“The other women”

[Begborrowsteal]

But why wouldnt it be down to morals and self respect? The man absolutely is the *cheat* and responsible for breaking that relationship. But why would you bleep off another woman/person by knowingly helping their partner to cheat? You dont owe any loyalty, but its so far from decent to do to someone, ya know?

If someone wants to cheat, they absolutely will. But why be the person they use for that? If you only want sex, why get it from someone you know has a partner/family etc? I just find it really hard to understand the shut down of empathy/consideration? The two guys who pretended to be single with me, theyre scummy cheats and I feel sorry for their (seemingly) oblivious partners. The woman who entertained my OH? She got a bollocking from me, because she had met me and spoke to me, I often asked after her and we went to a party together.. it felt really calculated and beyond crappy. But the OH? All hell broke lose for him!

 

[Rue Git Le Couer]

From a different point of view, one of my friends found out 7 years ago her husband had been having an affair for about 6 months with someone from his work.
He did the whole begging, it’ll never happen again thing & she chose to take him back.
They went to counselling & have since gone on to have 2 children & have a fantastic marriage.
She actually credits his affair as being the best thing that could have happened to their marriage as it made them open about their true feelings on certain things they’d been keeping to themselves & now she feels they have a very open & honest relationship

 

[justheretoread99]

But why wouldnt it be down to morals and self respect? The man absolutely is the *cheat* and responsible for breaking that relationship. But why would you bleep off another woman/person by knowingly helping their partner to cheat? You dont owe any loyalty, but its so far from decent to do to someone, ya know?

If someone wants to cheat, they absolutely will. But why be the person they use for that? If you only want sex, why get it from someone you know has a partner/family etc? I just find it really hard to understand the shut down of empathy/consideration? The two guys who pretended to be single with me, theyre scummy cheats and I feel sorry for their (seemingly) oblivious partners. The woman who entertained my OH? She got a bollocking from me, because she had met me and spoke to me, I often asked after her and we went to a party together.. it felt really calculated and beyond crappy. But the OH? All hell broke lose for him!

Because people aren’t property. “Knowingly helping their partner to cheat” I’m sorry but
No one needs help to cheat. If someone wants to cheat that’s their sole decision to make. Not the other woman. She’s going to get down with it regardless. But the man? Needing help to cheat by the other woman. Don’t be naive, it’s the cheat in this situation that is traaassshhh.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Because people aren’t property. “Knowingly helping their partner to cheat” I’m sorry but
No one needs help to cheat. If someone wants to cheat that’s their sole decision to make. Not the other woman. She’s going to get down with it regardless. But the man? Needing help to cheat by the other woman. Don’t be naive, it’s the cheat in this situation that is traaassshhh.

Ok, drop the attitude when i'm just discussing the topic

Why let yourself be 'the bit on the side', why let yourself be viewed/treated/disrespected like that? & if its just sex, why not get that from someone single? I don't understand the emotional disconnect. As a woman on the side, you are essentially assisting that man to cheat

Again - the man IS to blame. I just personally think if a woman knowingly gets involved, its callous of her.

 

[justheretoread99]

Ok, drop the attitude when i'm just discussing the topic

Why let yourself be 'the bit on the side', why let yourself be viewed/treated/disrespected like that? & if its just sex, why not get that from someone single? I don't understand the emotional disconnect. As a woman on the side, you are essentially assisting that man to cheat

Again - the man IS to blame. I just personally think if a woman knowingly gets involved, its callous of her.

Im sorry if it comes across as an attitude via typing but Im honestly not giving attitude at all.

If some women are okay with being “the bit on the side” then that’s completely up to them. Not illegal. If they truly love the guy why should they step back and look for someone else who’s “single?”

If a no strings attached situation is what both parties are happy with then the woman is in no way letting herself “be disrespected”. It’s not the 1950’s. Not all women want to be tied down in unhappy marriages. If they want to duck about they can.

