Sending you all love and my thoughts this weekend. X
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Oh this sounds horrid. I hope you're OK. It'll pass but it's really awful when you're in it. Thinking of you
Having someone we trust betray our confidence is one of the most hurtful things, especially when our mental health tells us lies such as that we aren’t good enough or aren’t worthy of help or recovery.
I don’t know if your sister was trying to help by telling your parents - maybe she was worried about you and wanted them to know for some reason - but regardless of her intentions, she has hurt you and it’s okay to feel whatever you feel right now.
What you do next should be whatever feels right, safe, and best for you and you alone
Am so sorry to hear this, I've been in kinda the same situation with a sibling who you thought at the time you could trust, but then uses it to their advantage to emotional blackmail you, not sure if you live with your with your family, but I ended all contact with mine, even though I know they could rear their ugly head at any time. I've had no support from anyone apart my oh, this thread has been a godsend to me, such kind and supportive folks who don't judge, but understand. Take care of yourself x
@Pollyanna263 I think we can all understand coming out of that really low place, then trying to be 'normal', whatever that is.
Not being nosey , but can you not get any help, so you can take some time for yourself?
Not being nosey , but can you not get any help, so you can take some time for yourself?
this feels like the loneliest time, at stupid-o-clock at night. Sending love and hope to anyone reading this who’s struggling and/or can’t sleep x
I feel this. My sleep cycle is awful I don’t fall asleep till 8 or 9 am I’m awake all night just in silence it’s so horrible. At least in the day there are some distractions
Ugh thats a horrific sleep cycle, I really feel for you Butterflies. It is just SO hard trying to get through the day when you’ve not slept. You don’t have to answer this, but are you getting help? I hope so
My youngest is actually with his dad this weekend, for the first time in months. The problem is, I end up worrying more because he’s not with me
It was nice not to be woken quite so early this morning, but the dog decided 7.30 was late enough for me!
My problem is getting to sleep in the first place.
If I go too early and then sleep for longer, I have nightmares every night. So I delay and delay and eventually go to sleep in the early hours x
@Sideboard Bob really hope you've managed to get some sleep, it's so frustrating trying to sleep and nothing happens, I don't feel like I've had a proper sleep for months.
@Pollyanna263 it's like a viscous circle, you want and need time to yourself, but then worry when they aren't with you. I also have a young dog, he's very chilled and laid back, so he gets me when Im not very well, but then I get the guilt for not taking him out.
@Pollyanna263 it's like a viscous circle, you want and need time to yourself, but then worry when they aren't with you. I also have a young dog, he's very chilled and laid back, so he gets me when Im not very well, but then I get the guilt for not taking him out.
Never posted here before but I always read this thread as it makes me feel so much less alone Struggling a lot at the minute with everything. Trying to find a job at the minute and whenever I get the chance to have an interview I always seem to think of the negatives as to why that job wouldn’t suit me (distance/pay etc) but in reality I feel as though it’s my lack of energy and constant sadness putting off doing it. I’m alone almost all week apart from 2/3 nights when I’m with my boyfriend. He’s out all day most days and goes home and goes to sleep, I’m awake all night alone constantly thinking and endless crying over feeling so alone in life.
everyday feels so lengthy and feels like I’m just waiting for everyday to pass with no real meaning. I don’t really have a good social life and only really see my boyfriend and have become very dependant on him, which brings me uncontrollable sadness when he can’t see/talk to me. All I see on social media is girls my age out with their friends which I know deep down is what I want to be doing at this young age. However, due to my lack of a social life I find myself now craving wanting to meet the person I’m going to marry (I’m only 20) just so that I can feel safe and have somebody constantly by my side. I’m constantly bored and fed up with sitting in my house all day but at the same time I hate the thought of having to get up, shower, get ready and go out I feel like I constantly have zero energy for anything. Any help/advice would be appreciated, so glad there’s a thread on this topic where we can all vent
Struggling a lot at the minute with everything. Trying to find a job at the minute and whenever I get the chance to have an interview I always seem to think of the negatives as to why that job wouldn’t suit me (distance/pay etc) but in reality I feel as though it’s my lack of energy and constant sadness putting off doing it. I’m alone almost all week apart from 2/3 nights when I’m with my boyfriend. He’s out all day most days and goes home and goes to sleep, I’m awake all night alone constantly thinking and endless crying over feeling so alone in life. everyday feels so lengthy and feels like I’m just waiting for everyday to pass with no real meaning. I don’t really have a good social life and only really see my boyfriend and have become very dependant on him, which brings me uncontrollable sadness when he can’t see/talk to me. All I see on social media is girls my age out with their friends which I know deep down is what I want to be doing at this young age. However, due to my lack of a social life I find myself now craving wanting to meet the person I’m going to marry (I’m only 20) just so that I can feel safe and have somebody constantly by my side. I’m constantly bored and fed up with sitting in my house all day but at the same time I hate the thought of having to get up, shower, get ready and go out I feel like I constantly have zero energy for anything. Any help/advice would be appreciated, so glad there’s a thread on this topic where we can all vent
@Olivia28 im so sorry to read this but I completely understand how you feel.
