The Depression Thread

[StillLucilleBluth]

Morning
just feel so desperately awful and I just dont know which way to turn.


For a few days I will be so happy and upbeat and content and then it'll just all go and I will be so so low and not want to be here anymore


I am losing all hope and I really do think that I am meant to be unhappy, I see guys I like and they never like me back, some guys like me but I don't like them back. The only possible answer is that I am simply not meant to be loved. Why do I get tortured by not having one good relationship or just any romantic prospects. I've had a hard enough life why can't the universe give me a bloody break


I'm so sorry but I'm at the end of my tether I just dont know what to do. What's the point of deluding myself and carrying on, I know im never meant to meet someone special and be loved in that way

Thanks for letting me rant x

Sending lots of hugs. I would just say to try really hard in these low days to remind yourself that you don’t know that you’re not meant to meet someone. I know all too well how good our brains are at convincing us that all these scary things are real and true, but really we don’t know anything because we can’t know. Even when we think we do. Also, the idea of being “meant” for something is a concept I really have to fight against myself - I tell myself things like that sometimes and remind myself that actually since I don’t believe in god or a higher power, there is no “meant” to. Anything can happen. That’s obviously just my personal may have different views

And know that the dark days will pass. Hour by hour sometimes. I hope you can treat yourself kindly. That’s something my therapist used to say to me when I was in a complete panic triggered by anxious attachment issues - and I’d be like oh for goodness’ sake. And not to say self care is about bubble baths - but I’ve found that candles and baths and nurturing things do help. Even if sometimes all they do is pass the time. She was right!

 

[Jadejones9596]

Sending lots of hugs. I would just say to try really hard in these low days to remind yourself that you don’t know that you’re not meant to meet someone. I know all too well how good our brains are at convincing us that all these scary things are real and true, but really we don’t know anything because we can’t know. Even when we think we do. Also, the idea of being “meant” for something is a concept I really have to fight against myself - I tell myself things like that sometimes and remind myself that actually since I don’t believe in god or a higher power, there is no “meant” to. Anything can happen. That’s obviously just my personal may have different views

And know that the dark days will pass. Hour by hour sometimes. I hope you can treat yourself kindly. That’s something my therapist used to say to me when I was in a complete panic triggered by anxious attachment issues - and I’d be like oh for goodness’ sake. And not to say self care is about bubble baths - but I’ve found that candles and baths and nurturing things do help. Even if sometimes all they do is pass the time. She was right!

Thank you so much lovely, you're so right I can't possibly know it won't happen, i just haven't had the best track record! I don't believe in a higher power either so i really appreciate that perspective! You are so kind, thank you for the advice and taking the time to respond to me. Sending hugs back, thank you x

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Thank you so much lovely, you're so right I can't possibly know it won't happen, i just haven't had the best track record! I don't believe in a higher power either so i really appreciate that perspective! You are so kind, thank you for the advice and taking the time to respond to me. Sending hugs back, thank you x

You’re so welcome.

Spoiler: A bit off topic but maybe helpful

I sometimes feel the same about the situation based my track record. But then I remember friends I have who’ve had terrible luck or a complete lack of anything even resembling a relationship - and it has still happened for them! But I acknowledge how hard it is in the throes of it. Reading the book “Attached” really helped me understand why I reacted in such specific ways to certain things - might be something you’re already aware of and might be totally irrelevant, I really don’t want to make assumptions - but just thought I’d mention it!

 

[Lilu22]

Hi all, I’ve really been struggling this past few weeks and feel like I’m at an absolute low. I feel like I’m completely useless in life, if I wasn’t around it wouldn’t make a difference and nobody would care. More than ever I’ve felt stressed and overwhelmed and all I want to do is breakdown and cry all the time. I’m constantly comparing myself to others and can’t help but think how much of a failure my life is compared to theirs. I tried to reach out to a close friend for some support but never got a reply which knocked me. I just don’t know what to do

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Not a new concept, but an interesting perspective not often talked about. I’m sharing in case it helps anyone.

We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. It’s Trying to Save Us.

