Toddler advice thread

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

That’s a great idea. I hadn’t thought of that as it is a private childcare facility but I will email them and ask. My other thought was to start her for an afternoon a week in September like a soft launch. But not sure how much that will help as it will be a big Xmas break and she’ll be going into a different room with different carers.

I don’t love the term shy but it gets the idea across. I like to say she is an observer and nobody’s fool as she always scowls at people when they try to get a laugh out of her
Thank you, you’ve really helped me feel better. There’s so much pressure to get kids to be independent. Her dad seems to think she’ll just rock up and love it and settle in on the first day

 

[BettyCrockerr]

When did everyone start potty training their sons? FTM mum here and my LB is 19mo, just wondering when I should start?

Also, we're going through an awful stage of him trying to bite and nip/grab - any suggestions on how to stop it?

Around 2 and a half.


19months is to early IMO

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I know this is going to sound really awful but I don't want to start a slippery slope of her needing me there? I guess I just worry that once I start that, it will never stop, and she'll not settle for her grandparents etc (because they definitely would not be willing to sit with her for half an hour or whatever..) She may have changed but in the past us being there just made her act silly, blowing raspberries and poking our faces etc. But I'm so desperate, I'll try anything!



Thanks, this was my thinking but on the occasions I have tried an early bed, it still takes til nearly 8 to fall asleep.

This was today's schedule:

Wake at approx 7.20am (she stirred about 5.30 but must have gone back off with no trouble as I didn't hear any more)
Nap at 12.45 - 2pm
Bath at 5.45 after dinner
CBeebies until 6.30pm
Upstairs for teeth brushing, pyjamas and a story.
Now it's at this point she starts to run around like a loon, full of energy and hyper.
Calm her down, maybe have another story, bed at 6.50pm

Because of my social anxiety I don't take her out to soft play or any playgroups or anything, so the most exercise she gets is playing in the garden, so I'm wondering if this is all my fault? She's not been to childcare in almost two weeks as her minder is on holiday, but she spent lots of time playing with her cousins over half term.

She's still awake now

Stop the tv watching directly before bed. Let her watch it before dinner, then it goes off. Do dinner with no tv/no screens and then after dinner let her play before bed but keep her away from screens

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

When did everyone start potty training their sons? FTM mum here and my LB is 19mo, just wondering when I should start?

Also, we're going through an awful stage of him trying to bite and nip/grab - any suggestions on how to stop it?

Eldest was 22 months and he really cracked it but was definitely ready
Middle we are about to start (dreading it) and he’s 2y 4m

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

That’s a great idea. I hadn’t thought of that as it is a private childcare facility but I will email them and ask. My other thought was to start her for an afternoon a week in September like a soft launch. But not sure how much that will help as it will be a big Xmas break and she’ll be going into a different room with different carers.

I don’t love the term shy but it gets the idea across. I like to say she is an observer and nobody’s fool as she always scowls at people when they try to get a laugh out of her
Thank you, you’ve really helped me feel better. There’s so much pressure to get kids to be independent. Her dad seems to think she’ll just rock up and love it and settle in on the first day

My son hated nursery at first. Cos he was 1 when we first went into lockdown so spent a lot of time with just me and his dad !! And then he went to nursery 2 afternoons a week the week of his 2nd birthday. It took him about a month to stop crying when we dropped him off. It would break my heart!’ He cries a lot more when I drop him off compared to his dad. But he loves it now and runs in and waves at us at the door! It’s so scary cos he’s there 3 days a week now and then in sept will be 5 days and I feel like I won’t see him

 

[WhatABore]

4yo had her first stay and play session at school today.
Just want to ask a bit of advice though as it made me notice it today.

Whenever we leave somewhere, regardless of how long we've been there, she cries her eyes out.
She doesn't say no or anything like that or has a 'tantrum'
She'll hold my hand and we'll leave. She just cries her eyes out.
Once or twice it's turned into a full meltdown where she has just been uncontrollable once we've got back to the car.
She's never been one for tantrums or anything. She's maybe had 3 or 4 'meltdowns' and all within the past year.

Her teacher told everyone to come to the mat and sit down so everyone could say goodbye and she just burst out crying. Very loud. And walked to the mat.
Of course all the other parents and kids were just staring at us.

I just have no idea how to handle it. Or if it's even normal.

She's so emotional in general. Anything she can't do and she cries her eyes out.

I have no idea how to help her or what to say to her because anything I say, makes it worse.

 

[Definitelyme]

4yo had her first stay and play session at school today.
Just want to ask a bit of advice though as it made me notice it today.

