Toddler advice thread

[Definitelyme]

This is exactly what she was like. She's always needed someone near.
So I'm super proud of her actually getting to the point of going in her room herself.
I think it's good for them! She gets to play in her little imaginary world uninterrupted and free.

I'm back again to ask about my 4yo and development.
I think it's the going to school which has brought it in I'm in full Mum guilt mode and feeling like I haven't done enough and I'm "running out of time"

We went to a big playground yesterday.
We haven't been loads, mainly because of lockdown ect, then having a baby and stuff after.
But my 4yo struggles on play equipment.
She can't climb things herself, especially if it's not something that it's straight forward ladder ect. Even then if the gaps are too big, she struggles and she can't work out how to get up once at the top.
And it's made me feel so guilty. Like I've not taken her enough.
Especially yesterday, I noticed how there were kids much smaller than her, doing it by themselves.

I panic myself anyway because I'm so worried about her getting hurt.
She also struggles with confidence when doing things. Even simple things like putting her socks on, if she can't get it on, that's it, she's in tears and she insists she can't do it, even though she does it every day.
I don't know why she's like that because I'm always so encouraging to try things and praise when she does it.

Had massive guilt yesterday realising we got her a bike for christmas and she's only been on it 4 or 5 times because it has a flat tyre and I keep forgetting to buy a pump So now I feel like I've wasted all this time not taking her out.

With the playground thing, I'm so worried they'll go on a school trip or something and all the kids will be playing on a playground and she can't do it!

My eldest was like this with climbing, and movement in general. She was woeful. She never crawled as a baby, and really struggled with climbing after that. She’s 9 now and she’s a great climber and mover! It’s like it’s not even the same child tbh. you shouldn’t feel bad as some kids are naturally just not as physically able as others. Maybe just giving her as many opportunities to develop those skills as you can, and as she wants. My eldest also wasn't overly interested in climbing and physical play like that until about 6/7.
you haven’t wasted any time at all. It has been winter and a cold spring, but now coming in to the warmer months she’ll naturally be outside more working on those skills anyway

 

[WhatABore]

My eldest was like this with climbing, and movement in general. She was woeful. She never crawled as a baby, and really struggled with climbing after that. She’s 9 now and she’s a great climber and mover! It’s like it’s not even the same child tbh. you shouldn’t feel bad as some kids are naturally just not as physically able as others. Maybe just giving her as many opportunities to develop those skills as you can, and as she wants. My eldest also wasn't overly interested in climbing and physical play like that until about 6/7.
you haven’t wasted any time at all. It has been winter and a cold spring, but now coming in to the warmer months she’ll naturally be outside more working on those skills anyway

She's great with other things like writing ect. She can write and spell her name, her sisters name, mummy, daddy ect. Knows all her phonics and can count to the 100s.
But I know once they get to school. Other kids won't see those parts. It'll be the fact she can't climb ect will be the things they see!

 

[Definitelyme]

She's great with other things like writing ect. She can write and spell her name, her sisters name, mummy, daddy ect. Knows all her phonics and can count to the 100s.
But I know once they get to school. Other kids won't see those parts. It'll be the fact she can't climb ect will be the things they see!

Oh my gosh she sounds exactly like my eldest! When she started preschool they had this tandem trike and they teacher told me she sat on the back and others pedalled her round, as she couldn’t pedal! But her friends never cared. And when they are all running round together and doing PE she will develop those skills and she will “catch up” in no time. She’s obviously an academic at the minute rather than a physical person. And just like she won’t come home and say “Bobby doesn’t know how to spell his name!” None of her classmates will think twice if she isn’t able to do what they can.

 

[Fairypop]

This is exactly what she was like. She's always needed someone near.
So I'm super proud of her actually getting to the point of going in her room herself.
I think it's good for them! She gets to play in her little imaginary world uninterrupted and free.

