Toddler advice thread

[Blair-Waldorf]

My daughter is 4 and uses one.
We started using it around 2 and a half and it took a little whilst for her to understand but got the hang of it.
I'd say 3 is a perfect age.

She knows that once it turns yellow, she can come into us.

*runs to Amazon to order*

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Not sure if this has been covered or not, but looking for some advice on anyone who has toddlers with ADHD, what age were they when you realised they may have this an what are the early signs etc, are they diagnosed or did you decide yourself based on behaviour?

I have a 14mo neice, an she is on the go like constant morning to night, it's incredible hard to get her down for naps as she fights it horrendously an you can tell she's tried but she refuses it, I have also noticed more an more recently that nothing seems to keep her intrested for long, she needs to have a entire room full of toys to go between to be happy, an each toy maybe gets looked at for a few minutes before it's tossed an she needs another, I don't know if she's just a extremely energetic toddler or if maybe these are little signs I should be keeping a eye on, she is still quite young so maybe she just wants to run around an explore so many different things but knowing what I should look out for might help in knowing the difference

I haven't said anything yet cause obvs I don't know an my family don't take kindly to mentioning anything like this, even though I myself would have no problems with it but I get that everyone always wants the "perfectly normal" child an can take it badly if they aren't

But I am genuinely curious about her behaviour an if this is somthing others have dealt with, her energy for a kid her age is honestly insane

This does sound quite normal for a 14mo, my now 2yo is the same but has calmed down a lot now. A lot of kids need constant entertainment and fight sleep.

We are about to undergo ADHD assessment for my nearly 4yo though. His main “symptoms” are his meltdowns which are wholly different to just tantrums. He just completely zones out and goes crazy, hits, kicks, screams and we just have to hold him until he calms down, which could be hours. Nothing gets him out of it and they usually occur when over stimulated or overtired. He also never ever ever sits still ever. Literally like he’s got ants in his pants! He doesn’t stop talking, will ask the same question 50 times even if you answer it the first 10 times and it’s not even because he’s trying to be funny it’s like he’s stuck on loop. He does not respond to any discipline at all (thankfully he is very rarely naughty) even positive reinforcement I.e sticker charts etc and has been like this since he was tiny. Very headstrong, endless bounds of energy, struggles with focus, very low impulse control, high anxiety and struggles in groups. All the usual 4yo things except x100000. My partner has ADHD and was exactly like this as a child. I did consider potential ASD but he doesn’t show any signs of this other than the meltdowns but he does have insane photographic memory and is very intelligent/ahead for his age so who knows!

 

[al255]

Thanks all, I’ve just dropped her off at her Dads and she was SCREAMING and crying, wouldn’t let me go and saying she didn’t want to go when you’re unwell all you want is your mummy but sadly I need a break and a good sleep! She will be fine once she’s settled down

I’m defo going to get some of that liquid it was on my radar but sadly just forgot about it. It’ll be Tuesday now though as bank hol nowhere it open in my little town. Thanks all for the advice and I’m glad it’s not just me who has to resort to drastic measures to give my toddler calpol

I also text her dad a long “what to do” paragraph with doses for calpol etc so he has it wrote down as I’ve given her ibuprofen this morning so he knows. (It’s also changed for calpol since she’s turned 2) .. Really hope she sleeps well tonight, poor soul needs it, only positive is she sleeps really well at his house at night so fingers crossed x

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

I know this is going to sound really awful but I don't want to start a slippery slope of her needing me there? I guess I just worry that once I start that, it will never stop, and she'll not settle for her grandparents etc (because they definitely would not be willing to sit with her for half an hour or whatever..) She may have changed but in the past us being there just made her act silly, blowing raspberries and poking our faces etc. But I'm so desperate, I'll try anything!



Thanks, this was my thinking but on the occasions I have tried an early bed, it still takes til nearly 8 to fall asleep.

This was today's schedule:

Wake at approx 7.20am (she stirred about 5.30 but must have gone back off with no trouble as I didn't hear any more)
Nap at 12.45 - 2pm
Bath at 5.45 after dinner
CBeebies until 6.30pm
Upstairs for teeth brushing, pyjamas and a story.
Now it's at this point she starts to run around like a loon, full of energy and hyper.
Calm her down, maybe have another story, bed at 6.50pm

Because of my social anxiety I don't take her out to soft play or any playgroups or anything, so the most exercise she gets is playing in the garden, so I'm wondering if this is all my fault? She's not been to childcare in almost two weeks as her minder is on holiday, but she spent lots of time playing with her cousins over half term.

