isn’t worth it to who? It’s worth it to her obviously. What you’re saying is you are inconvenienced by her big feelings. That is parent hood. And it’s gonna go on for a long time. My 10yo still has big feelings about stuff that I don’t get. You need to learn better coping mechanisms, for both your sakes. She is being a normal toddler. It’s not her where the work is needed.
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Thanks for your post! Maybe I don’t get my child’s feelings as well as I should, I’m a first time mum and I’ve 0 experience with kids at all.
I want her to know picking the ice cream isn’t “a big deal” and she got another one out the freezer, if that makes sense.. it wasn’t worth crying over and having a meltdown though? She can tell me she wants a different one but she just got overly upset rather than telling me she wants a different one (which she can do..). I think reading a few books will help for sure!
I can absolutely sympathise with you on the over dramatics over such small things. It’s exhausting. I don’t think it’s much advice or something you’ve not tried but as the scene is unfolding, I keep calm, a very simple reassurance and as long as mini plonk isn’t going to find herself in any danger I will now just walk away. No reaction from me seems to make the the situation over much quicker, most of the time!
As a lurker mainly there’s some wonderful people on this thread, you’re not alone in this wild ride
Mine does it sometimes. Not often. I feel like a twit saying this but he genuinely is a really good natured little boy. Unless he’s tired or it’s just one of those days.
The other week I posted about him screaming and crying in Aldi cos I wouldn’t let him run round the shop. He hates being told no if he’s in a bad mood
tonight he screamed because he slammed the rabbit hutch door in the rabbits face and I said don’t do that the rabbit doesn’t like it and he tried to bite me so I took him inside and he screamed and cried again for a few seconds.
All kids do it don’t they.
they have a lot going on in their brains
but this weather doesn’t help it makes me grumpy as well when I’m hot and sweaty.
The other week I posted about him screaming and crying in Aldi cos I wouldn’t let him run round the shop. He hates being told no if he’s in a bad mood
tonight he screamed because he slammed the rabbit hutch door in the rabbits face and I said don’t do that the rabbit doesn’t like it and he tried to bite me so I took him inside and he screamed and cried again for a few seconds.
All kids do it don’t they.
they have a lot going on in their brains
but this weather doesn’t help it makes me grumpy as well when I’m hot and sweaty.
Nursery said to me today she’s over emotional and won’t listen when she’s in that state, I find it hard work at home even when I’m calm and don’t retaliate and ask her to talk to me when she’s ready etc, I try and be gentle towards her when she’s having a meltdown. Nursery also said that she screams and cries rather than telling them how she feels even though she’s capable of doing so, and I find it’s just getting worse. Even when we ask her how she feels etc it’s just met with screaming and crying and it’s like she loses all sense of reality and it’s just no good for anyone.
Walking away from it doesn’t help the screaming etc she just goes mental even more so but I refuse to be in the same room as her when all she’s doing is screaming and screaming cos I’d just lose it.
Then nursery too need to have a look at some coping techniques.
No child is "over emotional" they need guidance, not labelling.
Listen, until we have one kid nobody has any true experience. We have all been there for the first time and we all make mistakes. And your nursery are not helping matters by implying a 3yo should be able to have rational chats about her feelings when she’s upset. They should know better. She can’t tell any of you how she feels because she doesn’t know! She can’t voice it, she hasn’t the emotional understanding to put labels on it all. And thinking that is wrong is not helping her - or you.
Toddlers can be arseholes. They really can. They can be dramatic, irrational eejits. But we need to accept that they are not mini adults, and we need to be the calm in their storm. Her raging isn’t personal against you. Let her get her feelings out, there’s no harm in it. If you think something is no big deal and she does, just agree with her. My 2yo really responds well if he is losing his tit and I say “you really wanted to go in the digger” he will pause the screaming and say “yeahhh”. Validate her feelings, and yes it gets too much at times and we all snap, but we all need to remember these little people need us to help the through these tough moments, as we lean on others for help through our own.
Her key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
When you are overwhelmed sometimes do you just want to scream?Her key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
It's the same for children sometimes words just aren't enough you need to let that frustration out with a scream a shout or hitting something. It's just the way it is.
i love my child more than life but when it’s night after night over small things (that obviously aren’t small to her) I’m just fed up of it. I feel like im walking on eggshells some nights incase I say the wrong thing. She went to bed at 8pm cos she was so so so upset. This was just over me catching her hair slightly with the bobble, which I do understand hurts if you snag it but im just 
it’s just draining and there’s nobody else to do it! It’s just me.
it’s just draining and there’s nobody else to do it! It’s just me.But as adults do we always listen to one and other and do we all communicate well?? If I’m upset I can sometimes shout and I am a massive crier as wellHer key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
I don’t think it is fair her nursery are saying she needs to stop the meltdowns. What do they even do to comfort her.