I'm back again to ask about my 4yo and development.
I think it's the going to school which has brought it in I'm in full Mum guilt mode and feeling like I haven't done enough and I'm "running out of time"

We went to a big playground yesterday.
We haven't been loads, mainly because of lockdown ect, then having a baby and stuff after.
But my 4yo struggles on play equipment.
She can't climb things herself, especially if it's not something that it's straight forward ladder ect. Even then if the gaps are too big, she struggles and she can't work out how to get up once at the top.
And it's made me feel so guilty. Like I've not taken her enough.
Especially yesterday, I noticed how there were kids much smaller than her, doing it by themselves.

I panic myself anyway because I'm so worried about her getting hurt.
She also struggles with confidence when doing things. Even simple things like putting her socks on, if she can't get it on, that's it, she's in tears and she insists she can't do it, even though she does it every day.
I don't know why she's like that because I'm always so encouraging to try things and praise when she does it.

Had massive guilt yesterday realising we got her a bike for christmas and she's only been on it 4 or 5 times because it has a flat tyre and I keep forgetting to buy a pump So now I feel like I've wasted all this time not taking her out.

With the playground thing, I'm so worried they'll go on a school trip or something and all the kids will be playing on a playground and she can't do it!

I completely understand your worries but honestly don’t feel guilty at ALL, I guarantee it’s nothing you’ve done! My eldest is 6 and has never been as confident with things like climbing as my 2 year old is. They’re just very different in terms of personality and what they’re good at. My eldest is fantastic with spelling/reading/writing, my youngest will almost definitely be better at the physical things as she gets older. My eldest is at school now and is definitely catching up, like @Definitelyme said, she’s never had any trouble at school because of the things she struggles to do. If anything her friends just help and encourage her. I’ve always made a point of saying to her that everyone is good at different things and we should just help and encourage as much as we can if someone struggles with something, whether it be with getting dressed, spelling, climbing. She knows me and her dad are good at completely different things!

I think all you can do is keep encouraging and giving her opportunities when you can It’s easy to feel guilty but I don’t think you need to at all x

 

[GlennCoco]

Does anyone else feel like their 3 year old prefers their other parent than them? Everything at the moment is Daddy and its getting me so down

 

[hol20x]

Does anyone else feel like their 3 year old prefers their other parent than them? Everything at the moment is Daddy and its getting me so down

I’m a single parent and my 3yo keeps telling me she misses her daddy. He sees her once a week for a few hours (his choice). It makes me feel like tit that she misses him and he doesn’t care.

 

[Jellybean093]

Does anyone else feel like their 3 year old prefers their other parent than them? Everything at the moment is Daddy and its getting me so down

All my kids get to an age where they prefer daddy. He’s the fun one (guess that’s what happens when he gets 8 hours sleep and I get 4 ) and I’m the strictish one. It’s fine with me though, because I know if they’re poorly/tired, it’s always me they come to in my house, daddy is always the one to spoil them!

 

[al255]

I’m a single parent and my 3yo keeps telling me she misses her daddy. He sees her once a week for a few hours (his choice). It makes me feel like tit that she misses him and he doesn’t care.

I don’t fully know the ins and outs of your situation but can he FaceTime / video call more? If you explain to him she keeps asking for him, if he can’t be present more in person it might help her feelings if she can speak to him on the phone x

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Does anyone else feel like their 3 year old prefers their other parent than them? Everything at the moment is Daddy and its getting me so down

All of mine have always seemed to prefer dad. He's the fun one, he's not with them 24/7, but when they're under the weather or they need to release some tension its me they want because I'm their safe space and the constant. It's so horrible when they don't want you, but know she does but subconsciously she knows you're always there and if she needs you, she has you. If that makes sense?

 

[hol20x]

I don’t fully know the ins and outs of your situation but can he FaceTime / video call more? If you explain to him she keeps asking for him, if he can’t be present more in person it might help her feelings if she can speak to him on the phone x

I work til 6pm and once I’m home it’s dinner, bath and bed. I don’t like to let her use my phone that late cos she’ll expect it all the time. Plus a lot of the time he goes out after work cos you know, priorities. This weekend just past she begged him to stay for longer and he left anyway cos he was going out with his mates. He video calls her occasionally when he can be arsed.

