The Depression Thread

[LaBlonde]

@LaBlonde ; thanks for your wisdom. I have definitely spent a long time focusing on creating a fulfilling life and for whatever reason my strength has slipped lately. I just feel like it's all for nothing. Yes my life is objectively nice but I don't want to keep doing this alone for the next 40 years. I definitely need to shake this hollow sadness and try enjoy things again. I love Kim Cattrall, another good quote I read recently went something like 'falling in love can be the icing on the cake, but cake is already pretty good on its own'. Hopefully I can keep that in mind more often.

here it is, i knew i would find it somewhere!

BBC Radio 4 - Woman's Hour, Takeover Week: Kim Cattrall

Kim Cattrall sets out her themes as guest editor in a frank interview with Jane Garvey.

www.bbc.co.uk

the way that you’re feeling is completely valid. i always struggle with how “easy” other people seem to find it and that naturally leads into well, what’s wrong with me. i’m not unattractive, i’m smart, good job, own house etc but i don’t think i’ve ever really caused strong romantic feelings in anyone.

the only thing i would say is that love can literally happen at any time. a colleague of mine has just married, for the first time, to a man she adores, at 52. the late great betty white didn’t meet her husband, the love of her life, until her early 40s. i have many friends who only really met the person they wanted to spend their life with from their late 30s onwards.

it’s important to make your life, however that life may be, a happy and safe place for yourself. it’s easy to look on social media etc and think that couples have something you lack, but people can feel equally lonely in relationships too. it’s sadly all too natural to rose tint things from the outside though.

the most important relationship you’re ever going to have is with yourself. treat yourself kindly and with love x

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

I don’t know if any of you use tiktok but a sweet young girl called Lauren took her own life whilst in a mental health ward in the uk and I can’t stop thinking about how the system is letting people down so badly. To think your child would be safe there but ends up dying. It’s tragic.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Hello
I’m suffering a lot at the moment, I hate it, I wish there was a cure and I could lead a normal life x

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating/emotional eating ? I know for some it’s a case of losing appetite but for me I have always used food whether it be when I’m happy, sad, anxious whatever. I’m very low at the moment, dark thoughts etc and I feel like the binge eating is getting out of control. It’s not helping because it makes me feel horrible bloated and disgusting but when you get that few moments of fake happiness eating food it seems worth it. Anyone else struggle with this ?

 

[nothanksbabes]

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating/emotional eating ? I know for some it’s a case of losing appetite but for me I have always used food whether it be when I’m happy, sad, anxious whatever. I’m very low at the moment, dark thoughts etc and I feel like the binge eating is getting out of control. It’s not helping because it makes me feel horrible bloated and disgusting but when you get that few moments of fake happiness eating food it seems worth it. Anyone else struggle with this ?

I do. I spent my childhood mistaking anxiety for hunger I think. It resolved slightly with therapy and being able to correctly identify my emotions. I had a a breakdown and lost a lot of weight but now I'm back on an even-ish keel I've started the emotional eating again. Especially with things in the world being so uncertain at the moment, food feels like a "treat". I do the same with alcohol, sadly.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating/emotional eating ?

I guess I kind of do, too. Makes me feel bad about myself but I can’t help it sometimes. I’m going through a rough patch right now, dealing with depression and grief and struggling to find a job after losing my previous one so I’m trying to just get through it. It’s survival mode

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m struggling again today Just found out I have COVID and I’m unwell both mentally and physically. I’m sort of going through a rough patch at the moment, having gone off my ADs and not in therapy yet. I feel very lonely and like nobody needs me, which is not quite true as quite a few friends are reaching out to me but it doesn’t help much.I’m currently in bed in so much pain and just thought if I died right now, only 4-5 people would attend my funeral. It’s so silly but made me feel so down.
I also have huge self-worth issues due to growing up with narcs, it’s a vicious circle really, and I wonder whether I will ever be able to break out of it or spend the rest of my life like this.

 

[Sharkfan]

I’m struggling again today Just found out I have COVID and I’m unwell both mentally and physically. I’m sort of going through a rough patch at the moment, having gone off my ADs and not in therapy yet. I feel very lonely and like nobody needs me, which is not quite true as quite a few friends are reaching out to me but it doesn’t help much.I’m currently in bed in so much pain and just thought if I died right now, only 4-5 people would attend my funeral. It’s so silly but made me feel so down.
I also have huge self-worth issues due to growing up with narcs, it’s a vicious circle really, and I wonder whether I will ever be able to break out of it or spend the rest of my life like this.

I feel the same way, the older I get the more I realise how I don’t really have anyone and the only people who’d turn up for my funeral would do it out of obligation. I always find myself falling deeper into bad thoughts and feelings when I’m less busy so I started filling my time with aimless rubbish like scrolling on TikTok. Once my workload from uni increased I noticed I was finding it hard to put my phone down and concentrate and had to limit my screen time to get things done. Now I’m trying to find a balance between getting work done, spending small amounts of time on social media and doing other things, like playing minecraft or reading to spend my time more meaningfully. I’m quite shy so struggle making friends, however have realised I prefer my own company so don’t mind too much. I hope your not suffering too much from covid and maybe this time can help you to find ways to fill your time when your alone.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating/emotional eating ? I know for some it’s a case of losing appetite but for me I have always used food whether it be when I’m happy, sad, anxious whatever. I’m very low at the moment, dark thoughts etc and I feel like the binge eating is getting out of control. It’s not helping because it makes me feel horrible bloated and disgusting but when you get that few moments of fake happiness eating food it seems worth it. Anyone else struggle with this ?

