Toddler advice thread #5

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

So when I dropped her off at nursery this morning, nursery said yesterday that she was spinning round and just brushed by another child, the child didn’t say or do anything and A had a meltdown and was so tearful and over emotional and they said even the other (younger) child was looking at her like what’s happened, why are you so upset kinda thing. This is the type of “outburst” I’m on about, that it doesn’t make sense why it’s over the top and different to other kids etc.. that example there makes me wonder if there’s something wrong I don’t think the outburst is normal from spinning round and not hurting another child etc and she knows she hasn’t hurt them cos the child she can see is fine ?! I just 🫠
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thank you for the end part - this is going to help me a lot!

Does your kid go to my kids nursery? I’m so surprised how many supposedly experienced nursery workers don’t understand three year olds!

Edited to add that I’d be surprised if that was the first sign of upset and probably just the last thing to trigger an “outburst”. I’ve set up a one plan with my preschool for them to recognise the signs of an incoming meltdown so they can step in and help regulate her. I was really surprised by how much they didn’t understand her.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

I don’t think the outburst is normal from spinning round and not hurting another child etc and she knows she hasn’t hurt them cos the child she can see is fine ?! I just 🫠
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But there lies the issue, you don't think it's normal, because you can understand the process behind it. She can't.
She was doing something that was bringing her joy or stimulation and it was abruptly stopped, so it confuses their emotions.

Nursery really don't sound like they know what their doing here either, which will further add to her confusion, she's at an age where she is slowly learning action and consequence and there doesn't seem to be much consistency in anyone helping her navigate this as both yourself and Nursery are just labelling it as meltdowns rather than focusing on her and guiding her through it, explaining it was an accident, explaining no one got hurt, explaining she needs to be mindful of where she is in the room, explaining no one is upset or angry.

I only have to look at my toddlers and they are in tears or screaming some days, their brains process things so differently to adults.

 

[al255]

But there lies the issue, you don't think it's normal, because you can understand the process behind it. She can't.
She was doing something that was bringing her joy or stimulation and it was abruptly stopped, so it confuses their emotions.

Nursery really don't sound like they know what their doing here either, which will further add to her confusion, she's at an age where she is slowly learning action and consequence and there doesn't seem to be much consistency in anyone helping her navigate this as both yourself and Nursery are just labelling it as meltdowns rather than focusing on her and guiding her through it, explaining it was an accident, explaining no one got hurt, explaining she needs to be mindful of where she is in the room, explaining no one is upset or angry.

I only have to look at my toddlers and they are in tears or screaming some days, their brains process things so differently to adults.

they didn’t say anything bad to her, they just gave her a cuddle and made her feel better. It’s just what they say to me as a parent and I get why they say it to me and give me examples as what she’s like there.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I wouldn’t think there is anything wrong with her because she has a few meltdowns.
All kids have them. But I guess If you are concerned speak to nursery in a meeting? See what they say?
it’s clearly bothering you @al255

 

[al255]

I wouldn’t think there is anything wrong with her because she has a few meltdowns.
All kids have them. But I guess If you are concerned speak to nursery in a meeting? See what they say?
it’s clearly bothering you @al255

She had her parents evening yesterday and this is where alot of this has come from with my concerns.

Is it normal that she’s having meltdown after meltdown every day? Maybe I’m noticing it more cos they’re daily. Whereas before it wasn’t as frequent.

 

[Neo2021]

Can I just say, even if a child is different. It doesn’t mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with them.

The world would be a boring place if everyone was the same.

 

[al255]

Can I just say, even if a child is different. It doesn’t mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with them.

The world would be a boring place if everyone was the same.

that’s true

 

[AllTheBest2022]

She had her parents evening yesterday and this is where alot of this has come from with my concerns.

Is it normal that she’s having meltdown after meltdown every day? Maybe I’m noticing it more cos they’re daily. Whereas before it wasn’t as frequent.