New theories recognize depression as part of a biological survival strategy.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[Blue Rose]

I’ve pretty much finished with the teaching element of first year and will just be on placement for the rest of the year and feel a little disappointed with how this year’s gone. I’ve made a few friends who I’d sit with and talk to during seminars but haven’t actually got to go out or do anything outside of attending university for taught sessions. Whenever I ask if any of them want to go out they can’t (2 of them are older with children and the others seem content with just attending seminars and going straight home). There’s a board game society that meets once a week that I’m thinking about going to tomorrow but am nervous about just walking in on my own. I’m not really that interested in games but I just want to go to something to socialise with people outside of my family. How do you make friends when you’re still living at home?

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I have maybe a weird question but am curious if it’s just me who thinks like this... I’m British and love the sun and warm weather, especially as it’s so rare here, but does anyone else ever find it stressful when it’s sunny? If I don’t have plans, when it’s sunny I can start to feel down and beat myself up. I live on my own and look out of the window at families and couples having fun, and I feel like I should be out enjoying it but sometimes I just don’t feel like it and it makes me feel like a total weirdo for not just going out and chilling in the sun like everyone else. Then I get into this cycle of knowing I should do something, not doing it and then feeling more irritated with myself. In a way it’s easy to relax at home when it’s rainy as nobody expects you to be out and about loving life! The sun just puts so much pressure on me. What a ridiculous thing to say, I know!

Not a new concept, but an interesting perspective not often talked about. I’m sharing in case it helps anyone.

We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. It’s Trying to Save Us.

New theories recognize depression as part of a biological survival strategy.

www.psychologytoday.com

This is really interesting, thank you for sharing!

I’ve pretty much finished with the teaching element of first year and will just be on placement for the rest of the year and feel a little disappointed with how this year’s gone. I’ve made a few friends who I’d sit with and talk to during seminars but haven’t actually got to go out or do anything outside of attending university for taught sessions. Whenever I ask if any of them want to go out they can’t (2 of them are older with children and the others seem content with just attending seminars and going straight home). There’s a board game society that meets once a week that I’m thinking about going to tomorrow but am nervous about just walking in on my own. I’m not really that interested in games but I just want to go to something to socialise with people outside of my family. How do you make friends when you’re still living at home?

I think the board game thing is a great idea! I’d be nervous too, but if it was me I think I’d count it as doing my “one thing per day that scares me” and go along. Even if you don’t like it, you can always come back home and do something like have a nice bath or watch your favourite stuff on Netflix or eat some chocolate. In fact, if you have that all lined up anyway and you have a great time, you can turn it into a reward for trying something new

 

[Blue Rose]

I have maybe a weird question but am curious if it’s just me who thinks like this... I’m British and love the sun and warm weather, especially as it’s so rare here, but does anyone else ever find it stressful when it’s sunny? If I don’t have plans, when it’s sunny I can start to feel down and beat myself up. I live on my own and look out of the window at families and couples having fun, and I feel like I should be out enjoying it but sometimes I just don’t feel like it and it makes me feel like a total weirdo for not just going out and chilling in the sun like everyone else. Then I get into this cycle of knowing I should do something, not doing it and then feeling more irritated with myself. In a way it’s easy to relax at home when it’s rainy as nobody expects you to be out and about loving life! The sun just puts so much pressure on me. What a ridiculous thing to say, I know!


This is really interesting, thank you for sharing!
I think the board game thing is a great idea! I’d be nervous too, but if it was me I think I’d count it as doing my “one thing per day that scares me” and go along. Even if you don’t like it, you can always come back home and do something like have a nice bath or watch your favourite stuff on Netflix or eat some chocolate. In fact, if you have that all lined up anyway and you have a great time, you can turn it into a reward for trying something new

Thank you. I did go and had an ok time (was an hour late because I had placement) but am glad I’ve joined as it means I’ll be able to socialise with people and hopefully find friends with shared interests.

 

[Sheabutter]

I have maybe a weird question but am curious if it’s just me who thinks like this... I’m British and love the sun and warm weather, especially as it’s so rare here, but does anyone else ever find it stressful when it’s sunny? If I don’t have plans, when it’s sunny I can start to feel down and beat myself up. I live on my own and look out of the window at families and couples having fun, and I feel like I should be out enjoying it but sometimes I just don’t feel like it and it makes me feel like a total weirdo for not just going out and chilling in the sun like everyone else. Then I get into this cycle of knowing I should do something, not doing it and then feeling more irritated with myself. In a way it’s easy to relax at home when it’s rainy as nobody expects you to be out and about loving life! The sun just puts so much pressure on me. What a ridiculous thing to say, I know!

