The advice thread for random problems #7

[petitspois]

These are exactly what I used, thought they were fantastic. Hopefully youre rid of them within a few days, they're right pricks! x

I used those too and they work a treat. Quite fascinating when they all spin around then stroll inside.

 

[Mamacita]

These are exactly what I used, thought they were fantastic. Hopefully youre rid of them within a few days, they're right pricks! x

Thank you! Yeah they need to move out

 

[Darvos]

Your comment made me laugh. Don't worry, I am not a doormat. I have spoken with my dad, he doesn't want to celebrate another weekend, it's his birthday after all. And neither do I. I was just wondering what other people's opinions were.

I don't want to move it as it affects more people than just my brother and his wife. They can go away any time of the year, as their children are young adults. Plus it's not just a weekend, they have booked a whole two week trip, so the only viable other option would be the more expensive bank holiday weekend.

I knew something like this would happen, I'm convinced my brother is a narcissist for a multitude of reasons, but one reason in particular is he likes to cause disruption when its someone else's (in the immediate family) birthday, wedding, other special occasion, Christmas etc.

Here's some examples. So he will turn up late to birthday meals and keep everyone waiting, he will park somewhere that only has an hours parking and make a fuss that he needs to rush off through the whole meal, if he turns up early he has text me before and said there's no booking (busy day, big group, causing panic) turns out it's a lie, he will not RSVP to weddings or send menu choices, if it's afternoon tea and cocktails he will refuse to order and will just sit there making it awkward (he can afford it) , he will declare he's ordered and paid for a special birthday cake for a big birthday but turns up with no cake. He's previously agreed to coming away and splitting costs, let me book then denied it all leaving me to pay for it all. Christmas get together, announces he's broken down and is waiting to be towed, turns up an hour late in the car that was towed with no further explanation. You will invite him and his family on days out, casual lunches etc and he will say he will get back to you ( he doesn't), or he simply ignores you, he then either blames you for not reminding him, or declares you haven't invited him and that he is always left out. There's so many more (no wonder his first marriage didn't last).

He is exhausting and you can never win.

PS: He's not the golden child. He takes but doesn't give.

My narc sis is just like this. Her speciality is saving up dramatic news to co-opt the energy of gatherings and celebrations. Fuck him.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Summer duvets - I have a coverless 9 tog duvet which is too hot in this weather. But I can't sleep without a duvet

What brands should I look at? Amazon suggests they go down as low as 1.5 tog and they start at £21

We had a 1tog from Dunelm, and it was great, but have since moved to a feather and in a 4.5tog, and I find this better.

 

[chickhicks86]

Got a custom built pc, it's starting to get a bit dusty inside, is there a safe way to clean it, or is it fine to just open up an wipe down with a microfibre cloth? Don't want to damage anything

Open and use a hair dryer to blow out the dust. Unless you have a special vac

We've a "Compucleaner" to do this, though I'm sure there are cheaper versions. It's been quite handy for the kid's consoles and blowing crumbs out of my computer keyboard too.

 

[littlepup]

Has anyone tried any of those shampoos that's supposed to be great for hair growth? An have they worked? Or is there anything else I can do to help growth?

My hair seems to have slowed down, I got colours in it a while ago an preferably it would be best that it all just got chopped off due to how much a risk it was in the first place with my skin condition an how sensitive I am, the colours were started a little bit further down to keep away from my scalp an right now it would be too short for my liking if I cut it the now so hoping there's a way to speed up growth a bit

You could try a biotin and zinc supplement x

 

[T-time]

@ThisIsMyDragName I have no idea if this works for you or not, but I'm taking creatine. It's like I'm alive again. There is more energy, everything is more fun and it takes away the brain fog. I do have to say that there's a lot about it but read up and do what works for you. I can't take it every day so I cycle on and off. It works better than the Prozac my dr prescribed

I don't know if this is you either but my friends and I figured out that the rage is when we're ovulating. Where it was wearing lots of red and wanting to jump anything with a pulse, our body now throws in blind rage. Like it wants us to know that any baby making is now