A woman on the side is not assisting to cheat though. There’s no assisting about it. If the man wants to cheat, he most definitely will.

A cheat will not need or look for assistance. They will just do it.

You don’t understand the emotional disconnect (which is fine) and I don’t understand the bitterness towards the other woman when it’s the mans decision to cheat. (which is also fine)

We are clearly going to have to agree to disagree on the “morals”

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Im sorry if it comes across as an attitude via typing but Im honestly not giving attitude at all.

If some women are okay with being “the bit on the side” then that’s completely up to them. Not illegal. If they truly love the guy why should they step back and look for someone else who’s “single?”

If a no strings attached situation is what both parties are happy with then the woman is in no way letting herself “be disrespected”. It’s not the 1950’s. Not all women want to be tied down in unhappy marriages. If they want to duck about they can.

A woman on the side is not assisting to cheat though. There’s no assisting about it. If the man wants to cheat, he most definitely will.

A cheat will not need or look for assistance. They will just do it.

You don’t understand the emotional disconnect (which is fine) and I don’t understand the bitterness towards the other woman when it’s the mans decision to cheat. (which is also fine)

We are clearly going to have to agree to disagree on the “morals”

Its not bitterness - its callous to knowingly do something that will hurt someone else, when its for your own selfish needs? This doesnt negate that the responsibility lies with the man though. A man absolutely will cheat if he wants to, of course, I agree. I just dont know why a woman would allow herself to be that person?

If someone is unhappy in a relationship, they need to stop being a coward and end it. Its not the 1950s, and we dont have to stay to save face/for the kids etc. Why get into all the messiness of affairs etc, ya know?

Its not always love though. Like a previous poster said, they didnt care, they 'get on better with men', and just wanted sex - in that type of situation, why not just have that with a single bloke? Why make it messy?

 

[Oohthedrama]

Ok, drop the attitude when i'm just discussing the topic

Why let yourself be 'the bit on the side', why let yourself be viewed/treated/disrespected like that? & if its just sex, why not get that from someone single? I don't understand the emotional disconnect. As a woman on the side, you are essentially assisting that man to cheat

Again - the man IS to blame. I just personally think if a woman knowingly gets involved, its callous of her.

I think it’s really interesting to see this thread is very sympathetic to the woman who’s taken part in the affair.
(I say woman because it’s about “the other woman” but I know further back we also had a woman who fucked over her husband and had an affair with someone else)

I might be wrong but I’d always assume anyone defending the other woman has been in that position and have a guilty conscience, although this will be denied.

btw I don’t include people who have been lied to when I’m making comments here, I’m talking about women who enter into a relationship with a married man when they’re fully aware he’s married, even if it’s a marriage of convenience “just for the kids” etc.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I think it’s really interesting to see this thread is very sympathetic to the woman who’s taken part in the affair.
(I say woman because it’s about “the other woman” but I know further back we also had a woman who fucked over her husband and had an affair with someone else)

I might be wrong but I’d always assume anyone defending the other woman has been in that position and have a guilty conscience, although this will be denied.

btw I don’t include perwho have been lied to when I’m making comments here, I’m talking about women who enter into a relationship with a married man when they’re fully aware he’s married, even if it’s “just for the kids” etc.

I really find it difficult to imagine/understand that emotional disconnect. To knowingly potentially hurt someone innocent.. it just feels cruel?

 

[Oohthedrama]

Like a previous poster said, they didnt care, they 'get on better with men', and just wanted sex

Exactly , there aren’t that many on this thread yet we still have a few who willingly admit to not giving a crap. Or admit to making a move on a married man.
Both are in the wrong,
When kids are involved it’s even worse.

 

[justheretoread99]

Its not bitterness - its callous to knowingly do something that will hurt someone else, when its for your own selfish needs? This doesnt negate that the responsibility lies with the man though. A man absolutely will cheat if he wants to, of course, I agree. I just dont know why a woman would allow herself to be that person?

