The Samaritans

[Mycuppatea]

I won't share Samaritims for these reasons. They may be told not to give advice but they still share damaging opinions.

The night I was raped, I rang Samaritans in distress, suicidal and drugged by the perpetrator. The woman I spoke to made me feel such shame and humiliation that it took me years before I could tell anyone else about the rape. I don't know if it was one bad apple or what, but it really screwed me up and allowed a rapist to escape justice.

 

[Basicbasic]

If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Years ago when I left an abusive relationship I was in a very bad place mentally, I was so close to ending it all but I knew I didn't want to, I just wanted the pain to stop. I rang Samaritans just to talk, and have to say the lady I spoke to really helped me.. She just asked me how I felt and why I felt the way I did etc.. She really did calm me down a lot.. I only ever rang them the once though then I stuck with a local NI charity called Lifeline. Lifeline were fantastic. I spoke to them perhaps 3 times and I am pretty sure if they were worried for your safety then were able to contact your GP.. I could be wrong as it was so long ago now but it was something along them lines, they can maybe contact your GP and request counselling etc.. Thankfully I was already in touch with my doctor and I started counselling a number of weeks later after being put on a waiting list. I do believe the woman I spoke to from Samaritans and then the woman from lifeline really did play a huge part in helping me.

 

[Whippetandhound]

What do you mean? Surely the whole point is to talk someone out of it?

Also no idea what the last sentence means so maybe you could clarify?

I’m a Samaritan and the stance is that we can’t tell anyone what to do. We’re not there to convince you shouldn’t kill your self. We’re there to listen to that person, have them talk out all the things that are bothering them etc. For many people it’s the first time they’ve actually said out loud their suicidal thoughts, often those thoughts end up closely guarded in their heads, therefore it can be a helpful release. The Samaritans offers a way of talking about those thoughts out loud and hopefully working through them. But it’s not my right to take away your freedom of choice. Ultimately if you want to commit suicidal that is something you’re ‘allowed’ to do. Obviously we’re not recommending it either. I’m not sure about the comment on facilitating abuse that someone else mentioned - I haven’t come across that in my time of volunteering.

 

[Basicbasic]

I'm also anti Samaritans, I'm an ex volunteer. They have a very peculiar stance on 'supporting' callers who call in wanting to kill themselves, it is totally against policy to try and change someone's mind. They also facilitate the abuse of women by transgender (male) and paedophile callers. I think they've really lost their way.

 

[chocolate choux]

In the past I’ve rang Samaritans a few times and had mixed experiences. I was in an abusive relationship and felt psychologically ruined, I’d been isolated from my friends and family so couldn’t talk to them. Sadly my only option felt like calling the Samaritans. Some of the volunteers were so helpful, comforting me and giving me the pep talk I needed to hear. I remember one woman in particular promised to call back in a few hours to check up on me, which she did. Just having someone to listen was invaluable help at the time and if the service was that consistently good I would’ve called more than I did

I didn’t have any bad experiences that I particularly remember but some volunteers came across as unempathetic and condescending. I’d just hang up and feel even more alone. I can imagine some people might have a first experience like that and be put off using the service again or harm themselves

The text service is awful. Took hours to respond and was obviously manned by different people so you couldn’t have a conversation. I attempted to use it a couple of times when I felt too choked up to talk

Reading what some volunteers go through makes me very sad. I do think it’s a traumatic place to volunteer anyway, because you’re dealing with people who might be very mentally ill and you have to listen to some difficult things. I can imagine the burden it would feel like, and it makes me sick to imagine that some people use it for pleasure

 

[Brightstar72]

The night I was raped, I rang Samaritans in distress, suicidal and drugged by the perpetrator. The woman I spoke to made me feel such shame and humiliation that it took me years before I could tell anyone else about the rape. I don't know if it was one bad apple or what, but it really screwed me up and allowed a rapist to escape justice.

I am so sorry you went through that

 

[Cao97x]

I read at the start of this thread that the Samaritans can’t trace you. When I was 16/17 I called them, I wasn’t actively suicidal but I was dealing with suicidal ideation and just got panicked and needed to talk to someone. Later that day two police officers were at my door doing a welfare check because of that phone call. I had no warning they were coming, wasn’t told they’d be contacted. It was a horrible experience and made a bad situation a lot worse for me as my family were home when they turned up.

 

[Sunshine&clouds]

I've phoned the Samaritans numerous times over many years. I had a terrible time as a teenager and I was able to actually got to the Samaritans office and have cups of tea, biscuits and somewhere I felt safe and valued. I never had a bad experience with the Samaritans and they always have all the time in the world. As with everything, they'll be bad apples on both sides. It must be a very difficult thing to do. But it's important that they don't judge or tell someone what to do. People shut down and more lives would be lost. Most people phone the Samaritans as they have no-one else to talk to. Sometimes people want to talk about potential suicide or self harm. The thing that saves lives more than anything else is someone not just listening, but hearing. I'm sorry to read of some appalling experiences, but please keep supporting them financially if you are able and phone or email them if you need to. 99.9% are kind and good and they really do care. Don't ever feel completely alone and I promise you, you are special and the world is better with you in it, even if it doesn't feel like that. x

 

[BlahBlahSheep]

If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.

I’m afraid it sounds like you were trained wrong at your branch...We were trained to ask questions about how long they’ve been thinking about it, have they got a plan, have they spoken to any friends or family about it, have they spoken to a GP or other medical professional, do they think there is anything else that could help them, what would they tell a friend who was feeling the same as them etc. However, you’re trained to not judge anyone, so you can’t tell them they’re wrong for feeling the way they feel and if after spending a lot of time exploring what they’re feeling and why, if they still feel the same what more can an anonymous volunteer do to help an anonymous caller? Telling them they’re wrong and making them feel guilty about it isn’t going to help and is just going to make them feel more shit than they probably already do.