I keep getting this sinking feeling in my chest because the weather is changing. I really want to be in the Southern Hemisphere for our summer

 

[Maid22]

@Sideboard Bob that's so lovely of you for remembering, I hope you're ok x

Really don't want to take this thread off topic, but I'm sure most of us can reasonate sometimes our blackest days with music?
I'm absolutely gutted about the death of a drummer from one of my fave bands, I've been listening to their music all day, has brought back alot of memories, some good, but some when I was in one of the worst times of my life, but I've managed to get over that, and sometimes I still drift back there, I still struggle most days, but try my hardest not to go down that dark path again.

 

[Jadejones9596]

Sorry to just pipe in but I'm so gutted, disappointed and angry I had to write it out somewhere. This guy who I was seeing who one month ago told me he wasn't ready for a relationship walks in to the pub I am in with a girl on his arm and just for good measure he completely ignores me. I dont know what to do with myself right now

 

[Sheabutter]

Sorry to just pipe in but I'm so gutted, disappointed and angry I had to write it out somewhere. This guy who I was seeing who one month ago told me he wasn't ready for a relationship walks in to the pub I am in with a girl on his arm and just for good measure he completely ignores me. I dont know what to do with myself right now

Have a cry and then put yourself back out there. His treating you poorly by being dishonest and then ignoring you tells you a lot about him. You’ll find someone better who deserves you

 

[flutternutter]

Im so meh today. I cant bring myself to do anything. I have so much housework to do and I am just exhausted mentally. I've had a lot on, had to return to the office and my friends have been their typical selfish selves leaving me out. I want to not be bothered, but I am.

 

[Evabee]

I’m having a hard time at the moment. I have no friends, no hobbies, I lost everything I liked about myself.I can’t even look in the mirror without crying because I hate the person I’ve become.

i just can’t see it getting any better from here, I’ve got nothing to look forward to and it’s giving me some really horrible thoughts

 

[lotusbiscoff]

I’m having a hard time at the moment. I have no friends, no hobbies, I lost everything I liked about myself.I can’t even look in the mirror without crying because I hate the person I’ve become.

i just can’t see it getting any better from here, I’ve got nothing to look forward to and it’s giving me some really horrible thoughts

Hey, I’m sending you a big hug reading this was sad for me because I’m on the same boat as you regarding lack of friends but just know that you are so important, are valued and you can get through this. It sounds cliche but there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and you are amazing. Just remember to take time to care for yourself - run a lovely warm bath, drink lots of water, cry if you feel like it and spend time taking care of yourself (usually a little bit of ice cream or chocolate won’t do any harm ) sending you all of my best wishes and I know I’m a random person on the internet but you absolutely matter

Im so meh today. I cant bring myself to do anything. I have so much housework to do and I am just exhausted mentally. I've had a lot on, had to return to the office and my friends have been their typical selfish selves leaving me out. I want to not be bothered, but I am.

Hi, I hope you’re doing okay just wanted to reply to say that you’re doing great and it’s absolutely okay not to want to be bothered some days to do things! You’re only human.

I’m so sorry to hear about your friends leaving you out - that’s awful but know that you are great and you’re feeling exhausted which is so normal just take time to go through the motions and be good to yourself

Sorry to just pipe in but I'm so gutted, disappointed and angry I had to write it out somewhere. This guy who I was seeing who one month ago told me he wasn't ready for a relationship walks in to the pub I am in with a girl on his arm and just for good measure he completely ignores me. I dont know what to do with myself right now

Hey, aw that sounds awful. It’s his loss, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be and something better is awaiting for you around the corner but I can imagine seeing that would’ve cut like a knife through the heart. Sending love

 

[mindlessness]

I’m having a hard time at the moment. I have no friends, no hobbies, I lost everything I liked about myself.I can’t even look in the mirror without crying because I hate the person I’ve become.

i just can’t see it getting any better from here, I’ve got nothing to look forward to and it’s giving me some really horrible thoughts

I have been where you are and it bleeping sucks. I still don't have a big circle of friends - but try to remind myself that quality is better than quantity. Is there a hobby you used to enjoy you could try again? Or anything new you might want to try? I started a new hobby just before 2020 and it really helped me during lockdowns.

