The Depression Thread

[TARDIS Blue]

This is a good idea, thank you!

I suffer quite badly with depression. I had therapy today and it's wiped me out. All I want to do is lie down to a point where being on Tattle is a productive alternative! That combined with the effort and energy it takes to get up and shower and I'm wondering how other people hold down full time jobs!

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I hope you feel a bit better after taking some time to unwind.

 

[LaBlonde]

i’ve been having a weird few hormone days too - those three days in the run up to my period are never fun but they’ve been particularly bad this month.

i think i’ve mentioned this before on this thread but i had a particularly bad 2021 in losing my two remaining grandparents quite close together (and also being ghosted by someone i was in a relationship with) and i guess it’s made me incredibly preoccupied with both death and what my old age is going to be like as i’m long-term single and don’t want children. i don’t fear death at all but i do fear aging, if that makes any sense.

i couldn’t sleep last night from thinking about what might happen if i fall alone at home when i’m 80 and was researching retirement communities in my area at 2am. i’m 36, this is ridiculous. hopefully my brain calms down when my hormones do.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you for sharing your experience. How do I (or they) know if I need meds, need someone to talk to, or both? How do I know what is right for me when I’m not quite right, right now? Does that make sense?

I agree with what @Maid22 says. It’s really up to you. I guess ideally if you’re ok with taking meds (and if you’re not that’s your choice), you should also be offered someone to talk to as well. Medication can really help to take the edge off, but it helps so much to be able to talk through what’s causing you to feel this way.

It’s so brave that you’ve made the appointment, I don’t say that lightly. I had a gp appointment where I was terrified to explain what was going on, so I just wrote down what I wanted to say. I know it sounds so obvious, but it helped me at the time.

Can I just ask if anyone is on meds for anxiety? I'm on meds for my depression but my anxiety is out of control

I’ve been prescribed Propranolol for anxiety in the past, it only helps with the physical symptoms, but even that is so helpful. It stops that ”tense” feeling that you literally feel in your body.
I have also been prescribed diazepam which I found really helpful, but it can only be used short-term, and (in my experience), made me exhausted the next day. I really feel for you, its a tough combination dealing with anxiety and depression together.

 

[279cupcakes]

Thankyou I’m definitely going to try and

I completely understand where you are coming from on the appearance part and worrying about the future. For me when I get down about my appearance it’s because of what people (bullies) have said to me in the past I feel like I need to accept this and understand it was years ago when they said it and I am a lot better than their nasty comments. You are not an awful person for being jealous of others life it’s natural to want better especially if your having a really hard time you just automatically want the happiness others have this is normal but you have to think you don’t know what’s going on personally for example people only post on Instagram the best bits of their life sometimes you have to fake it until you make it keep going and thinking positive it can only get better from here. I agree with being snappy to the people you love for me this is because I am unhappy and unsatisfied I seem to take it out on others then feeling really guilty after for me I explain why I did that and say sorry it’s hard but after explaining they seem to understand. As for the future try to stay positive you are the creator of your own life and destiny I struggle with this a lot as I think it’s hard to know what you want then confusing thoughts happen but you just have to live in the present knowing that whatever we do now will help us for the future just know people have different paths and timings in life what people are achieving now you could achieve in 10 years or vice versa. You are not alone.

Thank you so much, this was honestly really assuring and validating. I think Instagram is part of the problem so I've deactivated it for a bit. I think this is my favourite thread here- I love how everyone gives so much good advice despite struggling.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

@Maid22 sorry to jump in, but it’s such a good question re, MH care in the USA. What you said about falling through the cracks really resonates with me, and I’m sure a lot of others here.

I think it really highlights how a lot of us are struggling even though we try to do the right things. Its just so horrible that you’ve ended up that way. It‘s inhumane how there’s basically a two-tier system of healthcare here.

I have always said that when (not “if”), I’m feeling better, I’m going to find out the source of the cuts to MH funding in the NHS, then find out who is campaigning about this in a useful way and do what I can to support them.

It‘s just so hit and miss. My GP is amazing, but she can only deal with MH so much before it gets passed to someone else.

So much depends on how the practitioner treats you. I’ve seen three different psychiatrists just because the clinic is short staffed. Two were so great. They got it. One psych I spoke to said “I know you’re here about your adhd but we really need to focus on your depression“, and I felt in such safe hands with him, but then the next appointment was with a different guy.

Spoiler: Me-rail, sorry

And that’s who I’m with now, and I feel like he doesn’t “get” it. I got taken off the care of the community MH team because I didn’t turn up to appointments, but that was because I didn’t care enough about myself to keep getting help, and I didn’t trust the guy. At my last appointment with him I told him I wanted to stop my depression and adhd medication, then didn’t turn up for the next check-in appointment. I know these people can’t be mind-readers, but looking back, I wish he could have seen that I was struggling and showing self-destructive behaviours.