I’m in my early 30s, was married but now divorced and have found all of my friends who I relied on before for support and a social life no longer really have much to do with me because they spend more time with other ‘mum friends’. I don’t necessarily want to marry again due to fear of what happened to me before but I get very down about everything I’m now going to miss out on life with being alone. I currently live with my mum but should be getting my own place soon and I can’t wait to just shut the world away and disappear.
I have found going to the gym can help... I try and go to classes to meet others but I’m very shy so find this difficult or you could put a hat on and go for a walk? There’s also a friend option on the app bumble which I’ve tried before too although again I find it difficult because I’m so shy but could be worth a try.
I’m sorry if this doesn’t really help you I just thought I’d mention things that sometimes help me or that I’ve tried.
I’m in my early 30s, was married but now divorced and have found all of my friends who I relied on before for support and a social life no longer really have much to do with me because they spend more time with other ‘mum friends’. I don’t necessarily want to marry again due to fear of what happened to me before but I get very down about everything I’m now going to miss out on life with being alone. I currently live with my mum but should be getting my own place soon and I can’t wait to just shut the world away and disappear.
I have found going to the gym can help... I try and go to classes to meet others but I’m very shy so find this difficult or you could put a hat on and go for a walk? There’s also a friend option on the app bumble which I’ve tried before too although again I find it difficult because I’m so shy but could be worth a try.
I’m sorry if this doesn’t really help you I just thought I’d mention things that sometimes help me or that I’ve tried.
I hope everyones doing as ok as can be. I keep meaning to say, anyone can just jump-in here and talk about what they need to (sometimes people are apologetic when they post here for the first time, and there’s no need to be apologetic).
I‘ve found the last few days pretty hard. Been worrying about everything going on in the world, and I’m really struggling at work. I feel like I’m just giving up on trying. This is how I know depression is an illness and not just feeling a bit down. I never used to be like this, I‘m naturally a really happy person, and when I felt low I could pull myself up again. But now none of those things work and I hardly care about myself enough to try. I don’t know where I’m going with this, sorry. I know I’ll be ok, I’m just tired of waiting to get the right help.
I‘ve found the last few days pretty hard. Been worrying about everything going on in the world, and I’m really struggling at work. I feel like I’m just giving up on trying. This is how I know depression is an illness and not just feeling a bit down. I never used to be like this, I‘m naturally a really happy person, and when I felt low I could pull myself up again. But now none of those things work and I hardly care about myself enough to try. I don’t know where I’m going with this, sorry. I know I’ll be ok, I’m just tired of waiting to get the right help.
I love to see the community on this thread but to be honest it is hard for me to post here, when I pictured my life and what it would be like I never imagined that I would struggle like this and would need to turn to strangers on the internet.
I am suffering with extreme loneliness which is causing depression. I am a grown adult, well-groomed, chirpy and happy to everyone I meet.. I would 'know' a lot of people locally to say hello to and would always have a smile for everyone, but I have always kept my actual circle very close and only have a couple of real friends. They are great but they are all in established relationships and living with their partners. In my head I picture myself as being miles away from people, like i'm in a different dimension. I do all the routines, got my masters degree, got a job, I volunteer, I maintain myself well, I love skincare, my home is kept well, I walk, I lift weights, I socialize, I spend time with myself, I read, I try new food. But if anyone were to watch me closely it's just me, moving around on my own, going home on my own, sitting in the living room alone, getting into bed alone. When I do my grocery shop I have to double check stuff can go in the freezer, it's usually too big a pack/portion for a single person. There's always a minimum spend to order a takeaway so I have to order two meals and put one in the fridge.
