The advice thread for random problems #7

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Advice on dealing with aggressive/rude colleagues...

So I posted in the previous thread about a colleague quite aggressively coming up to me in the break room, in front of CEO and deputy CEO, and continually asking me to explain 'why I'd say I'm happy to do something when I'm not'. For context, we're a newly merged team, figuring out roles/responsibilities, she tried to dump a task on me she didn't like and got told by our boss not to do that - thus she was angry at me. I was incredibly shocked and hurt she'd try and maim my reputation in the workplace like that, in front of senior management.

I spoke to my boss about what happened and she said she'd speak to her, as she didn't want to reward that behaviour. Well, she was promoted the week after, to the shock of the team. It was incredibly awkward for all. Everyone sat in silence, shocked beyond words. Half of the team felt their own efforts weren't being rewarded and the other half, who have also had run ins with her, were just pissed.

Since then (we are now at the same seniority level), she speaks to me as if I am her intern. Push back on demands (she asked me to issue a notification to our team, I said we had done one two days ago - no need) is met with indirect accusations I am not doing my job. When I was courteous and did her request, my boss snapped at me for sending too many notifications. So I'm stuck in the middle.

My strategy so far has been to only engage with this colleague for work-related talk. We used to chat and get on well, so this is a big difference. While I was out of the office last week for a conference, she edited a Teams message (so no notification) stating she'd like to 'clear the air with an open and honest conversation'.

My issue is this: I don't see this as an honesty problem. I haven't ever been dishonest, but right from the start, she seems keen to accuse me of lying, or hiding how I feel, etc. My gut says not to enter into this conversation. It also doesn't help that my boss now thinks the sun shines out of her bum. So should I clear the air? Or am I setting myself up for more issues?

Thank you!!

 

[becca7721]

I thought you were allowed to have so many thousands and still get benefit.

View attachment 3847633View attachment 3847634

In theory yes.

But it’s the DWP.

They aren’t allowed to refuse benefit to someone with a terminal illness, they do (when my friend had breast cancer she was told she needed a date by which she would die to qualify as tablet chemo wasn’t real chemo so she could work), she lived beyond the date, so all her money stopped as she wasn’t classed as terminal anymore but cured, she died homeless Christmas Eve 2016. In June 2017 after she died they accepted her appeal.

I was doing permitted work whilst claiming JSA - I was earning around £50 a week (benefit then was about £60 JSA) and they kept ringing me at work to attend interviews - I was lone working managerial in a hospital a vital role and couldn’t leave, so they took £9.50 (so I had 50p a week to maintain contributions for pension). Not allowed anything else like housing or council tax. I tried to close my claim they wouldn’t let me. I lost my job and then they ended my claim because I lost my job.

Im well aware fraud exists but despite never having committed fraud, paid a fortune in medical evidence and found innocent when accused it STILL stays on file. My qualifications are recorded from when I claimed JSA, every time I’ve been there I’ve been accused of fraud because my qualifications mean it’s impossible I cannot work and can claim. Every time. Until Covid I was reapplying for ESA support group every three months I had multiple claims open, appeals going on .. Never mind what Ive been through on UC.

Finally, they let volunteers from a charity go there and access my account who pretended to be me as they had kept my non photo ID.

They screw up something that can be 3 months zero income at least, then another to get paid (as I was last year), then you get “it’s fine you’ll get backpay“ but that’s no use when you need food etc, also, they can deduct if your backpay is too large and be expected to live on it (also, not allowed). when I got it I owed thousands on credit cards, bills, landlord etc and the DWP allowed people I owed to take 20% *each* from what they allowed me, including housing benefit.

 

[cowtastrophe]

It helps if you warm the wrap for a few seconds in the microwave before wrapping. I need to practice it as well as I love wraps.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

If you don't get anywhere the website resolver is really good.

I’ve used them before for a different issue, good shout, cheers

 

[Snippysnips]

Could anyone put my mind at rest or let me know if this has happened to them /what to do for the best please I'd be so grateful.

I've come home to find a parcel on my door step (that's been delivered by Royal mail card pushed through with instructions of where they left it etc)
Its our address, correct house number road and postcode all spot on but its in the name of a completely random man .

Never experienced it before and my brain has gone into a bit of a worry from looking at our address but attached to some unknown person (dont even like it being here in case someone turns up while OH on noons)

Guessing it might be a neighbour an they have just put in the wrong house number for it to be delivered too, happens a few times around where I live, people will scroll down the list an accidental click the number one or two up or down from their own

Do you have a community FB page or anything? That you could say you've had a parcel delivered to you but it's for (name)

 

[Serene Serena]

Day before my birthday and I have a huge fuck off spot on my lip any advice for shit around th house that might help

Toothpaste

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Can anybody recommend a pair of warm but stylish gloves? I get chilblains every year and I’m struggling to find gloves that actually keep my hands warm.

