The advice thread for random problems #7

[RocksOff]

Oh I see
Can you open an online banking account and have it paid into there and then pay those that you owe?

Have just read that you can use inheritance to pay off debts without it affecting your universal credit , Shelter Website, Have a look

 

[Magwitch]

Thank you.
How weird of that guy!
They were just gonna get the same item from someone else who gets them free from their work, so no upgrade. I couldn't really understand why I was in the wrong, because they were back in the same situation as they were before I asked to borrow. No better, no worse.
I seem to have these weird interactions quite a lot and I end up think I must be horrible or not reading the room right.

You don’t sound in the least bit horrible but you might be reading reactions wrongly. What did the person actually do or say to make you feel uncomfortable? Maybe they were just having a bad day?

 

[Melian]

I was walking my dog this morning and two builders' vans were parked right across the pavement outside a house, blocking it entirely (and on double yellows to boot). I (politely) asked them to move but they said they were allowed to park there and they didn't have anywhere else to park (apart from the massive drive of the house where they're working). They said people could walk round the van or on the grass. I pointed out people shouldn't have to go in the road and that wheelchairs/pushchairs need extra space, whereupon the bloke said he was going to ignore me and called me a pig. I have told the non emergency police and asked for parking enforcement to go out but it's also been suggested I talk to the people whose house it is (they weren't in residence at the time). I don't mind being bolshy with ignorant construction workers, but I'm kind of dreading falling out with people I may have to see for the next few years. (I've no intention of being rude, but I also will not back down) Just a ramble really...

Is there a company name on the van?

 

[Chocolategoggler]

I need to pluck up the courage to go to a hairdresser, my hair is really thick & frizzy although I straighten it, I've probably only ever been to the hairdressers a handful of times in my life, when I was 10 I went she washed, cut, blow dried my hair & I came out looking like Deidre Barlow (had similar glasses too) full on poodle hair, my uncles ex wife was a hairdresser so she mainly cut my hair in my teens, then her & my mum would sit & smoke/drink afterwards taking the piss out of my hair, I then had my hair done in my late 20's at a hairdressers, I spent the 3 hours (wash, cut, colour, blow dry, straighten) apologising for the state of it because its so thick & frizzy, I last went about 3yrs ago, the hairdresser was so lovely but I just felt so out of place, felt like everyone was staring at me & just uncomfortable, then felt they were probably talking about me afterwards about my awful hair, I suppose I could have a mobile hairdresser in but its the faff of washing my hair myself I can't be arsed with (I can't be arsed at the best of times ) I just trim my own hair/dye it but want something different. Sorry for the long rant.

I've had the same problem. For years going to various hairdressers who didn't make it a fun experience. Cutting too much hair off cos they weren't watching what they were doing due to chatting to a colleague, smashing my head on a basin as they were too rough and ready. Giving me the "in" hairstyle as though that's all they knew how to or wanted to do. And the bitching was epic. So all round a miserable experience.
There were some highlights - the ex London hairdresser who wanted me for a model as they were so fascinated by my hair and wanted to fly Wella up to try their latest perm on my hair. A simple cut and blow dry was never simple. He'd do it straight then change his mind at the end and do it curly.
Then over time when I got fed up with all that I ended up by chance at "the hairdressers hairdresser" who stated firmly that my hair should never be cut with scissors but a razor. My hair loved him.
Unfortunately other people did not love him and it got too unsafe to go there. I had a final ex London hairdresser who announced my hair should never be permed. Unfortunately his body was too distracting for me. The skinniest hips I've ever seen on a man which I couldn't tear my eyes from, and he wasn't all that amazing at hair. Then there was the one who turned me into a rock chick with Titian dyed hair. I sobbed all the way back to the car with my brother telling me I looked amazing!!!! I still went back though, as he was good at cutting and I had a thing for him and his trousers and braces
Then he left and I ended up at the bitchiest hairdresser's ever who seemed to employ well known actors to sweep up. Then one day I was moaning to a colleague about the epic bitching and she recommended a hairdresser where you weren't rushed, you were the only client, it was calm and she isn't a bitch. I've been with her for years and am really happy, but she's getting on in age and talking about how difficult it is to keep going in the current climate, so I may have to start looking again soon..

 

[getthefrockout69]

Do you have a Lakeland shop near you? They always give good advice and they had a lot of chef input.
I remember their trays being so good you could cook on the hob using them.

Thank you there's one about half an hour from where I live I'm due a ikea trip in the new year and my local lake lands is near there

 

[Mamacita]

Does anyone know of anything good to get rid of ants from the house? already sealed up lots of holes but they're still coming. Can't use anything toxic as i have pets. Honestly i feel so itchy and disgusting

 

[Serene Serena]

That’s the thing. I have issues with my ears. I cannot bear to have them covered. I find over ear earphones to be suffocating and inner ears cause problems. It’s a fairly recent thing and hugely annoying.

it’s also not the only common area by a long stretch but might be the only one within view of parents in certain apartments possibly

What about a white noise speaker? You can get one that goes round your neck rather than earphones.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Im on my last thread here, my brother has a lot of specialised educational needs, he cannot read or write, he is partially deaf which affects his understanding but leads a full a adult life, he works and runs a household etc. But through no fault of his own hes being evicted. Ive tried CAB but because where he lives is a a new build they don't recognise they address, I cant put my address. Im at a loss.

