Things your parents did/do that you hate

[Kaylon8083]

I’ve thought of another. My parents smoked when I was younger and I have memories of always having to eat or drink food in the smoking section of the restaurant/cafe.

I think one of the reasons I don’t drink alcohol (except for Christmas) is because of the family arguments that would happen after they’d been out with friends and one of them would come back drunk and be all snappy and irritable the next day as they were hungover.

 

[emmer_moans]

My parents were well meaning but had undiagnosed anxiety problems and so sometimes it was really rough living in the midst of their anxiety. I swear it caused me to be anxious even now in my 30s. Everything was an ordeal, like driving to a campsite, had to be at 2am to avoid the traffic because they couldn’t cope with traffic, overly stressing over getting us ready for school, if we got a lower than normal school grade on homework it was stress stress stress I’m speaking to you teacher to find out why, etc. I even now have to catch myself when I’m getting anxious and coach myself through it. When I fail at something I start to feel dread that someone will make a fuss. Sometimes I dread meeting them now, because of residual memory of stress. I had a couple of panic attacks as a kid and the fear of another one is always there. I used to be jealous of friends whose families seemed so chill. My parents seemed in denial at how stressed/anxious they were over every little thing. I get that it’s hard to parent kids, but there was just no self awareness of the passive effects of excessive stress.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

My dad drank too much when I was young, we never saw him because he was always at the pub. Thankfully, he was generally a happy drunk but occasionally he'd come home angry and then he'd needle my mum for hours, just ranting about shite. When I was about 11, I started coming downstairs and have a go at him for it. I really hated him it for it and being a child, I couldn't see his good points at all so it ruined my relationship with him until I was about 16.

Both my parents ignored the fact that my brother was an out of control, nasty bully and delinquent. He used to hit me and bully me mercilessly. I feel like I was a victim of domestic violence and my parents ignored it. They didn't ignore it but they never stopped it. I believe my brother has anti social personality disorder so I don't know how they could have dealt with it. People ignored things like that back then, they would never have known he was ill and wouldn't have been able to deal with it even if they had known. My brother has since been diagnosed with a mental illness but won't say which one, so I think I'm right in thinking it's ASPD. I just wish they had protected me from it.

In spite of that, I adore my parents now. My relationship with my dad, until he died, got so much better as time went on and now I don't rely on my mum to protect me, I think she's lovely and that she did her best. Of course, she denies that her best wasn't good enough but I know she doesn't really think that, she knows she made mistakes and I suffered because of it.

So sorry that you suffered at the hands of your brother. I still don't think this issue is taken seriously. I'm a teacher and if a pupil ever mentions to me about being hit by an older sibling I report it as a safeguarding concern.

I was physically, verbally and sexually abused by my brother and nobody gave a tit so maybe I'm over cautious.

So glad you ended up with a better relationship with your parents

 

[Chunkeylaydee]

My dad used to never tell his children from his first relationship off. Their behaviour at times was appalling and he just used to sit there and say nothing. I couldn’t move for being told off. Called stupid on a number of occasions when he decided to change things at the last minute. I was the only one to ever invite him to Christmas dinner, take him to appointments yet, still called stupid. He once told me he would tell the family I was no longer considered one of them. I replied good and walked out. My husband then met him and told him exactly what he thought of his parenting. I kept him at arms length after that.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

So sorry that you suffered at the hands of your brother. I still don't think this issue is taken seriously. I'm a teacher and if a pupil ever mentions to me about being hit by an older sibling I report it as a safeguarding concern.

I was physically, verbally and sexually abused by my brother and nobody gave a tit so maybe I'm over cautious.

So glad you ended up with a better relationship with your parents

I'm so sorry you went through that but I'm glad you are protecting other children.

 

[nicalibres]

My parent’s were terrible with money and because of the type of job my dad had, he couldn’t work in bad weather so winter especially was a nightmare. They’d take my birthday money every year (they’d always ask and always give it back when things had settled down) to put towards bills etc. They hated doing it but nothing changed for years and I don’t think they realised how much pressure and stress it put me under as a child.

