Toddler advice thread

[SnooperTrooper]

Hi all, picked my daughter up after work from her Grandads and he said she was in the worst mood ever when she woke up, he said she’s had an hour nap but she took 30 mins to stop being unhappy over being woken up. Bedtime is going well since I’ve really stuck to an hour nap .. I suppose she will get used to it won’t she? x she looks shattered.. chilled day for us tomorrow defo x

It's normal for them to be in a bad mood to start with when they're first waking up.
I know I am

If she's shattered, can you move her bedtime earlier?

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m potty training my nearly 2.5 year old for just over a month. He’s amazing when he’s not wearing anything on his bottom half, he’ll take himself off to the potty when he needs it. He’s doing quite well in trousers at home, he’ll have the odd accident but they’re really infrequent. However, the moment we go out or he goes to nursery he has more wet accidents than successes (he very rarely if ever poos his pants) even when we remind him of the potty or take him to sit down and try. Sometimes he’ll wet himself straight after we’ve taken him to the toilet. I always make him stop and change his trousers and pants before he’s allowed to carry on playing, we give him loads of praise when he does go on the potty, he has a special sticker chart that he colours in for each time he goes to the toilet. Is there anything I could be doing to help him when we’re out and about?
I’m at a bit of a loss and am starting to feel like I’m doing something wrong because I don’t think we’ve had any success in the potty when we’re out

I think he sounds like he’s doing well enough it’s so common for kids to get distracted when they are busy and out and about, and as frustrating as it can be it does end eventually.
What we do is get them to do a “try wee wee” before we leave, when we arrive before we start our activity (park or whatever), halfway through, and again before we get back in the car. We just say you have to try a wee, if nothing comes that’s ok. With a little boy I let them pee against a tree, or if you’re somewhere that wouldn’t work and don’t want to carry a potty then a plastic kids cup works great (we used to take one out when my son had his leg in plaster as we couldn’t always get him to a toilet). We use the toilet in the house, but potties are very useful to keep in the car for days out.
You’re right, they need to learn in all environments and it takes time. It will be a while yet before he’ll just take himself off, especially when out and about as it’s just a barrier to them having fun and they ignore the signals.
Personally I would ditch the sticker charts etc. I am not a big believer in them as once they disappear what is the incentive to wee in the toilet?

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Can I just thank whoever recommended the Gro clock. It’s been life changing

 

[watermelon sugar]

Hello I’m looking for a bit of advice and a rant really

so for context, we live next door to my boyfriends Nan so we go round quite a lot. She has a dog, then my boyfriends uncle has 2 dogs who he takes round everyday. We go round most days so my 2.5 year old sees them all the time. He used to be really loving and gentle with the dogs but all of a sudden he’s developed a hitting phase and he’s doing it to the dogs so he’s surrounded by 3 dogs, he’s trying to hit and push them, I’m doing as much as I can and he keeps trying to hit and push them! I’m telling him off, his dad is, his Nan is, everyone is but he’s not grasping not to do it. My main worry is one of them turning round and biting him! Obviously I dont want him hurting dogs either. He doesn’t hit any of us, no people so I don’t get why he’s doing it! He’s so loving and gentle with everyone else but with the dogs it’s like he thinks it’s a game. I get really stern with him but he just does it again. Any advice???

but my rant - he was there this afternoon whilst me and his dad were busy. We go round and have a cuppa etc and 2 of the dogs are there. One’s looking out the window and my son comes up to the dog and pushes her off the chair! So i said right that’s not nice, you need to learn not to do that, we’re going home. And he cried and my boyfriend had a go at me and said that’s not how to make him learn. Said I should just keep letting him do it and shouting till he stops? Well we’ve been doing that and it’s not working?? How long are we gonna wait to see if one of the dogs snap. Can’t just let him keep doing it till he learns not to! I said if we exit him from the situation he will learn that he is being wrong but my boyfriend slammed his Nans front door on me and said I was doing it to be awkward I wasn’t I just wanted my son to learn he can’t be around the dogs if he’s gonna be mean?! Urgh!!!

he’s a really lovely little boy and it’s stressing me out I wish this phase would stop. Idk where it’s come from

 

[monga]

Not sure if this has been covered or not, but looking for some advice on anyone who has toddlers with ADHD, what age were they when you realised they may have this an what are the early signs etc, are they diagnosed or did you decide yourself based on behaviour?

