I know CAMHS is really underfunded too so it must be really hard for the people who work there who just want to help. I think to myself that surely it would be better to help these kids now while they are young so that hopefully a lot of them don't need the same level of help as adults. I'm talking about the funding here.It's hard to get into CAMHS because it's woefully understaffed and the demand is insane but it's a complete myth you can't get help unless you try to kill yourself. It's just completely false. It's what a lot of parents hear but it's not what is actually said. When I used to work in CAMHS. I can't tell you the amount of times I'd have a lengthy conversation with a parent and we'd do a safety plan etc and I'd say I know it was a long wait and we'd see them as something as we could and give them stuff they could get started with in the meantime and all you'd hear back is 'so they have to kill themselves for you to help!?!'. And then that gets repeated and people don't even refer because they think it has to be that bad. It's a really irresponsible thing for people to say (not you, personally, just in general). I triaged plenty of referrals that we accepted that weren't suicidal.
In regards to your personal situation, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Unfortunately, if someone has capacity and they don't engage there's really not a lot a clinician can do. You can't force them and it's not ethical to do so but it's so difficult when you know they need help. It becomes a vicious circle.
We are lucky that my daughter has a great CAMHS worker who fights so hard to stop her being discharged completely as he knows how low she can drop without showing any signs. She will stop eating, not leave her room, stop any personal care etc. Her attendance dropped at school last half term and she's told me she's not going back.
I always wonder with Archie that if he had tried with the rope before why he still had access to rope? I guess different mothers do different things but I don't think I could have kept my eyes off him if he was my son.