. I will not hear from her any other time. Sometimes she reaches out to me in the guise of asking about me but then it becomes apparent she has an issue she needs to tell me
I’m fed up and not going to bother with these ‘friendships’ anymore.
The one that stings the most is my best-friend growing up. 10+ years ago she met her current partner who is much older. Since then she distanced herself and then cut me off completely- no explanation or anything. She reappeared 2 years later asking to meet. She apologised and said she had lost her identity and this was her first serious relationship etc etc. I gave her another chance and we would catch up when I was back home etc. She messaged me the day before my wedding that she couldn’t come because she wasn’t feeling well. I was dubious but gave her the benefit of the doubt. She had a small registry wedding and I was never invited- I thought maybe numbers were limited etc.
She moved abroad and I would message her every now and again to check in. She had moved back home in recent months. I thought I hadn’t heard from her in a while so let me send a message. Then realised my previous messages hadn’t sent as she must have changed her number on moving back home. I eventually found her email address and emailed her to ask if she had changed her number etc. She then messages me to say how glad she was I contacted and that she must have forgot to send me her new number. But this whole time she had always had my number, but never messaged. I’m just tired of all this and maybe need to let go of this friendship rather than forcing it for nostalgia.
Sorry that was a lot of rambling.
This is so, so true!