Whenever we leave somewhere, regardless of how long we've been there, she cries her eyes out.
She doesn't say no or anything like that or has a 'tantrum'
She'll hold my hand and we'll leave. She just cries her eyes out.
Once or twice it's turned into a full meltdown where she has just been uncontrollable once we've got back to the car.
She's never been one for tantrums or anything. She's maybe had 3 or 4 'meltdowns' and all within the past year.

Her teacher told everyone to come to the mat and sit down so everyone could say goodbye and she just burst out crying. Very loud. And walked to the mat.
Of course all the other parents and kids were just staring at us.

I just have no idea how to handle it. Or if it's even normal.

She's so emotional in general. Anything she can't do and she cries her eyes out.

I have no idea how to help her or what to say to her because anything I say, makes it worse.

Similar to my 6yo. I always describe it as he feels loss very deeply. So that can be leaving somewhere, it can be someone leaving us, toys being given to charity, a tree in the garden being cut down, a teacher at school (even one he doesn’t know) leaving. And as you say it’s not bad temper or tantrum, it is genuine sorrow and upset. Yesterday was because the minister at our church is leaving and was doing his last service. I don’t think he’s ever passed two words with the man on his own

But with leaving we do lots of warnings (10 minutes til we go, 5 minutes etc) and then lots of “we were having so much fun at XYZ. It can be hard to leave when we don’t want to. Maybe we can come back again in a week/month/year”. We haven’t found a way to make it actually not happen though. But try our best to validate his feelings when I just want to roll my eyes!

 

[WhatABore]

Similar to my 6yo. I always describe it as he feels loss very deeply. So that can be leaving somewhere, it can be someone leaving us, toys being given to charity, a tree in the garden being cut down, a teacher at school (even one he doesn’t know) leaving. And as you say it’s not bad temper or tantrum, it is genuine sorrow and upset. Yesterday was because the minister at our church is leaving and was doing his last service. I don’t think he’s ever passed two words with the man on his own

But with leaving we do lots of warnings (10 minutes til we go, 5 minutes etc) and then lots of “we were having so much fun at XYZ. It can be hard to leave when we don’t want to. Maybe we can come back again in a week/month/year”. We haven’t found a way to make it actually not happen though. But try our best to validate his feelings when I just want to roll my eyes!

Yess. She's exactly the same.
She gets so emotional over it.
She sat and cried for 10/20 minutes the other day just hugging me because the fly went out the window

We've always done lots of warnings. Like at the park I'll say "We've got to go soon" and then I'll say "Soon it'll be time for your last go on something"
And then "One more time down the slide and it's time to go"

Same as I kept saying today, it's okay, we're coming back on Friday to show Daddy and then soon you'll be coming every day.
But it didn't make a difference

Annoyingly though, my partner sees it as naughty.
And I keep saying, but, she isn't refusing to leave.
She is literally walking with us, leaving. She's just upset about leaving.
But he doesn't get it.

I'm normally alright with dealing with it. Until it's infront of others like today and I feel like all the parents were rolling their eyes because none of their kids were crying.
Same as before when it happened at a park and all the adults were just staring at us

 

[Definitelyme]

Yess. She's exactly the same.
She gets so emotional over it.
She sat and cried for 10/20 minutes the other day just hugging me because the fly went out the window

We've always done lots of warnings. Like at the park I'll say "We've got to go soon" and then I'll say "Soon it'll be time for your last go on something"
And then "One more time down the slide and it's time to go"

Same as I kept saying today, it's okay, we're coming back on Friday to show Daddy and then soon you'll be coming every day.
But it didn't make a difference

Annoyingly though, my partner sees it as naughty.
And I keep saying, but, she isn't refusing to leave.
She is literally walking with us, leaving. She's just upset about leaving.
But he doesn't get it.

I'm normally alright with dealing with it. Until it's infront of others like today and I feel like all the parents were rolling their eyes because none of their kids were crying.
Same as before when it happened at a park and all the adults were just staring at us

It is so hard in front of other people. I so wish I could just ignore everyone else and not let it get to me, and focus on him, but it’s hard not to see the looks people are giving you and sometimes react in a way you wish you hadn’t. A few weeks ago I did a bad job at dealing with him as we were at a school thing with a billion people round and I got so flustered. The principal (who we know Outside school) said afterwards “oh so nice to see parents properly parenting their kids, that was great” but I was thinking “uh no that was awful parenting!”
As I said, we’ve never found a way to solve it, and I often forget about it as we don’t have anything happen for months at a time. It is a bloody hard one, that’s for sure.

 

[quinzel]

My son is 3 in October and we haven’t properly started potty training yet although he has used the potty a few time (for pee and poo). Just finding the right time to properly start is difficult. I’m also the worst for comparing myself to others and am worried I’ve left it so late?