I started working at 16 and continued to support them financially for years cos I almost felt like it was my responsibility. I took out a loan for them to get work done on the house, paid off debts and would generally sub them every month on top of what I paid in digs. Fast forward to when my younger sibling was in their late teens, my parents were in a much better position and were able to support them through uni and pay for their first car etc. It’s hard not to feel resentful because not only did I not get that kind of support, I felt the burden and responsibility of their poor choices from such a young age and I’m sure it‘s part of the reason that I suffer from anxiety as an adult.

 

[aulty]

I have another one, an icky one.
We didn't have a lot of money when I was wee and lived in a tiny place with one bedroom - 3 children + parents all sleeping in one room. If I wasn't asleep by half 9 -10 I got to listen to my parents having s*x every night - and they weren't very quiet - except Thursdays when Dad would be out late playing cards.
We finally moved when I was 14.

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Trigger warning


Smoking in the car and trying to claim I don't have asthma (family still claims I don't, even though I've been diagnosed with astmha multiple times lmao)
Walking in while I showering or naked - "you came out of my body!"
Saying racist tit
Pretending they didn't know step parent was abusing me. Even though they told me to lie about bruises


This is super embarrassing and again trigger warning
My dad is a total freaking creep. I swear he has tried to hit on me. Plus he hits on teenagers all the time. I tell him they are kid and he claims otherwise. I was always too embarrassed to bring other people over even as an adult. I don't want his to say some creepy incest tit or pedalo and people think differently about me.

If you have children, I hope you keep them away from him for good. No contact

My mom also tends to become super defensive whenever me or my brother bring up certain aspects of our childhood. Always the same argument “I meant it well”, or “it’s been so long now why still dwell on it”, “you’re always putting me down”. Okay then if there’s something positive about our generation is that we’re able to take a step back, reflect on things and actually be like “well you know what. Now that I think about it I was wrong and I’m sorry. How can we move on from this”. My parents could never, I’ll always be the dumb child and they know best.
I’m happy I’m able to break the cycle and be more reflected in the way I educate my children

before my sister and i went no contact with our dad he would ALWAYS say "the past is the past"

funny how it's always the perpetrator saying that huh

My dad had many many affairs over my parents 22 year marriage, as a child I heard and saw things that I should never have. Things that have stayed with me all my life.

Word for word, the exact same here. Took years of therapy to undo the damage he caused from exposing me to such adult / sexual stuff. Still deal with it now at 26 - i see it come through in my relationships with men

In the very early years of my marriage with a young baby in tow my OH and I had a row and he hit me. I ran out of the house with the baby got in the car and drove sobbing to my mum and dads. Instead of consoling me and my dad getting in his car to go sort out OH they both said get back home put some make up and a nice dress on a cook him a lovely dinner!!!!
It will be fine…..?????

Please tell me you left him

I was physically, verbally and sexually abused by my brother and nobody gave a tit so maybe I'm over cautious.

Firstly, Im so unbelievably sorry and secondly, i think if this thread has made anything clear, its that you can't be over cautious when it comes to protecting children

I have another one, an icky one.
We didn't have a lot of money when I was wee and lived in a tiny place with one bedroom - 3 children + parents all sleeping in one room. If I wasn't asleep by half 9 -10 I got to listen to my parents having s*x every night - and they weren't very quiet - except Thursdays when Dad would be out late playing cards.
We finally moved when I was 14.

This is so very deeply sad and traumatising

 

[Mooordgirl]

I have another one, an icky one.
We didn't have a lot of money when I was wee and lived in a tiny place with one bedroom - 3 children + parents all sleeping in one room. If I wasn't asleep by half 9 -10 I got to listen to my parents having s*x every night - and they weren't very quiet - except Thursdays when Dad would be out late playing cards.
We finally moved when I was 14.

Thats awful for you and your siblings - sending love