Toddler advice thread

[Sailorontheseasea]

Hello all please can I get some advice? I've got myself in a bit of a state so I'm looking fo some kind of reassurance - if any. My little boy turned 2 in November and he is super sociable and outgoing, and such a cheeky little guy. He goes to nursery 2 times a week and I picked him up today and his nursery worker said "nothing to worry about, but I just wanted to let you know that he is struggling with transition with activities." She basically said that for example he will be playing lovely with other children on the floor and then they will say to him right, we're going to make cakes now and apparently he gets really upset and needs reassurance from them?
I have never really noticed this at home before, he has his usual 'tantrums' but all children are like that. I'm starting to blame myself now and wondering if it's my fault?! Also not sure what she was trying to get at and now I'm panicking that they think something is wrong with him. I think I am probably just making something out of nothing, but adding that into being a hormonal pregnant mess it's really not helping. If anyone has experienced this or has any knowledge I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you x

I’m quite shocked they’ve pointed this out, firstly he’s only 2! If he was 4 and still doing this between activities, then maybe a little cause for concern - bit even so, don’t all kids get upset when they’re enjoying something? Imagine being that little and asked to change activities mid flow or when you were really into them - my 2yo wouldn’t exactly be agreeable and I know this isn’t my fault. Secondly, everyone knows 2 year olds aren’t exactly easily swayed most of the time just purely due to power play. Don’t worry too much, I’m not sure why they’d feel the need to point this out xx

 

[JulesC]

What @Definitelyme said! Try a big bed. Pick out some new bedding, get her to pick out some special bits. Does she have a night light? Maybe get one that she has picked out. Does she sleep through the night? You probably have already tried it, but have you laid her down awake and if she cries, don’t talk, just lay her back down? Not sure if that’s the cry out method though, and I know people don’t like that? Does she still nap during the day? She maybe be overtired?

Thank you and thank you @Definitelyme

I have been thinking about a bed but she throws herself around a lot so I think she’d fall out I’m not sure if lying with her would work as we’ve tried that in our bed and most of the time she’ll cry and want to be rocked. It’s what she’s used to I know but I think I thought she would grow out of it earlier than this. She does generally sleep through the night now so we are lucky in that respect but her sleep was dreadful until she was about 2 so it was always the lesser of two evils to rock her to sleep.

I don’t mind helping her to sleep but she is so heavy now and she often seems to fight sleep at the moment too.

 

[WhatABore]

An unfortunate sooner-than-expected update, my friend has called me extremely upset tonight saying that the nursery/daycare are now involving a "case worker" from SS. The social worker will be coming to her place next Thursday, I will be going round to help tidy. I haven't said anything, seems like I'm too late. Thank you guys anyway xxx

What's the reason for them involving a case worker from SS?
It seems odd that they'd involve someone and someone would come out for her basically not disciplining her child.
Are there other factors there?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Honestly it drives me mad when my partner does this. I actually get really angry because I think it’s so unfair and disrespectful of my time. It’s unfair to the little ones too. Doesn’t help that she gets so excited she climbs all over me and I end up getting hurt and shouting at them both. If she didn’t get so upset without me I would make him do the bedtime.

Omg same here !!!! He must have crushed my head about 6 times. And I have really long hair so that got sat on. I know they were excited to see each other but god bed time is quiet time ! I say this alllll the time you’re right it is disrespectful. I said I feel like I have 2 kids right now !! I feel bad for shouting at my little one as it’s not his fault but it was the only wish to calm him down

 

[GlennCoco]

I think you've said that you've bought all the bath toys etc to try and make it exciting but have you let then pick out their own bath toy? We tried that with ours and she got really excited about picking out her own "Bloopi" from Argos. She then carried it all the way home and played with it all day She still didn't enjoy bath time but it wasn't as bad as it had been as we made it all about the Bloopi having fun and swimming etc. Our little one just stood in the bath and kind of joined in. She wouldn't sit down but it definitely helped bring down the atmosphere if that makes sense?