All that to say, it does get better. You have brighter days ahead. I promise.

 

[Sheabutter]

@nothanksbabes I’m not sure what was so funny about my comment but fwiw I think it’s very different when women do it compared to men. Women don’t respond violently to rejection the same way that men do, at least not in my country.

 

[newaccount2022]

Not sure if directly related to depression but definitely linked to my low self worth..

Is anyone else completely incapable of dealing with any sort of conflicts or people being upset with them, even though you’re a grown adult? I completely run away from any sort of serious conversations, responsibilities, the thoughts of ‘moving up’ in my career makes me ill.

i had a TINY misunderstanding with my mum today over text, I misinterpreted something she said so made a small joke and she sent a one word reply so I immediately knew something was off. I then go into panick mode texting and calling which she ignored, and this made me worse… finally she answered and explained what she meant and said she was frustrated. The rational side of me knows all I could do was apologise and that it’s not even serious but now the thought that she’s sitting in the house feeling annoyed with me just makes me feel sick. I feel so low, I couldn’t eat lunch and I’m sick to my stomach. It’s so stupid.

Something I struggle with majorly is feeling unimportant, I don’t think I am special or important part of anyones life and feel very isolated. But at the same time the thought of anyone perceiving me/thinking thoughts about me as a person and my personality is so scary and I hate it! I want to be both special and anonymous and I know I can’t have both!!!

Also been on 100mg Sertraline for a month or so and notice no difference. Really don’t think I’ve ever noticed a difference with any antidepressant which makes me believe this is just how I am which depresses me further!!!!

Sorry for such a long post just feeling so frustrated and loathing myself today

 

[Beaversabout]

Not sure if directly related to depression but definitely linked to my low self worth..

Is anyone else completely incapable of dealing with any sort of conflicts or people being upset with them, even though you’re a grown adult? I completely run away from any sort of serious conversations, responsibilities, the thoughts of ‘moving up’ in my career makes me ill.

i had a TINY misunderstanding with my mum today over text, I misinterpreted something she said so made a small joke and she sent a one word reply so I immediately knew something was off. I then go into panick mode texting and calling which she ignored, and this made me worse… finally she answered and explained what she meant and said she was frustrated. The rational side of me knows all I could do was apologise and that it’s not even serious but now the thought that she’s sitting in the house feeling annoyed with me just makes me feel sick. I feel so low, I couldn’t eat lunch and I’m sick to my stomach. It’s so stupid.

Something I struggle with majorly is feeling unimportant, I don’t think I am special or important part of anyones life and feel very isolated. But at the same time the thought of anyone perceiving me/thinking thoughts about me as a person and my personality is so scary and I hate it! I want to be both special and anonymous and I know I can’t have both!!!

Also been on 100mg Sertraline for a month or so and notice no difference. Really don’t think I’ve ever noticed a difference with any antidepressant which makes me believe this is just how I am which depresses me further!!!!

Sorry for such a long post just feeling so frustrated and loathing myself today

Yes I'm exactly like this. I can't say anything to people when I know they are in the wrong or have done something to me. It's probably because growing up wasn't allowed to 'answer back', and wasn't shown how to deal with any situations. I always think about other people first and why they would do something, rather than think of myself, I've always been misunderstood as a person so I try and be understanding first. Most of the time people are just Dick's though.
So now I just end up overthinking a situation or just trying to forget it but of course that don't work and ends up as PTSD or depression over time. I know exactly what you mean by not wanting to be around people but at the same time still wanting to be thought of. I used to be on escitalopram for a while but had to stop because it was making me forgetful. 100mg is alot!

 

[nothanksbabes]

@nothanksbabes I’m not sure what was so funny about my comment but fwiw I think it’s very different when women do it compared to men. Women don’t respond violently to rejection the same way that men do, at least not in my country.

It wasn't funny, it was supposed to be a love react but clearly I hit the wrong response.