Toddler advice thread #5

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Some advice
My husband and I are wanting to try for baby number 2 but our little boy is very very clingy with me, anyone with experience with first borns, how do they react to second babies, what's best way to help transition (he's 2 just an fyi)
 
Hope we’re all well? Just after some advice - had our HV appt earlier and she’s referred my 2 year old for a speech assessment. Mentioned it to nursery and they agreed they felt she was a little behind but not concerningly so and were going to discuss at parents morning in a couple of weeks. They both said nothing to be concerned about etc, and I’m no expert but she doesn’t seem behind her little friends the same age, but the fact they’ve made the referral suggests it could be a problem. She seems ok to me - has quite an extensive vocabulary but just struggles to use the words in context sometimes and say longer sentences…but she’s 2? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I dunno but now I am worried so any experiences/advice would be helpful!
I'm really surprised she's been referred so easily to be honest, especially as you haven't raised concerns. My 3.5 year old was referred a couple of months ago after me practically begging both them and the HV for help, and his nursery assessed him as having the speech of a 12-17 month old so was/is significantly behind. The HV wouldn't even help at all and just fobbed me off telling me to do nursery rhymes etc. If you aren't happy with the referral then you can get them to withdraw it but it also wouldn't do any harm in attending. They might assess her and say she doesn't require it.
 
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I'm really surprised she's been referred so easily to be honest, especially as you haven't raised concerns. My 3.5 year old was referred a couple of months ago after me practically begging both them and the HV for help, and his nursery assessed him as having the speech of a 12-17 month old so was/is significantly behind. The HV wouldn't even help at all and just fobbed me off telling me to do nursery rhymes etc. If you aren't happy with the referral then you can get them to withdraw it but it also wouldn't do any harm in attending. They might assess her and say she doesn't require it.
I think that’s what’s bothering me - it’s so hard to get a referral for anything, so to say it’s not a concern but also make the referral seems a bit contradictory? At the end of the day, we’ll go to the assessment and see what they say and then work on it however they advise, I don’t mind (probably the wrong word) if there is an issue but it just seems a bit vague
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Some advice
My husband and I are wanting to try for baby number 2 but our little boy is very very clingy with me, anyone with experience with first borns, how do they react to second babies, what's best way to help transition (he's 2 just an fyi)
I’m currently 37 weeks with baby 2, so can’t advise as to what my oldest will be like, but she was a huge mummy’s girl and I have found she seems to have shifted to want her dad as much (if not more sometimes) not sure if it’s just he’s had more time and energy or if she’s picked up that things are going to change a little and she’s definitely less clingy to me (which is sad but also not) x
 
Some advice
My husband and I are wanting to try for baby number 2 but our little boy is very very clingy with me, anyone with experience with first borns, how do they react to second babies, what's best way to help transition (he's 2 just an fyi)
Almost all little ones are closest to their mum - that is biologically normal behaviour. All mine have still been breastfeeding and cosleeping with me until a few weeks before their new baby sibling appeared. They all transitioned beautifully, never an issue at all. I can honestly say I have never heard of anyone IRL who has had an issue with older children once a newborn arrives. Toddlers just adjust wonderfully. All mine have been approx 2.5 when the new baby arrived
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Hope we’re all well? Just after some advice - had our HV appt earlier and she’s referred my 2 year old for a speech assessment. Mentioned it to nursery and they agreed they felt she was a little behind but not concerningly so and were going to discuss at parents morning in a couple of weeks. They both said nothing to be concerned about etc, and I’m no expert but she doesn’t seem behind her little friends the same age, but the fact they’ve made the referral suggests it could be a problem. She seems ok to me - has quite an extensive vocabulary but just struggles to use the words in context sometimes and say longer sentences…but she’s 2? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I dunno but now I am worried so any experiences/advice would be helpful!
It could be that the referral is a better safe than sorry type of deal. Here, a lot of kids get referred and because the waiting lists are so long they often no longer need the referral by the time the appointment comes. But for those that do, they are in the system and ready to be seen. Rather than waiting and then referring later and having help delayed.
I don’t know if I’ve explained that very well?
 