 

[Welshgal]

Not sure if it would be of any help but you can get free therapy on NHS through talking therapies I think it's called, they do a phone consultation and then determine what therapy is best (CBT/counselling) it runs for a 3 month period before ending, but after 3 months from it ending you can reregister. It might not be ideal for everyone but it helped me learn techniques to better deal with my mental health

Here's the link to self refer:

Talking therapies

Find out how to access free talking therapies (psychological therapies) like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), counselling and guided self-help on the NHS.

www.nhs.uk

Thank you
! I should have mentioned that I live in Germany, so this sadly won’t help me but hopefully someone else reading here!

 

[lemonl189]

Despite your anxiety and fears you have lots of great ideas and goals. Believe in yourself and you could do anything you wanted for yourself. Baby steps just to get your thoughts in order and before you know it you will be flying.
You mention that you think people are living their best life with lots of friends. People aren’t as confident as you think, many disguise their insecurities by just acting. And loneliness is a major issue for more people than you realize. There’s a Loneliness thread on here and reading this Depression thread shows how little confidence we have. These people you see aren’t nearly as confident or fulfilled. Believe you are every bit as good as anyone.

Thankyou I think everyone has struggled massively due to the lockdown especially xx

 

[chapterthree]

Hi all, jumping on this thread. I think I’m going back on my setraline. Very low mood and generally not coping very well. Bit scared as it makes me feel very sick, headachey and with loss of appetitive for a while. I’m in quite a sad place right now and struggle with everyday life. Any tips / advice appreciated.

Does anyone else on sertraline get heartburn after taking them sometimes?
I woke up in the night with it and its still there now

I read up about this, the tablet can burn your inside (especially if you snap it in half to make it easier to swallow) Always take it with a huge glass of water or drink of choice. I hope you feel better soon

 

[Tanne1999]

Cannot sleep at all. It’s 4am and I’m exhausted but I just cannot shut off. My brain won’t shut up and I’m fed up with it.

 

[hereforthememe]

Thank you for replying. He tells me how he’s feeling etc and he’s adamant he wants me to stay around but it’s really dragging me down.

I'm sorry to hear that, it's hard.

If it was me, I'd reduce how much I communicated and see how that goes... Maybe take a little longer to reply, or just say you need space etc.

I get you want to support them, but it shouldn't be detrimental to yourself

 

[rainbowlemon]

Hi all - I don’t know where to turn to or what to do anymore. Yesterday the guy I’ve been with since November turned around and just said he hasn’t been happy with me for a while and I needed to pack my stuff and leave. I have done everything I can do to make him happy, I try to be such a people pleaser sometimes to my own detriment so this has honestly felt like a train has hit me. Ive moved back in with mum who had to carry me out of the car as I was crying so much, and I’ve been in bed since then just sobbing and trying to sleep.
What worries me is I’ve battled depression with suicidal thoughts and anxiety for over ten years, on and off with both medication and counselling. But it’s terrifying how quickly my suicidal thoughts crawl back into my brain. They’re always there just bubbling away quietly whilst I put a happy front on as if I need to entertain people so they don’t worry about me. My mum hasn’t left my side and has stayed home to be with me but honestly all I want for her to do is just go so I can kill myself. I’m so mentally exhausted and I feel like being alive just isn’t my home for me - I just don’t belong here.
I’m so tired.
I’m so unbelievably tired and I can’t keep doing this. I feel like I’ve done what I’ve needed to do here on this Earth and my soul is just so, so ready to go home

This charity were lovely when I contacted them before.

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

I honestly do understand how hard break ups can be and all the exhaustion that comes with trying to deal with depression. You will get through this.Forget about tomorrow just focus on trying to keep yourself safe. Please be honest with your mother and try to take it one moment at a time.

I also feel like the suicidal thoughts are always there too in the background.

When did you last see your therapist?

I feel like I am constantly reliving bad memories in my head, going back to my school days (I'm 27, left school when I was 16). I dont want to die, I just want to live without regret and shame.

One thing that's been playing on my mind today.
I used to start skipping classes some time in Year 9 because I began feeling anxious. I got in trouble for it once in Year 10, but other than that no one even noticed or said anything as far as I can recall.

One day , my so called 'friend' gloated to me with a smirk on her face "Everyone talks about you in registration."
Shorly after that, a random girl who I didn't know walked past me in the corridor and said go her friend "that girl's a bitch". There was no one else there so it was obviously about me. It caused me to spiral (didnt know oy at the time). I just remember thinking that I was a terrible person, rather than recognising I might need some help..

That's just one instance, but I have had some traumatic experiences over the years which cause more guilt and distress in my mind.

Just wanted to write that down really. X

I feel the same sometimes- that I can't let go of certain memories.