You’re not alone! I’ve struggled with BED since I was a teenager. And it is such a god damn struggle. I’ve had therapy for it previously, which has helped, but I’m currently not in therapy and I’ve relapsed a lot recently. BED is so difficult because so much shame comes from it. It makes me feel so immature and childish (I’m 31). And ultimately it’s such a self sabotaging behaviour- it’s so complicated. I wish I could offer you more support, but just know, you’re not alone.

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

You’re not alone! I’ve struggled with BED since I was a teenager. And it is such a god damn struggle. I’ve had therapy for it previously, which has helped, but I’m currently not in therapy and I’ve relapsed a lot recently. BED is so difficult because so much shame comes from it. It makes me feel so immature and childish (I’m 31). And ultimately it’s such a self sabotaging behaviour- it’s so complicated. I wish I could offer you more support, but just know, you’re not alone.

I’m sorry you suffer too, it’s good to know I’m not alone. It’s so hard isn’t it. Today is the first day in about 2 weeks where I’ve eaten just a regular amount and haven’t had the urge to binge. It seems to come in waves i hate it. I can’t work out why today the urge stopped. It’s confusing and exhausting. Wish we could just have a normal relationship with food.

I do. I spent my childhood mistaking anxiety for hunger I think. It resolved slightly with therapy and being able to correctly identify my emotions. I had a a breakdown and lost a lot of weight but now I'm back on an even-ish keel I've started the emotional eating again. Especially with things in the world being so uncertain at the moment, food feels like a "treat". I do the same with alcohol, sadly.

seems like there are a few of us here that suffer with this! I hope we can support each other.

I guess I kind of do, too. Makes me feel bad about myself but I can’t help it sometimes. I’m going through a rough patch right now, dealing with depression and grief and struggling to find a job after losing my previous one so I’m trying to just get through it. It’s survival mode

I absolutely relate to the survival mode thing. Some times I do sit and think if it hadn’t been for the comfort I found in food today, something bad might have happened. It calms my emotions enough for me to distract myself and settle a bit. Sending positive thoughts to you. I hope your situation improves

 

[Blue Rose]

Spoiler: tw: sh

Whenever I used to get drunk I’d get the urge to self harm. Now I get the urge to pierce myself, which is basically just self harm but I get a piercing out of it. I’ve given myself two piercings that I like but keep trying to give myself more, despite not wanting any and basically just sticking the needle through and pulling it out again because I don’t like it. I’m not really sure what to do about it.

 

[mindlessness]

Spoiler: tw: sh

Whenever I used to get drunk I’d get the urge to self harm. Now I get the urge to pierce myself, which is basically just self harm but I get a piercing out of it. I’ve given myself two piercings that I like but keep trying to give myself more, despite not wanting any and basically just sticking the needle through and pulling it out again because I don’t like it. I’m not really sure what to do about it.

Oh that is tough. Is there a person in your life you trust that you could talk to? or your GP? If it's do-able, maybe cut back on the alcohol to begin with? I guess I'm thinking it would be wise to remove the circumstances that lead to self-harm, if that makes sense?

 

[Blue Rose]

Oh that is tough. Is there a person in your life you trust that you could talk to? or your GP? If it's do-able, maybe cut back on the alcohol to begin with? I guess I'm thinking it would be wise to remove the circumstances that lead to self-harm, if that makes sense?

I don’t really have anyone I know personally I could talk too. I did try my uni’s counselling service but I just didn’t click with the counsellor, although it did feel good to get some things off my chest. I still live at home and don’t want my parents to find out so am not sure how to go about getting help from my GP. I have considered going to the doctor about a different issue so I guess I could say it’s about that. Whenever I drink it’s never the intention to get this drunk and end feeling so low but it often ends up that way. I don’t tend to drink more than once a fortnight anyway so I’ve never thought of it as an issue but it does seem to be what’s hampering my ability to move away from self harm so I am definitely going to try and move away from it.

 

[violapratia]

Hi, I am feeling really low at the moment. I'm 28 and only have one friend (who lives 2 hours away) so I am really lonely. I am desperate to make friends but I find it really hard to get on with people at work, I'm not good at small talk so don't really speak to anyone at all, so feel totally invisible when I'm there. Other people have joined since I started and they have integrated straight away. I know it is primarily down to me to talk to people but nobody starts conversations with me either, so I think I have made myself unapproachable. This has happened with every job I've had and I feel disappointed with myself for making the same mistake each time.

