The Samaritans

[Isa Drennan]

Note in this thread the use of inappropriate language. People don’t use the term “commit” anymore as it implies suicide is a crime. Seen another comment about “manipulative callers”. Anyone presenting in a mental health crisis isn’t manipulative, anyone disclosing suicidal ideation isn’t manipulative, if that’s your response to their disclosure, please seek clinical supervision. Someone presenting in distress isn’t trying to manipulative you, even if they have a specific diagnosis and capacity/insight.

This isn’t just an issue unique to the Samaritans. Third sector mental health support lines often have similar policies. It’s tough, as they do excellent gatekeeping for people presenting in crisis or waiting on CMHT referrals under the NHS.

Childline won’t contact social work or the police if a caller discloses abuse, unless the perpetrator works in a position of power e.g teacher, where they have quick means to access other potential victims. Entirely different from the NHS, counselling practice and working in any setting with children, where a disclosure would lead to immediate sharing with the Police.

Samaritans do provide an excellent service for patients. Not ashamed to say I’ve utilised their service previously. The work they do is fantastic, it’s unfortunate a small minority of callers aren’t using the service appropriately. The service is designed to be impartial, if you feel a Samaritan hasn’t been empathetic please complain, so they can improve their service!

 

[BlahBlahSheep]

In the past I’ve rang Samaritans a few times and had mixed experiences. I was in an abusive relationship and felt psychologically ruined, I’d been isolated from my friends and family so couldn’t talk to them. Sadly my only option felt like calling the Samaritans. Some of the volunteers were so helpful, comforting me and giving me the pep talk I needed to hear. I remember one woman in particular promised to call back in a few hours to check up on me, which she did. Just having someone to listen was invaluable help at the time and if the service was that consistently good I would’ve called more than I did

I didn’t have any bad experiences that I particularly remember but some volunteers came across as unempathetic and condescending. I’d just hang up and feel even more alone. I can imagine some people might have a first experience like that and be put off using the service again or harm themselves

The text service is awful. Took hours to respond and was obviously manned by different people so you couldn’t have a conversation. I attempted to use it a couple of times when I felt too choked up to talk

Reading what some volunteers go through makes me very sad. I do think it’s a traumatic place to volunteer anyway, because you’re dealing with people who might be very mentally ill and you have to listen to some difficult things. I can imagine the burden it would feel like, and it makes me sick to imagine that some people use it for pleasure

I always wanted to spend my time doing texts and emails because I felt that people who used those methods were less likely to be doing it to waste time like the ones who made prank or sex calls. Unfortunately, at my branch, there was a massive emphasis about being available to take calls because they didn’t want people to call and not get an answer. I felt some of the older volunteers probably didn’t understand that these days people sometimes prefer texting or emailing because it’s easier for them to talk without having to actually speak.

Re: sex calls, Google ‘Brenda Line Samaritans’. I met a ‘Brenda’ in my branch and just couldn’t imagine this sweet wee lady being Brenda!

I was very specifically trained to not change the mind of a suicidal caller. I was told to be respectful of their choice and be an empathetic, listening voice.

You can be respectful of their choice and still talk to them about not doing it. If you’ve discussed other options and they don’t feel any different, you can’t tell them their wrong to still feel the same. It’s all about the ‘non judgmental’ approach of Samaritans.

Edit: BTW, that’s not a criticism of you, Basicbasic but probably of the training you were given.

 

[bubbletea123]

If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.

Why on earth are you told not to try and change their mind? That is dreadful.

 

[Whatspopping]

I used to be a Samaritan, and I think the wider view of the organisation is to respect the choice of the individual. It then depends on the stance of your branch. In ours we were encouraged to air on side of life, and encourage the caller to seek support, or we would even offer to phone an ambulance on their behalf if they disclosed their location.

I would recommend volunteering if you want to go on to train to be a Therapist or Mental Health worker. Three years volunteering taught me so much. I now have a role for the NHS and a lot of what I learnt as a Sam has proven useful.

