Toddler advice thread #5

[Lizziebox]

Hello,
Sorry I’m sure sleep has been discussed so much already here but I haven’t had the chance to read through.
My son is 19 months old and for the first 9 months his sleep was amazing but now we have some really awful nights where he’ll be awake for hours just crying and nothing helps settle. I’m wondering if we are putting him to bed too early!! I have looked at sleep experts but £300 is so steep. His current routine is around 2 hour nap a day and we put him to bed at 7pm. He does go down really well.
We do a dream feed around 10.30 which did help for a while.
He will either sleep through or wakes in the early hours for around 2 hours.
Should he be going to bed later?
His nap is essential if he doesn’t get a good nap it’s even worse!
I’m just really struggling at the moment

 

[Nfj]

Hello,
Sorry I’m sure sleep has been discussed so much already here but I haven’t had the chance to read through.
My son is 19 months old and for the first 9 months his sleep was amazing but now we have some really awful nights where he’ll be awake for hours just crying and nothing helps settle. I’m wondering if we are putting him to bed too early!! I have looked at sleep experts but £300 is so steep. His current routine is around 2 hour nap a day and we put him to bed at 7pm. He does go down really well.
We do a dream feed around 10.30 which did help for a while.
He will either sleep through or wakes in the early hours for around 2 hours.
Should he be going to bed later?
His nap is essential if he doesn’t get a good nap it’s even worse!
I’m just really struggling at the moment

Is he sleeping too much in the day? Two hours of naps is more than what my 15 month does (tends to be 1/1.5 hours unless she’s ill).
Editing to say don’t bother with a sleep consultant. We got one when she was about a year old. Basically a waste of money. It’s either developmental / teething / separation anxiety. You just need the confidence to try something a bit different!

 

[Lizziebox]

Is he sleeping too much in the day? Two hours of naps is more than what my 15 month does (tends to be 1/1.5 hours unless she’s ill).

That could be a possibility I haven’t even thought about as if he doesn’t nap well the nights are really bad so could be that I’m letting him nap too long!
I’ll work on limiting his nap. Thank you x

 

[Rxt156]

Hello,
Sorry I’m sure sleep has been discussed so much already here but I haven’t had the chance to read through.
My son is 19 months old and for the first 9 months his sleep was amazing but now we have some really awful nights where he’ll be awake for hours just crying and nothing helps settle. I’m wondering if we are putting him to bed too early!! I have looked at sleep experts but £300 is so steep. His current routine is around 2 hour nap a day and we put him to bed at 7pm. He does go down really well.
We do a dream feed around 10.30 which did help for a while.
He will either sleep through or wakes in the early hours for around 2 hours.
Should he be going to bed later?
His nap is essential if he doesn’t get a good nap it’s even worse!
I’m just really struggling at the moment

I have a 19 month old as well. Possibly your toddler is having much sleep in the day. Does he wake naturally after 2hr? We had split nights for a while when we were trying to figure out his sleep needs. At the mo were on 1hr 15 min nap which is around 11.30am/12pm then bed time is 8.30 possibly later. Wakes around 6.30/7 now. It has taken ages to figure out his needs though. Got to try different things and see what works. Good luck

 

[Lizziebox]

I have a 19 month old as well. Possibly your toddler is having much sleep in the day. Does he wake naturally after 2hr? We had split nights for a while when we were trying to figure out his sleep needs. At the mo were on 1hr 15 min nap which is around 11.30am/12pm then bed time is 8.30 possibly later. Wakes around 6.30/7 now. It has taken ages to figure out his needs though. Got to try different things and see what works. Good luck

Yeah I’m beginning to think it is his naps interfering with the nights. I’m going to work on limiting nap time, if no help will start doing later bed times. Thank you

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Yeah I’m beginning to think it is his naps interfering with the nights. I’m going to work on limiting nap time, if no help will start doing later bed times. Thank you

We had a really hard run of split nights at this age. It lasted 6 weeks for us but then stopped. My daughter wasn’t napping at this stage but we tried different bedtimes and I even night weaned and nothing helped. Then it just stopped. It’s a pretty common developmental leap. Fingers crossed it doesn’t last as long for you! Only sharing to say don’t get a sleep consultant or panic and stress trying to fiddle too much.

