The advice thread for random problems #6

[MyLittlePony25]

It’s looking like my work is going to be relocating. It’s currently a 5 minute walk from my house which is fabulous but if we move to where they are thinking, it will be a 50 minute walk. I could get a bus there, but I finish late at night and there will be no buses home meaning I will need to get a taxi which will be at least £10 each day. Would it be cheeky of me to say that work will need to pay for my taxi home? Otherwise I will have to leave as I do not feel safe walking all that way at that time of night. I did have a bike but that was vandalised in the bike storage shed at home and I cannot afford to buy another. Having to look for another job will be a ball ache but I can’t afford to be down £200 a month on my current wage just trying to safely get home from work.

 

[bozlem3080]

I rent a storage unit to put a few bits in that I can’t fit into my accommodation probably about 6-8 boxes, over the last few months the prices have been going up with no warning, last month I was paying £67.06 today I’ve looked on my online banking & it’s gone up to £74.88, I’ve rang them to be told they are well within their rights to put the payment up as & whenever they want & because it’s an ongoing direct debit they don’t need to tell me!

I’m trying to find alternative storage but with not being able to drive it’s a pain sorting it out, at this rate it’s going to cost more that my monthly rent if they keep putting it up I may as well move in there Just after some advice on what to do.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Oh, thanks for that, the sun does hit the window all day as well

Can't you just close your blinds or curtains at night time

 

[tomato_paste]

Thanks for this, so far pros and neutral sounds quite good, it's probably only going be me so 4 seats is fine, however how do you feel it is with hills? If it's underpowered, I have quite a steep hill round a corner I need to take for work, it's not huge but it's still a little steep an almost a blind corner going round, how would the aygo handle that, my folks have a cross land an have to go into 2nd gear to handle it an even then it feels a slight struggle to get it up an round

I live in the Alps and so far it's been able to handle everything (snowy streets, steep inclines, tight corners, etc) and it is pretty good in first and second gear. It's the motorways which it struggles with when I need to get to a high speed on an incline. In lower gears the power output is excellent, so that should work for you.

 

[petitspois]

I don’t know how to write this as I feel regardless of how I write it I’m going to look like a serious idiot. People have actual problems and then there’s me with this.

I feel like I’m in a really weird place at the minute in my life. My career is actually the best it’s ever been - earning the most amount of money I’ve ever earned, enjoying my job and not feeling massively stressed by it. However, outside of work I just feel like I’ve got nothing to show for it and I’m just letting life pass me by. I’m earning all this money, able to save healthily and have decent monthly budget (not bragging, someone will always have more than me and I’m just trying to paint a picture). I have got this desire to go and travel to loads of places using my weekends and annual leave but no one to do it with. I don’t feel comfortable enough to go to different countries on my own (but I think I’m gonna have to get to this point). My best friend isn’t on a much money as me and I feel like this disparity is really showing itself. It doesn’t bother me, it’s not really a thing and I would absolutely cover her (as I have in the past) but it’s kinda stopping us (me?) doing stuff because it’s shut down before we have a chat about “let’s plan this and pay it off accordingly so we’ve got plans and no one is feeling the expense abruptly”.

I just want my friend to be able (want?) to do exciting stuff with me instead of me suggesting things and her being like “I’ve only just got my savings looking healthy again.” I can offer to sub her money, or she can pay whatever I cover for her whenever but she doesn’t like stuff like that as she’s voiced feeling like she doesn’t want to “owe me”. It’s not like that for me and I have explained this. So to respect this and I suppose meet in the middle, it’s about having a chat about paying stuff off with ample time, yet we don’t even get to that point.

I feel at such a loss, like I don’t really have a friend. It’s making me feel insecure in suggesting things cause I feel like I’m just going to get a knock back or feel like maybe she just doesn’t wanna do that stuff with me anymore and this the perfect excuse and there is an avoidance to say the real reason It’s first world problems.

This is a massive brain dump but I just needed to put it somewhere (and that somewhere probably should’ve been my chat with her rather than here but I think I want to try and be clearer with my thoughts before doing that).

What would you do? Should I raise it? Should I join one of those groups for women who want more friends? Should I just go away by myself but on one of those group trips?

Sorry for war and peace

The only person you can change is you and you don't want to look back in 20 years and think about all the things you could have done if you'd had the friend to go with. Try a break alone or book singles holidays. I have a friend that goes 'alone' the whole time as she's quite well off and she loves it.

It would also widen your circle as you can't rely on one person too much.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I live in England if that's relevant:
As a HA tenant whose responsibility is mice? HA say contact council to which the council told me to go back to my HA

If the mice are inside the property its the HA.

 

[littlepup]

I don’t want to be wasting an appointment for blood tests when I’m not on any medication when someone else can have it instead. Surely I should be making an appointment for when I want to see a healthcare provider not the other way round & certainly not be bullied or threatened.

While I agree that message was totally out of order I just wanted to say there is a good argument for preventative care. A blood test now could save you getting poorly and requiring more care in the future so it’s definitely worth taking if they’re offering. Something like B12 deficiency, anemia, thyroid issues etc could be flagged and remedied with meds and even if you feel well now it gives a comparative base line for if you did feel unwell in future.