And I can't help you with bladder control. But I do know that I can go to my dr and they can refer me to hospitals for a short course. Need to do that soon but I'm not there yet. I do know that there is special underwear for it. Like period underwear is supposed to absorb tiny leaks of a long time. But this is supposed to take up quick blasts and it helps with the smell. If you buy those and wash those, those things never dry. But these days there are really cute adult diapers that feel soft and look and feel like underwear. If you don't need it every day but just want to be extra sure for things like a day out, the throw aways are really good. I'm usually okay but not too long ago I was out for a day, sneezed too hard and forgot to cross my legs. That made me hyper insecure so now I'm camp better safe than sorry

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Could you wear some ear defenders? Or noise cancelling headphones?
I also don’t like the noise of screaching children but in this case I imagine it’s the only play area they have.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thank you I never thought of asking tbh I'm one of those people who hates asking & putting people out, my hair personally is absolutely awful, has zero curl just pure frizz, I straighten it, tie it up & that's it, i sweat so bad if I wear it down heat literally comes off my head even in winter its so weird, I've just never been shown how to style it properly & had the piss taken out of me by my so called mother during my teenage years I've kind of just accepted it, i used to try & wear it down occasionally as a teenager using a whole can of mousse in the process giving it that crispy horrible texture. I just hate the fact a lot of hairdressers have you sitting in front of a big window like you are in some kind of freak show as well.

Have you tried a hairdresser that specialises in african hair. It sounds like you shoukd go to one of them

 

[cowtastrophe]

Summer duvets - I have a coverkess 9 tog duvet which is too hot in this weather. But I can't sleep without a duvet

What brands should I look at? Amazon suggests they go down as low as 1.5 tog and they start at £21

Can you take the duvet out of the cover and just use the cover over you? I've done this before in hotels when they have these massive thick duvets in summer. At home, we currently just have a sheet over us as I have to have something covering me too.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Summer duvets - I have a coverless 9 tog duvet which is too hot in this weather. But I can't sleep without a duvet

What brands should I look at? Amazon suggests they go down as low as 1.5 tog and they start at £21

I sleep with a bedspread or eiderdown in this weather. Dunelm ones are great. Perfect if you want the feeling of something more than a sheet (quilted like a duvet) but don't want the warmth!

 

[Carapop]

How do people handle stress? I feel stressed with work, I feel stressed with my family (family drama ), I feel stressed with the state of the world! I am stressed!! I’ve never been stoned but I’m tempted to get stoned to chill out!

And I go see a therapist now and again but I don’t think talking will help!

Meds! Lots and lots of meds

But also, reading, getting absorbed in another world and forgetting about my own for a while.

When my mind is too buzzy to read, then a comforting cosy tv show like Bake Off where I don’t notice the time passing.

And unfortunately, retail therapy. I love picking up little treats for friends and I’m a divil for online shopping.

 

[T-time]

It is banned in a lot of sports. And it will cause weight gain sorry if I used the word FAT i stead of weight gain. How do I know? It happened to a friend who used the stuff and didn’t exercise. Ballooned like an elephant

Did your friend not even move at all? How long was she on it? Because even my not sporty friend in a wheelchair did not have that effect other than in the beginning

You do hold some waterweight in the beginning. The first one or two weeks you do balloon and you feel like one. But after that the balloon effect is gone

If you don't want to hold the waterweight and need to get rid of it for some event, it also takes a week, two tops to get that weight off

And for the peeps who read this and take magnesium: they say you can take creatine all through the day, as long as it's the same time every day. But I take magnesium at night and magnesium and creatine make me super gassy. So I went with creatine in the morning and magnesium at night

 

[Kim Mild]

Thanks peeps , I'll see if I can book direct .

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My manager asked me to do something which isn’t so much higher than my pay grade and I’m not paid to assess. Not sure what I should say but I don’t know why I would have to use my time and mental energy figuring something out which I’m not qualified to do. I don’t know why she’s picking my brains but I don’t want to be rude and I have got my own things to get on with.