If mine is upset I usually give him a cuddle or try & make him laugh
I don’t have any advice as I’m navigating this with my 3 year old at the moment and it’s so hard when they are having a meltdown so I can only sympathise and echo what others have said about it being normal. This heat turns my daughter into the devil child so that could be a factor too!!Her key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
My 4yo is pretty much the same. Best thing I’ve found is relating it to myself such as ‘oh I don’t like it either when I have the wrong ice cream, shall we go swap it to the one that you like?’ or ‘sometimes I don’t like washing my hair either but let’s see if mummy can wash yours before you count to 10’ or ‘I know you really wanted to go on the swings but it’ll be your turn soon, why don’t we pick something else to go on!’
The outbursts of random screeching and tears tend to be when she doesn’t even understand herself why she’s upset, but she is. I’m 27, I can’t express to my husband sometimes why I’m overwhelmed, why I feel the need to just sit on the sofa and sob, but I do. I’d be more upset if he was to just walk away and tell me to come talk to him when I’m ready. I just let her ride it out, ask her if mummy can help her feel better and the only thing I don’t accept is any hitting/slapping.
Kids are hard. Really bleeping hard. But they don’t understand anything like we do.
The outbursts of random screeching and tears tend to be when she doesn’t even understand herself why she’s upset, but she is. I’m 27, I can’t express to my husband sometimes why I’m overwhelmed, why I feel the need to just sit on the sofa and sob, but I do. I’d be more upset if he was to just walk away and tell me to come talk to him when I’m ready. I just let her ride it out, ask her if mummy can help her feel better and the only thing I don’t accept is any hitting/slapping.
Kids are hard. Really bleeping hard. But they don’t understand anything like we do.
Im 35 and my hairdresser just pulled the foils from my head and took 10 pieces with her. My eyes cried for a whilei love my child more than life but when it’s night after night over small things (that obviously aren’t small to her) I’m just fed up of it. I feel like im walking on eggshells some nights incase I say the wrong thing. She went to bed at 8pm cos she was so so so upset. This was just over me catching her hair slightly with the bobble, which I do understand hurts if you snag it but im just
Yes, it’s draining. I am currently going through the same. He cries over everything and everything is NO! He doesn’t want to wake up, go to bed, get dressed etc, but honestly, he is 3. Toddlers were sent to test us. I luckily avoided the terrrible 2s but I’ve got a full on 3nager
ETA he moans for an ice cream/lolly. He eats a bit and then moans it’s cold and it goes in the bin. They are just sometimes little arseholes
It’s so so frustrating, I would say it’s the part of parenthood I struggle with the most at the moment, the complete meltdowns over things that seem insignificant to me, like the fact her ice cube melted. so many times I think there must be a reason for that level of meltdown (excuse the pun), but actually I know it’s just her being a normal toddler, and being unable to rationalise how she’s feeling so expressing herself the only way she knows how. At the end of the day, we’re the grownups and we can control our emotions, so however much I want to scream and shout and tell her she’s being silly, I try my best to stay calm, explain what’s going on, and give her space to calm down. It’s so so hard, and like you she’s my first, so it’s a huge learning curve (not helped by nursery suggesting to you something might be wrong). I would take the newborn sleep deprivation anyday over the endless battles and tantrums, but we owe it to them to help them learn that it’s ok to have big feelings and help them learn how to express them xxHer key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
I think that might just be toddler parenthood life though for now, if you can come to accept that whilst frustrating, it is normal, and these type of tantrums won’t go on forever ,because everything is a phase, the good and the bad) then that might help you get through it!i love my child more than life but when it’s night after night over small things (that obviously aren’t small to her) I’m just fed up of it. I feel like im walking on eggshells some nights incase I say the wrong thing. She went to bed at 8pm cos she was so so so upset. This was just over me catching her hair slightly with the bobble, which I do understand hurts if you snag it but im just
I can’t ever get cross at my kids when they throw something in a tantrum. I once threw a pan at the wall whilst having a (hormonal pregnancy) breakdown about it not cooking correctly.
Society expects children to behave like model citizens and never display big feelings, when as adults we are very guilty of doing it ourselves. A quick look through the local courts would show a large number of “crimes of passion”…… basically adults not controlling their big feelings
But we expect kids - who have the emotional intelligence of a thimble - to do it.
(I know not all adults are as unreasonable as I am though!)
Society expects children to behave like model citizens and never display big feelings, when as adults we are very guilty of doing it ourselves. A quick look through the local courts would show a large number of “crimes of passion”…… basically adults not controlling their big feelings
But we expect kids - who have the emotional intelligence of a thimble - to do it.
(I know not all adults are as unreasonable as I am though!)
I threw a pan in the sink when my pancakes wasn’t cooking correctly, and I wasn’t even pregnantI can’t ever get cross at my kids when they throw something in a tantrum. I once threw a pan at the wall whilst having a (hormonal pregnancy) breakdown about it not cooking correctly.
Society expects children to behave like model citizens and never display big feelings, when as adults we are very guilty of doing it ourselves. A quick look through the local courts would show a large number of “crimes of passion”…… basically adults not controlling their big feelings
But we expect kids - who have the emotional intelligence of a thimble - to do it.
(I know not all adults are as unreasonable as I am though!)
Great post but I would absolutely rather have this (plus her being sweet and being able to do more with her etc etc) than the newborn days but everyone is different
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