The Sloppies Nominations (Jack Monroe)

[hoopdedoo]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
Either the non-appearance at the Welsh charity gig, or the Scottish radio interview

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
Where to start? Either poor Content or the Tiffany earrings.

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Burger Boy, a classic. Runner-up: the "yer mam's taters are shite" chaos that (temporarily) drove her off Twitter

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
- cancelling direct debit for energy bills (thereby incurring massive cancellation fee for switching to month-by-month payments)
- rewiring the radiator, or attaching to the gas mains, or whatever the hell that advice was supposed to be about

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
the smol wee jumpsuit in the garden

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
Hard to choose this one as there were so many Jack-inflicted disasters in the Slopalong, and also because she posted so few recipes this year. I'm going to go with that all-inclusive sandwich that she forced upon served her publishing team at their meeting.

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
The non-apology apology re Patreon etc that mysteriously was posted online the day before Grifty Kitchen went on pre-sale. Coincidence, I'm sure. And she's done f-all to follow up on her promises in that apology.

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
Patreon deliverables, every month

9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe
Will have to think about this one, but may I propose the award be called the THAT MAN award, or the Fingers Kerridge award, or the Jack's Mam's Potatoes award

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Jimmy Nail, for "She's lying"

 

[kachoochoo]

need to do it all properly, but, from my list i want human dreamies the most

cos then i might stop eating actual kitty treats

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Thank space you for all you do dear heart @People-huv-tae-know. I think I've seen people use surveys made with Google forms as a voting option if that helps at all?

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
Edinburgh International Book Festival

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The dog

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Georgia Church Suppers

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Telling people to cancel their DDs to the energy companies

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
The "I woke up like this" Easter rainbow jumper selfie.

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
Struggling to think of anything she's made this year. Oh I know, the demon rabbit mud cake.

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
Radiators are filled with gas

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list”
The VBI

9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe
I'd like to nominate everyone on the Slopalong thread.

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
The Frau's workmate who knows Old Harold IRL.

 

[SendReceive]

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

“Dire” Tom is almost certainly going to run away with this, but I’d like to nominate James Martin for this impeccably timed Tweet during the fallout from the roast spuds chaos:

 

[MavisBeacon]

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”

“Dire” Tom is almost certainly going to run away with this, but I’d like to nominate James Martin for this impeccably timed Tweet during the fallout from the roast spuds chaos:

View attachment 1805530

YES! I loved this with all my heart

 

[Geetbo]

The fact that every single nomination would be a worthy winner says it all really.

 

[usefullyuseless]

1. Edinburgh and all the mini chaoi it spawned

2. Visit to Dublin

3. Georgia Church Suppers

4. Telling people to cancel DD to utility companies

5. Boiled head in a boiler suit OR the time she posted the screenshot of her legs that she'd edited on Facetune (that was this year, right?)

6. Anything cooked on the Lorraine show with her dirty fingernails on full show

7. Throwing a pencil case at Kelvin MacKenzie while shouting 'this is for the 96'

8. VBI

9.

10. Tom of the dire potatoes

Also, I think Survey Monkey do free online surveys/polls but I'm a bit of a luddite so others might have better suggestions!

 

[MistyWindows]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
SLOPPY SAVERS

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The Tiffany earrings

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Georgia Church Suppers

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Useless- melting soap
Harmful- cooking fish in tinned pineapple

5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
Shrunken Head Boilersuit all the way baby

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
Jack’s Bollock sausage stroganoff

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
Throwing the pencil case at that wanker (can’t remember his name) ‘for the 96’

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
The bloody mystery ingredient sponge pudding thing in @Fruitjack ’s icon!!!!

9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe
@EllaEm87 mince and onions with notions (and a skin)

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Matei Rosca 🤍 (marry me)

 

[Switchstreetz]

If anyone knows a good website host/provider (I don't know) that I can use to create a webpage with voting capabilities, please let me know. Otherwise I will create an analog version.

so excited to see the sloppies this year! your edits are ways brilliant so I know you'll nail it!

For voting I just used a Google form - as the esteemed Jenny said, they're
anonymous so no worries there

For peace of mind though I would still set up a new Gmail account and use that for anything sloppies related like the Google form, or making a website

ETA: forgot my nominations!

3. Full moon award best chaos - when she posted a photo pretending her family set off a big gun for the platty jubes.

5. Facetune award selfie of the year - the Venice one where she's lying down wearing those hideous cargo jeans (I think she tried to imply someone else took it but we identified the reflection of a phone on a tripod or a self timer in her sunglasses )

Too late for an edit but found the photo it's worse than I remember, not only do the jeans feature but this was during her flat cap era

Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.

Which in her case is probably 75% no cleaning stuff, toiletries etc only £20 on food, not paying rent, tax, broadband, tv licence, but only £34 in her account, must mean it all goes on crap, clothes dye, hairdressers, wallpaper, baskets, sideboards, hats, etc When we got a remortgage a few...

tattle.life

Outed as a selfie

Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.