 

[penpitstop]

Hello,
Sorry I’m sure sleep has been discussed so much already here but I haven’t had the chance to read through.
My son is 19 months old and for the first 9 months his sleep was amazing but now we have some really awful nights where he’ll be awake for hours just crying and nothing helps settle. I’m wondering if we are putting him to bed too early!! I have looked at sleep experts but £300 is so steep. His current routine is around 2 hour nap a day and we put him to bed at 7pm. He does go down really well.
We do a dream feed around 10.30 which did help for a while.
He will either sleep through or wakes in the early hours for around 2 hours.
Should he be going to bed later?
His nap is essential if he doesn’t get a good nap it’s even worse!
I’m just really struggling at the moment

Please don’t do the sleep consultant, I’ve been there-sleep is developmental. Brilliant free resources online such as Lynsey Hookway on Instagram. My 2 yo is still on a 2 hour nap and goes to bed around 7.30/8. It took us a while to get that right. Do you think the dream feed might be disturbing him? Maybe try some porridge or cereal before bed that might see him through? I’m sure you’ve already looked at sleep environment (light/too hot/too cold/night light?) but just might be worth revisiting. Like everything, it’s probably just a phase and it will pass!

 

[Jellybean093]

Hello,
Sorry I’m sure sleep has been discussed so much already here but I haven’t had the chance to read through.
My son is 19 months old and for the first 9 months his sleep was amazing but now we have some really awful nights where he’ll be awake for hours just crying and nothing helps settle. I’m wondering if we are putting him to bed too early!! I have looked at sleep experts but £300 is so steep. His current routine is around 2 hour nap a day and we put him to bed at 7pm. He does go down really well.
We do a dream feed around 10.30 which did help for a while.
He will either sleep through or wakes in the early hours for around 2 hours.
Should he be going to bed later?
His nap is essential if he doesn’t get a good nap it’s even worse!
I’m just really struggling at the moment

I would start putting him to bed slightly later, around 7.30 and maybe cut the nap a bit
I’m impressed you’re able to dream feed a toddler. I can’t even cuddle mine without a foot in the face or him trying to escape. Does he actually stay asleep when you feed him? Do you have to take him out of his cot and give him a bottle? I think we knocked dream feeds on the head quite young (around 10-12 weeks)
I would maybe stop that feed as @penpitstop says it could be disturbing his sleep

 

[Lizziebox]

I would start putting him to bed slightly later, around 7.30 and maybe cut the nap a bit
I’m impressed you’re able to dream feed a toddler. I can’t even cuddle mine without a foot in the face or him trying to escape. Does he actually stay asleep when you feed him? Do you have to take him out of his cot and give him a bottle? I think we knocked dream feeds on the head quite young (around 10-12 weeks)
I would maybe stop that feed as @penpitstop says it could be disturbing his sleep

Thank you everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it and take on board your tips and will give them all a go.

So we never used to do dream feeds as he then got used to 4 hour feeding. But he started to wake around 12 for a bottle every night so the dream feed now does help, although I am going to not do it tonight and see how we get on. He doesn’t wake up when we feed him, he’s such a deep sleeper (apart from the nights he decides to wake for hours)

 

[Megatron1298]

Me again! With summer born kids has anyone deferred starting school until 5 and gone straight to year 1, or alternatively deferred and requested to start in reception? as we are probably moving to UK in mid 2024 we may have to skip reception and go at right to year 1 in 2025. is there any disadvantage to that?

 

[WhatABore]

Me again! With summer born kids has anyone deferred starting school until 5 and gone straight to year 1, or alternatively deferred and requested to start in reception? as we are probably moving to UK in mid 2024 we may have to skip reception and go at right to year 1 in 2025. is there any disadvantage to that?

I guess the downside going straight to year 1 would be that everyone else in the class already knows each other/knows the school ect and is also used to the school routine. The rest will also have been assessed through reception and their levels will already be known for reading, writing, numbers ect.
Kids are super adaptable though.
Reception is also a majority of play where as year 1 is more sitting at tables working and a lot less play

 

[LilyRose1234]

Me again! With summer born kids has anyone deferred starting school until 5 and gone straight to year 1, or alternatively deferred and requested to start in reception? as we are probably moving to UK in mid 2024 we may have to skip reception and go at right to year 1 in 2025. is there any disadvantage to that?