 

[ChloChlo]

I've turnt to the samiritans. What life threw at me at the time was pretty unbearable. I had lost everything and everyone was carrying on with their lives. I was in an emotionally poor place and was hanging on by a thread. I hung up in frustration. My handler seemed cold and I felt was just paraphrasing me. It wasn't worth my time. I curled up into a ball thinking even more low of myself I was that desperate to call strangers.

 

[Brightstar72]

If someone calls Samaritans saying they want to kill themselves as a volunteer your cannot talk them out of it. That is the biggest no no. Instead you have to ask if they've thought of how to do it, what plans they have to do it etc etc. You have to go against instinct and every fibre in you wants to say no, don't do it because your are loved and this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But you can't. Also the vast, vast majority of calls to Samaritans are sex callers who can be very very manipulative, and can leave female volunteers feeling very distressed. There's a great mumsnet thread on this very issue. I'll leave it there for now.

Could you link to the mumsnet thread, if that’s allowed, please?

 

[Meh]

I’ve never had to contact Samaritans but I do support their work and contribute financially monthly.

Perhaps a controversial opinion but I can completely understand the Samaritans (and other helplines) policy on non-forcing, leading or pushing interventions. If someone is in crisis, a stranger on the phone telling them reasons why they should not complete the act isn’t going to help. However, a person listening to them, talking openly (without judgement) about their thoughts / plans may actually be what they needed to step back from carrying through that time. I’m no mental health expert but there really is something to the Samaritans “small talk saves lives”campaign they ran with Network Rail. That small interjection, of routine conversation, with a stranger can really have an impact.

Ultimately, if a person wants to complete suicide then that is their free choice to do so. This is obviously heartbreaking for them, for their families and loved ones that it reached that point. However, they aren’t doing anything wrong.

Suicide, depression and all the many varied reasons that lead to it suck. I just hope that anyone reading this who may be feeling in a bad state of mind reach out, talk and get support. And remember you’re not alone.

 

[Isa Drennan]

I admire anyone who works on these kind of helplines. I really wanted to and about ten or so years ago I went for some training for a women’s helpline (can’t remember which one) but I didn’t even get past the first training session. I am very emotional and ended up crying when I was told about some of of the stuff I may have to deal with.

I didn’t even think that perverted men is something that you’d have to deal with. I am truly shocked and feel sick and saddened at the thought of it. What is wrong with these people? Why do they get off on something like this? There are some twisted people in this world

They’re just testing your boundaries. Seeing if you’ll react. It’s the same with abusive callers who deliberately swear

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I used to be a Sam. There were definitely more sex calls than genuine ones, we were allowed to be firm and to hang up. We werent to offer advice or signpost, or to change minds. It was a space to be heard. I overheard a call where the person went ahead and committed suicide and the atmosphere was horrible. I wouldnt do it again.

 

[Gertrude]

I admire anyone who works on these kind of helplines. I really wanted to and about ten or so years ago I went for some training for a women’s helpline (can’t remember which one) but I didn’t even get past the first training session. I am very emotional and ended up crying when I was told about some of of the stuff I may have to deal with.

I didn’t even think that perverted men is something that you’d have to deal with. I am truly shocked and feel sick and saddened at the thought of it. What is wrong with these people? Why do they get off on something like this? There are some twisted people in this world

 

[Basicbasic]

I was very specifically trained to not change the mind of a suicidal caller. I was told to be respectful of their choice and be an empathetic, listening voice.

 

[Greatbutton]

I'm also anti Samaritans, I'm an ex volunteer. They have a very peculiar stance on 'supporting' callers who call in wanting to kill themselves, it is totally against policy to try and change someone's mind. They also facilitate the abuse of women by transgender (male) and paedophile callers. I think they've really lost their way.

What do you mean? Surely the whole point is to talk someone out of it?