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Some advice
My husband and I are wanting to try for baby number 2 but our little boy is very very clingy with me, anyone with experience with first borns, how do they react to second babies, what's best way to help transition (he's 2 just an fyi)
I have none first hand, but have witnessed my sister with her first born that was also 2 when she had her second, she adapted and to a certain extent was fascinated with her new brother, don’t get me wrong she had her moments in the beginning, almost reverted back to being a baby, was very short lived and has almost got on with being the big sister!
We’re also thinking of baby no2 at some point in the near future, my little girl 2y 8m is wonderful in every way but has an attitude of a 15 year old, after today I think I’m one and done 😅
 
Some advice
My husband and I are wanting to try for baby number 2 but our little boy is very very clingy with me, anyone with experience with first borns, how do they react to second babies, what's best way to help transition (he's 2 just an fyi)
Honestly, I found it a 6 year age gap much harder than I did a 3 year and 2.3mon age gap. Both my middle boys have been mummies boys who coped really well when welcoming the new baby (they are now daddies boys, but YOLO)
 
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Some advice
My husband and I are wanting to try for baby number 2 but our little boy is very very clingy with me, anyone with experience with first borns, how do they react to second babies, what's best way to help transition (he's 2 just an fyi)
I am 8months pregnant with number 2 and my daughter (just turned 2) has become increasingly clingy to me (always a mummy’s girl but this is off the charts), my husband isn’t even allowed to put her to bed which he has been doing for the last year no issues. The lady that owns her daycare has a PHD in early childhood behaviour so gave me loads of tips: give her loads of jobs to do-she’ll soon get bored of helping me and hopefully gain some independence;tell her I’m too busy for xyz but daddy will help and I’m just next door; don’t let her sit on my bump(!) but let her sit really close and keep her secure; reinforce that I’m a person not her possession eg when out with friends making sure she is told that mummy is talking to her friends; calling her out on her crocodile tears. I’m not worried about her when baby arrives as I think she’ll adjust really quickly but I do feel very guilty at the moment. My advice is try tackling it now, but honestly he will be fine, they adjust to things so quickly!
 
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Hope we’re all well? Just after some advice - had our HV appt earlier and she’s referred my 2 year old for a speech assessment. Mentioned it to nursery and they agreed they felt she was a little behind but not concerningly so and were going to discuss at parents morning in a couple of weeks. They both said nothing to be concerned about etc, and I’m no expert but she doesn’t seem behind her little friends the same age, but the fact they’ve made the referral suggests it could be a problem. She seems ok to me - has quite an extensive vocabulary but just struggles to use the words in context sometimes and say longer sentences…but she’s 2? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I dunno but now I am worried so any experiences/advice would be helpful!
We had the same at our HV app. I was concerned about her speech, she was saying lots of singular words but not pulling anything together at all ie ‘drink please’ would just be ‘drink’ or ‘please’

We were referred to a home talk scheme where they basically come once a week for 6 weeks and teach you different ways to play with them to encourage speech. They rejected us as she said too many words. 🫠

Just before she turned 3 it was like something clicked and the understanding of what words meant/were used for appeared and I don’t think we’ve managed to keep her quiet yet. Now I find it hard to believe I was ever worried but I do wish we were better supported in that time and know we are incredibly lucky that it all turned out well in the end.
 
