Planning their trip to Enoteca La Fortezza at the Medici Fortress at the call went something like this:
SJ – hello, I’m Stephanie Jarvis the famous youtuber – I’m sure you’ve heard of me. I’m a successful grifter and I own the fabulous 16th century Shitoo de Lalande in France – you know the one – it’s the shitoo that sits on 60 acres and has 16 bedrooms – it’s simply paaarrr-feeeect!!!
La Fortezza – no I don’t know the one, but how may I help you?
SJ – my toyboy (videographer) and I would like to visit your shop and taste your wine. We need the paaarr-feeect wine to compliment the main course of our Christmas lunch. At Christmas the shitoo is chock full of freezing people .and our wine cellar must simply be filled with the finest wines to help keep us warm sated throughout the holidays.
La Fortezza – we have many fine wines and can assist you
SJ – can you provide us with a selection of your finest 100 point wines to taste test?
La Fortezza – yes, we can do that
SJ – can you provide us with a sommelier who can spend hours time with us explaining the wines?
La Fortezza – yes, we can do that
SJ – ofcourse, we will be filming the wine tasting, but don’t worry we won’t intrude much on your other visitors
La Fortezza – uuuhhh, that should be fine. We can set your own table for two where you both can sit and get plastered wine taste all afternoon
SJ – we will enjoy drinking 4 glasses (almost a bottle) of your award-winning wines and telling the suckers who fund us our thousands of viewers your wines taste of cinnamon, pate and too many tannins
La Fortezza – all our visitors enjoy our product and purchase cases of our award-winning wines for their wine cellar collections
SJ – oh, that’s not a problem for us since we just want 4 bottles of your cheapest wine – you know, the wine my toyboy videographer thinks tastes like cinnamon cookies and whose preferred beverage is pineapple juice
La Fortezza – may I suggest 1 additional wine although it’s a bit more expensive than your preferred cinnamon wine?
SJ – OOOOOhhhhh – we love this new wine – we’ll take 3 bottles and can you give us a discount?
La Fortezza – of course Madame – we’ll give you a 5% discount, and with your huge purchase of 3 bottles of wine I’ll now be able to afford my 2022 summer holidays. Do not come again, and if you do sadly return next time please wear a bra.
I hope you succeed in getting them to trim your tree, and may they do a spectacular job. 
Tatyana’s Ambitions 
nominations to compile into one thread (or maybe put on wiki). I think it would be a blast to be able to read all the one liners one after another. Is anyone else interested in doing something like this?
but could you please work your magic 🪄 
earth 