I have a 14mo neice, an she is on the go like constant morning to night, it's incredible hard to get her down for naps as she fights it horrendously an you can tell she's tried but she refuses it, I have also noticed more an more recently that nothing seems to keep her intrested for long, she needs to have a entire room full of toys to go between to be happy, an each toy maybe gets looked at for a few minutes before it's tossed an she needs another, I don't know if she's just a extremely energetic toddler or if maybe these are little signs I should be keeping a eye on, she is still quite young so maybe she just wants to run around an explore so many different things but knowing what I should look out for might help in knowing the difference

I haven't said anything yet cause obvs I don't know an my family don't take kindly to mentioning anything like this, even though I myself would have no problems with it but I get that everyone always wants the "perfectly normal" child an can take it badly if they aren't

But I am genuinely curious about her behaviour an if this is somthing others have dealt with, her energy for a kid her age is honestly insane

She seems pretty normal to me kids that age don't have a long attention span and will often fight sleep .

 

[Jellybean093]

@peachhes - I done a shop in primark. Got a few spare trousers, tops, socks and pants, and take that in when he’s in. The bag doesn’t get touched for anything but nursery. I haven’t named anything, but I named all of my 6 year olds uniform (year 1) and he has somehow come home in different polo shirts, that no one owns up to having, so I ended up keeping the crappy uniform

 

[Definitelyme]

Aw, thank you. I wish I was as well put together when it’s actually happening! Anger was, and is, the bit I struggle with most, it used to so upset me when they were smaller and it was always in public too! DH is captain cool, calm and collected with it (I think years of being in the army has worked some kind of magic). But I try and think that I’ve had plenty of “ungracious” moments in my adult life, and if someone was ignoring me, telling me to just calm down or shouting at me back, it probably wouldn’t have helped or ended well.

(Secretly mentally prepping myself for the teenage anger we have lined up to start in the house in the next few years…)

Oh gosh this is the exact same in our house! My husband is Mr Chilled, so laid back, and I am very quick to anger which has unfortunately passed on to the kids my husband often mumbles “I dread when she (my eldest, very like me in all ways) is a teenager”

 

[nurseren]

Just to be awkward @Sailorontheseasea, littlepotato napped until he was nearly 4. However if we went past the 3pm mark, bedtime suddenly became 9pm. This wasn’t too bad when I was at work as I could put him to bed when I got home but on days off… yikes. Also littlepotato hated being woken up. About 1415-1430 I’d open his door, hoover, “bang about” a bit and he would wake up by himself. We do quiet time now; all potatoes in the family sulk off to bed around 1pm to be quiet and it works as downtime. I love quiet time so much that I used it on my HDU to let patients rest!

We still use the groclock now but at first littlepotato didn’t get it. Then I’d go “when it’s blue what do we do?” (We sleep!) and “when it’s sunny we….?” (Come and find mummy!) and it clicked.

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you so much. I’ll try and buy some party-style food tomorrow. Fortunately they’re keeping hydrated and have plenty of energy(!) so not unduly worried about that.

My daughter will eat hardly anything if she's anywhere but home.
I wouldn't worry about the lack of nutritional value just for the weekend

For a weekend I wouldn’t worry massively about the nutritional gaps, it won’t have a long term effect. Toast with peanut butter and banana is a go to here for a snack or small lunch. And I’ve never met a child yet who doesn’t like pizza. Fish fingers or chicken goujons and potato waffles are always a winner too.

My 4yo doesn't like pizza there are some strange ones out there aha

 

[WhatABore]

Thanks so much for the replies. I read a book recently called Gentle Potty Training book and I’m happy to go forward with the suggestions but they said ideally you need a stretch of 7 days in the house before you venture out. This just isn’t possible for me due to work.

We took lockdown as the perfect opportunity to do it kind of worked out perfectly

 

[quinzel]

My son is going through a phase of having meltdowns after nursery at the moment. He's fine on the journey home but once we get in the house he has a tantrum because he doesn't want to eat what we have cooked for his tea and it just snowballs from there. It's just so, exhausting? I don't know what to do anymore. He gets into such a state. We try everything and really try not to back down (we didn't tonight and he did try a bit of his meal). It always ends in an argument with me and my partner too we disagree so much on parenting styles.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

So my little one is about to turn 3 next week .. and he’s been at nursery since he was 2. He used to love it , ran in no looking back , happy to be there. And after February half term he cries as soon as we get into the car park , cries walking all the way to the door and then once he’s in cries his eyes out when I ring 10-15 mins later he’s fine. But I dread it every morning I have to drop him off it really makes me sad when he gets upset. Anyone else have any other problems like this ?