I think stylish and warm does not go well togeher. Probably the least stylish ones will keep your hands warmest ie 3M brand is really good.
However if you can afford it, then real sheepskin with wool inside

 

[petitspois]

How’d you deal with people not ever wanting to come to your house and you feel like you’re always going there?

We waited it out because I was a bit pissed off with it (we have a 9month old and 2/nearly 3 year old so it’s not the fastest or hassle free to get out of the house) but it had been over a month since we last saw my parents, who live only a 25min drive away, before they bothered to just come here and my dad was too tired to even come apparently so it was just my mum. And before that I don’t think they’d even been to visit since early September (again just my mum). Could probably count on one hand the amount of times they’ve been to our house in the last year.

Do I just need to start inviting them here more or coming up with reasons why we can’t leave the house? I’m sure they’d still suggest going there though

I think a lot of people would see that as a positive. You can visit when it suits, leave when you like. Maybe they’re trying not to impose?

 

[RainbowFuzz]

I’ve started having sharp pains in my neck back and right arm which I’m constantly using clicking with the mouse at work. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong maybe I’m sitting wrong, I don’t see anyone else at work with back and neck and arm pain from working/sitting and typing even if they’re slouched in their chair. I actually try to sit up straight but I do have so much tension. I find myself having to stretch my neck and back every 10 minutes or so and adjust myself and I really don’t know what to do or ask my doctor if it’s my job to sit at a desk all day. My chest hurts too

Get a shark fin mouse, I was having the same and got one on Amazon for about £12-£15 and it has changed my life. Takes a bit of getting used to but honestly the pain went in about 3 days and I used to be in agony. About 80% of us in the office have these mice now!

 

[Serene Serena]

@Monkeymagic85 did you get your property back from Very?

 

[avabella]

Stanley all the way for me - all the others are a false economy, end up leaking etc.

 

[Captainmouse]

I would keep reporting to the police. Tell them as a wheelchair user you are being pushed into the road. Blocking the pavement is a crime. I'd also scatter birdseed on the cars, or wet Frosties. Entirely legal.

This is the info I want

 

[veryfondoftea]

Depending on your age , it could be hormones too . Perimenopause can leave women struggling to cope . I second the chance you may be neurodivergent. I suppose the solution is to try coping mechanisms to make things easier for yourself how you are , rather than trying to cope in a way that doesn't work for you if that makes sense.

Hey, I am 41, but have felt this way for as long as I can remember. The difference now (and the reason for my post) is I guess I am just realising that it's maybe not 'normal' to feel this way and I want to be able to feel differently. I will have a think about possible coping mechanisms.

 

[becca7721]

I had a water leak (leaky loo) and got an email from the water company to say my bill is high check for a leak. The leak was fixed start of December. I just got my water bill in the post and it's gone up again (£47 I live alone). It says the billing period is July-december so I assume I'll just have to wait 6months to see the improvement of fixing the leak?

In my experience yes, I assume you have a meter, has your standing charge gone up? That’ll effect it too.

 

[Mamacita]

Not a problem as such but I was thinking of doing one of those DNA things to find out my ancestry. Has anyone here done one? What did you find out? Are there any downsides to doing it?

I'd say one of the downside is the potential for data breach with those services when it's such sensitive data they hold, like 23andme had.

 

[Carapop]

Question for you all? What have you bought that has enhanced or made your life easier? I have a budget of about €500 and want to buy myself something beneficial to me. I'm a busy working Mum of two autistic preteens. Life has been hard (think fighting for every little thing!) up until the last year of two but we seem to have come through it and finally we have a little extra cash for us.

Ooooh this is such a great question! I don’t have an immediate answer but shall think on it and am very interested in answers of others.

 

[avabella]

Alcohol wipe? Not sire if that would discolour the t-shirt

Any hacks for getting the adhesive residue left from the sticker off a Primark tshirt ?

Freeze it and it should peel off easily.

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

AO have an online outlet Elek Direct. Worth checking out. I'd order and then call to explain- worst case they cancel the order

Another vote for AO, they will deliver and install as part of the service.

 

[Ray1403]

I recently re-pierced my ears at home and i want them to heal nicely! Has anyone got any good advice on how to heal/look after them? Preferably cheap aswell lol

contrary to what the advice used to be the current advice is DO NOT spin your earrings while you clean them, it encourages hair etc to get caught up. just clean them with saline and leave them alone

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

This is rather obtuse

can anyone recommend a good electric can opener? my best one died. The replacement was awful and broke. My manual one fell apart in my hands today

We have a Kenwood electric can opener. It’s 20+ years old and still going strong