Also no idea what the last sentence means so maybe you could clarify?

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

I rang them once as I was really down and one of my kids had just pushed my buttons a bit too hard
she wasn’t bothered about what I had to say-just my age,area and was I white?
i hung up

 

[chocolate choux]

I always wanted to spend my time doing texts and emails because I felt that people who used those methods were less likely to be doing it to waste time like the ones who made prank or sex calls. Unfortunately, at my branch, there was a massive emphasis about being available to take calls because they didn’t want people to call and not get an answer. I felt some of the older volunteers probably didn’t understand that these days people sometimes prefer texting or emailing because it’s easier for them to talk without having to actually speak.

Re: sex calls, Google ‘Brenda Line Samaritans’. I met a ‘Brenda’ in my branch and just couldn’t imagine this sweet wee lady being Brenda!

Yes, I agree with you about the texts and emails. I do think Samaritans needs to move with the times and I was surprised that the service was so awful, hopefully more emphasis will be put on it in the future

Mixed feelings about the Brenda line! The name does not fit at all either

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

I’m a Samaritan and the stance is that we can’t tell anyone what to do. We’re not there to convince you shouldn’t kill your self. We’re there to listen to that person, have them talk out all the things that are bothering them etc. For many people it’s the first time they’ve actually said out loud their suicidal thoughts, often those thoughts end up closely guarded in their heads, therefore it can be a helpful release. The Samaritans offers a way of talking about those thoughts out loud and hopefully working through them. But it’s not my right to take away your freedom of choice. Ultimately if you want to commit suicidal that is something you’re ‘allowed’ to do. Obviously we’re not recommending it either. I’m not sure about the comment on facilitating abuse that someone else mentioned - I haven’t come across that in my time of volunteering.

I used to work with a different mental health helpline (not the Samaritans) and it was the same stance too as you have mentioned. We are not to tell someone not to kill themselves, you talk to them... gauge if there is any true intention to do so or just thoughts etc. Ultimately as you mentioned above, we cannot tell someone what to do.. and most of the time if they are calling up it is because they deep down don’t want to do it and therefore won’t do it.. they just want someone to talk to

 

[BlahBlahSheep]

Mixed feelings about the Brenda line! The name does not fit at all either

I know! Brenda?!

 

[Maid22]

Am sorry to hear about bad experiences, I used them many years ago, ended up speaking to the same person each time, they'll never know how much help they were at one of my darkest times.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Throughout many years, I have felt the need to speak to the Samaritans - not because I felt sucicidal, but because I was dealing with deeply emotional difficulties - bereavements ect. I have had a mixture of experiences, some Sams were great listeners, and really helped me. Some were not helpful, and I would leave a session feeling quite vulnerable.
When I was in a stronger place emotionally, I applied to become a Samaritan. In the first part of training, we were informed that If a caller was sucidal, we were not supposed to intervene, just let the caller carry on with it. I did not return after this session. I'm not sure if this policy is the same, if someone came to the Samaritan centre in person. This was quite a few years ago though.
There have been a few times recently, when I really needed to speak to the Samaritans face to face, but of course we can't. The last one that I spoke to on the phone, was helpful and reassuring. I guess it is the luck of the draw. I hope this does not discourage people from contacting the Samaritans, if they really need to talk.

 

[BlahBlahSheep]

Why on earth are you told not to try and change their mind? That is dreadful.

You’re not told that (or shouldn’t be told that anyway). Please read my post #6 and someone else’s post #12

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

I got halfway through the training and quit after a practice call ended in tears for me. I froze and didn’t know what to say, totally lost confidence. Looking back I now know I was on a downward spiral with my own mental health and had I got any further with training I wouldn’t have lasted much longer.
Im not sure if I would consider it again in the future, I used to volunteer for a similar organisation for students, but Samaritans was a whole other level. I don’t know if I could listen to someone talk about something awful they’ve done (for example, they’ve abused someone) and not be able to do anything about it.