Couldn’t you see Travels with my crappy Blonde Friend and Miss Chatelaine going to the Ritz for Christmas tea. The video would be titled “RATSO at the Ritz!!” Fanny and Snorts would come obnoxiously barging into the hotel, swinging a tote bag with a neurotic, shaking Ratso clinging to the sides of the tote, shoving its head out of the tote to breathe.
Fanny would be off the chain, wearing a dress with her tits jacked up to Jesus, maniacally laughing and loudly screeching, lurching about the hotel with the little pink camera crammed into her giant man hands, filming diners without their consent, as Snorts crams Ratso at his feet further into the expensive designer tote bag.The staff will probably shove the gruesome twosome in a corner table to get them out of the general population.
Snorts will be beside himself with joy, being allowed to have as many sandwiches as he can stuff into his greedy mouth. He and Fanny would loudly and greedily stuff as many desserts as possible into the Takeaway box provided by the Ritz. They would swill flute after flute of expensive champagne after Snorts examined all of the china to determine the manufacturer. Fanny and Snorts will cram all of the Ritz branded sweetener packets into the tote with Ratso, Snorts will stash some cutlery or china into the tote, and Fanny will pinch several Ritz napkins to take back to the Dump. They will pay for the meal with a black American Express card emblazoned with the LieLande Association name.
Ratso will escape the tote several times to eat crumbs of food from under their table as well as neighboring tables. Fanny will videotape Snorts pleading with the Ritz staff that Ratso is indeed a dog, and not a trained rat on a leash, so it was permissible for them to bring Ratso into the hotel. Fanny will pretend not to know Ratso and tell staff it is Snorts’ creature, not hers.
After several flutes of champagne, Fanny would likely lunge towards the piano at the Ritz, and force the choir to let her join and sing along with them, loudly and off key, and to sing a solo that will make the customers cringe and Ratso begin to howl along with the song.
As they are firmly told by the head of the Ritz dining services to leave the premises, Fanny will stop by the front desk of the hotel to “flirt and plead”with the male desk agent and concierge to be allowed to videotape their finest suite for her YouTube channel as Ratso pisses on the large Ritz Christmas tree set up in the foyer of the hotel and Snorts trips on Ratso’s leash, spilling all of the stolen cutlery and china out of the $1500 designer tote. As they are firmly escorted out of the Ritz hotel and off the premises by the Ritz security team, Fanny will shrill, “What a magical day! Just like a fairy tale!”
