Toddler advice thread

[WhatABore]

I know a few of you cosleep with your toddlers. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and I have to cuddle my daughter to sleep. She’s in her own double bed and I go in there when I’m ready to sleep. Currently panicking how it’s all going to work with a new baby. Doesn’t help my mum friends telling me I need to break the cosleeping now or I’m never going to sleep again.
Tbh it’s been really hard the last few weeks she’s been so clingy all day and bedtimes are a nightmare now, taking ages and rolling around and crying. My patience is very low and she’s probably feeding off me feeling crap and I’ve not been doing my best parenting right now, as being quite reactive. Basically I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok

If you go in there when you're ready to sleep, does she sleep by herself until then?

I don't know if I read it wrong

 

[tspnwn]

I'm sorry but this isn't how it works. I've got a degree in social work (albeit never went into the profession but I have knowledge). The social worker, assuming this referral was from.the nursery, would get in touch directly with your friend to arrange a welfare check \assesment they wouldn't automatically be given a case worker. Unless you have missed out alot of key information, your friend is not abusive or neglectful, therefore there is no way she would be seen this quickly or seen at all. I also couldn't ever imagine a nursery suggesting parenting classes, that would be more down to SS themselves.

No worries, I've only passed on what I've been told by her herself, I don't know anything about it myself. I'm not exactly sure why she would make it up, surely it must be a bit embarrassing for her even opening up about something like that?

 

[pinksunsetx91]

@pinksunsetx91
Omg I could have written practically everything you said. Like everything!! This has brought me some comfort knowing I’m not the only one with an “active” toddler. We are actually in the process of possible ASD diagnosis and been accepted for SLT but on a waiting list. We just go to the toddler groups that are managed by the council so they’re free and I have found that the women who run them and even the other parents are so much more understanding and patient than the ones you pay for. I find those ones are full of snobs with perfect children that can do their 12 times tables by age 3! Lol
The one major blessing I have with all his active behaviour is that he sleeps so so well from like 7:30-7:30 but he is basically bedsharing so makes life a lot easier. Some people say that’s lazy parenting but actually we all love to cuddle and one day they won’t want to. Not “making a rod for my own back” as I’m pretty sure he won’t be asking to sleep in mummy’s bed when he’s 12! He is 3 months older than your boy so maybe it’s just the age they’re at!

I hope you don’t have to wait to long on the waiting list for SLT or on results of ASD diagnosis. It’s comforting when other people have been in similarly situations with their children you don’t feel so isolated. I do agree some groups can be snobby, one in particular I went to when he was a bit younger was just a competition of what their kids could do and I’m not into competing as kids are all different and do things at their own pace. Unfortunately the local council one in my area hasn’t reopened (covid). I agree with the bed sharing, my son has been in our bed a lot of nights during the night basically so we could all get some sleep and I don’t mind the snuggles. I am going to get him a toddler bed once husband has been paid to see if that helps as one of previous posters had suggested. It does sound like it’s just the age of our wee ones x

 

[DownBelow21]

Thank you all! Appreciate the replies.

I'm looking forward to taking him! Is it decent for his age?

 

[WhatABore]

Did she have tounge tie? She may have a lisp or slight speech impediment. She’s only little, try to help correct her and see if she can start trying a few words with the proper pronunciation. If she gets one or two correctly, it’s probably just a habit that she will grow out of.

Not that I'm aware of.
We have always wondered if she had a slight speech impediment or whether she was just lazy.

We keep repeating words she struggles with and get her to say them back, and not matter how many times, how many ways we slow it down, repeat it, she just doesn't seem to be able to do it

 

[monga]

Thought I'd try ask here instead of starting a new thread... partners little girl is almost three and her mum has told him that she's hypermobile, she also said that she now has to get rid of a lot of the shoes that she puts on her because they don't support her ankles. Now here is where I'm confused, she said that the uggs etc have to go which we don't put her in anyway, that she can't wear sandals and that the only shoes she can wear are Nike Air max and converse but I don't think converse offer any support. She's about as reliable as a chocolate teapot when it comes to passing information on and I want to make sure we have the correct style shoes for little one. She did mention boots like Dr martens but how do you go from she needs those boots for ankle support to she can wear converse still? So my question is does anyone have a similar issue with their child and do they just wear normal trainers etc or should we be forking out for air max trainers/ similar because that's what her mum has said?

