Yeah of course, it's hard to describe because on one hand I was very alert and aware of EVERYTHING, but would absolutely zone out at times, sometimes due to genuine boredom but also because I simply couldn't find it in me to engage with these men.
I was able to take breaks too (but a lot of women can't) and would live this crazy life when I did, clubbing and holidays, huge shopping trips etc and I know it's cliche to say but it was me trying to avoid being alone with my thoughts. I was good friends with a guy who was in a long-term arrangement with a wealthy older man and we'd spend a few thousand a week on nights out. Hate to think of how much money I threw away. So yeah, you can make good money but personally I wasn't managing it or thinking long-term. And needless to say the women who are trafficked here won't see a penny of that. It makes me quite angry when people assume sex workers are making bank - it's a very small minority and not sustainable.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds mentally quite difficult and I hope you’re now in a good place. I don’t think you should beat yourself up about the money - sounds like you had fun and it was obviously a sort of coping mechanism for you. If it kept you mentally ok then it was money well spent, really.
Your bit I’ve bolded - I have to say, this is what I really have a problem with. I don’t have a moral issue with the idea of paying for sex; I’m not a prude. My main issue lies with the fact that we live in a patriarchy where women’s bodies are routinely used & abused, so I do not see women as being able to truly hold the power in the transaction of sex for money.
I want to be truly happy for the women who claim they’re making bank, love their job etc, but ultimately it feels so unrealistic and unsustainable. I’ve read too many stories from ex-sex workers who admit it was more difficult than they let on.
Furthermore, I don’t think it’s really possible to differentiate from trafficked victims to “empowered”, money-making, middle class sex workers on a wider level, as it all feeds into the same cycle: encouraging and actively allowing men to see women’s bodies as commodities that can be bought and paid for.
I don’t look down on anyone who does sex work, for any reason. However, I do feel really sad that we live in a society where sex work (including all types like performing in porn) is one of the easiest ways for women to attempt to make money. Clearly we do not live in a fair society.
Yes, there are male sex workers too, and while there are major safety concerns for any sex worker, men are just not subject to the same level of unfairness and abuse that women are in general (again, I mean in our patriarchal society).