Toddler advice thread

[AdelesEarring]

Hi does anyone have any advice? For a while now my son, he’s 22 months, at about 4.30/5am he starts getting really restless, kicking his legs, tossing and turning and moaning, if I get in quick enough and hold him sometimes he’ll go back to sleep but most of the time he wakes up. He’s still tired when he wakes though but just won’t go back to sleep. I’ve no idea what could be waking him up. Thank you!

Is he learning a new skill? Sometimes when this is happening their brain wakes them up because it’s trying to tell them they need to keep practicing the skill. Other than that could he be hungry or thirsty?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Does anyone know any good online resources for help with speech delay/SALT? We have a referral for my 2.5 year old but the waiting list is months and I’d love to do some extra stuff at home in the mean time. We already read to him loads, he loves books. We chat to him and narrate what we’re doing, what he’s doing etc. He can say a lot of words, just doesn’t use them in sentences or communicate very well. Thanks. x

Have you tried to make him use sentences at home? For example, if he wants a drink - instead of him just saying “drink” or “juice” or whatever word he uses, stop him and say “can you ask me for your juice properly? Say, please May I have some juice?” And don’t give him the juice until he attempts to say the sentence. That might sound a bit mean but we found particularly with our youngest there was a lot of pointing to things or using single words a lot so we had to spend time really coaxing the sentences out!!!!

 

[pinksunsetx91]

When toddlers are grumpy, either stick them in the bath, take them outside or stick them in the car. Those are my 3 fail safe methods.

don’t worry @pinksunsetx91, little potato has had two massive meltdowns in his life. As in, crying and being unable to cope. The worst out of the two was at Typhoon Lagoon in Florida. Huge family holiday, all of us in one mini van to a water park. To cut a long story short he ended up hysterical which led to me being hysterical and sunburned. Husband ended up having little potato under his arm like a barrel, me holding his hand the other side and us both wailing. We couldn’t leave as that meant the entire family leaving so littlepotato and I laid down on the mini vans floor crying until we fell asleep, while my darling husband sat in the car missing out on all the fun.

don’t ever apologise to anyone, especially us, about your toddler. If you have IG check out biglittlefeelings, that really helped me get a grasp on gentle/responsive parenting and stopped me feeling guilty. I’ve been through a really bad time and some days were spent in bed with littlepotato just watching TV. I would feel so guilty, but littlepotato would say it was the best day ever as he was with me all day.

Thank you so much will definitely look up the ig page you recommended. Yesterday was a better day and we had lots of cuddles on the couch which I think we both needed. You have all been so helpful/reassuring on here. The leader sent me a text yesterday to check I was ok (slightly embarrassed by this) and said her child was the exact same and I have to come back and even if it’s just for half an hour at the start and build it up which I think I’m going to try to thanks again for your help x

 

[JulesC]

@honey&lemon @Blair-Waldorf and @Emsie thank you for the solidarity! The advice to cope with stress really isn’t made for people with young kids!! I used to do a lot of yoga to deal with work stress but I just don’t have the time, energy or motivation for it now. I am trying to go to the odd class but I just can’t get into it properly. I honestly feel like I need a week alone to literally sleep, eat healthy and do some exercise but obviously pigs will fly before that happens

Speaking of eating healthily, I know I always feel better when I do but I find that so difficult with the lack of sleep (up at 4am? Toast. Always toast.) and not having much time to cook etc. I’m not the most organised person anyway but just feel so behind on everything like cooking, cleaning and even seeing friends. I do feel like all I do is work and look after my daughter at the moment, I know it’ll pass and I’ll miss her being small but it is so exhausting.

@Blair-Waldorf must be even tougher being pregnant as well. Sending love and positive vibes your way too

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I know this is going to sound really awful but I don't want to start a slippery slope of her needing me there? I guess I just worry that once I start that, it will never stop, and she'll not settle for her grandparents etc (because they definitely would not be willing to sit with her for half an hour or whatever..) She may have changed but in the past us being there just made her act silly, blowing raspberries and poking our faces etc. But I'm so desperate, I'll try anything!



Thanks, this was my thinking but on the occasions I have tried an early bed, it still takes til nearly 8 to fall asleep.

This was today's schedule:

Wake at approx 7.20am (she stirred about 5.30 but must have gone back off with no trouble as I didn't hear any more)
Nap at 12.45 - 2pm
Bath at 5.45 after dinner
CBeebies until 6.30pm
Upstairs for teeth brushing, pyjamas and a story.
Now it's at this point she starts to run around like a loon, full of energy and hyper.
Calm her down, maybe have another story, bed at 6.50pm

Because of my social anxiety I don't take her out to soft play or any playgroups or anything, so the most exercise she gets is playing in the garden, so I'm wondering if this is all my fault? She's not been to childcare in almost two weeks as her minder is on holiday, but she spent lots of time playing with her cousins over half term.