If someone is unhappy in a relationship, they need to stop being a coward and end it. Its not the 1950s, and we dont have to stay to save face/for the kids etc. Why get into all the messiness of affairs etc, ya know?

Its not always love though. Like a previous poster said, they didnt care, they 'get on better with men', and just wanted sex - in that type of situation, why not just have that with a single bloke? Why make it messy?

At the end of the day though the “other woman” will go for what she wants. What if she doesn’t like any of the single blokes she’s met? If she wants to get involved with a married man it’s not her fault he decides to cheat. That’s it really.

& I genuinely mean this if you’ve been involved in cheating I truly do hope you’re okay and have had/got the support. It’s heartbreaking to go through but nothing will ever change the decision of the other woman and the cheater.

My opinion is there’s no point going after and wasting emotion on “the other woman”. (Unless they were a close friend). If the other woman is a complete random then blaming her isn’t going to make anyone feel better

I think it’s really interesting to see this thread is very sympathetic to the woman who’s taken part in the affair.
(I say woman because it’s about “the other woman” but I know further back we also had a woman who fucked over her husband and had an affair with someone else)

I might be wrong but I’d always assume anyone defending the other woman has been in that position and have a guilty conscience, although this will be denied.

btw I don’t include perwho have been lied to when I’m making comments here, I’m talking about women who enter into a relationship with a married man when they’re fully aware he’s married, even if it’s “just for the kids” etc.

Ive seen friends and family members go through being cheated on and it’s soul destroying. I have upmost sympathy to anyone who has been cheated on. none of my friends ever blamed the other girl. Even when we were teenagers at school. The cheater is always the one in the wrong.

But this is “the other woman” thread and I just can’t get my head around the comments like “ohh why can’t these women have self respect and morals” Like if a single woman wants to have Sex she should damn right have sex. If the man is married it’s his call to either leave his wife or cheat.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

At the end of the day though the “other woman” will go for what she wants. What if she doesn’t like any of the single blokes she’s met? If she wants to get involved with a married man it’s not her fault he decides to cheat. That’s it really.

& I genuinely mean this if you’ve been involved in cheating I truly do hope you’re okay and have had/got the support. It’s heartbreaking to go through but nothing will ever change the decision of the other woman and the cheater.

My opinion is there’s no point going after and wasting emotion on “the other woman”. (Unless they were a close friend). If the other woman is a complete random then blaming her isn’t going to make anyone feel better



Ive seen friends and family members go through being cheated on and it’s soul destroying. I have upmost sympathy to anyone who has been cheated on. none of my friends ever blamed the other girl. Even when we were teenagers at school. The cheater is always the one in the wrong.

But this is “the other woman” thread and I just can’t get my head around the comments like “ohh why can’t these women have self respect and morals” Like if a single woman wants to have Sex she should damn right have sex. If the man is married it’s his call to either leave his wife or cheat.

We wiiiiiildly disagree its on the man to remain faithful, 100% agree. Imo, theres just no excuse for knowingly entertaining an involved man. Its a morals things for me. I know there are some who dont care, and it baffles me and I find it quite sad. I just wouldnt want to take part in hurting another woman like that, ya know? Not even in a 'woooo sisterhood ' way, just.. i dont want to knowingly hurt someone innocent.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Like if a single woman wants to have Sex she should damn right have sex. If the man is married it’s his call to either leave his wife or cheat.

I mean, I want my neighbours car but I don’t think it’s my right to rock up to her house and take the keys because I want it. It’s not my fault the alarm didn’t go off, clearly the car shouldn’t have opened for me, it’s the car’s fault it knew it belongs to my neighbour

I thought I was a witch but damn I’m not as bad as I thought!

I am glad we can discuss it without the aggression/shutting down of conversation we’ve seen on here in the past however!

 

[Peaches_xox]

I might be wrong but I’d always assume anyone defending the other woman has been in that position and have a guilty conscience, although this will be denied.