I'd love to have a partner to go for a walk with, spend a weekend in a hotel, watch stupid TV and laugh about it. I put on such a show every day that sometimes when I get home I will become paralysed with exhaustion and sadness and sit and stare at the wall. It has been years of dating apps, blind dates, meeting people in the pub, meeting people at hobbies, deciding to stop looking for love, giving up. I cannot look my friends in the eye anymore when they insist it will happen for me some day because in reality I know it just doesn't happen for some people. When I have to think of my life living alone for the rest of my life, managing finances in this expensive world, being in my 50s or 60s, retirement.. all alone. It's not what I ever wanted for myself. And I know the deeper I fall into the depression and negativity the less attractive I am but I just feel worthless and hopeless.
I am suffering with extreme loneliness which is causing depression. I am a grown adult, well-groomed, chirpy and happy to everyone I meet.. I would 'know' a lot of people locally to say hello to and would always have a smile for everyone, but I have always kept my actual circle very close and only have a couple of real friends. They are great but they are all in established relationships and living with their partners. In my head I picture myself as being miles away from people, like i'm in a different dimension. I do all the routines, got my masters degree, got a job, I volunteer, I maintain myself well, I love skincare, my home is kept well, I walk, I lift weights, I socialize, I spend time with myself, I read, I try new food. But if anyone were to watch me closely it's just me, moving around on my own, going home on my own, sitting in the living room alone, getting into bed alone. When I do my grocery shop I have to double check stuff can go in the freezer, it's usually too big a pack/portion for a single person. There's always a minimum spend to order a takeaway so I have to order two meals and put one in the fridge.
I'd love to have a partner to go for a walk with, spend a weekend in a hotel, watch stupid TV and laugh about it. I put on such a show every day that sometimes when I get home I will become paralysed with exhaustion and sadness and sit and stare at the wall. It has been years of dating apps, blind dates, meeting people in the pub, meeting people at hobbies, deciding to stop looking for love, giving up. I cannot look my friends in the eye anymore when they insist it will happen for me some day because in reality I know it just doesn't happen for some people. When I have to think of my life living alone for the rest of my life, managing finances in this expensive world, being in my 50s or 60s, retirement.. all alone. It's not what I ever wanted for myself. And I know the deeper I fall into the depression and negativity the less attractive I am but I just feel worthless and hopeless.
Complain about her!
Will reply properly later but just wanted to send you a huge hug. I know EXACTLY how you feel. And really that’s why I love this site. It shows me a whole world of people beyond my social circle. I get very focused on comparison to my friends and Tattle broadens my outlook and makes me feel less alone and less of a failure.
i just wanted to send you lots of love - i feel the exact same way. i’m 36 and have always struggled with romance and dating. i can’t see a point in my life where i have a long-term partner tbh, for so many reasons. i hate dating apps, they do absolutely nothing for my self-esteem and it’s just exhausting to have friends tell me “it will happen for you one day!” and then look at the apps to see what’s actually out there.
i listened to a podcast with kim cattrall (ex of sex and the city) where she spoke at length about living single from her late 40s into her now early 60s and i found it very moving. i will try and find it for you because she speaks very positively about her life and how being alone doesn’t always mean lonely.
i think, as women especially, we are made to seek validation by who loves us, who finds us attractive. i always think that we’re more than that - we’re daughters, sisters, friends, work colleagues, we have hobbies and loves etc. you are what you love, not who loves you.
you have to bloom where you’re planted. you list so many cool things that you do in your post, focus on those and how you can make your life work for you as it is now. it’s hard and i get where you’re coming from completely on every level but if you focus on what you think you’re missing then you’ll overlook what you have.
I felt exactly like this for years and it is unbearable, you are absolutely not alone in this. I just knew I was one of those people who was going to end up alone. I have a good social life and by all accounts I'm attractive and funny and people were baffled that I was single. I attracted plenty of men but never anyone decent. And I knew being in a relationship wasn't the be all and end all, but the people who tell you that are always in relationships aren't they? It was so incredibly painful because I just felt like I wasn't a real person, like I did a load of hobbies and worked and read books and had a great life from the outside but I was so cripplingly lonely when I got home at night I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was observing life from the outside, sometimes it was like I wouldn't make it through the next five minutes let alone the next five years. The pandemic and lockdowns were particularly hard being pretty much the only single person I knew.