I can't believe that this is the thing that brings me out of lurkdom, but I am a Venice- loving Frau, and this has me 🦉 and 🍾. Jack thinks Per Rialto is a place in Venice. This will be because she has seen it written on numerous signs on the 2 main walking routes either side of the Grand Canal...

tattle.life

Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.

I can't believe that this is the thing that brings me out of lurkdom, but I am a Venice- loving Frau, and this has me 🦉 and 🍾. Jack thinks Per Rialto is a place in Venice. This will be because she has seen it written on numerous signs on the 2 main walking routes either side of the Grand Canal...

tattle.life

 

[MaineCoonMama]

1/ Eye of Sauron - Edinburgh Book Festival feet on seats fiasco.
2/Golden Grifty- Buting multiple stupid hats.
3/Full Moon- Mam's dire roasties conniption fit.
4/Worst advice- cancelling direct debit for utility payments.
5/Selfie of the year- Braided boobs in the hammock
6/ Mission Star - pass!
7/Outragous Lie- bleeping Georgia Church Suppers, a bees dick in front of Jack having friends.
8/ Urgent! Vidal Baboon Index
9/Cabal Slopalong recipe recreation @binkbonk's Pickin' Balls
10/ Frau of the year @Jay-cloth Cow for the piping hot goss on Ex-Harold.
Forgive me if this is a mess, I'm not well but I didn't want to miss out.
Now duck off.

 

[MistyWindows]

I’m a bit confused, I thought ‘honorary frau’ meant not actually on tattle but doing the lord’s ninnie’s work? Like how Jack has an honorary degree for doing… something? But it not being at uni
If there’s a separate award for best ninnie (and I think that’s a good idea because we’ve had some brilliant content) then I also nominate @Jay-cloth Cow because I’ve been a Harold truther from the start and I could do with a win that was some beautiful tea

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I’m a bit confused, I thought ‘honorary frau’ meant not actually on tattle but doing the lord’s ninnie’s work? Like how Jack has an honorary degree for doing… something? But it not being at uni
If there’s a separate award for best ninnie (and I think that’s a good idea because we’ve had some brilliant content) then I also nominate @Jay-cloth Cow because I’ve been a Harold truther from the start and I could do with a win that was some beautiful tea

Oh man I misunderstood the nomination title didn't I? It was 4 am when I wrote it. Duh. I'll just make that one a donkey vote then.
Sorry for the confusion, I'm not all there today.

 

[MistyWindows]

Oh man I misunderstood the nomination title didn't I? It was 4 am when I wrote it. Duh. I'll just make that one a donkey vote then.
Sorry for the confusion, I'm not all there today.

My dearest, it wasn’t aimed at you! I saw a few posts and was confused, but I think we need an honorary frau and an actual frau awards!

 

[Mrs Peel]

3. Tom Potatoes, because the poor bloke made one comment (not even knowing who Jack was) and all hell broke loose. A glorious chaos.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Just scrolling the lad baby search results on Twitter and these two pop up - the cultural impact they had our threads was ZERO. Possibly even a negative value. Not one nomination for frau of the year and they had a whole YouTube video lmaooo. Just absolutely dead content. Had to share, soz for semi off topic.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you so much for setting this up @People-huv-tae-know !

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance” -Sloppy Savers

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor” - Toni +Guy haircut

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos” - train back from Edinburgh when she got into a twitter row with the Private Eye guy, then jumped off the train to take weird selfies, proving that she was a serious journalist

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice” - shampoo in the washing machine


5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year” - Easter at the outlaws

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop” - Easter Cake for the outlaws

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie” - “The VBI should take a weekend!”

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length - setting up Mastodon

9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe - too many to pick from!

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year” - Mr James “karma’s a witch” Martin

 

[HotesTilaire]

1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
telling people on GMB to steal shower gel if they can’t afford it, and to use shampoo in the washing machine, after being announced as Superdrug brand ambassador

2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
417 tattoo that’s upside down

3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Dead People Cant riot and the Teemill chaos

4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
You can get a £49 energy credit for free, which I invented (you can’t, she didn’t)
5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
Easter with the Outlaws Rainbow Jumper selfie

6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
7 years in the making upside down fish pie

7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
In the process of posting all the patreon rewards…

8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
GRANOLA

9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe
Will have to think about this one, but may I propose the award be called the THAT MAN award, or the Fingers Kerridge award, or the Jack's Mam's Potatoes award
To all slopalong cooks

10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Tom Potatoes

 

[HotesTilaire]

Oh well now I want Chris Giles of the FT and Dresserman as Frau of the year, for services to explaining supermarket prices to an imbecile (Jack)

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Oh well now I want Chris Giles of the FT and Dresserman as Frau of the year, for services to explaining supermarket prices to an imbecile (Jack)

Omg yes!! King Chris needs a nomination as he actually went back and forth w her and then came back for more when the next quarter’s results were released. He didn’t have time for her misinformation at alllll

 

[MistyWindows]

Fraus I am overcome with illness and very behind, but I got this in my Tesco order earlier and laughed so much I choked.
The shrunken head photo is so dear to me.