I haven’t got any experience so this might be useless sorry, but I have a summer born baby and also went to school with two girls who had the same august birthday a year apart, one deferred and started reception a year later and would say it very much depends on the child. It’s early days for us at the moment but from what I can see of her, I think she’ll be ready when she turns 4, and would probably be bored at nursery for another year. The girls I went to school with - the younger of the two was incredibly sociable and academic, and you wouldn’t have known she was a year younger than the other, so again she would likely have been disadvantaged by deferring. I’ve a friend with a baby the same age as mine, and hers has had some health issues that has put her back by 12 months in her development, although she’s rapidly catching back up, so I think she would consider it, but really I think you have to consider your individual child rather than just their birthday if that makes sense?

 

[Definitelyme]

Me again! With summer born kids has anyone deferred starting school until 5 and gone straight to year 1, or alternatively deferred and requested to start in reception? as we are probably moving to UK in mid 2024 we may have to skip reception and go at right to year 1 in 2025. is there any disadvantage to that?

Two of my four are of the age that we could defer, but with my eldest I didn’t. She is one of the youngest in her class, and it’s made absolutely no difference, she is the top performing girl in the class, and kind of “tied” at the top with a boy. She was more than able to handle everything emotionally as well.
I do know that here if you defer for a year you get put to the bottom of the priority list for entry in to schools. So it’s likely if your school is oversubscribed you may not get a place. Not sure if it is the same in other parts of the UK

 

[Megatron1298]

Thank you @Definitelyme @LilyRose1234 and @WhatABore thats all super useful info.
I am very much a planner and though my first choice would be to have him start next year I don’t know how we would make it work. Your perspectives are helpful thank you

 

[swimming]

I’m ready to explode. Gotta let this out here

2 year old been waking up at 4am every day. Today the same. Hasn’t napped. Has been pissing me off all day. Not listening. Being destructive. Whining whining bleeping whining in my ear holes. Touching me. Pulling at my clothes. Whining.

bedtime routine as normal and yet again another night of being dicked about. Crying in bed. Won’t go down yet so tired his eyes are dropping.

I am SO desperate for some respite this is just almost on the verge of torture. Prisoners don’t have it this hard I’m sure.

I’ve not eaten all day, showered in days. I am 100% solo with no family near by to help. And all my friends have their own lives.

I love my child with every breath in my body but this is just getting too much. I am beginning to dislike him. I’ve spoken to the doctor and I’ve been just put on anti depression tablets and sent on my way. Health visitor useless I just get told to rest when he does or ask family to help.

sorry I had to let all that out cos I feel at boiling point right now. Hopefully someone has been through the same and survived!

 

[gossipgal21]

I’m ready to explode. Gotta let this out here

2 year old been waking up at 4am every day. Today the same. Hasn’t napped. Has been pissing me off all day. Not listening. Being destructive. Whining whining bleeping whining in my ear holes. Touching me. Pulling at my clothes. Whining.

bedtime routine as normal and yet again another night of being dicked about. Crying in bed. Won’t go down yet so tired his eyes are dropping.

I am SO desperate for some respite this is just almost on the verge of torture. Prisoners don’t have it this hard I’m sure.

I’ve not eaten all day, showered in days. I am 100% solo with no family near by to help. And all my friends have their own lives.

I love my child with every breath in my body but this is just getting too much. I am beginning to dislike him. I’ve spoken to the doctor and I’ve been just put on anti depression tablets and sent on my way. Health visitor useless I just get told to rest when he does or ask family to help.

sorry I had to let all that out cos I feel at boiling point right now. Hopefully someone has been through the same and survived!

so sorry to read this. Parenting is so tough at the best of times and a pile of tit at other times.

When did your son turn 2 as there is apparently a sleep regression that can happen around then? Does he still nap - perhaps he is on the cusp of dropping it?

Do what you need to do to survive in the short term whether that means easy beige food / loads of snacks / screen time. Even if it feels impossible I do really recommend trying to get out for fresh air every day as it will make you both feel better. With mine if I am having a tough day I put him in the buggy and put earphones in and music / a podcast on for half an hour.