 

[WhatABore]

Toddler bean (3 in September) has started to play in his room a lot more as we’ve had to take toys up due to the baby stuff taking over. There isn’t anything dangerous in his room, but after reading another thread, I’ve feel a bit neglectful he’s in a bed so can get in and out when he wants. His bedroom is also upstairs, and he’s very confident on the stairs and we’ve always taught him how to use them properly
Does anyone think he’s too young? Obviously we check on him, and he doesn’t stay up for long

My 4yo has played upstairs since baby was born. So she was 3y1m when she started going up.
It gave her her own space to play without the noise of a baby and without me constantly telling her not to shout
We made sure she knew to keep her door open so we could hear her. And we'd just go up and see her every so often.
She'd always look up from playing and just be like "What do you want?" as if I'm taking up valuable playing time by checking she's alright
She chooses to go up there. Especially now she has toys with smaller parts she can't have around Everleigh.
Seeing the mess get more and more each time I go check on her though is

Curious why people would think it's neglectful though

 

[pinksunsetx91]

Drop the nap time. If he’s fighting it, what’s the point? Drop it and move his bed time an hour earlier.

his meals/snacks and drinks are fine eats plenty and always has access to his cup which he drinks a lot of daily. I didn’t put him for a nap today and he’s now crashed out on the sofa

I agree with dropping the nap time. My second dropped her nap just after she turned 1. She started fighting it. And it was causing more stress trying to get her to go to sleep.
We put her bed time back an hour and she went to sleep perfectly at 6pm. Worked perfect for us

I didn’t put him for a nap today and he’s now crashed out on the sofa

How is his speech and understanding? Is part of his meltdown perhaps that he isn’t able to convey what’s happening and how he’s feeling? Eg he wants the car someone else has, but he can’t say it so it comes out as a meltdown instead?
I always try to remember (try! Don’t always manage it!) that toddler meltdowns aren’t bad behaviour, they are just their way of communicating big feelings. They can’t control their emotions yet (even adults struggle at times to control big emotions), and so sometimes when they are totally out of control like that big hugs and some calm time with you can help.
Does he get lots of choices during the day? Like ask him do you want to do painting or go for a walk? The red cup or the blue cup? A lot of their big emotions come because they feel they don’t have control, and if we help give them control over the small choices it can help make things run a bit more smoothly.

He can say a few words not loads but he does understand things and when we say for example will we get your breakfast, he runs to his high chair and pats it then runs to the kitchen as he knows his food etc is there. He takes my hand to show me what he wants I do think he does get frustrated but I’m not concerned at his speech as I know it will come and he’s still young. Yes I do constant activities with him (full time mum) like painting, drawing, walks to the park, building blocks etc. He has always been a very active child always on the go I think his personality is like that. I’m like this myself have to be on the go constantly

When my toddler was “exercising his own choices”, he was very much like this. I use to leave things mortified that he didn’t want to sit and bang a drum, but rather play somewhere else. I totally agree with @Definitelyme; give him a choice for everything and a plan. We still do this with littlepotato now and he’s 5 in May. I ask him what cup he wants, what colour cheese, what bubble bath… it doesn’t matter as the answer is always the same for me, he’s going to drink, he will eat, he will wash but it gives him control and power over his decisions. If a temper tantrum starts, allow him to cry and scream and patiently wait. If you can, carry them to a safe place. I’ve sat down in the middle of Aldi before saying that I understand, I’m here if you want a cuddle etc. that’s the only time someone has complimented me on my parenting as he soon came out of the tantrum with a minute or so. Btw I say If they are safe to move… little has broken my nose before.

with plans, I always say “we are going to Asda first, then the doctor, then the park.” & get him to repeat it back to me. Sometimes he asks for the park first, but I remind him that it’s in an order for a reason because Mummy needs X.

If it’s any help, littlepotato hated toddler groups.

thanks for your tips. I do usually chat to him constantly saying we need to go here then here or if no where particular I say which way will we walk to the park and let him choose. I know what your saying about the tantrums, me and husband usually let him lie (safely) and get it out of his system. It’s just when I go to play group he’s the only one that seems to be behaving like that and I feel so embarrassed by it. I got myself in such a state when I got home I was really upset over yet again it being my child who was misbehaving. I know that sounds silly but at the time it was just a bit overwhelming

Thanks everyone for helpful suggestions x

 

[Definitelyme]

This is exactly what my partner said! It's like last week I took him to soft play, after 2 hours we left and he was super sad about it but aren't most children? My 7 year old still gets upset when it's time to leave the park! Thank you for your reply, it's nice to see I'm not alone in thinking this x

Oh my 6yo howls when we have to leave somewhere and he doesn’t feel ready. Totally understandable…if not slightly ott sometimes that he’s sobbing like we’ve told him he’s chucked out of the family

 

[WhatABore]

@Definitelyme good luck to you both! Sounds like my little girl but she doesn’t get funding until January next year. I’m due a baby in January so not the best time for her to start preschool. She’s so used to being home with me I’m really worried how she’ll do. Tempted to keep her back until May next year but don’t want to hold her back.

