Toddler advice thread

[Definitelyme]

Yes she does. I was going in with her at first wake up but that started getting earlier and earlier and so I just go in there now when I’m ready to go to bed.


He is but she won’t let him. She is really resisting him atm and it’s been quite hard for both of us. She’s never let him do a bedtime even when I’ve been out. She would cry and cry for hours and he’d bring her back into the living room and let her fall asleep on the sofa then bring her to bed.
I had thought that she’d either come into the bed with me again and baby in the next to me or beside me. I’m just nervous of too much change as she’s still to be potty trained, still uses a dummy and will start preschool when the baby is due.

I know that fear and worry leading up to a new baby, and wondering how their little world will be rocked. But so many of these things just work themselves out, and can’t really be explored properly until you have the baby here and are in the midst of it. The same way we all worried how we’d cope with a baby as FTM, and we figure it out, you will figure this out too in time and when baby is here. You can play around with things and find what works best then. I would say don’t put any pressure on yourself to change too much/anything if you don’t feel it’s the right time. Yes, you could force these things, but if you are happy to ride it out then go for it. I’ve always been very much of the idea that the really won’t sleep with us forever, and as horrendously long and exhausting as these stages seem, they will pass.
Just to say as well all my toddlers hated my husband putting them to bed… for two nights. And then they were happy as Larry. Would she be ok if you help her to sleep but he goes in with her during the night for wake ups?

 

[Jellybean093]

I know a few of you cosleep with your toddlers. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and I have to cuddle my daughter to sleep. She’s in her own double bed and I go in there when I’m ready to sleep. Currently panicking how it’s all going to work with a new baby. Doesn’t help my mum friends telling me I need to break the cosleeping now or I’m never going to sleep again.
Tbh it’s been really hard the last few weeks she’s been so clingy all day and bedtimes are a nightmare now, taking ages and rolling around and crying. My patience is very low and she’s probably feeding off me feeling crap and I’ve not been doing my best parenting right now, as being quite reactive. Basically I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok

My son (3 at the time) would always come in with us at night. When I was about 7 months, I said to him that he wasn’t able to sleep with us anymore as I was too big (tried to make jokes out of it) and that he would hate sleeping with us when the baby was here because he’d be kept up all night with him crying. Once we told him that, he never came in, and he was 6 in feb!

 

[Dollenganger]

I also don’t believe that Jay actually likes Paige. He didn’t even pick her as one of the 3 to go in a date with when he came in. Paige was simply one of the only few girls not in the bottom at the public vote.

I don’t think Paige is very good at taking care of her heart & she did say she falls quickly for people easily. I don’t like to see a scenario where everyone is trying to use her for something.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I know that fear and worry leading up to a new baby, and wondering how their little world will be rocked. But so many of these things just work themselves out, and can’t really be explored properly until you have the baby here and are in the midst of it. The same way we all worried how we’d cope with a baby as FTM, and we figure it out, you will figure this out too in time and when baby is here. You can play around with things and find what works best then. I would say don’t put any pressure on yourself to change too much/anything if you don’t feel it’s the right time. Yes, you could force these things, but if you are happy to ride it out then go for it. I’ve always been very much of the idea that the really won’t sleep with us forever, and as horrendously long and exhausting as these stages seem, they will pass.
Just to say as well all my toddlers hated my husband putting them to bed… for two nights. And then they were happy as Larry. Would she be ok if you help her to sleep but he goes in with her during the night for wake ups?

Probably not but worth a try. We haven’t actually told her about the baby so maybe once we have explained it and I’ve got a bump I can lay some groundwork. She probably feels like something is off but as we haven’t said she doesn’t know what it is and it’s causing her to feel anxious. I think it’s a tricky age anyway and her last back teeth are coming through so it’s all a bit much atm for us all. Thanks for your advice, it’s made me feel a lot better.

 

[WhatABore]

I also don’t believe that Jay actually likes Paige. He didn’t even pick her as one of the 3 to go in a date with when he came in. Paige was simply one of the only few girls not in the bottom at the public vote.

I don’t think Paige is very good at taking care of her heart & she did say she falls quickly for people easily. I don’t like to see a scenario where everyone is trying to use her for something.