I don’t have experience on it but found this article it seems as long as there’s support in the shoe it doesn’t really matter if they’re branded

Best Shoes for Kids with Hypermobility – Extra Arch and Ankle Support

Looking for shoes for kids with hypermobility? A certified shoe fitter shares 10 top picks with firm heel counters and supportive outsoles.

fittingchildrenshoes.com

 

[BlueRose]

My daughter weighs 2.2stone and around same height. We had our two year review and the hv was happy and said she was in proportion so no need to worry. She was born on the 90th centile. Her eating isn’t great due to her being very picky but is overall healthy with some treats during the week. She doesn’t look overweight but she is heavy!
I hate when people make comments about childrens appearance, but I find the ones who do are also happy to say them to an adult so there’s no changing them.

Yes she doesn't look overweight posted pictures in another post (couldn't quote two at once) she just heavy. N has chucky thighs. I know it's silly to panic she like slightly overweight but can't help it. Plus we don't have a nice health visitor so freaking out when we see her again she moan. (A lot of people I spoken to at meets don't like her)

 

[Definitelyme]

I write it on the edge of the label but now in worried someone from school will take the wrong jumper home and cut it off so they can keep it

I cannot imagine anyone ever doing that?! I have only ever done it on the label, and I’ve never so much as had a wrong jumper home.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Sounds like he's not ready, my toddler potty trained in a couple of days just after he turned 3. He was never keen to sit on his potty and always asked for his nappy on so I never really pushed it, but once he turned 3 and I think moved class in his nursery helped too as he was around bigger kids... he just did it.

since training he's had 1 accident a few days after starting, been fine at nursery and never when out or in the car. But it was so easy and he just got it ( I was starting to worry he was a bit old for nappies and would talk to him about being a big boy and big boys use the potty etc but no pushing it) he's also completely dry at night and holds it until the morning. We used bedtime pull ups for a week or so after he potty trained but they were always dry so just let him wear his boxers instead as that is what he asked for.

I would say don't worry about putting a nappy on if he's constantly wetting himself, scared using unfamiliar toilets or when distracted, he will get it once he's ready.

 

[pinksunsetx91]

Need some advice for a nearly 4 year old that is pushing me to my limits. I’m not even sure I need advice, just a vent

He’s never ever been a “warm” child. Enjoys the odd cuddle here and there, isn’t the first to go and make friends, prefers his own company mainly but his worst trait is being totally cold towards his brother (2 going on 5) who is the polar opposite and loves a cuddle, loves being loved, always looks up to his older brother for help and for affection/fun but my 4yo just shouts at him or tells him to go away, doesn’t want to cuddle him; doesn’t actually want him anywhere near him and if it is it’s usually on his terms. This isn’t a recent thing and he’s been like it since he was born tbh! His most recent thing in the past couple of weeks is getting right up in my toddlers face and speaking to him quite aggressively through gritted teeth. We have never EVER done this to him and don’t know anyone who has or anything he could have seen to teach him this but it’s HORRIBLE. It makes my toddler feel so scared, either that or he just hits him as if to say back off and then a full on fight/scrap breaks out and I sometimes physically have to separate them. I’m trying my best to remain calm and remove my 2yo from the situation until 4yo is calm as I don’t believe that shouting etc helps but today he really hurt my 2yo over a toy that wasn’t even his and I just lost it and sent him to his room (we were upstairs anyway so not too far away) because I just can’t condone his, quite frankly, shocking and shitty behaviour. I feel like I’ve failed him as a parent somehow because he can be so utterly vile but I don’t know where it’s come from aghhhhhh.

Also saying no all the time, jumping up and down and screaming the house down when he doesn’t get his own way (this could be up to 30 mins+), throwing things, he’s even taking to hitting me which is so unusual for him. He’s always saying he can’t do things without even trying for a second and he gets beyond worked up when I ask him to try. So stressful! Please tell me it’s just the age? ADHD/ASD runs in my partners side of the family quite predominantly so I am aware of signs something else could be happening but my god my limits are being tested. His vocabulary and communication skills are better than the 6yo’s I work with so I’m just so frustrated that he results to outbursts/violence about every little thing when he can just use his words !!!!