I'm not going to tell you things will change or get easier (although change one way or another is inevitable), I just wanted to share my experience with you because I always thought I was the only one who felt that way. Thinking of you
Thanks for the kind words ladies... I've had to close the laptop on my work for the day because I feel sick and teary which isn't like me at all, but I'll take the extra bit of time to keep sharing my feelings in the hope it will help. It isn't nice to hear others are struggling but there is definitely a comfort in knowing I'm not alone.
@StillLucilleBluth ; while flicking through the thread earlier I saw one of your posts and it definitely seemed like we are in similar situ's and going through similar things. I have been put on sertraline in the last month, not feeling any changes so far though. And yes it is so easy to compare yourself to your friends. Throughout the years I have always been the hopeless romantic of the group so it's a strange and isolating feeling to see my happy go lucky strong single friends just slot into long-term, stable relationships. I am scared that I am dangerously close to becoming resentful of them which is why I have been pulling back from meeting up and social situations for the past 6 months or so.
@LaBlonde ; thanks for your wisdom. I have definitely spent a long time focusing on creating a fulfilling life and for whatever reason my strength has slipped lately. I just feel like it's all for nothing. Yes my life is objectively nice but I don't want to keep doing this alone for the next 40 years. I definitely need to shake this hollow sadness and try enjoy things again. I love Kim Cattrall, another good quote I read recently went something like 'falling in love can be the icing on the cake, but cake is already pretty good on its own'. Hopefully I can keep that in mind more often.
@nothanksbabes ; I really resonated with your post. The pain in your heart is unlike any other pain and i definitely understand that inability to breathe as well. That will hit me at random times, like rolling over in bed and there's no one there, or if I have good news from work or hobbies I don't have that special someone to share it with. Lockdown was a very up and down time for me, at the beginning I honestly felt a tiny 'relief' that the pressure was off for a while as I physically couldn't go out and meet someone. Covid obviously then went on for much longer than I thought it would, and I now find myself 2-3 years older and still at square one. I cannot bring myself to do the apps or the blind dates anymore, it is the most soul destroying thing.
I think I will put the phone down for the afternoon and put on a good movie and a pizza
thanks again to you all for your time. I often write down my feelings but it is so much more helpful to know someone is actually reading and understanding.
@StillLucilleBluth ; while flicking through the thread earlier I saw one of your posts and it definitely seemed like we are in similar situ's and going through similar things. I have been put on sertraline in the last month, not feeling any changes so far though. And yes it is so easy to compare yourself to your friends. Throughout the years I have always been the hopeless romantic of the group so it's a strange and isolating feeling to see my happy go lucky strong single friends just slot into long-term, stable relationships. I am scared that I am dangerously close to becoming resentful of them which is why I have been pulling back from meeting up and social situations for the past 6 months or so.
@LaBlonde ; thanks for your wisdom. I have definitely spent a long time focusing on creating a fulfilling life and for whatever reason my strength has slipped lately. I just feel like it's all for nothing. Yes my life is objectively nice but I don't want to keep doing this alone for the next 40 years. I definitely need to shake this hollow sadness and try enjoy things again. I love Kim Cattrall, another good quote I read recently went something like 'falling in love can be the icing on the cake, but cake is already pretty good on its own'. Hopefully I can keep that in mind more often.
@nothanksbabes ; I really resonated with your post. The pain in your heart is unlike any other pain and i definitely understand that inability to breathe as well. That will hit me at random times, like rolling over in bed and there's no one there, or if I have good news from work or hobbies I don't have that special someone to share it with. Lockdown was a very up and down time for me, at the beginning I honestly felt a tiny 'relief' that the pressure was off for a while as I physically couldn't go out and meet someone. Covid obviously then went on for much longer than I thought it would, and I now find myself 2-3 years older and still at square one. I cannot bring myself to do the apps or the blind dates anymore, it is the most soul destroying thing.
I think I will put the phone down for the afternoon and put on a good movie and a pizza
thanks again to you all for your time. I often write down my feelings but it is so much more helpful to know someone is actually reading and understanding.- Status