She's still awake now

Stop the tv watching directly before bed. Let her watch it before dinner, then it goes off. Do dinner with no tv/no screens and then after dinner let her play before bed but keep her away from screens

 

[Rlaw1978]

My daughter now 2.5 dropped naps around 15 months. I never let her sleep before 6. It was a bit cruel some evenings but I had to push her through and then she slept better. She slept in my bed til January when we moved her to a double bed in her own room. I lie with her to sleep and then go in first wake up as I really cannot function without sleep.
I fed her to sleep until January and felt like I’d made a rod for my own back until she just decided she didn’t want to do that anymore, and was happy with a cuddle. We all do what we need to so please don’t think you’ve caused this!
I do think she is old enough to understand if you explain to her you can’t rock her anymore and if you try a new bed and big it up and get her excited you could start a new routine in it. Even if it’s just lying with her to begin with. She will be upset but give her lots of reassurance and push through it for a few nights and she will get there.

Mine is 14 months and has dropped to just one nap at lunch time. He’s naturally now going to bed earlier 7 instead of 8 and waking up later. So is still getting the hours in.
I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one who feeds them to sleep and allows them to sleep in their bed. Everyone says to me ‘no no that’s really wrong’ but I do what I have to to get decent sleep. Even then he’s very wakeful in the nights. None of my others were like this, all sleeping through from 6-9 months.
He’s still very young so I’m continuing as long as he needs.

 

[Rlaw1978]

For me it’s all about when they sleep through the night consistently. So
1st born 9 months
2nd born 6 months
3rd born 6 months
4th is 16 months old and is in our room, alternates between sleeping in king size bed and cot bed by the side of bed. He’s very wakeful, so can’t be getting up 10 odd times a night & it would disturb the others.

 

[GlennCoco]

I used to pick MiniGlenCoco up when she runs off, maybe not ideal if you have the baby in a sling but I tell her that if she runs off in busy places or where there are cars then I have to pick her up because she isn't being safe. I explained that if she runs off and gets in the way of a car then it will really hurt and Mummy is just keeping her safe by keeping hold of her hand. If she kicks off I am pretty harsh in that I don't entertain her at all apart from explaining the above and that if she can't keep herself safe then I have to by picking her up. She hates being picked up (unless on her terms) so it works well for us

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Hello I posted this on another thread.
Sorry if your on that one seeing this twice.
I have a two year old who was born early (late prem) Health been 90% fine. No issues with growth or weigh(wait) Eats well but not much due to reflux & gagging. Now 2 years old I'm worried due to what everyone says oh your heavy, your some weight, weighing at 2 stone (height about 37inc). I'm freaking out as the "ideal weight" should be 1stone 8lbs. We always eat healthy.. fruit is always eaten, go for long walks, go to soft play etc. Only as junk once a week. Now I was a heavy baby but soild. I just wish people would stop saying it cause it hurts

My daughter weighs 2.2stone and around same height. We had our two year review and the hv was happy and said she was in proportion so no need to worry. She was born on the 90th centile. Her eating isn’t great due to her being very picky but is overall healthy with some treats during the week. She doesn’t look overweight but she is heavy!
I hate when people make comments about childrens appearance, but I find the ones who do are also happy to say them to an adult so there’s no changing them.

 

[al255]

So she’s got even more this morning. They look awful on her face she’s had a rubbish night sleep she just couldn’t get settled and we’ve had about 3 hours max. Ffs

Me again! When can she go back to nursery? We are away for a week till Sunday, but will they have to scab over? How long is this likely to take given she’s getting new ones every hour near enough lol does it just vary from child to child?

 

[Definitelyme]

Does anyone have any advice on taking a toddler on their first flight ?? We’ve booked to go to Spain In April and I’m a bit anxious about it as my little one ( who will be 3 ) doesn’t really like sitting still for long periods of time

Hi We’ve flown with all our four from they were babies (now aged 8,6,3 and baby). Honestly, they LOVE it. They’ve never had an issue on flights as it’s just so exciting for them! Our last flight last month was an hour long, and I shit you not my 3yo played with the inflight safety card for an hour.

People always say take loads of stuff, wrap up toys etc, but I have never done anything like that. I usually take a sticker/activity/colouring book, crayons, a few small toys and some books and that does us. Snacks as well, we never get through loads, but a few easy to eat snacks (NOT raisins. Those sods get everywhere!) will also help pass the time. If you give lollipops they can be useful for take off and landing for ears. If not, a sucky drink works as well.

