The Samaritans

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I'm also anti Samaritans, I'm an ex volunteer. They have a very peculiar stance on 'supporting' callers who call in wanting to kill themselves, it is totally against policy to try and change someone's mind. They also facilitate the abuse of women by transgender (male) and paedophile callers. I think they've really lost their way.
 
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I'm also anti Samaritans, I'm an ex volunteer. They have a very peculiar stance on 'supporting' callers who call in wanting to kill themselves, it is totally against policy to try and change someone's mind. They also facilitate the abuse of women by transgender (male) and paedophile callers. I think they've really lost their way.
What do you mean? Surely the whole point is to talk someone out of it?

Also no idea what the last sentence means so maybe you could clarify?
 
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If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.
 
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I believe that the volunteers are told not to tell someone they shouldn’t commit suicide, only to listen and talk. Although I think they can alert the authorities where they have genuine concerns. Their training doesn’t include advice - only to listen, only to try and cajole someone into a better place.

My Aunty volunteers for the Samaritans after her husband committed suicide. She hasn’t ever talked about her training, someone else I know spoke about their experience, as it wasn’t what they expected.
Yes the Samaritans just listen. The calls come in from all over the country and are anonymous so they’re unable to notify the police about anything even if they wanted to (which they don’t, their policy is to be impartial and to just listen).
 
If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.
Interesting. I had no idea. I'm not sure why you mentioned Trans people in your original post though. You'd think they would be allowed to hang up these kinds of calls where they are being sexually harassed.
 
If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.
I’m afraid it sounds like you were trained wrong at your branch...We were trained to ask questions about how long they’ve been thinking about it, have they got a plan, have they spoken to any friends or family about it, have they spoken to a GP or other medical professional, do they think there is anything else that could help them, what would they tell a friend who was feeling the same as them etc. However, you’re trained to not judge anyone, so you can’t tell them they’re wrong for feeling the way they feel and if after spending a lot of time exploring what they’re feeling and why, if they still feel the same what more can an anonymous volunteer do to help an anonymous caller? Telling them they’re wrong and making them feel guilty about it isn’t going to help and is just going to make them feel more tit than they probably already do.

Not telling someone they’re wrong to feel like they want to take their own life isn’t the same as not trying to make them change their mind.

That being said, I didn’t last long as a Samaritan’s volunteer for the reason you mentioned in the second part of your comment. I really think they downplayed how often this happens during the training - if I’d have known sooner I wouldn’t have wasted all that time training ☹
 
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That’s worrying to hear. I’m waiting to start training and they said it happens but it’s about 10% of the calls. Without derailing this thread, would you agree with that?
Not at all. I’d say over half of my calls were blokes knocking one off down the phone at me. Quite a lot of calls were ‘snap calls’ where someone hangs straight up but I actually didn’t mind them and could imagine someone at the other end too frightened to speak. I’d estimate only about 20% of my calls were calls where I genuinely feel like I made a difference, which is why I left in the end. Speaking with other volunteers, I think the shift you’re on can make a difference (I was 7am on Friday mornings; my friend did 7am on Sunday mornings and hardly ever got any wanky calls).
 
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If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.
Could you link to the mumsnet thread, if that’s allowed, please?
 
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I won't share Samaritims for these reasons. They may be told not to give advice but they still share damaging opinions.
The night I was raped, I rang Samaritans in distress, suicidal and drugged by the perpetrator. The woman I spoke to made me feel such shame and humiliation that it took me years before I could tell anyone else about the rape. I don't know if it was one bad apple or what, but it really screwed me up and allowed a rapist to escape justice.
 
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The night I was raped, I rang Samaritans in distress, suicidal and drugged by the perpetrator. The woman I spoke to made me feel such shame and humiliation that it took me years before I could tell anyone else about the rape. I don't know if it was one bad apple or what, but it really screwed me up and allowed a rapist to escape justice.
I am so sorry you went through that
 
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What do you mean? Surely the whole point is to talk someone out of it?

Also no idea what the last sentence means so maybe you could clarify?
I’m a Samaritan and the stance is that we can’t tell anyone what to do. We’re not there to convince you shouldn’t kill your self. We’re there to listen to that person, have them talk out all the things that are bothering them etc. For many people it’s the first time they’ve actually said out loud their suicidal thoughts, often those thoughts end up closely guarded in their heads, therefore it can be a helpful release. The Samaritans offers a way of talking about those thoughts out loud and hopefully working through them. But it’s not my right to take away your freedom of choice. Ultimately if you want to commit suicidal that is something you’re ‘allowed’ to do. Obviously we’re not recommending it either. I’m not sure about the comment on facilitating abuse that someone else mentioned - I haven’t come across that in my time of volunteering.
 
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Interesting. I had no idea. I'm not sure why you mentioned Trans people in your original post though. You'd think they would be allowed to hang up these kinds of calls where they are being sexually harassed.
It's not a case of simply hanging up, the callers are very manipulative and sometimes it's too late before you realise it's not a genuine call.