If you’ve made it to the end then thank you, send donuts.

No advice but just wanted to say my 2 year old has been thrown things recently when he’s angry/upset and screaming. I think sometimes our little ones genuinely don’t know how to handle these big emotions. I have been sitting down beside him to explain why we can’t do this and he knows now to give a cuddle to say sorry (he can’t say sorry properly yet). Sometimes it works better than others depending if he’s tired/hungry. Is it new behaviour since sibling arrived? You have lots of experience with little ones, you will get through this x

 

[al255]

My 2yr 8mth has to be awake before 2 to get him to sleep at a decent time. Even better if he only has 1 hour. However, if he misses a nap, he will go to be earlier, about 7, but he starts whinging from 3 onwards, and I’m not about that toddler life

At the moment she DEFO has to be up before 2:15pm but now I’m thinking 2pm. Then that’s 6 hours to bedtime. I just don’t want her to be cranky cos then the afternoon is a mess with a stressy toddler lol

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Thought I'd try ask here instead of starting a new thread... partners little girl is almost three and her mum has told him that she's hypermobile, she also said that she now has to get rid of a lot of the shoes that she puts on her because they don't support her ankles. Now here is where I'm confused, she said that the uggs etc have to go which we don't put her in anyway, that she can't wear sandals and that the only shoes she can wear are Nike Air max and converse but I don't think converse offer any support. She's about as reliable as a chocolate teapot when it comes to passing information on and I want to make sure we have the correct style shoes for little one. She did mention boots like Dr martens but how do you go from she needs those boots for ankle support to she can wear converse still? So my question is does anyone have a similar issue with their child and do they just wear normal trainers etc or should we be forking out for air max trainers/ similar because that's what her mum has said?

My son has hypermobility and juvenile arthritis and his rheumatologist told us the same. We attended an appointment when he was 2 and he had a pair of next boots on and he pretty much told us off as they offered little to no support to his arches and his ankles.
He recommended us to try Clarks or branded trainers as they offer better arch and ankle support.

 

[WhatABore]

We are really struggling to get our two and a half year old son to brush his teeth. I've lost count of how much money I've spent on different toothbrushes, electric ones, one of the ones that are mouthguards specifically designed for children that brush for them...he just won't entertain it! At most he will chew on the toothbrush for a few seconds. If we try to do it for him it results in an absolute meltdown. Anyone else have this problem? I am scared for a time when we have to take him to the dentist because he will go ballistic!

We got her used to it by letting her chew on it, and praising her for doing that. And then after a while, directed her by making brushing motions myself. Then when she copied that, I'd praise again.
And my then a while more, hand over hers and praise her for letting me do it.
To start with, we didn't do it in the bathroom or anything either. We did it after dinner. So we'd pass her her toothbrush and put the duggee tooth brushing song on YouTube and she'd sit and watch it.

No idea if that's anything you could try maybe?

 

[Snippysnips]

Shape sorters are odd - marketed for really little ones but actually it takes a much older child to work them out.
Off the top of my head some of my kids’ faves at that age would be
Dolls
Balls
Vehicles
Tea set
Books
Water play
Anything small they can fit in places and pretend is something else (like Pom poms)

Thanks, might try some little cars or somthing, she has dolls that get dragged by the hair about the place lol an books she sorta looks at, we just got past the eating everything in site stage so most things she has are quite big as well so maybe we need smaller now, she has a few of those ride on things like trains, cars etc

I think the biggest problem for me is am used to being told what toys to buy for others kids an I only ever babysat for a few short hours, I've never been on the side of going out an buying anything so am more at a loss an tend to just get the noisy ones or light up ones thinking that's the better ones an I've never had kids over night before an now am having weekends with her

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you so much will definitely look up the ig page you recommended. Yesterday was a better day and we had lots of cuddles on the couch which I think we both needed. You have all been so helpful/reassuring on here. The leader sent me a text yesterday to check I was ok (slightly embarrassed by this) and said her child was the exact same and I have to come back and even if it’s just for half an hour at the start and build it up which I think I’m going to try to thanks again for your help x

Don’t be embarrassed at all! I think that was a lovely thing for her to do, and some great practical suggestions as well. Try and see it as if it was happening to another mum you’d want to show her your support and solidarity, we are all in the same boat (sometimes it’s the titanic at my house ) and it’s little ways of letting other mums know you’ve been there and you get it that can really help.