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We had the same at our HV app. I was concerned about her speech, she was saying lots of singular words but not pulling anything together at all ie ‘drink please’ would just be ‘drink’ or ‘please’

We were referred to a home talk scheme where they basically come once a week for 6 weeks and teach you different ways to play with them to encourage speech. They rejected us as she said too many words. 🫠

Just before she turned 3 it was like something clicked and the understanding of what words meant/were used for appeared and I don’t think we’ve managed to keep her quiet yet. Now I find it hard to believe I was ever worried but I do wish we were better supported in that time and know we are incredibly lucky that it all turned out well in the end.
I think it’s similar - although she will say sentences but 2 words will be clear and the rest is babble, so I can understand what she wants because I spent so much time with her but I guess the HV couldn’t so much. She’ll also use the wrong word for things e.g if she wants something open she’ll say door, because she knows you open a door and clearly in her head that’s the same thing as open, if that makes sense? She does now say open, but it’s that sort of sometimes using the words in the wrong context, never occurred to me at this age it could indicate a problem but now they e mentioned it I have noticed she does babble a lot and use words in the wrong context. I think I’ve just never noticed because I usually understand what she means!
 
Pooping regression? Three year old has been doing so well with toilet training since we started. Minimal accidents. Pooing and weeing self initiated from the get go. All of a sudden he just won’t poo on the toilet. I’m getting sick of cleaning poo out of undies so it feels like we need to go back to nappies as I just don’t know how to explain to him that he can’t keep pooing in undies. Any tips? Sticker chart and rewards have not helped so far.
 
Pooping regression? Three year old has been doing so well with toilet training since we started. Minimal accidents. Pooing and weeing self initiated from the get go. All of a sudden he just won’t poo on the toilet. I’m getting sick of cleaning poo out of undies so it feels like we need to go back to nappies as I just don’t know how to explain to him that he can’t keep pooing in undies. Any tips? Sticker chart and rewards have not helped so far.
How long has it been going on for? Has he had a bad poo and he’s scared of going? Could it be hurting when he poos?
 
TW - death

I need help navigating children and their understanding of death.

My “step grandma” died in July last year when my daughter was nearly 3, and she hasn’t spent much time with her as she was in hospital battling mouth cancer. I think my daughter saw her for the last time in April 2022.

She was 4 last week. Last night I was getting her ready for bed when she abruptly turned to me and said “mummy, nana Jean is in heaven. She’s dead. I won’t ever see her again” and then burst into such an emotional flood of tears.

I was consoling her explaining she was very poorly and quite old (mid 80s) but that she loves her very much and we can always talk about her (I was so confused as we haven’t even mentioned my nana for a long time infront of her nor did I think she’d remember her after so long).

She then went on to ask through her tears if I’m going to die, and if I do, will she be alone, who will look after her, where will her toys go. It was so striking and hard to hear as it was so out of the blue. Then she went through each family member and cried at the idea of them dying too. She said if she died, will I be with her in heaven?!?! We aren’t religious and as far as I’m aware they haven’t been discussing this at nursery.

I managed to calm her down, and today she’s been asking similar questions. I just don’t want to lie to her or give her false info. I’m a single parent so it really is just the two of us at home.

Any advice or tips on explaining this to her is welcome! X
 
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How long has it been going on for? Has he had a bad poo and he’s scared of going? Could it be hurting when he poos?
About a week? Started last week at daycare, so I wonder if something happened but the teachers will never say/probably wouldn’t pick up on any small nuances that may cause that.
 
About a week? Started last week at daycare, so I wonder if something happened but the teachers will never say/probably wouldn’t pick up on any small nuances that may cause that.
Really, really normal. I find it takes a good week of you just watching constantly and at the first sign of pooping you rush them there, so they relearn how it feels to do it in the toilet.
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TW - death

I need help navigating children and their understanding of death.

My “step grandma” died in July last year when my daughter was nearly 3, and she hasn’t spent much time with her as she was in hospital battling mouth cancer. I think my daughter saw her for the last time in April 2022.

She was 4 last week. Last night I was getting her ready for bed when she abruptly turned to me and said “mummy, nana Jean is in heaven. She’s dead. I won’t ever see her again” and then burst into such an emotional flood of tears.