 

[al255]

I work til 6pm and once I’m home it’s dinner, bath and bed. I don’t like to let her use my phone that late cos she’ll expect it all the time. Plus a lot of the time he goes out after work cos you know, priorities. This weekend just past she begged him to stay for longer and he left anyway cos he was going out with his mates. He video calls her occasionally when he can be arsed.

Sorry he’s a waste of space. It sounds like you’re an amazing mum and I’m sure when she is older that she will realise herself x Can you start saying to her daddy is at work? When my daughters dad comes round on a Wednesday, he comes after work so when he leaves we say he’s got to go to work x

 

[hol20x]

Sorry he’s a waste of space. It sounds like you’re an amazing mum and I’m sure when she is older that she will realise herself x Can you start saying to her daddy is at work? When my daughters dad comes round on a Wednesday, he comes after work so when he leaves we say he’s got to go to work x

Thank you. I have tried saying he’s at work etc but it’s as if she knows I’m lying! She has special needs and he gives me no help. I left her with him once for 15 minutes to run to the chemist and he tried ringing me 6 times (my phone was on silent) cos she was crying and he didn’t know what to do with her. He’s absolutely useless.

 

[GlennCoco]

Thank you everyone for your kind words I really hope it is just a phase she is going through. Daddy is more fun than me because I'm the one that does everything around the house as he works so much. So when he comes home he can just play. Whereas I've got tea to make, washing to sort out, lunches to get ready etc.

We've had a nice chat tonight and she said that she was just tired this morning when she was acting up so we've both agreed that we will try to be nicer and not take it out on each other when we're tired. And I'm going to try and make more of an effort to be more fun

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you everyone for your kind words I really hope it is just a phase she is going through. Daddy is more fun than me because I'm the one that does everything around the house as he works so much. So when he comes home he can just play. Whereas I've got tea to make, washing to sort out, lunches to get ready etc.

We've had a nice chat tonight and she said that she was just tired this morning when she was acting up so we've both agreed that we will try to be nicer and not take it out on each other when we're tired. And I'm going to try and make more of an effort to be more fun

I always struggle with feeling like I’m no fun for them because I have so much to do round the house. I feel like I’m always saying "in a minute" while I try and get stuff done. Not a great feeling at all

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

This is exactly what she was like. She's always needed someone near.
So I'm super proud of her actually getting to the point of going in her room herself.
I think it's good for them! She gets to play in her little imaginary world uninterrupted and free.

I'm back again to ask about my 4yo and development.
I think it's the going to school which has brought it in I'm in full Mum guilt mode and feeling like I haven't done enough and I'm "running out of time"

We went to a big playground yesterday.
We haven't been loads, mainly because of lockdown ect, then having a baby and stuff after.
But my 4yo struggles on play equipment.
She can't climb things herself, especially if it's not something that it's straight forward ladder ect. Even then if the gaps are too big, she struggles and she can't work out how to get up once at the top.
And it's made me feel so guilty. Like I've not taken her enough.
Especially yesterday, I noticed how there were kids much smaller than her, doing it by themselves.

I panic myself anyway because I'm so worried about her getting hurt.
She also struggles with confidence when doing things. Even simple things like putting her socks on, if she can't get it on, that's it, she's in tears and she insists she can't do it, even though she does it every day.
I don't know why she's like that because I'm always so encouraging to try things and praise when she does it.

Had massive guilt yesterday realising we got her a bike for christmas and she's only been on it 4 or 5 times because it has a flat tyre and I keep forgetting to buy a pump So now I feel like I've wasted all this time not taking her out.

With the playground thing, I'm so worried they'll go on a school trip or something and all the kids will be playing on a playground and she can't do it!