She's still awake now

I would bring bath to 6pm and do teeth, pyjamas, story time and bed straight after that. We don’t let my son watch the cbeebies bedtime as it seems to excite him!
My son will go to bed at 7pm and be awake for an hour or so chatting to himself and occasionally getting up. We haven’t minded too much as he doesn’t get upset and does drop off eventually. He didn’t nap today though and was asleep by 6:30pm! I’m in denial but I think nap time is on the way out!

 

[al255]

Ahahahahaha when my daughter farts she goes ewwwwww

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

When you say he’s non verbal, can he communicate in other ways? I had a non verbal 3 year old (She’s 20 now). She was potty trained by her home education team at 3.5 and got it pretty quickly. Consistency was key. Her tutors would quickly sit her on the potty when they saw a wee emerging and then provide some sort of reinforcer like a chocolate button, etc.

Yeah he does. I can usually figure out what he wants pretty quick. Like he will point to something he wants so I’m sure once he realises what the potty is for he will get it or point to it? He’s starting school next sept not this one but just feeling the pressure. Every time I see my mum she’s like you need to get the nappies off him. But do I have to do it riiiight now?

 

[GlennCoco]

Does anyone else feel like their 3 year old prefers their other parent than them? Everything at the moment is Daddy and its getting me so down

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Yea she has quite wide feet so I can see that being a problem for her too. I know she doesn't have wellies because apparently her feet/legs are too wide for wellies.

I'd honestly try Clarkes as a starting point, or even kickers, her consultant should also be able to recommend some retailers & brands that will suit her feet if she has quite a wide foot.

 

[Definitelyme]

I agree with @WhatABore about the overwhelm of toys.

Not sure if this has been covered or not, but looking for some advice on anyone who has toddlers with ADHD, what age were they when you realised they may have this an what are the early signs etc, are they diagnosed or did you decide yourself based on behaviour?

I have a 14mo neice, an she is on the go like constant morning to night, it's incredible hard to get her down for naps as she fights it horrendously an you can tell she's tried but she refuses it, I have also noticed more an more recently that nothing seems to keep her intrested for long, she needs to have a entire room full of toys to go between to be happy, an each toy maybe gets looked at for a few minutes before it's tossed an she needs another, I don't know if she's just a extremely energetic toddler or if maybe these are little signs I should be keeping a eye on, she is still quite young so maybe she just wants to run around an explore so many different things but knowing what I should look out for might help in knowing the difference

I haven't said anything yet cause obvs I don't know an my family don't take kindly to mentioning anything like this, even though I myself would have no problems with it but I get that everyone always wants the "perfectly normal" child an can take it badly if they aren't

But I am genuinely curious about her behaviour an if this is somthing others have dealt with, her energy for a kid her age is honestly insane

I agree with @WhatABore about the overwhelm of toys. Also the type of toy will make a difference - if all her toys are light up, noisy, responsive toys they won’t hold interest long as there is little for her to do, the toy does all the work. It’s worth remembering at 14mo that I wouldn’t expect a child to really focus on one toy longer than around 3-5 minutes. Their attention span is incredibly short (usually I would factor it as their age +2 in minutes. So a 1 yo would be around 3 mins active engagement). That doesn’t mean sometimes they won’t play longer if they are very involved, but it’s just a rough guideline.

I find getting little ones out in the fresh air first thing can help them work out their energy a bit and be a bit more ready to do some quieter play indoors. But some kids are just full of beans all the time!

 

[WhatABore]

Not sure if this has been covered or not, but looking for some advice on anyone who has toddlers with ADHD, what age were they when you realised they may have this an what are the early signs etc, are they diagnosed or did you decide yourself based on behaviour?

I have a 14mo neice, an she is on the go like constant morning to night, it's incredible hard to get her down for naps as she fights it horrendously an you can tell she's tried but she refuses it, I have also noticed more an more recently that nothing seems to keep her intrested for long, she needs to have a entire room full of toys to go between to be happy, an each toy maybe gets looked at for a few minutes before it's tossed an she needs another, I don't know if she's just a extremely energetic toddler or if maybe these are little signs I should be keeping a eye on, she is still quite young so maybe she just wants to run around an explore so many different things but knowing what I should look out for might help in knowing the difference

I haven't said anything yet cause obvs I don't know an my family don't take kindly to mentioning anything like this, even though I myself would have no problems with it but I get that everyone always wants the "perfectly normal" child an can take it badly if they aren't

But I am genuinely curious about her behaviour an if this is somthing others have dealt with, her energy for a kid her age is honestly insane

Sounds completely normal to me.
You've literally described my 4 year old and how she's always been. My 9 year old was also the same. My godson, also the same.
None have adhd.