My 4yo has never been to nursery.
She was due her settling in sessions literally on the day lockdown started.
And when we went to redo her sessions a year or so later, the nursery closed due to Covid. (the manager came in with Covid symptoms and spread it to most staff)
So that kind of put us off sending her.
And then didn't feel like it was worth sending her for less than a year.

So she's not been. And whilst she hasn't really mixed with kids, she's amazing with other kids. It fascinates me.
She's also so good at numbers and writing and stuff already
So you definitley won't hold her back in any way!

 

[hannah1799]

Yea definitely, my mum said my older sister was really resistant to sleep where as I was always ready to nap and would sleep in the cot no problem. It’s hard too when you get advice from people who don’t have wakeful children because they think they are the reason their child sleeps well

i hope last night was better for you. I think they have a sixth sense that something is different as mine was so clingy and emotional the last few weeks. Now my energy is coming back she seems to have levelled off too. So fingers crossed for you

Omg this!! My friend is convinced her toddler sleeps well because she parented her so well.. it’s a balance between parenting AND the child’s personality. It makes me feel like I’m the reason my child doesn’t sleep well when actually it’s not and I wish people would realise it’s just luck

 

[bottombanana]

@miamae I’m inclined to agree with @Definitelyme surely every child gets a bit upset that they’re having to leave something they’re in the middle of and having fun with for something completely different.
Could it also be that they’re noticing a change because he’s going less times a week so it’s slightly different for him? Like, when he went 5x he knew that it was standard that he’d have to swap activity but now he’s going less he’s not as used to having to change so quickly to something else

 

[miamae]

I’m quite shocked they’ve pointed this out, firstly he’s only 2! If he was 4 and still doing this between activities, then maybe a little cause for concern - bit even so, don’t all kids get upset when they’re enjoying something? Imagine being that little and asked to change activities mid flow or when you were really into them - my 2yo wouldn’t exactly be agreeable and I know this isn’t my fault. Secondly, everyone knows 2 year olds aren’t exactly easily swayed most of the time just purely due to power play. Don’t worry too much, I’m not sure why they’d feel the need to point this out xx

Exactly my thinking! Thanks so much, I really appreciate it xx

@miamae I’m inclined to agree with @Definitelyme surely every child gets a bit upset that they’re having to leave something they’re in the middle of and having fun with for something completely different.
Could it also be that they’re noticing a change because he’s going less times a week so it’s slightly different for him? Like, when he went 5x he knew that it was standard that he’d have to swap activity but now he’s going less he’s not as used to having to change so quickly to something else

Yes absolutely, I think this could be the reason. They were just so vague when I was asking questions about it. I just wish they hadn't mentioned it if one their not concerned and two they couldn't even justify it! x

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

I am up the wall. Since the day my daughter turned 3 (September) she’s been a nightmare with sleeping. I think I’ve commented in this thread about it before. She won’t go to sleep at night unless we lie with her then she wakes up EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at some point and cries till one of us gets in with her or she gets in with us. Fully aware we’ve made a rod for our own back but he works shifts and tbh it hasn’t been a major problem as we had a spare bed until recently.

Anyway I’m expecting baby number 2 (hi to all the other pregnancy thread ladies ) and we need to sort this sleeping situation out. My other half is currently battling with her, we’ve done our usual routine, bath, teeth, stories and cuddles but he’s said good night and walked out and the screams are unbearable she’s so upset. We’ve both said we’re not giving in though. She’s got out of her bed 3 times already. It’s gonna be a long night. Any advice?

 

[WhatABore]

Hello I posted this on another thread.
Sorry if your on that one seeing this twice.
I have a two year old who was born early (late prem) Health been 90% fine. No issues with growth or weigh(wait) Eats well but not much due to reflux & gagging. Now 2 years old I'm worried due to what everyone says oh your heavy, your some weight, weighing at 2 stone (height about 37inc). I'm freaking out as the "ideal weight" should be 1stone 8lbs. We always eat healthy.. fruit is always eaten, go for long walks, go to soft play etc. Only as junk once a week. Now I was a heavy baby but soild. I just wish people would stop saying it cause it hurts

A 2 year old boy weighing 2 stone is only the 60th percentile.
Don't pay attention to the "ideal weight"
They don't class kids as "overweight" unless they're 96th or above.
So he's nowhere near being classed as overweight anyway.
My daughter at this age was classed as overweight as she's always been around the 99th. She was around 35lbs at 2 years old.