Part of the reason men have a shorter life expectancy is because they don’t visit the doctor until it’s too late. The surgery has gone about it terribly to be construed and bullying and threatening but I suspect there are good intentions.

 

[Snippysnips]

It’s a piss take. I take good care of my room, I pay enough for it & I don’t want people coming in when I’m there or not, what if things start going missing? What happens then?

I'd be looking at a camera like ring, if they want to do monthly then I'd be recording that, seems ridiculous they want to be doing checks that often, I could understand if they had doubts or concerns about the room not being kept well but clearly you do an they don't need to be checking up so often

Could you say that it can only be done when you are there as well? Personally I'd not be happy having people in my space without me being there even with a camera

 

[Snippysnips]

More an opinion I’m asking for rather than advice..

Been off work all week but back in today as my annual leave allowance doesn’t stretch too far a senior member of staff saw me at my desk and remarked that he had just sent me an email (it was before my official log in time, hadn’t turned my out of office off) and I explained I’d been off but was in today, and back on leave next week. “You might as well keep the out of office on then. No point turning it off”

I took no offence but apparently another colleague pulled him up on this and said there’s no need to talk to me like that. They described it as not being very nice to me.

Am I thick and not realising someone’s being an arse to me, or is the other person being too sensitive? How would you have taken this?

I guess it would depend on what he was like, if he's the type to usually make jokes I'd have taken it as him just joking about especially if he thinks you will take it in that way, some of the stuff my coworkers come out with could sound offensive or rude to someone but with my sense of humour I find it hilarious when they say whatever so they know they can act like that with me

But if he's a habit of being an arse to others then I guess I could see why someone would think it was being rude

It would depend on how he said it, if it was a humourous tone then I'd take that as a joke

 

[T-time]

Sometimes it doesn't work from a phone or tablet. I had the same issue. It did work from my pc.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks, I know I can do all of this on a smart TV and don't need Google home or anything or to control it with my phone as the smart TV that I have used has an internet browser and and I have WiFi. But I wanted to use a separate TV and because the main TV is connected to an outside cable TV aerial? I wondered if a separate TV with no outside cable or TV aerial would work only using the internet on it. Sorry if that's complicated, I just wanted to know for sure before I go out and buy a smart TV. I don't want to watch digital channels, though if I could that would be a bonus but I just want to use it for the internet as I watch online films ( no subscriptions) just a website.

Like above poster said, it should work fine without an aerial, I don't have a aerial for my TV so can only access whatever apps from my WiFi, I think so long as your TV can connect to the WiFi an you can connect your devices on it through Bluetooth like your phone or tablet then it should be fine, I'd imagine most TVs now all have the cast option on them

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Also wanted to add that I have loafers from Dune that would be nice for work

 

[bozlem3080]

I can’t sleep, for the last week I’ve had terrible toothache like throbbing I feel my teeth are actually just going to fall out when I’m asleep, so now I won’t sleep, stupid I know but I’ve taken 8 paracetamol tonight to try & dull the pain, plus mouthwash, saltwater, brushed them now my gums are bleeding & I just want to cry so much, the left side of my face is burning too & feel my tongue isn’t fitting in my mouth properly, I can’t afford to go to the dentist (I’m on a low income but don’t qualify for anything) plus I’m scared they will want to take all my teeth out, I don’t know what to do?

 

[xx3221]

It’s looking like my work is going to be relocating. It’s currently a 5 minute walk from my house which is fabulous but if we move to where they are thinking, it will be a 50 minute walk. I could get a bus there, but I finish late at night and there will be no buses home meaning I will need to get a taxi which will be at least £10 each day. Would it be cheeky of me to say that work will need to pay for my taxi home? Otherwise I will have to leave as I do not feel safe walking all that way at that time of night. I did have a bike but that was vandalised in the bike storage shed at home and I cannot afford to buy another. Having to look for another job will be a ball ache but I can’t afford to be down £200 a month on my current wage just trying to safely get home from work.

Is there no way you can change your hours? Do you always finish late?

 

[Darvos]

Thanks I'll have a look on their site, my problem would be trying to figure out how to get rid of the old one tbh, it's not going fit in my little car an the towns tip requires booking appointments to go an fees to pay to use it, so I'd be paying anyway if I done it myself

Yeah, I’ve always found those bits to be a right headache, so pay for the lot (even though I’m usually frugal as). Never had a problem with them, although I’m typing that slowly as my fingers are crossed.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

I currently have a bit of a situation with an online friend. We talk pretty much every day/ all evening usually and I recently went on holiday to their country and got to meet them in person and things were fine until a few weeks after I got back home.
I think they’ve been struggling mentally. But it’s hard not to connect the dots and think it’s about something to do with my holiday or something because it started to get worse from there.

I feel like I put far more energy into the friendship than they do at the moment. I’m sick of sending messages and getting blanked or that the only topic he seems capable of having a conversation about is the current game we play. I raised it as an issue a few weeks back. We talked it out but it’s just happened again and they’ve apologised but I find myself not wanting to accept the apology.

