The impacts of sex work

[rosarosa]

I didn’t have any, I worked alone and nobody knew what I was doing so I had nobody to tell. I used a fake name, that’s about it. I was making it up as I went along, I’m sure there are others who were more sensible, and I’m not sure if there are protocols in place at agencies (I’d assume there are). The approach I took was not safe - I did come to harm and I was lucky it wasn’t worse.

Though actually, having said that, I eventually whittled down my client list to a handful of regulars (and then went into an exclusive arrangement with one). That was a lot less stressful and I was actually able to improve my mental health during that period. So this may be what people are referring to when they say they prefer independence?

wow I am so happy ntohing terrible happened to you. How did you hide it from friends/family etc in terms of how you were earning money?

Friends knew I was a stripper so they assumed that’s how I made money. My siblings were all children so they had no idea. I told my parents I was temping, dad took that at face value, mum knew something didn’t stack up and I eventually said I worked in a topless bar. She was worried sick but we had a v poor relationship at the time (much improved now). Part of my motivation to do SW was so I didn’t have to be at home.

 

[Mascaragirl]

I didn’t have any, I worked alone and nobody knew what I was doing so I had nobody to tell. I used a fake name, that’s about it. I was making it up as I went along, I’m sure there are others who were more sensible, and I’m not sure if there are protocols in place at agencies (I’d assume there are). The approach I took was not safe - I did come to harm and I was lucky it wasn’t worse.

Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry you came to harm. I would hope agencies would protect their workers but you never know.

 

[emm]

Though actually, having said that, I eventually whittled down my client list to a handful of regulars (and then went into an exclusive arrangement with one). That was a lot less stressful and I was actually able to improve my mental health during that period. So this may be what people are referring to when they say they prefer independence?



Friends knew I was a stripper so they assumed that’s how I made money. My siblings were all children so they had no idea. I told my parents I was temping, dad took that at face value, mum knew something didn’t stack up and I eventually said I worked in a topless bar. She was worried sick but we had a v poor relationship at the time (much improved now). Part of my motivation to do SW was so I didn’t have to be at home.

thanks, very interesting, do you think you would have done it if your relationship with your mum had been better and you didn't just want to be out of the house?

 

[rosarosa]

thanks, very interesting, do you think you would have done it if your relationship with your mum had been better and you didn't just want to be out of the house?

Difficult to say, but I suspect I would not have. My main motivations were (1) money (debt problems and feeling left behind wealthier peers at uni), (2) getting away from home, and (3) acting out some kind of sexual psychodrama that I didn’t understand at the time but now realise was probably linked to childhood sex abuse.

 

[Lanavalentine]

I’m sorry to read your experiences @rosarosa, but thank you for your honesty. I really hope you’re in a good place now.

 

[emm]

Difficult to say, but I suspect I would not have. My main motivations were (1) money (debt problems and feeling left behind wealthier peers at uni), (2) getting away from home, and (3) acting out some kind of sexual psychodrama that I didn’t understand at the time but now realise was probably linked to childhood sex abuse.

Sorry to bombard you with questions, but this is so interesting, and much more nuanced than the other SW thread. Did you find most other women you met when doing poledancing (or if you met others in SW) had other similar issues that pushed them into this line of work?

 

[rosarosa]

I’m sorry to read your experiences @rosarosa, but thank you for your honesty. I really hope you’re in a good place now.

Honestly, I can’t believe how well life turned out. I’m good now, have very little to complain about. Lingering MH issues but I have learned to manage them. I have to stress I hold a lot of privileges that many don’t have, and this is why I think it’s dangerous for white MC cis women to dominate the conversation about SW. I don’t think we are representative of the majority.

Sorry to bombard you with questions, but this is so interesting, and much more nuanced than the other SW thread. Did you find most other women you met when doing poledancing (or if you met others in SW) had other similar issues that pushed them into this line of work?

Not at all, I feel passionately about it and rarely get to share my thoughts! Unfortunately though I really wouldn’t be able to answer this - it would all be conjecture and certainly nobody told me anything like this has happened to them. Also worth saying that childhood experiences like mine are much more common than many people think. Used to volunteer for a protection charity and they estimated approx 1 in 10 kids experience it. They don’t all go into SW, so I am wary of drawing a straight line between the two. But for me I think it was a factor.

 

[Renata]

Difficult to say, but I suspect I would not have. My main motivations were (1) money (debt problems and feeling left behind wealthier peers at uni), (2) getting away from home, and (3) acting out some kind of sexual psychodrama that I didn’t understand at the time but now realise was probably linked to childhood sex abuse.

The bit about wealthier peers is interesting…. I think the peer pressure is a bigger factor now.

Entry level salaries rarely pay a living wage so you get people growing up seeing all the glamour on socials & they want that. I wonder what triggers them from wanting to taking the action to sex for money etc.

Instagram seems to be a good tool to exploit this.

 

[Warpaint]

Programme about sex trafficking on channel 4 tonight at 9 -

Documentary following a three-year police investigation into a human trafficking gang kidnapping women in South America to be forced to work as prostitutes in the UK. The first episode begins with a covert police unit being tipped off to an organised crime group behind the trafficking, and explores how large-scale surveillance teams and undercover officers are employed to gather evidence on the organisation

 

[Renata]

Programme about sex trafficking on channel 4 tonight at 9 -

They mentioned adultwork!!!

Trafficking!

I cannot believe people want to go on there and find a sugar daddy. It’s a trafficking site.

This documentary highlights the danger of a punter taking off the condom and infecting the sw with HIV - another non glam part of the sugar baby / prostituting

 

[rosarosa]

The bit about wealthier peers is interesting…. I think the peer pressure is a bigger factor now.