People comment constantly. I have the complete opposite now. My 3rd hasn't really been above the 25th percentile and at 1 point was down to 5th. And I get the opposite of "Oh she's so light" "Oh she's so tiny" "She needs some meat on her"

People will make comments no matter what.

Your son however, is a very normal weight

Just thought I'd add the photo of her chunky lil thighs she always had which I thought were adorable.
I'll also add, she's now 4 and length wise she needs 5-6 but the waist is always huge on them because she's evened out all over!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Omg I’d go mad as well. I hate it as well cos it looks like you’re the strict parent and not the fun parent. Especially when your OH is like ‘mummy doesn’t like us having fun’ like I like having fun JUST NOT AT BEDTIME!!!!! bedtime is hard work enough without toddler getting all hyped up

It is!!! I’ve cracked it with my little one tho. It used to be such a challenge to get him asleep , I used to feel like ripping my hair out. but now he doesn’t have a nap I’ve got such a good routine where he’s asleep between 630-730 every night and we have a nice calming routine as well which he seems to enjoy. Then he comes along and gets him all giddy

 

[Definitelyme]

I know a few of you cosleep with your toddlers. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and I have to cuddle my daughter to sleep. She’s in her own double bed and I go in there when I’m ready to sleep. Currently panicking how it’s all going to work with a new baby. Doesn’t help my mum friends telling me I need to break the cosleeping now or I’m never going to sleep again.
Tbh it’s been really hard the last few weeks she’s been so clingy all day and bedtimes are a nightmare now, taking ages and rolling around and crying. My patience is very low and she’s probably feeding off me feeling crap and I’ve not been doing my best parenting right now, as being quite reactive. Basically I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok

Is your partner available to help out with the cosleeping? We usually transition toddler to dad doing bed time and co sleeping about 6 weeks before the new baby comes.
If not, then I have also done plenty of nights stuck in between a newbie and a toddler. That can take a bit of work to get everyone in the right position, but I’ve always found my toddlers (ages would have been 2.5, 3 and 2.5) happy to cuddle up to my back while I feed the newborn in the night.
You will sleep again, I promise. (I mean, I have no actual evidence that this is true, I haven’t slept all night in 9 years but it has to be true. It has to be……!)

 

[Jellybean093]

We’ll my fella isn’t on my side either. He won’t offend her and also he doesn’t see the problem. But a happy meal with a milkshake twice a week for me is excessive. It’s just the fact he has a bad tummy after it as well. Clearly doesn’t agree with him. I always make a point of letting her know he’s had a bad tummy . I can’t help but worry about it. Roll on September . Also I don’t want him to get obsessed with it

McDonald’s goes through all of us! I don’t know why we do it. I mean, I do because it’s one day a week when I can’t be arsed to argue about dinner
Can you pack him a lunchbox?

 

[al255]

Oh gosh this is the exact same in our house! My husband is Mr Chilled, so laid back, and I am very quick to anger which has unfortunately passed on to the kids my husband often mumbles “I dread when she (my eldest, very like me in all ways) is a teenager”

My daughter is the double of me. She scowls just like me too I’ve got a photo of us both scowling and it’s so alike Her Dad says how she’s a nightmare at times and it’s cos she’s half mine I’m gunna have it when she’s a teenager. I’m dreading it already! But I have to admit the temper tantrums are very few and far between since I started “gentle parenting”.. my dad was always a shouter and could never really reason with us and thought shouting made it better etc, I always used to say shouting makes it worse. And it does! I try and not raise my voice but just be stern with what I say. Seems to work. Obviously every child is different so what works for us might not work for anyone else very well.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Yeah when you look at her she thin, just a pot belly that's tiny
But is heavy it weight yet I can still carry her in one arm.
I just feel people judge too much that it's a dig at me as I'm overweight. My MIL is a bitch when it comes to my weight & feel she judge her grandchild.

I guess her weight is fine then. I need to be off baby site groups.

Some people are just bitches! And baby site groups can be very toxic. You’d be able to tell if your toddler was overweight, you’re her mum and you know her best, know what she is eating etc and that’s all that matters!

 

[Jellybean093]

(just wanted to edit to say that I know this technique sounds massively wanky but I too was shocked to find shouting my head off all day because my 2yo was being a dick did not work and did in fact just make us both unhappy who knew !!!!)

Shouting does not work at all. I did with my eldest who’s 12, and she still doesn’t care. I don’t shout at the others (boys, much easier to parent ) and life is so much easier. In fact, my 6 year old hate being told off he sees his sister get told off most days
My mum always said with my daughter ‘any attention is good attention’ and she is so right. Don’t tell her I said that though