Despite being all right all day, I’m really struggling tonight. I saw one of my friends yesterday and was really shocked how different our lives are despite similar social backgrounds, education level, etc etc. She is just so confident, so open, so bubbly, so happy, and I’m none of these things. She was brought up loved and cherished. I am happy for her, I just don’t understand why can’t I be like that.
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I feel super low today. I thought I could snap out of it but I can't. Nothing seems to be bringing me happiness. I feel so hopeless. Sending lots of love to everyone who needs it. 
I get that
Have you tried some kind of therapy? (I know it’s hard to access). I think one way to cope is to just talk it through with someone, because it’s like your mind is messing with you at the moment. I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, its just horrible.And love to you too. I can relate wishing to be able to snap out of it. I can usually do that so easily, so I try and remember that feeling this way is an illness, its a chemical imbalance of the mind. Have you asked for help?I feel super low today. I thought I could snap out of it but I can't. Nothing seems to be bringing me happiness. I feel so hopeless. Sending lots of love to everyone who needs it.
Thank you for your kind reply.
I'm currently taking antidepressants and in therapy but I've been doing this on and off since I was a teen. It's just so hard to get the right support for the mental health condition I have which is complicated in itself. I'm just SO tired of fighting for the help I am supposedly entitled to but I will try again. I just want a bit of happiness in my life but no matter what I do it never seems to pay off. Perhaps I'm being overly negative at the moment but it's just how I feel. I hope you are ok. 
I don’t blame you for being overly negative, you must be exhausted. I know what you mean, I feel like I have to really try and find any strength I have to keep asking for help. As I type this though, I’ve just realised, I think it shows we’re strong to keep on asking for help.Thank you for your kind reply.
If you feel comfortable talking about it, there might be people here who have the same condition that can share advice? But PLEASE don’t talk about it here if you don’t want to.
I feel for you though, you’re doing all the right things, and it’s, like, what more can you do? I have have hope for you and all of us though, because we keep going, and seeking help and support, it’s a huge sign of strength.
I am ok thank you, I had a doctor’s appointment this week, and I know deep down I’m a happy person with so much to be grateful for, and I’m lucky I’ve got this part of me which keeps on trying to get that back.
Sorry this is such along rambling post!
I’m in such a horrible place right now. And I went to stay with my friend for the weekend and forgot all of my medication (antidepressants and some others) at home. I know I’m going to feel worse now and I’m already really down. Do you think missing two days will ruin the effect? I don’t even know how to explain it to my friend, she is healthy and does not take any meds.
I think once you start up your doses again you will be fine. When you get home just take your next scheduled dose and go from there. From my experience missing doses the worst bit was the withdrawal side effects, but once I started taking the AD again it was fine.
Take care of yourself, and try to (as much as you can) enjoy your time with your friend.
If you want to tell her maybe say something like 'I left my medication at home and so I feel a bit crap because of withdrawal side effects/my anxiety about missing doses etc (whatever the reason is)'. A good friend will understand!
Thank you so much for you advice and kind wordsI think once you start up your doses again you will be fine. When you get home just take your next scheduled dose and go from there. From my experience missing doses the worst bit was the withdrawal side effects, but once I started taking the AD again it was fine.
Take care of yourself, and try to (as much as you can) enjoy your time with your friend.
If you want to tell her maybe say something like 'I left my medication at home and so I feel a bit crap because of withdrawal side effects/my anxiety about missing doses etc (whatever the reason is)'. A good friend will understand!
I managed to explain it to her, not sure she understood but I did what I could. Hopefully I will be able to leave early tomorrow and take my dose. I will also mention the whole thing to my doctor, I think. Thanks again! How are you doing?This sums up how i feel right now perfectly. It’s been over a year and I am trying out third medication because my anxiety always comes back Just so tired. I have plans and goals, I have to do lists but i just wake up and realize it’s not happening today, my brain is too foggy and my body is too weak to move.
Insomnia sucks. I just want to be able to go to sleep.
I'm up and down. I've been following up a referral for a medication which has involved lots of phone calls. A thing I hate because of my anxiety and that the new med should help with. A bit of a catch 22Thank you so much for you advice and kind words
But I'm in a sort of okay place over all - am finding myself weirdly okay with the uncertainty of this time, 2+ years into a pandemic. Or maybe I'm just avoiding thinking about it too much? not sure. Something to ask my Psychologist this week I suppose haha.
Ugh it does. Plus every health care professional will tell you to just work on your 'sleep hygiene' which is so much easier said than done, especially if the depression is bad! I've been going for evening walks to tire myself out a bit more before bed, but it's also summer where I am and so doesn't get dark until late. I don't think I would do this in the winter
It’s winter still where I am, and bloody freezing, so going for a walk wrapped in 8000 layers in the pitch black isn’t my idea of fun. Especially when I’m anxious about going out and I’ve got an overly vivid imagination
I’ve been considering CBD as apparently it does work for some people, just influencers put me off it
I’ve been considering CBD as apparently it does work for some people, just influencers put me off it
so low at the moment. I’m not even actively depressed - I’m still enjoying life in a way, but I can’t keep the life I have. Since splitting with my partner I can’t afford to live where I do. My job is at a dead end but I have no confidence or skills to start looking elsewhere. I’m seeing all my friends move on with their lives and I have nowhere to go. I’m becoming a burden to them as all I do is get upset and I’m like a broken record. I’m a burden to my family financially and even with their help I’m struggling to pay my rent and bills. I don’t help myself either as I’m spending money on things to make myself feel better. I am in quite a lot of credit card and “pay later” debt. I’ve been effectively “closed” by my gp, and I wouldn’t want to go on meds either. Have been self harming which I hate doing and it frustrates me that this is where I am in life with nowhere to turn. I have put a date in my calendar and I just really hope things are better by then - but I don’t see how they can be? Sorry for the rant I’m just feeling so helpless at the moment.