 

[hol20x]

My son is 3 in October and we haven’t properly started potty training yet although he has used the potty a few time (for pee and poo). Just finding the right time to properly start is difficult. I’m also the worst for comparing myself to others and am worried I’ve left it so late?

Not at all, my daughter wasn't ready til she had just turned 3.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

My son is 3 in October and we haven’t properly started potty training yet although he has used the potty a few time (for pee and poo). Just finding the right time to properly start is difficult. I’m also the worst for comparing myself to others and am worried I’ve left it so late?

No mine went on the potty a few times 2.5yo, we moved house, he then refused and always asked for his pull up on... a couple days after his third birthday after a lot of chat about being a big boy and potty training etc bought him a fisher price singing potty and that was it, he barely had an accident and picked it up right away. Now he will happily go on full sized toilets,or whatever is available, it was really quick and easy just letting him have that extra time to gain his confidence. He moved up a room in nursery around that time too so I think that helped being around the older kids and seeing them all use the toilet. Spent a couple weeks reminding him every hour or so and having potty close by but now he will take himself off to the toilet and only shout once he's done if it was a number 2.

 

[quinzel]

Thanks so much for the replies. I read a book recently called Gentle Potty Training book and I’m happy to go forward with the suggestions but they said ideally you need a stretch of 7 days in the house before you venture out. This just isn’t possible for me due to work.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

That’s mad, there’s no way I could stay at home for 7 days with a toddler. I think a few days is reasonable and then surely you just work around the outings. I got a travel potty from aldi which I will be using when we start potty training again.

 

[WhatABore]

Thanks so much for the replies. I read a book recently called Gentle Potty Training book and I’m happy to go forward with the suggestions but they said ideally you need a stretch of 7 days in the house before you venture out. This just isn’t possible for me due to work.

We took lockdown as the perfect opportunity to do it kind of worked out perfectly

 

[Definitelyme]

Thanks so much for the replies. I read a book recently called Gentle Potty Training book and I’m happy to go forward with the suggestions but they said ideally you need a stretch of 7 days in the house before you venture out. This just isn’t possible for me due to work.

Obviously everyone does what works for them, but I haven’t once deliberately stayed in the house during potty training. We go out and about as we would have planned to anyway. I think it’s important to build using the toilet in as part of your normal routine. Just be prepared with changes of clothes, a potty with you if needed (although nature wees are strong in this house!) and have a set routine eg we used to go before we left, when we arrived, half way through, and before we left.

 

[Jellybean093]

Obviously everyone does what works for them, but I haven’t once deliberately stayed in the house during potty training. We go out and about as we would have planned to anyway. I think it’s important to build using the toilet in as part of your normal routine. Just be prepared with changes of clothes, a potty with you if needed (although nature wees are strong in this house!) and have a set routine eg we used to go before we left, when we arrived, half way through, and before we left.

We have been the same. Not sure if we were lucky, but I wouldn’t wait around for 7 days to be honest. If you do, then surely the child isn’t ready?
Just have to ask them regularly if they need a wee/poo

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Second a change of clothes, our potty training fell over Christmas break so we did spent longer at home but not 7 solid days... If you're nervous about them in the car then I've seen people recommend using a puppy training pad to cover the car seat.

 

[al255]

Please can someone break down how I start potty training? I won’t be using a potty but I’ll be using a seat on the toilet with a step for my daughter. I’m going to start in a few week and see what response I get! Do I just have nappy free time and keep asking her if she needs wee? I don’t get it at all

 

[Definitelyme]

Please can someone break down how I start potty training? I won’t be using a potty but I’ll be using a seat on the toilet with a step for my daughter. I’m going to start in a few week and see what response I get! Do I just have nappy free time and keep asking her if she needs wee? I don’t get it at all

So I have done it three times, and I still cannot tell you the answer to this it is always the bit that trips me up a bit, I never feel confident going in really. I think what I’ve done before is kind of lead up to it, lots of chat about how soon (eg in the summer) they will be using the toilet like us/siblings instead of a nappy. Then on the day itself just put no nappy on, tell them now they use the toilet and you will help them. show them the area, how things work, explain if there is an accident you'll get them changed etc.
I try not to ask lots if they need to go. Watch closely and you’ll soon know when they do (first days are lots of watching. It’s exhausting). And if it’s been a while tell the, "it’s time to try the toilet, I am going to go first and then you can try. If nothing comes, that’s ok". My youngest was always mad keen she had to go before me so that worked really well with her! Also allows you to model all the steps, hand washing etc.
But usually asking will get no response or a negative response IME.