Agree with previous poster that the vast majority of calls I took were sex calls, that's the reason i have up because I was sick of giving up my nights and dealing with absolute perverts. It used to be one of the only helplines available through the night, hence the reason for the perverts.
 
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The night I was raped, I rang Samaritans in distress, suicidal and drugged by the perpetrator. The woman I spoke to made me feel such shame and humiliation that it took me years before I could tell anyone else about the rape. I don't know if it was one bad apple or what, but it really screwed me up and allowed a rapist to escape justice.
I'm so sorry you went thorough that. How are you now? I hope you're ok x
 
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If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.
Why on earth are you told not to try and change their mind? That is dreadful.
 
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In the past I’ve rang Samaritans a few times and had mixed experiences. I was in an abusive relationship and felt psychologically ruined, I’d been isolated from my friends and family so couldn’t talk to them. Sadly my only option felt like calling the Samaritans. Some of the volunteers were so helpful, comforting me and giving me the pep talk I needed to hear. I remember one woman in particular promised to call back in a few hours to check up on me, which she did. Just having someone to listen was invaluable help at the time and if the service was that consistently good I would’ve called more than I did

I didn’t have any bad experiences that I particularly remember but some volunteers came across as unempathetic and condescending. I’d just hang up and feel even more alone. I can imagine some people might have a first experience like that and be put off using the service again or harm themselves

The text service is awful. Took hours to respond and was obviously manned by different people so you couldn’t have a conversation. I attempted to use it a couple of times when I felt too choked up to talk

Reading what some volunteers go through makes me very sad. I do think it’s a traumatic place to volunteer anyway, because you’re dealing with people who might be very mentally ill and you have to listen to some difficult things. I can imagine the burden it would feel like, and it makes me sick to imagine that some people use it for pleasure
 
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I was very specifically trained to not change the mind of a suicidal caller. I was told to be respectful of their choice and be an empathetic, listening voice.
 
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In the past I’ve rang Samaritans a few times and had mixed experiences. I was in an abusive relationship and felt psychologically ruined, I’d been isolated from my friends and family so couldn’t talk to them. Sadly my only option felt like calling the Samaritans. Some of the volunteers were so helpful, comforting me and giving me the pep talk I needed to hear. I remember one woman in particular promised to call back in a few hours to check up on me, which she did. Just having someone to listen was invaluable help at the time and if the service was that consistently good I would’ve called more than I did

I didn’t have any bad experiences that I particularly remember but some volunteers came across as unempathetic and condescending. I’d just hang up and feel even more alone. I can imagine some people might have a first experience like that and be put off using the service again or harm themselves

The text service is awful. Took hours to respond and was obviously manned by different people so you couldn’t have a conversation. I attempted to use it a couple of times when I felt too choked up to talk

Reading what some volunteers go through makes me very sad. I do think it’s a traumatic place to volunteer anyway, because you’re dealing with people who might be very mentally ill and you have to listen to some difficult things. I can imagine the burden it would feel like, and it makes me sick to imagine that some people use it for pleasure
I always wanted to spend my time doing texts and emails because I felt that people who used those methods were less likely to be doing it to waste time like the ones who made prank or sex calls. Unfortunately, at my branch, there was a massive emphasis about being available to take calls because they didn’t want people to call and not get an answer. I felt some of the older volunteers probably didn’t understand that these days people sometimes prefer texting or emailing because it’s easier for them to talk without having to actually speak.

Re: sex calls, Google ‘Brenda Line Samaritans’. I met a ‘Brenda’ in my branch and just couldn’t imagine this sweet wee lady being Brenda!

I was very specifically trained to not change the mind of a suicidal caller. I was told to be respectful of their choice and be an empathetic, listening voice.
You can be respectful of their choice and still talk to them about not doing it. If you’ve discussed other options and they don’t feel any different, you can’t tell them their wrong to still feel the same. It’s all about the ‘non judgmental’ approach of Samaritans.

Edit: BTW, that’s not a criticism of you, Basicbasic but probably of the training you were given.
 
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I always wanted to spend my time doing texts and emails because I felt that people who used those methods were less likely to be doing it to waste time like the ones who made prank or sex calls. Unfortunately, at my branch, there was a massive emphasis about being available to take calls because they didn’t want people to call and not get an answer. I felt some of the older volunteers probably didn’t understand that these days people sometimes prefer texting or emailing because it’s easier for them to talk without having to actually speak.

Re: sex calls, Google ‘Brenda Line Samaritans’. I met a ‘Brenda’ in my branch and just couldn’t imagine this sweet wee lady being Brenda!
Yes, I agree with you about the texts and emails. I do think Samaritans needs to move with the times and I was surprised that the service was so awful, hopefully more emphasis will be put on it in the future

Mixed feelings about the Brenda line! The name does not fit at all either
 
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