Naw, the best place to hide a body is on a battlefield such as Ukraine - as in our brave Philip, deeply moved by the plight of Ukraine's struggle, has decided to go ahead with plans to offer his services to help this poor nation which has been ravaged by war and while we will miss him at the chateau, we fully support his decision and applaud his valor. He'll always have a place here.
The second best place to hide a body is where any endangered or threatened species makes it home because no-one ever wants to screw with that kind of habitat - as in, we have found out that our lake at la Lande is home to the extremely rare fuzzy red chook chaser orchid, and the yellow spoon fondler frog and to ensure the growth and safety of these exquisite species, the area around the lake is now out of bounds and is never to be disturbed by order of the local (insert relevant departments name here).
The reason why the attic at la Lande isn't a good idea, is that the renovations are ongoing, and bodies get a bit whiffy after a while, even pickled in as much gin as Phi Phi seems to knock back every day. It'd only take someone looking for a lost box of tatty Xmas decorations to stumble across a body. Not that I want to actually see Philip dead... just gone.
My theory is that Fanny will call in every favour she knows to get him a small but slightly significant part in some West End musical and encourage (i.e.manipulate) him into leaving France to further his stage career. He'll be so taken with all her talk about how brilliant he is on stage, how fabulous his voice his, that he'll jump at the chance. Then, a few months on and when the musical is a flop, or he's fired for being a douche, he'll have found his place at la Lande filled and his place in Fanny's bed gone to some other poor sucker. And there'll be nothing for it but for him to slink back to the Netherlands to cry on Bubblegirl's shoulder, where he'll wait tables, and in his spare time write his tell all book in revenge and live happily never after and dreaming of the beloved China Room he'll never see finished.
No one works less than Snorts- it’s insane.
Definitely need a pic of this!