My daughter stopped napping at 1 and I moved her bed time earlier instead.
There was no point forcing her to go to sleep.

The room full of toys is possibly the reason for her not being able to keep her attention on 1 thing though.
People surround their kids with loads of toys right from a baby and they don't really learn to play with single things.
It's each to their own. But I find the less toys available, the more they learn to play longer

 

[Jellybean093]

So she’s gone to bed tonight at 8:20pm, about 6 hours after she woke up from her nap. Is it worth seeing how she is off 1 hour 15 mins nap tomorrow? I really want to claw bedtime back to 8pm hmmmmm

Sorry forgot to add she’s 2 years and 4 months x

My 2yr 8mth has to be awake before 2 to get him to sleep at a decent time. Even better if he only has 1 hour. However, if he misses a nap, he will go to be earlier, about 7, but he starts whinging from 3 onwards, and I’m not about that toddler life

 

[nurseren]

Cannot believe Little Potato broke your nose @nurseren that’s mental! Mine are more silent sobbers, we luckily haven’t ever had flailers

My kids have never been a fan of toddler groups. And when it comes to any organised toddler activity (like the singing part at toddler group) they just are not having it. It used to make me really self conscious, and annoyed at my child… which is so silly because why should my kid have to sing along right now just because someone else decided it’s time?! I’d probably not be best pleased if I was sitting doing something and my husband told me “it’s time to sing, come on!” (actually I’d think he’d lost the plot but you know what I mean!)

I picked him up as he was near the fireplace, and he threw himself back and smashed my nose. I dropped him, so cue him screaming more and I had blood everywhere and my glasses bent. I was in shock! After that, I’d drag him by his ankles away from things. Littlepotato ain’t little, he’s a beefy potato!

toddler groups, where your ruly toddler is required to sit and listen

 

[Upintheair83]

Curious on other children's speech.
My 4 year old has been talking from quite an early age.
However. She struggles to pronounce words.
I can't remember at all with my son if it was normal or not.
But I feel like I see other 4 year olds and their pronunciation is quite clear.
We often struggle to understand what she's saying.
I can understand her more but others have a hard time understanding her sometimes.

Just listening to her now say odd words and just picking some.. "Fwush" instead of flush.
"Drong" instead of Strong.
"Cwap" for Clap.
"Toiwet" for toilet
"Pway" for play

It seems to be S's and L's she struggles with.

Just wondering if it's normal or not

I'm a mum, but I'm a 1st time mum of an 8 month old, so not personal experience with my child. However my brother when he was little couldn't get his fs right or his ls right. He was always confusing people with what he meant.Anyway, he was at school at about the age of 7 I want to say, and mum was getting really worried about it, in the end she went to see a speech therapist. She always tells me the relief she felt when he said 'if all the children came in with this problem I'd be out of a job!' And instantly mum felt so much relief, I think my brother had a handful of sessions and was fine. What's interesting though is all of my family have thick stoke on trent accents, but my brother speaks with bo accent and so perfectly. He never uses slang or shortens words. He's got a lovely speaking voice.
This was 30+ years ago however, and I know things and advice change. But I just wanted you to know that I think alot of children have gone through it, my brother being one. But it turned out great for him. Good luck hun xx

 

[nurseren]

How’s everyone handling their terrorists over Christmas? If I have to say “put down that present” one more time

 

[Dollenganger]

Personally, I think toddlers are naturally not flexible. They like what they like and that’s that. In my experience, they aren’t overly willing to try new things, but that could just be my own kids who are quiet, not overly outgoing etc.
I don’t have any experience with autism in toddlers, my experience lies with teens. But that experience tells me that the choice to change needs to 100% come from them and if she’s really attached it may not work for her to take to a new cup. Could you instead offer solutions that allow her to keep the cup while limiting spills? Again my experience is of older kids but meeting them where they are, rather than trying to get them to come to me has always been the priority (I’m a teacher so it’s things like using certain pens, sitting in a certain place etc) So eg the cup is only allowed in this room and and must be kept here (maybe a visual of her own coaster for it?) maybe that she’s only allowed to drink from it using both hands while sitting/standing still. That doesn’t help when out and about of course

Thank you for your replies. I’m not going to push anything - you’re right. It’s a case of pick your battles isn’t it? After all, she’s still very young. We’ll just go with it I guess. She’s not very keen to drop her milk, yet either. I give her toddler milk which is suitable for up to age 3. Her dad is pressing me about stopping the milk and pressing me about potty training. I told him I’m not making any other changes until she’s settled at nursery.