Be honest and ask why? Are they seeing if you can do it and then possible promotion? Or are they giving you work because nobody else is doing it?
I’d be inclined to pass on it

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Oh fucking hell, that’s terrible. So not Very’s property - they have no right not to return it promptly. What have Royal Mail said, apart from failing to intercept the parcel? Time to get really angry and contact higher management for both companies.

Trying to get to speak to someone that isn’t a normal customer service person has been hard. Radio silence from Royal Mail but a manager from Very did ring me today and promised to try and track it down and return it promptly, I’m really hoping she’s true to her word . Said she would be in touch after the bank holiday to update so watch this space I guess.

 

[Darvos]

Does anyone have recommendations for nice candles good for a gift, that smell nice but are more of like organic, smaller business place or something less known (thinking not jo malone, white company, neom etc)

I like St Eval. Good scents, nothing chemically, last all the way through. Tins, tea lights, or fancier. Made in north Cornwall.

 

[Ray1403]

I just feel they have a duty of care that she got the medical attention she required, not all parents are the best.

i agree, not all parents are the best, and that is sad. but unless there’s a known safeguarding issue i don’t think the school are obliged to do anything else really. they rang you, her emergency contact, and that’s where their duty ends.
i’m glad your daughter is okay and she’s lucky she has people who care so much about her

 

[Snippysnips]

This is a difficult problem for me to try and articulate so please forgive me for any fumbles in wording!

Myself and my friends are all at the life stage of preparing to have kids, pregnancy, or already having small children. Personally, I have not yet had children but I am not putting pressure on myself.

One of my friends desperately wants to be pregnant. She is putting a lot of pressure on herself and is actively getting upset each month when her period arrives. She has every tracker and guidebook under the sun. Her and her partner have been trying for 6 months. Every time she sees a pregnancy announcement on Instagram, she is upset. Every time anyone mentions anything baby related, she is upset. I have avoided talking about my other friend who is currently pregnant so as not to upset her further. I don't dodge the topic if directly asked, but I also don't bring it up. Some of her other friends however, seem to be taking advantage and using her as a babysitting service. Almost every weekend she is out with her partner and someone else's baby having a day out. She is elated on those days and extremely depressed in the 2-3 days that follow.

I can't help but now start to feel extremely anxious talking to her. I love her to pieces but I don't know what to say anymore that doesn't somehow go back to children and her feeling like she's failed by not getting pregnant so fast. I also don't want to belittle her stress either as I can't even imagine how she feels but I do think the obsession and pressure is not going to be helping her actually conceive?

I just don't know what to do really to either help her or feel less anxious about fucking up in conversation by accidentally offending her.

If anyone does have a miracle answer, please do let me know but even actually expressing that helps a little thanks

Honestly it sounds like something that she herself really needs to get help with through therapy, it's obvs something deep with her an it needs to be faced by herself, she needs to get to the root of why she wants kids so quickly an therapy will help her

Many of my friends an family have an are having kids an truthfully not many of them got pregnant quickly, usually the more stress you put on yourself the worse it is, it's just one of these things, some took up to a year and some took longer, it's just how it goes sometimes, and 6 months isn't really long tbh, many of my friends an family actually fell pregnant when they stopped focusing on trying for it, so she does need to stop stressing on it

Put it this way, one day she will have kids so use this time to really enjoy life, enjoy all the nights out, freedom with holidays, everything that kids restrict you on, an when it happens it happens an that means it's the right time meant for her to have them

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Sounds like mine, it's a pretty slow warmer, I usually feel a difference after an hour but it's normally on for two hours to be hot enough for my liking, I have it on max setting as well

Thank you, mine was on max!. Not having had one before I wasn't sure how it was supposed to perform. I have a heated undersheet that gets toasty in no time.

I think I might return it and check out supermarket brands thanks @DWASN.