I really hope the anti depressants work for you and that you have a supportive GP. Depression is awful, depression with a small child is awful. Don’t forget you are a good mum and you will both get through this time.

finally I don’t suppose you are in the north east? As if I was close to you I’d be totally happy to try and help support with some respite.

 

[swimming]

so sorry to read this. Parenting is so tough at the best of times and a pile of tit at other times.

When did your son turn 2 as there is apparently a sleep regression that can happen around then? Does he still nap - perhaps he is on the cusp of dropping it?

Do what you need to do to survive in the short term whether that means easy beige food / loads of snacks / screen time. Even if it feels impossible I do really recommend trying to get out for fresh air every day as it will make you both feel better. With mine if I am having a tough day I put him in the buggy and put earphones in and music / a podcast on for half an hour.

I really hope the anti depressants work for you and that you have a supportive GP. Depression is awful, depression with a small child is awful. Don’t forget you are a good mum and you will both get through this time.

finally I don’t suppose you are in the north east? As if I was close to you I’d be totally happy to try and help support with some respite.

Oh wow thank you that’s so lovely to read and makes me feel not so alone. It’s so hard isn’t it. I know it’s all ups and downs but when it’s down it feels so bad!

unfortunately I am not in the north east but I really appreciate your offer there that is so lovely and the kindest thing anyone has said to me all day, so genuinely, thank you x

 

[Jellybean093]

Thank you everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it and take on board your tips and will give them all a go.

So we never used to do dream feeds as he then got used to 4 hour feeding. But he started to wake around 12 for a bottle every night so the dream feed now does help, although I am going to not do it tonight and see how we get on. He doesn’t wake up when we feed him, he’s such a deep sleeper (apart from the nights he decides to wake for hours)

How did you get on last night?
---

Me again! With summer born kids has anyone deferred starting school until 5 and gone straight to year 1, or alternatively deferred and requested to start in reception? as we are probably moving to UK in mid 2024 we may have to skip reception and go at right to year 1 in 2025. is there any disadvantage to that?

Kids are resilient. I think they’d be fine starting mid way through the year or year 1. Do you know what area you are looking at, and if you can email the schools to see what the best option is?
If I’m honest, I would start them as soon as possible, but that’s because I enjoy the peace

 

[Lizziebox]

He slept through!! 7.15-6am. Feel so refreshed today!! I didn’t bother doing the dream feed, thank you for asking @Jellybean093
Fingers crossed for the same again tonight.
---

I’m ready to explode. Gotta let this out here

2 year old been waking up at 4am every day. Today the same. Hasn’t napped. Has been pissing me off all day. Not listening. Being destructive. Whining whining bleeping whining in my ear holes. Touching me. Pulling at my clothes. Whining.

bedtime routine as normal and yet again another night of being dicked about. Crying in bed. Won’t go down yet so tired his eyes are dropping.

I am SO desperate for some respite this is just almost on the verge of torture. Prisoners don’t have it this hard I’m sure.

I’ve not eaten all day, showered in days. I am 100% solo with no family near by to help. And all my friends have their own lives.

I love my child with every breath in my body but this is just getting too much. I am beginning to dislike him. I’ve spoken to the doctor and I’ve been just put on anti depression tablets and sent on my way. Health visitor useless I just get told to rest when he does or ask family to help.

sorry I had to let all that out cos I feel at boiling point right now. Hopefully someone has been through the same and survived!

When my son is being stubborn with his naps or just challenging and we need a timeout I put him in his pram and put dancing fruits on YouTube. This will give me some time to do something or he’ll drift off.
Maybe something is hurting, his head, ears teeth etc?

 

[Megatron1298]

How did you get on last night?
---


Kids are resilient. I think they’d be fine starting mid way through the year or year 1. Do you know what area you are looking at, and if you can email the schools to see what the best option is?
If I’m honest, I would start them as soon as possible, but that’s because I enjoy the peace

We have an idea where we want but I could be dreaming. Looking around Hampton Hill or thereabouts. We used to live close to Richmond so would love to go back to that area-ish

you are so right kids always surprise us. Also would love not to have to pay for nursery fees for any longer than I have to