Think this is in the wrong thread

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

My son (3 at the time) would always come in with us at night. When I was about 7 months, I said to him that he wasn’t able to sleep with us anymore as I was too big (tried to make jokes out of it) and that he would hate sleeping with us when the baby was here because he’d be kept up all night with him crying. Once we told him that, he never came in, and he was 6 in feb!

I’ve read you shouldn’t blame the baby or they’ll resent them. Clearly I’m an over thinker and making it harder for myself I think she probs will get fed up of the baby crying and go to her own bed anyway or eventually have to accept daddy.

 

[Jellybean093]

I’ve read you shouldn’t blame the baby or they’ll resent them. Clearly I’m an over thinker and making it harder for myself I think she probs will get fed up of the baby crying and go to her own bed anyway or eventually have to accept daddy.

Yer, you’re probably right we didn’t do it in a way where he would resent him, but more like ‘if you stay in your bed, you’d get a full nights sleep, and not woken up by us feeding/baby’
It worked for us, and up until my toddler became a little tit, they were the best of friends!

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Yer, you’re probably right we didn’t do it in a way where he would resent him, but more like ‘if you stay in your bed, you’d get a full nights sleep, and not woken up by us feeding/baby’
It worked for us, and up until my toddler became a little tit, they were the best of friends!

I mean there are things that will have to change because of the baby. Putting it as a statement and letting her decide would probably work better than forcing a change.

 

[Justwannaseescreenshots]

My daughter will eat hardly anything if she's anywhere but home.

Bit late to catching up on this thread but just want to say omg my 2 yo son is exactly the same! just wont eat unless he’s at home. After 8 months of nursery and he’s only just started actually eating his lunch. Won’t eat at other peoples houses or going out to eat (rarely happens as his fidgeting makes it impossible)!

She’s 19 months old, I’m noticing things like head shaking, wanting to be upside down looking through her legs, playing with the wheels of a toy, she eats most foods in a certain way, (will eat meat first, then sides or whatever, will not mix the two) yesterday I noticed she started walking in circles, she has a speech delay (she babbles a lot but hasn’t said any words yet) and has an aversion to messy play (will touch things if I put them on her hand or put her hand into it but I can’t say she enjoys it?) she used to flap her hands but I can’t say I’ve seen her do that recently but I’m going to watch out for it today, it may well be that she’s still doing it and I’ve overlooked it.

Some have said it’s early to detect but my son is now diagnosed at 2.5. I noticed him head tilting and some head banging around 14 months and spoke to GP who checked for ear infection and found nothing so referred us to paediatrician who then did a general assessment and 25 questions and then we went to childrens development centre and regular catch ups with paediatrician. Also speech delay so he’s had his assessment but still on waiting list for proper appointments. We also have occupational therapy sessions.
To get a diagnosis if it is the case, ours took 16 months from when I spoke to GP. It’s a long process but get the ball rolling just to be sure even if it turns out that the health professionals think otherwise. However, if it is hereditary then it will definitely be taken seriously as ours was too.

First signs in my son were headbanging, head tilting, spontaneous laughter, running away, stacking toys, lining them up, playing with wheels (although he does not do this anymore), speech delay. His gross motor skills are unbelievable he is amazing physically but cannot use a spoon properly so fine motor skills aren’t always great. He covers his ears at certain sounds (hair dryer, hoover, loud vehicles, washing machine, hand dryer) and when he doesn’t want to do something I ask, as he can’t communicate properly he slaps his knees and grunts. Also, he spins, has a routine in almost everything we do and places we go. The list goes on lol but yeah just go to GP for concerns - I find the health visitors absolutely nonsense.

 

[hannah1799]

I know a few of you cosleep with your toddlers. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and I have to cuddle my daughter to sleep. She’s in her own double bed and I go in there when I’m ready to sleep. Currently panicking how it’s all going to work with a new baby. Doesn’t help my mum friends telling me I need to break the cosleeping now or I’m never going to sleep again.
Tbh it’s been really hard the last few weeks she’s been so clingy all day and bedtimes are a nightmare now, taking ages and rolling around and crying. My patience is very low and she’s probably feeding off me feeling crap and I’ve not been doing my best parenting right now, as being quite reactive. Basically I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok

Honestly I’m in the same position! I’ve always co slept with my nearly 4 year old, I also have a 19 month old who co slept with us until she was ready to sleep in a cot by herself at about 9 months old. I’m now pregnant again 8 weeks atm and will just see how it goes, will have a next to me next to the bed and 4 year old will still sleep in the bed with me. There’s no getting her out she’s so stubborn and won’t sleep in her own bed or by herself. But recently she’s been fighting her sleep so much and I’ve had to drive around in the car to get her to sleep as she is really playing me up refusing to sleep, she’s so tired too as she falls to sleep straight away in the car. If I leave her to sleep when she wants she’s not going to sleep until 10/11pm but she still wakes up early around 7:30 am and is in a horrid mood. I’ve been finding I’ve been reactive and I really try to avoid this as it just makes the situation worse but every night is a battle. I’m exhausted. I don’t have much advice just to let you know you’re not alone, leaving my daughter to sleep by herself has just never been an option as it doesn’t work for her she gets really upset, or will just keep getting out of bed and playing and won’t go to sleep. I have to stay with her to mark sure she goes to sleep as she really does need her sleep. Don’t make any rash decisions yet it might be a phase and she might go back to sleeping well. Mines been doing the whole rolling around at bed time too and I can’t seem to get her to stay still so she can relax

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

@hannah1799 sorry you’re having a hard time too but it’s really helped me to hear I’m not alone. I do feel a lot better as I’m getting more energy and less panicked about it. It is reassuring to hear your second baby went into their own cot at 9 months. Maybe our new baby will be more chilled Hope you feel better soon and your rough sleeping patch resolves!

 

[hannah1799]

@hannah1799 sorry you’re having a hard time too but it’s really helped me to hear I’m not alone. I do feel a lot better as I’m getting more energy and less panicked about it. It is reassuring to hear your second baby went into their own cot at 9 months. Maybe our new baby will be more chilled Hope you feel better soon and your rough sleeping patch resolves!

I honestly think you can parent children the same and they will still be completely different. She sleeps well in her cot now even though she bed shared for all that time, it really does depend on the child! Thank you, after a rough night seeing your post made me feel so much less alone, it’s hard isn’t it! Good luck too we can keep each other updated lol

 

[WhatABore]

I honestly think you can parent children the same and they will still be completely different. She sleeps well in her cot now even though she bed shared for all that time, it really does depend on the child! Thank you, after a rough night seeing your post made me feel so much less alone, it’s hard isn’t it! Good luck too we can keep each other updated lol

This 100% all 3 of my kids have been parented the same.
And all 3 have been so different.
My first 2 were quite similar in regards to sleep. So of course I thought it was down to our parenting
Have a 3rd and bam. She hates sleep and hates people

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I honestly think you can parent children the same and they will still be completely different. She sleeps well in her cot now even though she bed shared for all that time, it really does depend on the child! Thank you, after a rough night seeing your post made me feel so much less alone, it’s hard isn’t it! Good luck too we can keep each other updated lol

Yea definitely, my mum said my older sister was really resistant to sleep where as I was always ready to nap and would sleep in the cot no problem. It’s hard too when you get advice from people who don’t have wakeful children because they think they are the reason their child sleeps well

i hope last night was better for you. I think they have a sixth sense that something is different as mine was so clingy and emotional the last few weeks. Now my energy is coming back she seems to have levelled off too. So fingers crossed for you

 

[hannah1799]

Yea definitely, my mum said my older sister was really resistant to sleep where as I was always ready to nap and would sleep in the cot no problem. It’s hard too when you get advice from people who don’t have wakeful children because they think they are the reason their child sleeps well

i hope last night was better for you. I think they have a sixth sense that something is different as mine was so clingy and emotional the last few weeks. Now my energy is coming back she seems to have levelled off too. So fingers crossed for you

Omg this!! My friend is convinced her toddler sleeps well because she parented her so well.. it’s a balance between parenting AND the child’s personality. It makes me feel like I’m the reason my child doesn’t sleep well when actually it’s not and I wish people would realise it’s just luck

 

[WhatABore]

Omg this!! My friend is convinced her toddler sleeps well because she parented her so well.. it’s a balance between parenting AND the child’s personality. It makes me feel like I’m the reason my child doesn’t sleep well when actually it’s not and I wish people would realise it’s just luck

I think it's easy to say when you've got a child that sleeps because you see everyone else's babies/children not sleeping and you think, well, I must be doing something right.