I was consoling her explaining she was very poorly and quite old (mid 80s) but that she loves her very much and we can always talk about her (I was so confused as we haven’t even mentioned my nana for a long time infront of her nor did I think she’d remember her after so long).

She then went on to ask through her tears if I’m going to die, and if I do, will she be alone, who will look after her, where will her toys go. It was so striking and hard to hear as it was so out of the blue. Then she went through each family member and cried at the idea of them dying too. She said if she died, will I be with her in heaven?!?! We aren’t religious and as far as I’m aware they haven’t been discussing this at nursery.

I managed to calm her down, and today she’s been asking similar questions. I just don’t want to lie to her or give her false info. I’m a single parent so it really is just the two of us at home.

Any advice or tips on explaining this to her is welcome! X
Gosh that must have been horrible to have sprung on you! I’m sure your local library has some good books you could use.

When my own granny died last year we were really matter of fact with the kids - she was unwell for a time, and she was very old, and her body was ready to stop. We do believe in heaven so that’s where we went with it.
Asking about the other family members, again I’d be quite straight forward and matter of fact
“I hope that X doesn’t die any time soon, because we would really miss them if they did.”

if she asks about you I’d say something similar “I hope I don’t die any time soon, I hope I live until I’m really old” if she asks what would happen to her, tell her the truth. She would live with whoever is her designated guardian in that case, but it’s not something you need to worry about now.
 
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Oh my god, I thought the terrible twos had hit us bad but feck me it’s so much worse now. She asked for some grapes, so I cut some up in a bowl, she apparently didn’t want them in a bowl or cut up and so winged the bowl across the room and screamed. I turned peppa off because I’m sure it makes her 10x worse so she threw the remote at the tv 😭😭
Luckily only lasted about 3 minutes before she picked all of the grapes back up and came over for a cuddle and said sorry but I really struggle to deal with tantrums like that!
 
Oh my god, I thought the terrible twos had hit us bad but feck me it’s so much worse now. She asked for some grapes, so I cut some up in a bowl, she apparently didn’t want them in a bowl or cut up and so winged the bowl across the room and screamed. I turned peppa off because I’m sure it makes her 10x worse so she threw the remote at the tv 😭😭
Luckily only lasted about 3 minutes before she picked all of the grapes back up and came over for a cuddle and said sorry but I really struggle to deal with tantrums like that!
Oh man it’s so triggering ay. My 3 year old is also one that behaviour seems to get worse with different shows (I’ve heard Peppa pig is a bit of a c***) so we haven’t even gone there! But paw patrol is currently having a break in our house as the tantrums and general mood after it were just unreal.
Solidarity, and it’s amazing how quickly they can come round after a massive tantrum eh!
 
Hi, my girl has her 12 month jabs in a couple of weeks and just was wondering how everyone else's little ones reacted to theirs? Were they poorly afterwards? And for how long? Just want to prepare myself!
 
Hi, my girl has her 12 month jabs in a couple of weeks and just was wondering how everyone else's little ones reacted to theirs? Were they poorly afterwards? And for how long? Just want to prepare myself!
Mine were a little down for the next day but were fine after. It wasn't too bad. Some calpol in them and they were fine.
Pre warning that ours are one in each arm and one in each leg though.
Some are just 2 in each leg, some 2 in each arm.
But ours have always been 1 in each
 
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Hi, my girl has her 12 month jabs in a couple of weeks and just was wondering how everyone else's little ones reacted to theirs? Were they poorly afterwards? And for how long? Just want to prepare myself!
The effects of it are often felt 10 days later, which I believe is due to the MMR. For some reason it takes a little longer to work its way in and around. But I’ve never had any issues with them, even at the 10 day mark.
 
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Mine were a little down for the next day but were fine after. It wasn't too bad. Some calpol in them and they were fine.
Pre warning that ours are one in each arm and one in each leg though.
Some are just 2 in each leg, some 2 in each arm.
But ours have always been 1 in each
There's 4?! I thought it was just 2 like the other ones! 😫😫
 
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