 

[al255]

Can I ask how often your little ones have McDonald’s. If ever …

If I get a mcds breakfast I get her the sausage part and hash brown. She won’t eat normal McDonald’s (main meals etc, she hates beige food so an easy tea with chicken nuggets are out the question) btw my daughter is 2.5. It’s very rare she eats any sort of takeaway cos she doesn’t like the taste.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I have to pin my 2.5 year old down to do her teeth ‍ I too have tried electric toothbrushes etc. I will try the teddy bear though x

Mine used to be like this but one day he just
Let me. Hopefully yours will be the same. He turned 3 last month

 

[WhatABore]

How old is she? My son went through a “fussy eater stage”, which consisted of him doing some similar. He would chew the food and spit it out onto the food on the plate and it drove me mad. It happened around 2.5yrs-3.5yrs. I would take the food away, ask him to leave the table and I wouldn’t give him anything else to eat. Sounds harsh but I’m not giving him toast when I just made a roast dinner! I figured out it was because either family members fed him up on biscuits or that nursery had fed him. I would remind him to tell me when his tummy is full and wants to stop. At one point we had a “no thank you” plate on the table, so anything he didn’t want, he would put on the plate. Some nights it would be everything and then I would ask if he was hungry etc. however I’d make sure that I’d always serve the meal again. Just because he refused it once, didn’t mean that he never got to see it again. In 4.5 years of his life there has been one meal he really didn’t like, and that was chicken and leek pie.

My husband has a sensory processing disorder when it comes to food and he had a bad eating disorder as a teenager. I really wanted littlepotato to have good relationship with food, which he does now.

She's 4 at the end of Feb.

This morning she had a bagel which she asked for. She took 1 small bite and said she didn't want it.
I asked her to eat some more because she was saying she was hungry. She cried saying she wanted something else.
I told her it's what she asked for, she's not having anything else. (it's never something I've given in to either)
She cried again, took it back to her table, started coughing and 2 minutes later came in saying she'd been sick on her plate.

Last night, gave her a choice of what she wanted for dinner.
She had 1 bite, said she wanted something else. I said no.
So she went back to her table, couple of minutes later, came in saying she was sick on her plate.

Before doing it on meals, she'd been doing it in her bed when it was bed time and she didn't want to go to bed. She'd get in bed fine. About 20 minutes later, come out saying she's been sick on her bed.

I don't know what to do because her being sick on her food means she gets away with not eating it. Which is what she wants. And she doesn't get given anything else either

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I usually give him a biscuit to have with his milk

Try and see if he would eat a slice of toast or something a bit more filling. It may just be the thing to keep him going a bit longer. I found with mine they would wake early during growth spurts and giving a bit extra food at dinner and toast or a small bowl of cereal before bed did the trick!!!

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi everyone,

Does anyone have advice on helping to teach a very boisterous 2 year old boy on how to walk alongside me safely?

My son is exactly 2.5 years and I am having to use reins, or the pram still with him as I absolutely cannot trust him to walk alongside me safely. He will bolt, and refuses to hold my hand. Doesn't seem to retain any concept of road safety.
I've got a small baby too, who I'm currently putting in a sling so I can use the pram for my son. This makes it even more difficult as the sling means if he does bolt I struggle to run after him! Any tips?
Am I expecting too much? I see similar aged and younger walking alongside their parents, but he just won't do it.
He is smart for his age, and his language is very developed but there is no reasoning with him at all

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all at that age to expect them to listen to what you ask.
Personally, I would try not to walk with him in busy places where possible. Make sure he is getting lots of “free running“ in at the park etc, and reinforce constantly that when you leave he must listen. If he doesn’t want to hold hands have a word that makes him stop asap, too much talk or too many words will just be shut out (we live in the country and for us we just shout CAR when one is coming, and all our kids have known to stop and stand in straight away, but obvs will be very different if you live in a town). If he continues not listening to that, pop him in the buggy along the busy areas and let him loose in the quieter areas. AT that age I don’t think that there is any reasoning about road safety, it’s too much of an abstract concept for them.