Can you get adult social services involved?

 

[Captainmouse]

At my big old age I should know the answer too this I'm 37 but what cooking trays are the best ones to use I'm after long lasting ones ive seen some by ninja with the 10 year warrant the other half is chomping at the bits to get them but there very spenny I'm just at a lost of which one to buy since wilko closed down and my local dunelm burning down I'm not to what to do as it's costing me a fortune in kitchen foil

Asda do a scoville range with lifetime guarantee

https://www.asda.com/groceries/product/roasting-tins-dishes/scoville-neverstick-26cm-roasting-tray/7120992

 

[T-time]

Thank you.
How weird of that guy!
They were just gonna get the same item from someone else who gets them free from their work, so no upgrade. I couldn't really understand why I was in the wrong, because they were back in the same situation as they were before I asked to borrow. No better, no worse.
I seem to have these weird interactions quite a lot and I end up think I must be horrible or not reading the room right.

How's your headspace? Sometimes I'm feeling weird an it looks like every interaction I have is a bit off. But when I talk to other people who are also there, they didn't think the interaction was off at all

Or when auntie flow is over and I'm happy but cramping, suddenly it feels like I get more questions if I'm okay. Sometimes your mood can be this while your face or bodylanguage can signal that

And I have the tendency to overthink when I'm not okay or feeling wel. Then there's this drive to be liked by everybody because I don't like myself. Then a strange look can really haunt me. While well rested, grounded me would think twice about that same exact interaction

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thank you. I'm a real people pleaser, so I struggle with 'conflict' - and knowing if I am not in the wrong (I always presume I am), but this feels like a dangerous situation to slip up on. The advice is very much appreciated!

The fact that management is blinded by her bullshit is so stupid. The fact they can’t see the whole team is unhappy. However this is fairly common. Which is why you need to keep track of everything in a diary and follow up everything with an email.
Cover your own ass!!!

 

[RocksOff]

Hopefully @becca7721 this money, so kindly given, will be able for you to get a start on reducing your debt, it must be a worry.
It's sad that you've lost your relative to get it though, so condolences to you

 

[Snippysnips]

It's not but I don't want to keep doing it in the future when her relative lives a few mins away, as in basically on the same street. I'd also be more happy to do it if I wasn't working and also have to walk my dog before and after work

I'd just be honest with them, do it once then they will probably just keep asking, finding small animal care is hard so when someone agrees then usually you'd want to keep asking, I had a neighbour's kid watch mine as she wanted to earn pocket money but I always made sure she was fully happy to do it, if she'd had said no then id have looked for small animal care, but because she was happy I didn't bother with the hassle of trying to find care, so if they think you are happy then they aren't going to look for it

 

[Magwitch]

As they should. We keep encroaching on their terratories so it’s our fault they have less space and natural food sources. We’ve had urban foxes since we started building.
I feel the “don’t feed them” brigade is just part if the broader issue that people see them as a pest.
Feed them and they are less likely to cause issues in urban areas

I have mixed feelings about rural foxes. I love them but I also love the wild ducks we get on our pond. Last year we had 13 ducklings and not a single one escaped the foxes. Urban foxes are different, poor things, just trying to survive after we’ve destroyed their habitat.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thanks, it's all sorted now.
I was worried about doing the wrong thing and probably over thinking it.

Don’t leave me in suspense!?!? What were their pronouns?

 

[Magwitch]

I'm all for petty reporting but I'd need to know why I'd be reporting him first!

I have a lamb bone left over from Sunday. I can't bear putting it on the food bin when it could feed some hungry foxes. But I don't want the foxes to crap all round my house like they did when they got into my food bin last time and I know you're not supposed to encourage them. Plus I think I have rats living under my decking (one came up the neighbour's loo while he was sitting on it) and I really don't want to encourage them either. What should I do?

It is tempting to try to feed the foxes if you are an animal lover but don't do it near your own or anyone else's property! It will absolutely lead to a rat problem and there is no efficient humane way to get rid of a rat infestation.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Check your lease; some do not permit things like this.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Anyone have a filtered water tap/machine? Fed up of buying bottled water (from Costco). We drink a lot of it so wouldn’t want a Brita jug.

We have a Quooker system. It came with the house. It’s really good

 

[Serene Serena]

This is a problem for a while away but I need time off work next January for my granddad's special birthday. With how my shifts work I need to swap to days to have them off. Do you think it's too early to ask the people I could swap with now? Should I wait a few months

Ask now, Then if it's not going to be possible for people to swap, you have plenty of time to come up with an alternative plan. Can't you just book annual leave?

 

[Captainmouse]

Not a problem as such but I was thinking of doing one of those DNA things to find out my ancestry. Has anyone here done one? What did you find out? Are there any downsides to doing it?

There is a thread

AncestryDNA, 23andMe dna tests

Has anyone done either of these? Any thoughts? Im tempted to do one to find out heritage background, but not interested in finding family members. Can you opt out of the finding family part? Any thoughts on which is better?

tattle.life