Not telling someone they’re wrong to feel like they want to take their own life isn’t the same as not trying to make them change their mind.

That being said, I didn’t last long as a Samaritan’s volunteer for the reason you mentioned in the second part of your comment. I really think they downplayed how often this happens during the training - if I’d have known sooner I wouldn’t have wasted all that time training

 

[JNRS90]

I used to be a Sam and no idea how they could have done that either. There was absolutely no way to trace calls and you can only break confidentiality for bomb warnings...also I was trained that you absolutely can end sex calls, in my branch we were encouraged to and also given a lot of support and supervision. The lines are manned by volunteers only, but the shift leader should be keeping an ear out and if there are concerns about the way someone dealt with calls it was addressed. I was involved in recruitment and we were extremely careful to try and filter out any gobshites! I was at a big city branch, though, I can imagine some of the smaller ones being more “well we’ve done it like this since 1979”.
I thought my training was brilliant, and I’d love to go back someday when I’ve got fewer demands on my time.

 

[BlahBlahSheep]

That’s worrying to hear. I’m waiting to start training and they said it happens but it’s about 10% of the calls. Without derailing this thread, would you agree with that?

Not at all. I’d say over half of my calls were blokes knocking one off down the phone at me. Quite a lot of calls were ‘snap calls’ where someone hangs straight up but I actually didn’t mind them and could imagine someone at the other end too frightened to speak. I’d estimate only about 20% of my calls were calls where I genuinely feel like I made a difference, which is why I left in the end. Speaking with other volunteers, I think the shift you’re on can make a difference (I was 7am on Friday mornings; my friend did 7am on Sunday mornings and hardly ever got any wanky calls).

 

[anything at all]

I used the Samaritans email service after my miscarriage just over 2 years ago. Didn’t find them helpful at all, had a few emails back and forth from them and in the end I just stopped replying to them as it wasn’t helping me.

Not surprised by this thread at all.

 

[Cao97x]

that’s terrible. I thought they were not there to intervene but just to listen. You surely cannot send around police to someone’s house, as you say, it could make situations a million times worse. I’m so shocked by that. How could they even know where you were based on a call?

I don’t know. I was in such a bad situation at the time that I just wanted them out of the house ASAP I was only young and didn’t ask how they found out but they told me they were doing a welfare check based on the call I made earlier that day (only person I’d called was Samaritans). It made things really difficult for me at home

 

[Cao97x]

I don’t know what happened in your particular case so just speaking in general terms; when I was trained we were told calls can’t be traced. The phones we used were old school house phones, which didn’t have any digital display or caller ID - as a volunteer I had absolutely no way of knowing the number someone was calling me from. I didn’t know you could trace an address from a phone number (maybe you can with a landline?)



That’s also really strange. I never had to ask any of those questions to any caller when I volunteered there. Maybe some branches do things differently to others but that’s really surprised me. I’m speechless

I used a mobile. Definitely wouldn’t have used a landline as my parents would’ve seen the call on the phone bill. I thought it was completely anonymous so felt safe to call but that night when the police officers turned up it really made my situation a thousand times worse and I’d never recommend speaking to Samaritans again after that, I think it’s disgusting that they don’t consider what danger that could actually put somebody in by sending police there without the callers knowledge. I called in the morning and it wasn’t until much later in the evening that they came as well, I think it’s disgusting that they’re allowed to do it without consent

 

[EmilyChambers]

The night I was raped, I rang Samaritans in distress, suicidal and drugged by the perpetrator. The woman I spoke to made me feel such shame and humiliation that it took me years before I could tell anyone else about the rape. I don't know if it was one bad apple or what, but it really screwed me up and allowed a rapist to escape justice.

I'm so sorry you went thorough that. How are you now? I hope you're ok x

 

[maytoseptember]

I read that Mumsnet thread about pervs clogging up the lines and was appalled. Spoke to someone I know who volunteers and she confirmed that they usually get more perverts than genuine callers.

 

[Mycuppatea]

I'm so sorry you went thorough that. How are you now? I hope you're ok x

Thanks, I'm ok. I was a teenager and it was a loooooong time ago.

 

[greenvelvet]

I think the good thing about Samaritans is the small talk angle - every caller will be bringing a different type of distress. For some callers, “You are loved and matter” would make them realise they don’t want to die, for others, it would only intensify their suicidal feelings. “Don’t do it” - if the caller asked “why”, this would put the Samaritan in a difficult position. I don’t think any amount of training can teach someone to give a stranger the direct answer they need to this question

It’s more about the process of talking to someone, like with Don Ritchie, the Australian who talked more than 160 people out of suicide (he lived near a place where lots of people attempt suicide). He would never advise them, only listen and lend them an ear

Remember also that while someone like Don can physically lead someone away from the edge, the Samaritans can’t really take you anywhere, so there’s less they can do

The Samaritans didn’t solve my mental illness but they stopped me mid mental breakdown and stopped me from hurting myself. That’s not the full picture of what support should be but their role is in deescalating crises, and they do it well IME

 

[Basicbasic]

Interesting. I had no idea. I'm not sure why you mentioned Trans people in your original post though. You'd think they would be allowed to hang up these kinds of calls where they are being sexually harassed.

It's not a case of simply hanging up, the callers are very manipulative and sometimes it's too late before you realise it's not a genuine call.

Agree with previous poster that the vast majority of calls I took were sex calls, that's the reason i have up because I was sick of giving up my nights and dealing with absolute perverts. It used to be one of the only helplines available through the night, hence the reason for the perverts.