Try not to worry, the excitement factor for them is off the charts and that alone keeps them entertained

Yeah, you're absolutely right and I know that too, my post probably didn't convey that too well though! I think that's what makes it so hard. I'm maybe better posting this elsewhere since as you say it's not exactly a toddler issue. Yes she's a single parent but has quite a big family who she's reluctant to ask for help from, which is such a shame as they've always told her they'd love to help more. When I've asked how she's coping and how things are she just smiles and says everything is fine and things are great. I often remind her I'm always there for her if she needs to talk about anything, which she does about various unrelated things. When it comes to LO she does call me to vent about how the daycare are out of line for their comments, things like that, it's as though she can't see that they have a point which I think will make talking to her much harder. They suggested she take a parenting class and she blew up, saying they were the ones who were being lazy expecting her to do their job and is now looking for a new daycare, so trying to get through to her won't be easy. When she does say these things to me I try to be supportive with careful responses that are somehow neutral "I can understand that must have felt frustrating for you" etc, but it's getting difficult now to keep doing that when deep down I actually agree with them.



Friend and little one's dad split when she was a baby so that was just horrendous for her I don't think her parents were overly strict or anything as we've been friends since we were kids ourselves and she always says she had a great childhood. I wonder if she doesn't want to accept help when her mum offers to take the LO to give her a break because maybe she feels like it makes her a bad mum or something? I'm not sure, that's purely me speculating. I've asked why she doesn't let her mum help for a few hours here and there before and the answer is always the same, she feels as though her mum "tells off" LO too much(I don't think she does, it's always little basic things like "no chocolate until after dinner" or "please don't climb on the table" and she never raises her voice or says it nastily if that makes sense?), and then when they are both round at her mum's LO is "confused about which of them to listen to" if asked to do something/not to do something. She's said on a lot of occasions that she doesn't want LO to think she has to listen to anyone but her, which has caused issues at the daycare too, and will probably cause issues at school later if she carries on with that. I think you're probably right that she must be burnt out and exhausted but doesn't want to accept help.

I've been trying to mind my own business and not comment at all but my own mum said something about it that really scared me - she's been trying to push me to talk to her for ages as she thinks social services will end up getting involved and my friend could end up having the little one taken away which would of course be the worst possible thing to happen! I don't know how all these laws work but that really scared me and made me think maybe I do need to try to talk to her (not that I'd ever mention that part obviously as that's so extreme).

Thank you both for taking the time to reply! I think I maybe just needed to hear it from an outside perspective... I really do have to grow a pair and try to sit her down and explain that it truly is coming from a place of love and concern and wanting to help. And you are right that I'll need to be prepared for the fallout, and be so so so careful about choosing my words... as you both say I wouldn't plan on mentioning LO's behaviour because it's true that none of this is down to her. I worry that whatever way I frame it or how careful I am, she will feel attacked and get upset with me and we'll fall out, which is the last thing I'd want as I love them both to pieces. On the other hand, the implications of if it carries on are so scary I genuinely don't mean to sound like I'm criticizing my friend, she's one of the best people I've ever known. I feel as though I'd be being a bad friend by not saying anything, and a bad friend if I do. We are taking LO out together next week so maybe I could try to talk to her then when LO goes for her nap when we get back to her place.

Sorry again for the rant and thanks for listening!

I really wish I had some advice for you, but just wanted to say you’re a fab friend. She probably doesn’t see it now, and no doubt if you have a chat with her she definitely won’t, but she is lucky to have you and some day she’ll realise that.
It sounds like she is really struggling, but is unwilling to ask for help for whatever reason, and is trying to paper over the cracks.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Can I ask how often your little ones have McDonald’s. If ever …

Once a month, if that. It’s not something we do often ourselves.

My mother in law has my son when we’re at work and she takes him once / twice a week and I’m actually so worried about it!!!!!

I mean, if he eats an otherwise healthy balanced diet and he is active then I wouldn’t worry too much. But equally if you don’t want him having it so often you should just tell her you’d rather he wasn’t having it every week and to only give it to him very occasionally

 

[honey&lemon]

I know this is going to sound really awful but I don't want to start a slippery slope of her needing me there? I guess I just worry that once I start that, it will never stop, and she'll not settle for her grandparents etc (because they definitely would not be willing to sit with her for half an hour or whatever..) She may have changed but in the past us being there just made her act silly, blowing raspberries and poking our faces etc. But I'm so desperate, I'll try anything!

I felt the same as you. Sitting with ours never worked, just prolonged everything! The only thing that worked was doing a really early bedtime, like if she’s up at 5.30am then aim to put her in bed for that time in the evening, really like 5.30-6pm any later and they’ll be over tired. I know there’s a worry she will wake up even earlier but ours didn’t. It just means she may sleep longer and not be as grumpy, so each night you can start pushing it back by say 15 minutes at a time. Eventually we got back to 7-7ish.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Second a change of clothes, our potty training fell over Christmas break so we did spent longer at home but not 7 solid days... If you're nervous about them in the car then I've seen people recommend using a puppy training pad to cover the car seat.