 

[Definitelyme]

Won't eat pizza but she'll eat prawns and cockles in the kgs if I let her

Ugh, she’s more adventurous than I am!

I would cry with happiness if my kid ate pizza or a chicken nugget. She is extremely fussy and it’s been such a struggle. We’ve been working on it and seeing progress but it’s slow. I’ve been so proud of her this week she’s tried a new food every day. Nothing groundbreaking but she ate blueberries which she hasn’t for over a year. The one I was surprised at was an olive!

That is amazing! Well done to both of you, because working on eating new things is a tough thing.

 

[Jellybean093]

Obviously everyone does what works for them, but I haven’t once deliberately stayed in the house during potty training. We go out and about as we would have planned to anyway. I think it’s important to build using the toilet in as part of your normal routine. Just be prepared with changes of clothes, a potty with you if needed (although nature wees are strong in this house!) and have a set routine eg we used to go before we left, when we arrived, half way through, and before we left.

We have been the same. Not sure if we were lucky, but I wouldn’t wait around for 7 days to be honest. If you do, then surely the child isn’t ready?
Just have to ask them regularly if they need a wee/poo

 

[peachhes]

We named everything but we had a set few "Nursery outfits" so we didn't have to label all his clothes

If you're not too worried about them possibly being lost, then I wouldn't worry.
I probably would with jumpers, shoes ect. Things they're likely to take off.
But it's not as often they'd be taking their trousers off ect unless they had an accident, in which case it would be a 1 on 1 change and straight into their bag

I was thinking coat, fleece, any jackets, shoes, bag. Any any ‘nicer’ bits he may end up in. I can’t label it all as it will take forever I’ve got a few sets off Vinted specifically for nursery so I’ll label those as well. He’s only going 2.5 days a week so thank god there won’t be too much needing labelling thank you!!

 

[Fairypop]

This is exactly what she was like. She's always needed someone near.
So I'm super proud of her actually getting to the point of going in her room herself.
I think it's good for them! She gets to play in her little imaginary world uninterrupted and free.

I'm back again to ask about my 4yo and development.
I think it's the going to school which has brought it in I'm in full Mum guilt mode and feeling like I haven't done enough and I'm "running out of time"

We went to a big playground yesterday.
We haven't been loads, mainly because of lockdown ect, then having a baby and stuff after.
But my 4yo struggles on play equipment.
She can't climb things herself, especially if it's not something that it's straight forward ladder ect. Even then if the gaps are too big, she struggles and she can't work out how to get up once at the top.
And it's made me feel so guilty. Like I've not taken her enough.
Especially yesterday, I noticed how there were kids much smaller than her, doing it by themselves.

I panic myself anyway because I'm so worried about her getting hurt.
She also struggles with confidence when doing things. Even simple things like putting her socks on, if she can't get it on, that's it, she's in tears and she insists she can't do it, even though she does it every day.
I don't know why she's like that because I'm always so encouraging to try things and praise when she does it.

Had massive guilt yesterday realising we got her a bike for christmas and she's only been on it 4 or 5 times because it has a flat tyre and I keep forgetting to buy a pump So now I feel like I've wasted all this time not taking her out.

With the playground thing, I'm so worried they'll go on a school trip or something and all the kids will be playing on a playground and she can't do it!

I completely understand your worries but honestly don’t feel guilty at ALL, I guarantee it’s nothing you’ve done! My eldest is 6 and has never been as confident with things like climbing as my 2 year old is. They’re just very different in terms of personality and what they’re good at. My eldest is fantastic with spelling/reading/writing, my youngest will almost definitely be better at the physical things as she gets older. My eldest is at school now and is definitely catching up, like @Definitelyme said, she’s never had any trouble at school because of the things she struggles to do. If anything her friends just help and encourage her. I’ve always made a point of saying to her that everyone is good at different things and we should just help and encourage as much as we can if someone struggles with something, whether it be with getting dressed, spelling, climbing. She knows me and her dad are good at completely different things!

I think all you can do is keep encouraging and giving her opportunities when you can It’s easy to feel guilty but I don’t think you need to at all x

 

[quinzel]

I remember reading before that it can cause more issues if you stay in with them until they fall asleep.
I did it originally with my second.
But because they go sleep with you there, when they wake up, they expect you to be there still

Totally have this problem with my little boy. We co-slept until he was nearly two (I know ) and he would self-settle himself to sleep in our room no problem at all. As soon as we moved him into room about 5 months ago he needs us there until he falls asleep and he will wake in the middle of the night and come in with us again. It’s a viscious cycle!