isn’t worth it to who? It’s worth it to her obviously. What you’re saying is you are inconvenienced by her big feelings. That is parent hood. And it’s gonna go on for a long time. My 10yo still has big feelings about stuff that I don’t get. You need to learn better coping mechanisms, for both your sakes. She is being a normal toddler. It’s not her where the work is needed.she’s getting upset over isn’t worth being that emotional.
Thanks for your post! Maybe I don’t get my child’s feelings as well as I should, I’m a first time mum and I’ve 0 experience with kids at all.Ok here is the thing, I’m going to put lay it out straight. You are not understanding 3yos at all. You say she’s getting upset over small things like the wrong ice cream.
To a 3yo that is a HUGE thing. Not small at all, it’s literally a MASSIVE deal for them. It doesn’t matter if you think it is a big deal or not - she thinks it is and you should be respectful of that instead of diminishing her feelings and telling her not to get upset. Imagine if someone said that to YOU about something you were upset over. Would it actually stop you being upset? It wouldn’t for me, it would make me fucking raging tbh.
Anyone who has ever had a 3yo will tell you this is EXACTLY what they are like. They attempt to exert control over the small areas of their life where they can, and when they are unable to do so they get understandably cross about it. They can’t SPEAK their feelings, so they SHOW their feelings through their behaviour.
It is unendingly frustrating as a parent to have a child behave that way. I know, I’ve 4 kids, and it makes me wanna throttle the little sods.
But you are not helping matters by being so dismissive of her feelings.
Instead of “it’s not a big deal” try “you’re really upset because you wanted the other ice cream. It’s really frustrating when we don’t get what we want, I feel that way too. Next time we will make sure we get the right one.”
You’ll be surprised how much difference it will make.
I can absolutely sympathise with you on the over dramatics over such small things. It’s exhausting. I don’t think it’s much advice or something you’ve not tried but as the scene is unfolding, I keep calm, a very simple reassurance and as long as mini plonk isn’t going to find herself in any danger I will now just walk away. No reaction from me seems to make the the situation over much quicker, most of the time!Need some advice. I’m SICK of bedtime/ Daytime dramas. Every night it’s a drama over something so so small. Bath was fine, getting into bed was fine, I told her I was putting her hair in a bobble and I must have snagged one of the hairs and she went into a complete meltdown, nursery have commented several times how she has an emotional meltdown over small stuff and I’m getting so so sick of it at home.
She cried earlier cos she picked the wrong ice cream and was screaming MUMMY whilst I was having a wee. I just don’t know what to do. I tell her not to get upset over small stuff but it’s getting to the point where I’m just at a loss. I can’t cope with bedtime anymore it’s just horrible. I’m sick of it. Nursery don’t get why she is so over emotional meltdown over everything, even if you say “don’t do this cos you’ll hurt yourself”.. she goes into meltdown
Nursery said to me today she’s over emotional and won’t listen when she’s in that state, I find it hard work at home even when I’m calm and don’t retaliate and ask her to talk to me when she’s ready etc, I try and be gentle towards her when she’s having a meltdown. Nursery also said that she screams and cries rather than telling them how she feels even though she’s capable of doing so, and I find it’s just getting worse. Even when we ask her how she feels etc it’s just met with screaming and crying and it’s like she loses all sense of reality and it’s just no good for anyone.isn’t worth it to who? It’s worth it to her obviously. What you’re saying is you are inconvenienced by her big feelings. That is parent hood. And it’s gonna go on for a long time. My 10yo still has big feelings about stuff that I don’t get. You need to learn better coping mechanisms, for both your sakes. She is being a normal toddler. It’s not her where the work is needed.
Then nursery too need to have a look at some coping techniques.Nursery said to me today she’s over emotional and won’t listen when she’s in that state, I find it hard work at home even when I’m calm and don’t retaliate and ask her to talk to me when she’s ready etc, I try and be gentle towards her when she’s having a meltdown. Nursery also said that she screams and cries rather than telling them how she feels even though she’s capable of doing so, and I find it’s just getting worse. Even when we ask her how she feels etc it’s just met with screaming and crying and it’s like she loses all sense of reality and it’s just no good for anyone.
Walking away from it doesn’t help the screaming etc she just goes mental even more so but I refuse to be in the same room as her when all she’s doing is screaming and screaming cos I’d just lose it.
Listen, until we have one kid nobody has any true experience. We have all been there for the first time and we all make mistakes. And your nursery are not helping matters by implying a 3yo should be able to have rational chats about her feelings when she’s upset. They should know better. She can’t tell any of you how she feels because she doesn’t know! She can’t voice it, she hasn’t the emotional understanding to put labels on it all. And thinking that is wrong is not helping her - or you.Thanks for your post! Maybe I don’t get my child’s feelings as well as I should, I’m a first time mum and I’ve 0 experience with kids at all.