I didn't think it so much with my first, I did think well, maybe I'm just lucky.
But then when my second slept well too.
I was like.. Surely it's something I'm doing then?
They both have confident personalities too. Well, in the sense they'll talk to anyone and everyone. I could hand them to whoever I wanted as a baby/toddler and they wouldn't care. They weren't clingy at all.

But as I said before, now I've had a 3rd and she hates sleep, hates food, hates people but has been parented almost identical, especially routines and she's clingy as f**k

So it definitley made me realise it's completely down to the child.
Obviously part of it is parenting to a sense. But 90% is just the child.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Absolutely. I imagine we all have a decent routine and do our best to create good sleep hygiene and tire them out enough for bedtime but it is up to the child to do the rest. I guess if I didn’t have a routine or boundaries I would at least have something to try to improve the situation.
@WhatABore i think I’ve said before my daughter is very similar to yours. There are other issues atm I am working on I can’t do it all and even less on no sleep Currently I’m happy if I manage to take her out for the day and still have energy for making dinner and do bedtime.

 

[Pinkii]

Is 4 still counted as a toddler? Lol

My nearly 4 year old is absolutely doing my head in atm, all she does is whinge and cry about EVERYTHINGGGGG. From the minute she wakes up she finds something to moan or cry about to the minute she falls asleep.

Its utterly exhausting for all of us, me and her.

Not really sure what advice im looking for but more of a vent maybe

I do everything i can to calm her down, give her solutions, validate her feelings but after the 5th tantrum in 30 mins it gets to be getting very frustrated as I have a 14 month old as well who needs constant supervision and I find its getting harder to control my temper.

Most nights she goes to bed after i have probably shouted or yelled at her to get back into bed for millionth time.

I hate ending my days with her like that but by that point im honestly at the end of my tether, when she is asleep I cry because i hate being an angry mum

 

[Jellybean093]

Is 4 still counted as a toddler? Lol

My nearly 4 year old is absolutely doing my head in atm, all she does is whinge and cry about EVERYTHINGGGGG. From the minute she wakes up she finds something to moan or cry about to the minute she falls asleep.

Its utterly exhausting for all of us, me and her.

Not really sure what advice im looking for but more of a vent maybe

I do everything i can to calm her down, give her solutions, validate her feelings but after the 5th tantrum in 30 mins it gets to be getting very frustrated as I have a 14 month old as well who needs constant supervision and I find its getting harder to control my temper.

Most nights she goes to bed after i have probably shouted or yelled at her to get back into bed for millionth time.

I hate ending my days with her like that but by that point im honestly at the end of my tether, when she is asleep I cry because i hate being an angry mum

I can’t help, but I guess countdown to school is on
Does she go to any preschool?
My eldest wasn’t a whinge, she was hard work, making me an angry mum for 13 years the boys are different and I don’t get angry with them, although the toddler does push my boundaries most days

 

[WhatABore]

Is 4 still counted as a toddler? Lol

My nearly 4 year old is absolutely doing my head in atm, all she does is whinge and cry about EVERYTHINGGGGG. From the minute she wakes up she finds something to moan or cry about to the minute she falls asleep.

Its utterly exhausting for all of us, me and her.

Not really sure what advice im looking for but more of a vent maybe

I do everything i can to calm her down, give her solutions, validate her feelings but after the 5th tantrum in 30 mins it gets to be getting very frustrated as I have a 14 month old as well who needs constant supervision and I find its getting harder to control my temper.

Most nights she goes to bed after i have probably shouted or yelled at her to get back into bed for millionth time.

I hate ending my days with her like that but by that point im honestly at the end of my tether, when she is asleep I cry because i hate being an angry mum

I can't help much but my daughter is 4.
She whinges constantly.
And then I tell her to stop whingeing and in a whingey voice she'll say "I'm not whingeing" and she ends up repeating that a million times before I eventually replh with Alriiiiighttt.

She whinges at everything and I have to try so hard not to snap all the time.
Makes it even worse when she whinges and I can't understand what she's saying.
And then she'll cry because I can't understand what she's saying

I have a 14 month old too.
So when they're both whingeing all day long it's just too much to handle!

Will your 4yo play in their room?
We got a tv put in her room and all her toys up there for this purpose and she's quite happy playing up there. It feels like a bit of a break when she's up there