I believe she has said in the past that they can wear what they want when they're buying it themselvesI wonder how her older children feel about being made to wear clothes that fit Africa's aesthetics or do they have a secret stash of bright clothing to wear offline
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I don't think I
yikes, poor kids, tbh I think any obsession with a certain "aesthetic" is pretty shallow and boring.
Mabye someone can confirm since I don't remember it well, that her husband actually prefers to dress differently than he does now.
And i can't help to think about the tooth fairy incident, where she got angry with a teacher for saying to her daughter that it doesn't exist. While in reality her daughter heard it from a classmate, but blamed the teacher since she was scared that her mom won't let het with that friend anymore (please again confirm and correct me if I'm wrong). That makes me wonder how controlling she is in her family life and relationships. And if she sets high expectations for her family to live up to.
We did mention the tooth fairy incident here before.
Maybe you do have to maintain stronger boundaries when you’ve grown up having none/ them violated in the past?
Maybe you do have to maintain stronger boundaries when you’ve grown up having none/ them violated in the past?
Anyone read the toy article?
She’s the first i’ve seen who has mentioned anatomically correct dolls for children and I do agree with her. They’re a good source to use for also teaching children consent and reducing shame.
I think the boundaries with receiving new toys into the home is also good. Nothing wrong with having a list and asking for set things.
She’s the first i’ve seen who has mentioned anatomically correct dolls for children and I do agree with her. They’re a good source to use for also teaching children consent and reducing shame.
I think the boundaries with receiving new toys into the home is also good. Nothing wrong with having a list and asking for set things.
Haven't seen the article, where is it? I do agree with anatomically correct dolls etc.
For me personally it depends on who the boundaries are set for. Yes to toys that my children enjoy, but no because it doesn't suit ^my^ aesthetic. That IMO is being over controlling and removing potential pleasure and autonomy from the child. I found it so odd that she acknowledged that her daughters loved the pink pram but she didn't want it in the house. Not all boundaries are necessarily healthy.
ETA: When mine were very young I loved Waldorf inspired toys and intended to stick with wooden toys, natural materials and faceless dolls. My children on the other hand loved plastic tat and toys that made lots of noise. I had to wind my neck in a bit and take a step back and realize that it wasn't about me.
I'm a bit old fashioned and whilst I think that it's fine to give suggestions to gift givers, it's not OK to say if you buy them something off list the children are not allowed to have it. It's not even as if the children have picked these things themselves. Way too controlling IMO.
Last edited:
There was a link in stories today:
thevitamindproject.com
I didn’t follow before the pink pram was given.
Toys… toys… toys – The Vitamin D Project
thevitamindproject.com
I didn’t follow before the pink pram was given.
Idk like at the end of the day no child is going to have every single toy they want at home so I don’t feel any way about the aesthetic boundaries stuff tbh lol. Kids get to play with such a breadth of toys through play groups/nursery/play dates/cousins etc but still go back to what they have and remain untraumatised? Kids have to be told no and suffer disappointment whether it’s over a horrific pink barbie private jet or ice cream for breakfast. They’re evidently not deprived of toys or adult led play 
I love the gift boundary stuff though and have used it, in our situation it benefitted the gifter who felt a huge pressure to go OTT (she’s a superstar auntie who is the love of my LO’s life), it meant we were both really happy with the compromise we discussed and I don’t have to deal with a new 56 piece Duplo set entering our home twice a year! Appreciate it may be more awkward for acquaintance level friends or super extended family if those ppl buy for your family.
I love the gift boundary stuff though and have used it, in our situation it benefitted the gifter who felt a huge pressure to go OTT (she’s a superstar auntie who is the love of my LO’s life), it meant we were both really happy with the compromise we discussed and I don’t have to deal with a new 56 piece Duplo set entering our home twice a year! Appreciate it may be more awkward for acquaintance level friends or super extended family if those ppl buy for your family.
I don't mind the gift boundary either as I think this is what I do. And sometimes (don't hate me) it is to please my aesthetic... eg. We wanted to buy my son a kitchen. There was a plastic bright coloured one for half the price and we ended up with a grey and white wooden one. Don't get me wrong he has all the coloured toys but i knew this was going to be in my front room for a while so I wanted a nice one 
With gifts I do tend to keep a running list of things that I want them to have. This list is prepared from watching them play, what they are playing with, what benefits their development or current schema, what they've played with at nursery, or extensions of their current loved toys. I believe this actually benefits my child more than the same gift over and over. It doesn't go down well with some people but it's my child and I'm the decision maker. Is that controlling? I don't think it is.
With gifts I do tend to keep a running list of things that I want them to have. This list is prepared from watching them play, what they are playing with, what benefits their development or current schema, what they've played with at nursery, or extensions of their current loved toys. I believe this actually benefits my child more than the same gift over and over. It doesn't go down well with some people but it's my child and I'm the decision maker. Is that controlling? I don't think it is.
Of course its not healthy or desirable to give a child every single thing they want. But forbidding one toy that they love because it doesn't suit your aesthetic? Come on, that's meanIdk like at the end of the day no child is going to have every single toy they want at home so I don’t feel any way about the aesthetic boundaries stuff tbh lol. Kids get to play with such a breadth of toys through play groups/nursery/play dates/cousins etc but still go back to what they have and remain untraumatised? Kids have to be told no and suffer disappointment whether it’s over a horrific pink barbie private jet or ice cream for breakfast. They’re evidently not deprived of toys or adult led play
I love the gift boundary stuff though and have used it, in our situation it benefitted the gifter who felt a huge pressure to go OTT (she’s a superstar auntie who is the love of my LO’s life), it meant we were both really happy with the compromise we discussed and I don’t have to deal with a new 56 piece Duplo set entering our home twice a year! Appreciate it may be more awkward for acquaintance level friends or super extended family if those ppl buy for your family.
. Life is full of disappointments so respecting your own child's likes/dislikes is important. I believe where it is safe children should be allowed to have some agency, and possessions and clothes are one way to let them exercise this.Yeah I agree this is a bit mean tbf. At the end of the day the kids probably loved it because it was a dolls pram rather than because it was pink tbf.Of course its not healthy or desirable to give a child every single thing they want. But forbidding one toy that they love because it doesn't suit your aesthetic? Come on, that's mean
I guess for me it depends on the reasoning... so if you're saying you don't want to buy into the pink for girls blue for boys that is one thing but she could have kept it to promote that idea.
If someone had already bought it I wouldn't banish it I tend to get in there first though
Is she still a Jehovah’s Witness?
Think so but not sure. Has she posted something?
Oh I didn't know she was Jehovah witness. It fits though.
How does it fit?
Why’s she keeping the new baby gender a secret?
I personally think it’s a boy, but think it’s because she’s learnt to be more careful online.
I know she grew up as one but I’m not sure if she is anymore. As someone who also grew up in that world but has detached from it in adulthood I just wondered if she ever talked about it as she shares so much online
I thought her mum's family are JW's but Africa got married in a church? Or was it not a church? She said before about raising the children with loose Christianity but she couldn't ascribe fully due to racism within the Christian church.
Are JWs allowed social media? The ones I have met are quite strict on that.