No words of advice but just wanted to say my nearly 4yo is exactly like this, is happy to climb all over our sofas etc but still needs help getting out the car and that and at playgrounds he needs sooo much help/encouragement to climb stuff! I sort of blame it on breaking his leg at Christmas but actually he’s always been tentative about play parks etc. he’s very heavy and lanky though Also they must be cut from the same cloth because within 0.1 second of not being able to do something he’s crying/getting super frustrated They do stuff at their own pace I suppose, mine excels in knowing all dinosaurs and drawing people with poo on their heads ( boys)….motor skills I’m hoping will improve over time! Xxx

 

[WhatABore]

No words of advice but just wanted to say my nearly 4yo is exactly like this, is happy to climb all over our sofas etc but still needs help getting out the car and that and at playgrounds he needs sooo much help/encouragement to climb stuff! I sort of blame it on breaking his leg at Christmas but actually he’s always been tentative about play parks etc. he’s very heavy and lanky though Also they must be cut from the same cloth because within 0.1 second of not being able to do something he’s crying/getting super frustrated They do stuff at their own pace I suppose, mine excels in knowing all dinosaurs and drawing people with poo on their heads ( boys)….motor skills I’m hoping will improve over time! Xxx

You've literally described her
She's obsessed with dinosaurs and knows so many names of them. Yet she can't even pronounce banana properly
And then the poo thing Don't even think it's a boy thing. She thinks it's hilarious. Constantly talking about poo

 

[Emzykins]

How am I only just finding this thread???!?!?!?

My daughter is 2.5, she has been potty trained for wees since January and has been dry during the day ever since. However with a poos she just won't go on the toilet at all and has started either holding it in for days or having constant accidents as she wont tell me she needs to go other than saying "my bum hurts", so I would quickly put her on the toilet and she kicks off crying!! I am at a loss, she was constipated because of it and has been given laxatives in case it happens again

any tips?!

 

[WhatABore]

How am I only just finding this thread???!?!?!?

My daughter is 2.5, she has been potty trained for wees since January and has been dry during the day ever since. However with a poos she just won't go on the toilet at all and has started either holding it in for days or having constant accidents as she wont tell me she needs to go other than saying "my bum hurts", so I would quickly put her on the toilet and she kicks off crying!! I am at a loss, she was constipated because of it and has been given laxatives in case it happens again

any tips?!

Can you distract her with a book or something when you put her on the toilet?
We ended up giving her a snack on the toilet to keep her there

 

[al255]

How am I only just finding this thread???!?!?!?

My daughter is 2.5, she has been potty trained for wees since January and has been dry during the day ever since. However with a poos she just won't go on the toilet at all and has started either holding it in for days or having constant accidents as she wont tell me she needs to go other than saying "my bum hurts", so I would quickly put her on the toilet and she kicks off crying!! I am at a loss, she was constipated because of it and has been given laxatives in case it happens again

any tips?!

Can you not just put a nappy on her for her to do a poo? Sorry that’s the only thing I’d think of if my 2.5 year old was in the same situ. I’m starting potty training once we are back from our holiday in June. I don’t even think she’s showing signs but going to give it a whirl x

 

[BettyCrockerr]

How am I only just finding this thread???!?!?!?

My daughter is 2.5, she has been potty trained for wees since January and has been dry during the day ever since. However with a poos she just won't go on the toilet at all and has started either holding it in for days or having constant accidents as she wont tell me she needs to go other than saying "my bum hurts", so I would quickly put her on the toilet and she kicks off crying!! I am at a loss, she was constipated because of it and has been given laxatives in case it happens again

any tips?!

She’s still very young, so maybe just sort of leave her to it for a bit? Keep her hydrated and eating lots of things to keep everything moving and nice and soft etc - so she’s not having to strain for a poo or for it to be sore. When she does it, where does she do it? Just in her pants? If so, leave her to carry on - but make sure you are then taking her to the toilet to flush it, and then doing the whole bum wiping/hand washing etc and then changing pants etc - I’d really avoid having her in pull ups or nappies completely if you are still doing that.

Can you not just put a nappy on her for her to do a poo? Sorry that’s the only thing I’d think of if my 2.5 year old was in the same situ. I’m starting potty training once we are back from our holiday in June. I don’t even think she’s showing signs but going to give it a whirl x

I wouldn’t put a nappy on her, because it sort of then defeats the object of trying to toilet train. If she’s wearing normal pants, keep her in them!