 

[Pinkii]

Maybe whatever you’re making for her to eat, either keep some of it or make extra so if she does make herself sick, you can serve up the same thing, so she knows she doesn’t have any other options.

its sounds really tough, i think alot of things around this age are about trying to have control and independence and seeing how far they can push the buttons.

 

[Jellybean093]

Yeah she does, it’s on x

Ah, that’s all I could think of

My 6 year old (between 18th this-3ish) used to get in with us all the time in the middle of the night. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with his brother, I told him that once the baby was here, he couldn’t sleep with us anymore because the baby would keep him awake all night. I think he’s had 2 nights with us since and the baby is over 2 and a half!
It’s so hard and it’s so easy to just do it and let it happen, especially when pregnant. I feel your pain xx

 

[WhatABore]

Anyone else’s kids like Steve and Maggie?

I absolutely hate Steve and Maggie.

What is it?
It's a hand.
Repeat after me.
It's a hand it's a hand it's a hand.
Goood.
It's a hand it's a hand it's a hand.

It enrages me. I can't even sit in the room

 

[al255]

I’m sharing a bed with my daughter on holiday, it’s 2 big single beds put together and all I’ve ever wanted is to share a bed with her for cuddles, was always so jealous of these that co share.. all she’s ever known is her cot/ now a single bed and won’t even entertain the idea of being in my bed! ANYWAY. I can’t cope sharing a room with her, she moves around so much and cos she knows I’m next to her messes around more

I agree with the advice though - just be tough. I know how hard it is not going in again and again, when I swapped my daughter to a single bed she wants me to lie down with her to read a book, which is fine, some nights she wants me to lie down and cuddle her to sleep and even though I’ve never had to do this.. she just wants me to do it cos it must be comforting to her I guess. But.. she went through a phase of getting out of bed at bedtime and I would go in and in and I’d be more annoyed by the end of it. I’d do bedtime routine as normal then tell her bedtime, I had to say to her it’s time to stay in bed and not get up now. And I would tell her the bear she sleeps with has to stay in bed too as it’s bedtime.. after a week of not going back in (she would do anything, fake crying etc.. trying to get me to go back in) .. it worked! It took me all my willpower not to keep going in but finally she got the message. I still faff though, is that a mum thing?

 

[Jellybean093]

Thanks for such a quick reply! Appreciate it. You've definitely put my mind at rest a little! My list was pages long - calpol etc. Typical worried FTM here! My husband was saying I was being ridiculous... and I think he's right now!

Ooh, calpol is definitely a good shout! This is something I always forget

 

[miamae]

Thank you all so much for your replies the other day. Little update - I rang his nursery this morning and his key worker said "I only meant he was having tantrums, didn't mean to worry you!" . She said it was transition issues on Monday but hey ho, I felt like saying to her find me a toddler who never tantrums!

 

[pinksunsetx91]

It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job!! Is he your eldest? My eldest found it really hard to play alone as well as a toddler, I think from chatting with some other mums over the years that’s pretty common. I think just keep trucking on, make sure that you’re being really consistent setting boundaries and remember this will pass. Toddlers can be hellions ‍ but they can be sweet, loving little hellions as well

Thank you for your kind reassuring words. It’s a relief to hear others have been there/got through it, some days is just so hard isn’t it but we will get there I love him to bits and wouldn’t change him for the world. He’s my first baby I’m currently pregnant with our second baby. I had him two weeks before the first uk lockdown. You sound like a fab mum and have helped cheer me up. Thank you x

 

[Jellybean093]

thank you! That’s what I do, make sure he’s awake for 2. It’s just he’s began waking at 5am/5.30/5.45 I was starting to wonder if the naps were the reason why!

Oh, he didn’t have a nap yesterday and him and the baby decided 5.30 was the time to wake up this morning it has not been a happy house today!
Is there any light coming in? Have the clocks changing affected it