I want her to know picking the ice cream isn’t “a big deal” and she got another one out the freezer, if that makes sense.. it wasn’t worth crying over and having a meltdown though? She can tell me she wants a different one but she just got overly upset rather than telling me she wants a different one (which she can do..). I think reading a few books will help for sure!
Her key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.Then nursery too need to have a look at some coping techniques.
No child is "over emotional" they need guidance, not labelling.
When you are overwhelmed sometimes do you just want to scream?Her key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
But as adults do we always listen to one and other and do we all communicate well?? If I’m upset I can sometimes shout and I am a massive crier as wellHer key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
I don’t have any advice as I’m navigating this with my 3 year old at the moment and it’s so hard when they are having a meltdown so I can only sympathise and echo what others have said about it being normal. This heat turns my daughter into the devil child so that could be a factor too!!Her key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
Im 35 and my hairdresser just pulled the foils from my head and took 10 pieces with her. My eyes cried for a whilei love my child more than life but when it’s night after night over small things (that obviously aren’t small to her) I’m just fed up of it. I feel like im walking on eggshells some nights incase I say the wrong thing. She went to bed at 8pm cos she was so so so upset. This was just over me catching her hair slightly with the bobble, which I do understand hurts if you snag it but im justit’s just draining and there’s nobody else to do it! It’s just me.
It’s so so frustrating, I would say it’s the part of parenthood I struggle with the most at the moment, the complete meltdowns over things that seem insignificant to me, like the fact her ice cube melted. so many times I think there must be a reason for that level of meltdown (excuse the pun), but actually I know it’s just her being a normal toddler, and being unable to rationalise how she’s feeling so expressing herself the only way she knows how. At the end of the day, we’re the grownups and we can control our emotions, so however much I want to scream and shout and tell her she’s being silly, I try my best to stay calm, explain what’s going on, and give her space to calm down. It’s so so hard, and like you she’s my first, so it’s a huge learning curve (not helped by nursery suggesting to you something might be wrong). I would take the newborn sleep deprivation anyday over the endless battles and tantrums, but we owe it to them to help them learn that it’s ok to have big feelings and help them learn how to express them xxHer key worker said today that she’s emotional at times, and they said they tell her to communicate with words rather than screaming and crying and to tell them how she feels. She can tell someone she’s sad, happy, etc.. she’s done it in the past when I’ve asked her how she feels.
For instance her summer assessment it said “A expresses her frustration with noises and outbursts rather than words, we will support and encourage A to express how she is feeling through words rather than her outbursts”
They are a good nursery and the only reason they mentioned it was cos it was her parents evening, it wasn’t just flippant randomly. I’m well aware she needs to learn to communicate with words rather than a huge meltdown. I agree though it’s hard for a little child to grasp it but I’m just fed up of it, it’s every single day at the moment and it’s like nothing I say or do will make her listen to me, it’s just scream scream scream scream and cry
I think that might just be toddler parenthood life though for now, if you can come to accept that whilst frustrating, it is normal, and these type of tantrums won’t go on forever ,because everything is a phase, the good and the bad) then that might help you get through it!i love my child more than life but when it’s night after night over small things (that obviously aren’t small to her) I’m just fed up of it. I feel like im walking on eggshells some nights incase I say the wrong thing. She went to bed at 8pm cos she was so so so upset. This was just over me catching her hair slightly with the bobble, which I do understand hurts if you snag it but im justit’s just draining and there’s nobody else to do it! It’s just me.
I threw a pan in the sink when my pancakes wasn’t cooking correctly, and I wasn’t even pregnantI can’t ever get cross at my kids when they throw something in a tantrum. I once threw a pan at the wall whilst having a (hormonal pregnancy) breakdown about it not cooking correctly.
Society expects children to behave like model citizens and never display big feelings, when as adults we are very guilty of doing it ourselves. A quick look through the local courts would show a large number of “crimes of passion”…… basically adults not controlling their big feelings
But we expect kids - who have the emotional intelligence of a thimble - to do it.
(I know not all adults are as unreasonable as I am though!)
Great post but I would absolutely rather have this (plus her being sweet and being able to do more with her etc etc) than the newborn days but everyone is differentIt’s so so frustrating, I would say it’s the part of parenthood I struggle with the most at the moment, the complete meltdowns over things that seem insignificant to me, like the fact her ice cube melted. so many times I think there must be a reason for that level of meltdown (excuse the pun), but actually I know it’s just her being a normal toddler, and being unable to rationalise how she’s feeling so expressing herself the only way she knows how. At the end of the day, we’re the grownups and we can control our emotions, so however much I want to scream and shout and tell her she’s being silly, I try my best to stay calm, explain what’s going on, and give her space to calm down. It’s so so hard, and like you she’s my first, so it’s a huge learning curve (not helped by nursery suggesting to you something might be wrong). I would take the newborn sleep deprivation anyday over the endless battles and tantrums, but we owe it to them to help them learn that it’s ok to have big feelings and help them learn how to express them xx
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