All my qualifications and experience is in childcare/nurseries. A lot of the behaviour you have described is deemed 'normal' at this age. 3 year olds go through so many developmental stages, not to mention are beginning to gain their own independence, communication skills, and personalities. Forget the 'terrible twos', 3 year olds are way harder. If you really are concerned reach out to your health visitor but I wouldn't expect much in return. If nursery were truly concerned and deemed her behaviour as abnormal/excessive they would have implemented plans as well as made referrals.

 

[Jellybean093]

Is it normal that she’s having meltdown after meltdown every day? Maybe I’m noticing it more cos they’re daily. Whereas before it wasn’t as frequent.

Yes. She’s 3.

 

[al255]

All my qualifications and experience is in childcare/nurseries. A lot of the behaviour you have described is deemed 'normal' at this age. 3 year olds go through so many developmental stages, not to mention are beginning to gain their own independence, communication skills, and personalities. Forget the 'terrible twos', 3 year olds are way harder. If you really are concerned reach out to your health visitor but I wouldn't expect much in return. If nursery were truly concerned and deemed her behaviour as abnormal/excessive they would have implemented plans as well as made referrals.

Thank you xx terrible twos I found easy compared to this, it’s awful at times

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

She had her parents evening yesterday and this is where alot of this has come from with my concerns.

Is it normal that she’s having meltdown after meltdown every day? Maybe I’m noticing it more cos they’re daily. Whereas before it wasn’t as frequent.

Hmmm I think so. Mine doesn’t have them at nursery really but at home he will. He’ll have one if I won’t get in the bath with him. He’ll have one if I say we’re not going outside and hide the key. How long do they last?? Did nursery give you any tips to help?
I feel like they are saying it as it’s just something to write down? They can’t mean she’s disrupting everyone or anything?
all kids have them it’s not like she’s smacking you? She’s just expressing herself

 

[al255]

Hmmm I think so. Mine doesn’t have them at nursery really but at home he will. He’ll have one if I won’t get in the bath with him. He’ll have one if I say we’re not going outside and hide the key. How long do they last?? Did nursery give you any tips to help?
I feel like they are saying it as it’s just something to write down? They can’t mean she’s disrupting everyone or anything?
all kids have them it’s not like she’s smacking you? She’s just expressing herself

I said that to nursery, it’s just crying and screaming.. she never ever has hurt me or another child so in a way I’m grateful she cries and screams as some kids nip, bite etc! No she’s not being distruptive but it’s not pleasant for other children in that sense.

they just last until she’s calmed down, a few minutes usually.

At home if I tell her I’m not being in the same room as her whilst she’s screaming and crying and to come and find me when she’s calmed down and is ready to talk, that helps more than shoving her on the naughty step or shouting etc. I find she’s often best just left to ride it out herself and talking to her when she’s calm

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I said that to nursery, it’s just crying and screaming.. she never ever has hurt me or another child so in a way I’m grateful she cries and screams as some kids nip, bite etc! No she’s not being distruptive but it’s not pleasant for other children in that sense.

they just last until she’s calmed down, a few minutes usually.

At home if I tell her I’m not being in the same room as her whilst she’s screaming and crying and to come and find me when she’s calmed down and is ready to talk, that helps more than shoving her on the naughty step or shouting etc. I find she’s often best just left to ride it out herself and talking to her when she’s calm

It sounds normal to me they aren’t lasting 15 mins are they
Have you asked her how she’s feeling
Is there anything that could be bothering her
They won’t last forever. You said she has been getting up early maybe she’s just tired. Kids are little terrors when they’re tired.

 

[al255]

It sounds normal to me they aren’t lasting 15 mins are they
Have you asked her how she’s feeling
Is there anything that could be bothering her
They won’t last forever. You said she has been getting up early maybe she’s just tired. Kids are little terrors when they’re tired.