I know sometimes you just want to get it out somewhere without unsolicited advice, but things will get better for you, hold on to that hope. Try not to fall into the trap of feeling like you need to fix everything at once or by a fixed date. Imagine if someone came to you with how you were feeling, would you give them a deadline? Would you see your friends as burdens if the roles were reversed? Looking for somewhere nice but cheaper to live could alleviate a lot of stress and you’ll find a better job when you’re up to it - be gentle on yourself
I really enjoyed this book. The author is a licensed psychologist and I feel like the book is very similar to what my therapist did while we were exploring CBT. It’s an easy read and pretty spot on without long rants.
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Thanks, the deadline is just because I need to have a fixed date in my head that if it’s still so hard I have a plan. There’s unfortunately nothing cheaper in my area and the ones that are are so hideous I just can’t face living in a horrible bedsit - I’d have to move out of the city away from the friends I do have which is probably one of my main protective factors at the moment. There’s a lot of things I am realising are quite impossible to sort at the moment and have no real motivation to get myself out of this situation either.I know sometimes you just want to get it out somewhere without unsolicited advice, but things will get better for you, hold on to that hope. Try not to fall into the trap of feeling like you need to fix everything at once or by a fixed date. Imagine if someone came to you with how you were feeling, would you give them a deadline? Would you see your friends as burdens if the roles were reversed? Looking for somewhere nice but cheaper to live could alleviate a lot of stress and you’ll find a better job when you’re up to it - be gentle on yourself
I'm reluctant to say "things will get better" because it used to really annoy me at times when I was feeling really bad, but I just wanted to share my experience because you sound in a really similar position to me four years ago. I was at the end of a relationship, had to move quickly and couldn't afford it, I just managed to pay a rental deposit on the last bit of my credit card but was in so much debt I couldn't afford my rent. I was being bullied by my boss and thought I'd never find anything better. All my friends were getting married and having kids and doing things and I just felt like a loser next to them all. I was so down I thought I must be the worst person to spend time with and was waiting for my mates to ditch me. I was self harming, drinking, doing too many drugs, not eating and couldn't get through a day at work without crying in the loos at work or on the bus. Every time I woke up in the morning I was furious I was still around, I felt absolutely worthless and didn't want to be around. I still had "fun" but I'd go home and just feel completely empty.
That was four years ago and I'm not saying I'm cured or always happy but lots of things have worked themselves out. I wouldn't have believed anyone if they'd told me... I probably wouldn't have believed them last year either, but looking back life has got very gradually better and if it can for me then I think the same can happen for you. I eventually tried medication last year after avoiding it and although it hasn't solved everything it definitely took the edge off my negative thoughts.
You're definitely not a burden at all, there will be days to look forward to in the future and there's every chance things will work themselves out for the better. I really feel for you and hope you'll be OK
Thank you for the heartfelt response, I am glad you’re doing better now. I just can’t see it happening for me, and I also have no motivation or drive for sticking around at the moment - what could my future hold that I haven’t already experienced. I will just live the rest of my life with regret and sadness and the feeling of being a failure.I'm reluctant to say "things will get better" because it used to really annoy me at times when I was feeling really bad, but I just wanted to share my experience because you sound in a really similar position to me four years ago. I was at the end of a relationship, had to move quickly and couldn't afford it, I just managed to pay a rental deposit on the last bit of my credit card but was in so much debt I couldn't afford my rent. I was being bullied by my boss and thought I'd never find anything better. All my friends were getting married and having kids and doing things and I just felt like a loser next to them all. I was so down I thought I must be the worst person to spend time with and was waiting for my mates to ditch me. I was self harming, drinking, doing too many drugs, not eating and couldn't get through a day at work without crying in the loos at work or on the bus. Every time I woke up in the morning I was furious I was still around, I felt absolutely worthless and didn't want to be around. I still had "fun" but I'd go home and just feel completely empty.
That was four years ago and I'm not saying I'm cured or always happy but lots of things have worked themselves out. I wouldn't have believed anyone if they'd told me... I probably wouldn't have believed them last year either, but looking back life has got very gradually better and if it can for me then I think the same can happen for you. I eventually tried medication last year after avoiding it and although it hasn't solved everything it definitely took the edge off my negative thoughts.
You're definitely not a burden at all, there will be days to look forward to in the future and there's every chance things will work themselves out for the better. I really feel for you and hope you'll be OK
I honestly feel for you and I know nothing I can say will make you feel better right now, I just want you to know you're not alone and I know exactly how you're feeling.
I feel exactly the same @Pixipoppy, it’s like you’ve described me to a T. Depression is a witch, but I’m still here just living for little moments of happiness and waiting for some bigger goals. If I can do it, so can you! You are not alone
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