 

[WhatABore]

It’s only recently my 6yo has cracked R, and my 3.5yo still struggles with the hard C/K sound, and the R as well
A friend once saw SALT and they told her never correct your child or it will draw attention to it. But rather if they say
“Let’s ‘pway’ with this” you say “that’s great, yes let’s PLAY with that” so confirm the right word and pronounce it correctly back to them.

And when I saw “cwap” my first thought was she was struggling to say “crap”

She's fine with other letters mostly. But for some reason she's always struggled with 'banana'
It was one of her first sounds. With "Babababa" when she wanted one.
Then it changed to "Burbahbah"
And now she say "Burmama"

 

[Definitelyme]

This is exactly what she was like. She's always needed someone near.
So I'm super proud of her actually getting to the point of going in her room herself.
I think it's good for them! She gets to play in her little imaginary world uninterrupted and free.

I'm back again to ask about my 4yo and development.
I think it's the going to school which has brought it in I'm in full Mum guilt mode and feeling like I haven't done enough and I'm "running out of time"

We went to a big playground yesterday.
We haven't been loads, mainly because of lockdown ect, then having a baby and stuff after.
But my 4yo struggles on play equipment.
She can't climb things herself, especially if it's not something that it's straight forward ladder ect. Even then if the gaps are too big, she struggles and she can't work out how to get up once at the top.
And it's made me feel so guilty. Like I've not taken her enough.
Especially yesterday, I noticed how there were kids much smaller than her, doing it by themselves.

I panic myself anyway because I'm so worried about her getting hurt.
She also struggles with confidence when doing things. Even simple things like putting her socks on, if she can't get it on, that's it, she's in tears and she insists she can't do it, even though she does it every day.
I don't know why she's like that because I'm always so encouraging to try things and praise when she does it.

Had massive guilt yesterday realising we got her a bike for christmas and she's only been on it 4 or 5 times because it has a flat tyre and I keep forgetting to buy a pump So now I feel like I've wasted all this time not taking her out.

With the playground thing, I'm so worried they'll go on a school trip or something and all the kids will be playing on a playground and she can't do it!

My eldest was like this with climbing, and movement in general. She was woeful. She never crawled as a baby, and really struggled with climbing after that. She’s 9 now and she’s a great climber and mover! It’s like it’s not even the same child tbh. you shouldn’t feel bad as some kids are naturally just not as physically able as others. Maybe just giving her as many opportunities to develop those skills as you can, and as she wants. My eldest also wasn't overly interested in climbing and physical play like that until about 6/7.
you haven’t wasted any time at all. It has been winter and a cold spring, but now coming in to the warmer months she’ll naturally be outside more working on those skills anyway

 

[al255]

I am probably a harsh Mum but I'm one for, they cry a lot of the time because they know it gets them what they want.
I'm also very stubborn so I never give in
It usually takes about a week but it slowly gets less and less

I agree, my daughter fake cries now to try and get me to go into her room at bedtime and if I do the odd time for whatever reason she laughs. I feel stupid going in, my own fault

 

[Pinkii]

I can't help much but my daughter is 4.
She whinges constantly.
And then I tell her to stop whingeing and in a whingey voice she'll say "I'm not whingeing" and she ends up repeating that a million times before I eventually replh with Alriiiiighttt.

She whinges at everything and I have to try so hard not to snap all the time.
Makes it even worse when she whinges and I can't understand what she's saying.
And then she'll cry because I can't understand what she's saying

I have a 14 month old too.
So when they're both whingeing all day long it's just too much to handle!

Will your 4yo play in their room?
We got a tv put in her room and all her toys up there for this purpose and she's quite happy playing up there. It feels like a bit of a break when she's up there

Just knowing other people are the same makes me feel a bit better.

Yes she is happy to play on her own most of the time, and she will have some chill out time in her room with her ipad or books. Im hoping when she starts school full time it will help more as her days at nursery aren’t as bad.

i keep reminding myself its all just a phase but honestly this has been the most horrendous phase so far.

I would rather do the early toddler 4am start of the day phase

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

My boy is 3 and still in nappies. He’s not aware .. I tried and he won’t even sit on the potty so going to leave it til summer hols and try again.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Has everybody had a 2 year review for their toddlers?

We saw our health visitor a grand total of once during lockdown and never had any interaction since. Just been invited for a 2 year review but I’m at work and I can’t be bothered waiting in on my day off for them to be honest as it’s our day together and we go out and do fun things so I’m going to cancel it. Am I actually missing anything? I have no concerns about my little one