Have you tried any therapy previously? I have heard and tried EDMR which can be very helpful and found it a bit better than traditional talk.

Hi. I just read through this read. I think I may have had some type of depression on and off since I was a teen. I have definitely suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was a child although it is now under more control.
When I was in college I went through a phase of just feeling really down, all I wanted to do was sleep. I literally would be in bed all day. I never told my family or friends. Somehow I got out of that funk.
I moved to another country and got a job. A year after though I was let go. It's been 5 years since I worked. I've applied for jobs but never have any success. Luckily my husband has a good career.
Up until covid I had a really good social life, every day I would see people. Well, now it's down the shitter.
My husband is still WFH and we seem to argue more than ever. I feel more lonely than when he was at the office....because I know he is home yet I can't talk to him because he's working. I know that probably sounds crazy. Things are still iffy in regards to covid so precautions are still in place.
I have thought about volunteering somewhere and I apply but then I get invited to a zoom call or whatever and don't go as I feel so anxious about doing something new. I feel like an idiot.
I just feel so worthless as I really don't do a lot during the day. My husband and I had a frank conversation about how this is impacting me and it caused an argument. He cares but he says it seems I'm at the point where I have to help myself which I agree with. But it's so hard. I've gone from being a confident and person to not so much over the last year with covid lockdowns etc. I really just don't know where to begin.

You still have value even if you don't currently work. You don't have to be always be doing something either. The covid period was really hard, try to be easy on yourself.

It doesn't sound crazy that you feel lonely. Doing new things can be scary- doesn't make you an idiot. Interviews can be daunting. Baby steps with everything. Maybe you could start by just meeting up with just one friend first for extra support and take it from there.

 

[mindlessness]

Spoiler: tw: sh

Whenever I used to get drunk I’d get the urge to self harm. Now I get the urge to pierce myself, which is basically just self harm but I get a piercing out of it. I’ve given myself two piercings that I like but keep trying to give myself more, despite not wanting any and basically just sticking the needle through and pulling it out again because I don’t like it. I’m not really sure what to do about it.

Oh that is tough. Is there a person in your life you trust that you could talk to? or your GP? If it's do-able, maybe cut back on the alcohol to begin with? I guess I'm thinking it would be wise to remove the circumstances that lead to self-harm, if that makes sense?

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

How long were you on the 40mg for?

Hi! More than half a year, I think? At least 5 months.

Drug lowering should always be done gradually and that is quiet a jump.
Maybe you could order some meal replacement drinks like huel instead of eating and just gradually sip during the day?

I just went from two to one pill a day, I am not even sure it can be done any other way with Fluoxetine…Meal replacement drinks are a great idea, thank you so much! Will look into them now x

 

[Libbylulu]

I could use someone to talk to I’m struggling a lot

Can you call the Samaritans? I’m sorry you are feeling like this. Sending you hugs 🫂 It will pass believe it or not. Hang in there xxx

 

[Barbie2020]

I’ve decided to try crystals! I know some might think it’s crazy but my friend went through a bad time recently and is really into them.

i looked up what is good for anxiety/depression and have bought a little pack to see what I think.

 

[JJ8]

I’m on medication, but I am so numb and not excited about life. I have some goals and dreams but am too worn out to do anything to fulfil them.

This sums up how i feel right now perfectly. It’s been over a year and I am trying out third medication because my anxiety always comes back Just so tired. I have plans and goals, I have to do lists but i just wake up and realize it’s not happening today, my brain is too foggy and my body is too weak to move.

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

I take a low dose of amitriptyline at night, (for a different health condition), as well as my antidepressant in the morning and it helps me to not only drift off more quickly but stay asleep for 4h at a time. Sounds rubbish but previously I was waking every 90 minutes.

 

[Blue Rose]

I’ve pretty much finished with the teaching element of first year and will just be on placement for the rest of the year and feel a little disappointed with how this year’s gone. I’ve made a few friends who I’d sit with and talk to during seminars but haven’t actually got to go out or do anything outside of attending university for taught sessions. Whenever I ask if any of them want to go out they can’t (2 of them are older with children and the others seem content with just attending seminars and going straight home). There’s a board game society that meets once a week that I’m thinking about going to tomorrow but am nervous about just walking in on my own. I’m not really that interested in games but I just want to go to something to socialise with people outside of my family. How do you make friends when you’re still living at home?

 

[Penguin86]

Do you mean made it out of the house? ((Hugs)) I hope you can rest and recharge.

Yeah i went out on my own. Only like 5 mins in a taxi and i was still proud of myself

 

[hereforthememe]

I thought I was doing well. I got on top of things this week, had energy, thought the antidepressants were working but I've just had a big cry out of nowhere and now I am struggling with anxiety.

Urgh.