So essentially you can’t share your opinion without being accused of being ‘the other women’ at one point in your life. Honestly what’s the point in a thread like this. It’s coming across as we must bash ‘the other women’ and if you don’t agree you must be the other women.

 

[Oohthedrama]

People who have been the other woman reading this thread not wanting to be called trash

well obviously they don’t want a mirror held up to them, nobody does when deep down they know what they’ve done is wrong and trashy.

(not including anyone who’s been lied to and led to believe the man is single, just the women who know what they’re getting into and still do it)

 

[Peaches_xox]

well obviously they don’t want a mirror held up to them, nobody does when deep down they know what they’ve done is wrong and trashy.

(not including anyone who’s been lied to and led to believe the man is single, just the women who know what they’re getting into and still do it)

We’re back with trashy I see

 

[Oohthedrama]

So essentially you can’t share your opinion without being accused of being ‘the other women’ at one point in your life. Honestly what’s the point in a thread like this. It’s coming across as we must bash ‘the other women’ and if you don’t agree you must be the other women.

“I might be wrong” “I always assume”
the first sentence of my post.
this is, I will say again, my opinion, i have had a brilliant conversation with @justheretoread99 and openly encourage and enjoy debates like this. We CLEARLY disagree but still remain friendly.

however, not posts like this.

 

[justheretoread99]

I mean, I want my neighbours car but I don’t think it’s my right to rock up to her house and take the keys because I want it. It’s not my fault the alarm didn’t go off, clearly the car shouldn’t have opened for me, it’s the car’s fault it knew it belongs to my neighbour

I thought I was a witch but damn I’m not as bad as I thought!

I am glad we can discuss it without the aggression/shutting down of conversation we’ve seen on here in the past however!

A car is a possession though. It is owned by someone.

A human being is not a possession. A human makes their own decisions. Although a stupid and tit decision, the married party makes that decision to cheat.

I’ve personally never cheated on someone. Hopefully never will. And hopefully will never get involved with a “taken” person, as I really am a witch because I don’t like to share If I get cheated on best believe I’ll never speak to him again. I might look up the other woman on social media but hopefully I’ll have enough self respect to not blame her for what my OH decided to do x

 

[Peaches_xox]

“I might be wrong” “I always assume”

the first sentence of my post.
this is, I will say again, my opinion, i have had a brilliant conversation with @justheretoread99 and openly encourage and enjoy debates like this.

however, not posts like this.

It doesn’t feel like an open debate when you’re consistently reading things like ‘what the women does is morally wrong and trash.’ It’s reading like a factual statement which it’s not - instead of an opinion which it is.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

It doesn’t feel like an open debate when you’re consistently reading things like ‘what the women does is morally wrong and trash.’ It’s reading like a factual statement which it’s not - instead of an opinion which it is.

Thats your reading of it though? Ive said morally wrong, as my opinion. If its read another way, thats on the persons perception.

 

[Oohthedrama]

It doesn’t feel like an open debate when you’re consistently reading things like ‘what the women does is morally wrong and trash.’ It’s reading like a factual statement which it’s not - instead of an opinion which it is.

peaches this thread is defending “the other woman” about 80% of the time,
Someone came on here and shared their story about being cheated on and they were told to go post somewhere else, I’ve been asked why I’m here/told to leave which I will not do.
It feels like when you criticise the “other woman” you’re pretty much abused or reported at this point, it’s a very hostile thread and unfortunately, if you post about a subject like this you’re going to get a variation of replies, sure we’ve even had people admit to going after married men ffs!
Just don’t let it trigger you so much and if it does, skip my posts,
I can’t put THIS IS MY OPINION in every post but I’ve made sure to repeat it enough times so people know it’s my opinion, hope that’s ok.

I have also in the past apologised for saying the woman herself was trash (even though it was a general comment not aimed at one person) and instead I think it’s a trashy thing to do, scanky might be a better word)