My job is also not fulfilling but there aren't many opportunities where i live. I've started studying in the evenings in the hope I can move onto something better. I am thinking I should move away to a bigger city for work and to have more social opportunities but this seems really scary as I've never rented privately so wouldn't know where to begin. I'm also worried about moving away from family because even though they are controlling and their opinions hold me back, I'm worried I will have nothing if I move away. Has anyone else done this?

I'm trying to think of how to distract myself in the short term while working on my long term goals and hoping that things will eventually get better. I'm thinking of starting exercise classes so I can be around other people, has anyone else had any success with this?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Sending you all lots of love

 

[F the dust.]

It's coming up to the 12 month anniversary of losing my mam. She died suddenly on mothers day and to be honest I feel so low/lonely everyday is a struggle. I have no real friends. I have a great husband and kids but she was my best friend my kids are old enough to have their in life pretty much, my youngest has asd and because it's profound I don't work. I feel I have little purpose In life other than cleaning/cooking. We can't afford a holiday or anything. I feel guilty especially with the awful situation in the Ukraine. But I just don't really enjoy life. I have always been a worrier but above and beyond what's normal a pathetic people pleaser and I'm overweight and disgusting! Nowhere else to say this so I wanted to say it here.

 

[nothanksbabes]

It's coming up to the 12 month anniversary of losing my mam. She died suddenly on mothers day and to be honest I feel so low/lonely everyday is a struggle. I have no real friends. I have a great husband and kids but she was my best friend my kids are old enough to have their in life pretty much, my youngest has asd and because it's profound I don't work. I feel I have little purpose In life other than cleaning/cooking. We can't afford a holiday or anything. I feel guilty especially with the awful situation in the Ukraine. But I just don't really enjoy life. I have always been a worrier but above and beyond what's normal a pathetic people pleaser and I'm overweight and disgusting! Nowhere else to say this so I wanted to say it here.

You're not pathetic or disgusting. You sound like you're going through an awful lot. Children are challenging at the best of times, never mind when you have a young child with asd, are living through a pandemic and a time of massive uncertainty, without much support outside the home and you've lost your mum on top of it all. The last thing you deserve is you being hard on yourself too - I'd be a wreck in your situation and I think you deserve some credit

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Hi, I am feeling really low at the moment. I'm 28 and only have one friend (who lives 2 hours away) so I am really lonely. I am desperate to make friends but I find it really hard to get on with people at work, I'm not good at small talk so don't really speak to anyone at all, so feel totally invisible when I'm there. Other people have joined since I started and they have integrated straight away. I know it is primarily down to me to talk to people but nobody starts conversations with me either, so I think I have made myself unapproachable. This has happened with every job I've had and I feel disappointed with myself for making the same mistake each time.

My job is also not fulfilling but there aren't many opportunities where i live. I've started studying in the evenings in the hope I can move onto something better. I am thinking I should move away to a bigger city for work and to have more social opportunities but this seems really scary as I've never rented privately so wouldn't know where to begin. I'm also worried about moving away from family because even though they are controlling and their opinions hold me back, I'm worried I will have nothing if I move away. Has anyone else done this?

I'm trying to think of how to distract myself in the short term while working on my long term goals and hoping that things will eventually get better. I'm thinking of starting exercise classes so I can be around other people, has anyone else had any success with this?

This sounds like a tough situation. I’m rubbish at small talk too and I think loads of people are. Whenever I’ve worked in huge companies, I’ve always felt awkward and clumsy in any big networking thing. I feel like I disappear. It’s weird! But anyway, sorry you’re feeling like this. I think exercise is a great idea, for the social benefits as well as the endorphins! Or perhaps some volunteering, if that’s an option where you live? Then you kind of automatically have something to talk to people about rather than just starting from scratch.

And I know this will probably be annoying, because people say it to me (less now but all the time when I was younger) and I want to kill then, but in terms of being approachable I (reluctantly!) think smiling really helps. I know it can feel so fake though. But maybe it’s worth doing almost as an experiment a bit more. I have major resting witch face so sometimes I just try to kind of “reset” my face and I do notice that if I’m walking along, people tend to smile and acknowledge me a bit more I think.

I hope your week has been OK. Sending love and encouragement. Life is just hard sometimes.

 

[Maid22]

Haven't posted for a while in here, but do read and think about you all x
Am in an okish, is that a word!, mind set at the mo, but I know it will change, that's the trouble with this, you can end up feeling normal, I really hate that word!, but deep down you know you aren't, does that make sense?

 

[Jadejones9596]

Morning
just feel so desperately awful and I just dont know which way to turn.


For a few days I will be so happy and upbeat and content and then it'll just all go and I will be so so low and not want to be here anymore


I am losing all hope and I really do think that I am meant to be unhappy, I see guys I like and they never like me back, some guys like me but I don't like them back. The only possible answer is that I am simply not meant to be loved. Why do I get tortured by not having one good relationship or just any romantic prospects. I've had a hard enough life why can't the universe give me a bloody break


I'm so sorry but I'm at the end of my tether I just dont know what to do. What's the point of deluding myself and carrying on, I know im never meant to meet someone special and be loved in that way

Thanks for letting me rant x