Entry level salaries rarely pay a living wage so you get people growing up seeing all the glamour on socials & they want that. I wonder what triggers them from wanting to taking the action to sex for money etc.

Instagram seems to be a good tool to exploit this.

Yeah I can imagine this is the case. I did not grow up with social media and it wasn’t a factor for me but I can’t imagine it not having some effect now.

 

[If you say so...]

mad that this documentary on channel 4 shows these ugly older men bringing women in.... in the opening 5 minutes. That is a similar kind of man to the regional and general manager at the club I worked. they aren't the same men of course, but they are average to ugly looking old men with money to flash. My eyes are being opened so wide right now and I feel sick.

 

[katyazamo]

Exactly this! Glad I’m not the only one. I would have made no money at all if I’d just lain there. Ditto when people say you’re being treated like meat. For me it was more like you are treated as a kind of lesser, robot human. In a way I think it screws with your head even more because you have to actively engage with that, rather than just zoning out (which I’ll admit I often did during sex).

I also ran on adrenaline, and I drank a lot when I wasn’t working, plus other stress-induced behavioural problems (the shopping addiction I mentioned). It would take me several weeks to decompress after a period of working (I was on/off because of studies). It was not only the outright traumatic incidents that contributed to the PTSD, it was also this “mode” of existence, which really has an effect when you do it for years. I think the fact that I had to take breaks is what really saved me from the worse effects. Again, not a luxury everyone can afford.

Another thing that happened more recently when I started dealing with my experiences properly, is going into what I now call “zombie hooker mode” with my husband. Basically, where I would act out all the motions (I.e. not just lying there but actually doing/saying stuff) but he described it as like I wasn’t there. He found it v disturbing and would always stop and “bring me back” as soon as he noticed, but I wouldn’t remember any of it. Don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this or similar. I’ve been told it dissociation, another PTSD symptom. It’s freaky as hell, and it often makes me wonder about the guys who willingly had sex with me in that mode. Did they notice?

Yeah of course, it's hard to describe because on one hand I was very alert and aware of EVERYTHING, but would absolutely zone out at times, sometimes due to genuine boredom but also because I simply couldn't find it in me to engage with these men.

I was able to take breaks too (but a lot of women can't) and would live this crazy life when I did, clubbing and holidays, huge shopping trips etc and I know it's cliche to say but it was me trying to avoid being alone with my thoughts. I was good friends with a guy who was in a long-term arrangement with a wealthy older man and we'd spend a few thousand a week on nights out. Hate to think of how much money I threw away. So yeah, you can make good money but personally I wasn't managing it or thinking long-term. And needless to say the women who are trafficked here won't see a penny of that. It makes me quite angry when people assume sex workers are making bank - it's a very small minority and not sustainable.

 

[Lanavalentine]

Yeah of course, it's hard to describe because on one hand I was very alert and aware of EVERYTHING, but would absolutely zone out at times, sometimes due to genuine boredom but also because I simply couldn't find it in me to engage with these men.

I was able to take breaks too (but a lot of women can't) and would live this crazy life when I did, clubbing and holidays, huge shopping trips etc and I know it's cliche to say but it was me trying to avoid being alone with my thoughts. I was good friends with a guy who was in a long-term arrangement with a wealthy older man and we'd spend a few thousand a week on nights out. Hate to think of how much money I threw away. So yeah, you can make good money but personally I wasn't managing it or thinking long-term. And needless to say the women who are trafficked here won't see a penny of that. It makes me quite angry when people assume sex workers are making bank - it's a very small minority and not sustainable.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds mentally quite difficult and I hope you’re now in a good place. I don’t think you should beat yourself up about the money - sounds like you had fun and it was obviously a sort of coping mechanism for you. If it kept you mentally ok then it was money well spent, really.

Your bit I’ve bolded - I have to say, this is what I really have a problem with. I don’t have a moral issue with the idea of paying for sex; I’m not a prude. My main issue lies with the fact that we live in a patriarchy where women’s bodies are routinely used & abused, so I do not see women as being able to truly hold the power in the transaction of sex for money.

I want to be truly happy for the women who claim they’re making bank, love their job etc, but ultimately it feels so unrealistic and unsustainable. I’ve read too many stories from ex-sex workers who admit it was more difficult than they let on.

Furthermore, I don’t think it’s really possible to differentiate from trafficked victims to “empowered”, money-making, middle class sex workers on a wider level, as it all feeds into the same cycle: encouraging and actively allowing men to see women’s bodies as commodities that can be bought and paid for.

I don’t look down on anyone who does sex work, for any reason. However, I do feel really sad that we live in a society where sex work (including all types like performing in porn) is one of the easiest ways for women to attempt to make money. Clearly we do not live in a fair society.

Yes, there are male sex workers too, and while there are major safety concerns for any sex worker, men are just not subject to the same level of unfairness and abuse that women are in general (again, I mean in our patriarchal society).

 

[Renata]

@Lanavalentine

I also feel the same.

I cannot celebrate or endorse women living it up from the proceeds of an interaction with someone repulsive & old or thst they wouldn’t choose to have a “normal” relationship with.

On the other hand, I see a lot of cheating in relationships and how easily men pay for sex …


Men can detach from their actions more easily .

It’s a shame the recent documentary focused mostly on the police work in finding the pimps and only 15 min devoted to the plight of the trafficked women.

I don’t see a huge difference between the trafficked women and the sugar babies who turn into sw. the trafficked ones are stuck in a cycle they didn’t choose & cannot leave the sugar babies are also mentally stuck chasing more money and a lifestyle they need to keep up.

Both are prisoners.

 

[havinasnoop]