I think a lot of it is when she’s tired or doesn’t get her own way (like having a meltdown as to why she couldn’t have an ice lolly at 7.30am this morning cos I said it was breakfast time and ice lollies are for after lunch / nursery and she could have one later after nursery ) .. sometimes she says she’s feeling sad cos I’ve shouted at her…. I try and not shout but some days I’ve ran out of patience

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

So when I dropped her off at nursery this morning, nursery said yesterday that she was spinning round and just brushed by another child, the child didn’t say or do anything and A had a meltdown and was so tearful and over emotional and they said even the other (younger) child was looking at her like what’s happened, why are you so upset kinda thing. This is the type of “outburst” I’m on about, that it doesn’t make sense why it’s over the top and different to other kids etc.. that example there makes me wonder if there’s something wrong I don’t think the outburst is normal from spinning round and not hurting another child etc and she knows she hasn’t hurt them cos the child she can see is fine ?! I just 🫠
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thank you for the end part - this is going to help me a lot!

We have had similar feedback to this from the SEN team at my son’s nursery, worded slightly differently but they have said other children will often be confused/concerned by his reactions and the extent of his meltdowns. But the other kids (and nursery workers obviously!) are very patient and kind with him which is great.
My son is being assessed for autism at the moment, we’re fairly sure he does have it. He has normal toddler tantrums but also has meltdowns that to an onlooker would look like they were over literally nothing, but obviously it is something to him and we do our best to understand his feelings, even though it’s hard for all of us at times.
This isn’t to say your daughter is autistic, it may well just be a phase and she needs a little extra support with handling her emotions at the moment.

 

[al255]

We have had similar feedback to this from the SEN team at my son’s nursery, worded slightly differently but they have said other children will often be confused/concerned by his reactions and the extent of his meltdowns. But the other kids (and nursery workers obviously!) are very patient and kind with him which is great.
My son is being assessed for autism at the moment, we’re fairly sure he does have it. He has normal toddler tantrums but also has meltdowns that to an onlooker would look like they were over literally nothing, but obviously it is something to him and we do our best to understand his feelings, even though it’s hard for all of us at times.
This isn’t to say your daughter is autistic, it may well just be a phase and she needs a little extra support with handling her emotions at the moment.

it’s weird you say that, I’ve often thought she has mild austistic traits but then sometimes I just think it’s toddler behaviour. I know if nursery thought she was even slightly on the spectrum they would tell me, they say her behaviour is common

 

[SwizzleMalarkey]

it’s weird you say that, I’ve often thought she has mild austistic traits but then sometimes I just think it’s toddler behaviour. I know if nursery thought she was even slightly on the spectrum they would tell me, they say her behaviour is common

I think it is difficult to assess when they are still so young as a lot of traits are just things that toddlers sometimes do! With my son there are lots of factors pointing to it and we’re just glad they’re on to it early so he can get any help he needs.
Hopefully all the tips you’ve had will help and you know now everyone is going through the same with their toddlers too!

 

[JulesC]

Well my toddler had a 45 minute meltdown when she got home today, couldn’t do anything to calm her down. She was screaming on the drive so all the neighbours will have heard Eventually got her to calm down, did have to walk away a couple of times but in general I was very calm with her so proud of myself. She ended up having animal biscuits for supper not so proud of that but needs must.

I definitely think it’s the heat. Nursery did say she was quite hot and bothered today there.
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Just seen this.

 

[elderflowerrose]

I’m finding my tolerance levels so low. I don’t outwardly show this mostly but sometimes the mask slips and I feel like a witch. Just so fed up of the small things - like I can’t have my hair tied up as he insists on taking my hair bobble out and stealing it, I can’t charge my phone when he’s around as he yanks the charger out (we’ve had so many phone chargers broken) and the constant climbing on me with painful elbows … it’s driving me mad. I feel like I’m forcing a strained smile all the time and I feel horrible over totally normal behaviour

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m finding my tolerance levels so low. I don’t outwardly show this mostly but sometimes the mask slips and I feel like a witch. Just so fed up of the small things - like I can’t have my hair tied up as he insists on taking my hair bobble out and stealing it, I can’t charge my phone when he’s around as he yanks the charger out (we’ve had so many phone chargers broken) and the constant climbing on me with painful elbows … it’s driving me mad. I feel like I’m forcing a strained smile all the time and I feel horrible over totally normal behaviour

You’ve just described my child. He’s always trying to sit on my shoulders 🫠