I feel like I’m convenient and the friendship doesn’t matter as much to them. Their argument is always “we talk every day, you’re not just a random person to me” but I’m finding it hard to communicate that for me friendship is about more than just being there as a presence. They once got quite upset about the prospect of losing the friendship but it’s hard to keep that in mind when I don’t feel like they do enough to warrant it at the moment. I’m a good friend to them, I’ve helped them out financially, got them a birthday and Christmas gift, move times around for them, check in on them when things feel off and try and support them in the best ways I can but at the moment I don’t feel like they even want me around- which could be them isolating themselves due to their mental health but it’s hard to rationalise that when I feel ignored.

I was planning on going back out to their country to do things that I didn’t get chance to do on my last trip and I feel like I’m getting red flags. They said “I hope you’re coming because you like it here and want to see things and not just because of me” which struck me as odd. I keep checking in that they’re going to hang out with me while I’m there (because I don’t want to go out there and be a complete loner) and they make me feel quite irrational for feeling like they might not want to hang out as much as we did last time.

I think the best thing to do would be like @petitspois said and pull back a bit. I think it's the healthiest thing to do regardless of why the friendship has faded. If it is just that it isn't working, then pulling back your own efforts will help both of you.

But I think if it is their poor mental health, very well-minded and good intentioned people (like yourself) can accidentally put 'pressure' on that person that can mess things up a bit. If they tend to isolate themselves when their mental health is bad, it probably is a huge amount of work for them to socialise. And sometimes when a friend very kindly reaches out and tries to plan things or talk more, it can put pressure on the person struggling to not be seen as mean or ungrateful. And that pressure can make the hard task of socialising even harder, and it becomes a vicious circle. They pull back, you notice and push forward, they pull back more. I'm not sure how well I explained myself there! But it feels like this might be the situation.

I think I would simply pull back silently, play the game when they're online or want to. But put the trip planning on hold for a few weeks and see where things lie then. Sometimes the only thing you can give a situation is time.

 

[Sooks31]

I had someone come to my house for this! Didn’t get a letter before. Luckily I was out when they came. But saw it on the ring doorbell. He had a body cam etc on. I just paid it.

 

[littlepup]

I believe some auction houses have an antique exemption for the sale of things like ivory and fur so it’s possible they could have jewelry exemptions too.
I would say an auction house or antique jeweller would be the best place for a valuation rather than a jeweller who deals in more modern items.

 

[RandomFrog]

Does anyone struggle with family dynamics/disagreements that never get discussed and can help me settle my mind? (If that even makes any sense lol)

I have two family members who I was close with, they have done numerous things to upset me that have been ignored until a few months ago when I told them straight they then ghosted me, they then ignored a few significant dates events for me so I decided enough is enough I'm done. One of them has been silent with no contact but the other messages me about random scenarios ignoring the events of the last few months, I have now muted her so at least I don't see the messages. I have also ignored the past few messages since I have put a line under it. She has since rang me which I have ignored but she isn't taking a hint!

 

[petitspois]

Hi everyone. Need some advice. It's a bit of a long one so my apologies in advance and please bare with me.

My brother (34) lives with my mom and my aunt in my mom's house. My brother has a job but does not pay rent, contribute to food/expenses, does not clean or even do his own dishes/laundry, and he does not drive.

**PLEASE NOTE: They live in a very rural area, they live 40 minutes from his job at mcdonalds. There is absolutely zero public transit available. My mom is an independent housekeeper. My aunt is essentially retired but not in the best shape these days.**

He lost his drivers license in 2021 due to a DUI - he was not actively consuming pot but he had it in his system and paraphernalia in the car. This was not alcohol related - resulting in rolling over his car going around a turn too fast. He paid the fines and completed everything associated with the DUI but has not bothered to try and get his license back - despite working a 5 minute walk from the DMV or getting another car of his own.

He has zero disregard for my mom and aunt who ensure that he gets to work at all hours because they do not want him around the house inevitably jobless if they don't take him. He does not pay for gas. Ever. He has several sexual partners all hours of the day and night coming and going from the house without warning.

He is very narcissistic, lazy, and has the ability to be violent. He consumes an exorbitant amount of pot - I'm a huge stoner myself but he tries to be absolutely stoned 24/7, smokes to and from work, AT WORK and all through the night. When he is home, he's most likely sleeping or playing Xbox all hours of the night while not working, with unsavory groups of people whom based off conversations that can be heard, act just like him.

If either of them ask for repayment or assistance around the house - he throws a fit.

He's not the type to go to therapy, he was never truthful in therapy as a kid so it was very unhelpful for him in the past. At this point, he downright refuses to consider it.

I will quite literally put him through a wall during a visit home if he ever loses his temper at my aunt or mom. My dad was abusive and I will never allow that again. He has turned into him in different ways.

So, I guess my question is, should I try talking to him? Like a dead serious what the fuck conversation? Any tips on how this should go? How should she go about kicking him out, can that even be done and legally keep him out?

Its just gotten so especially bad in the last 6 months.

I agree with previous posters and also caution them to take steps to hide valuables, prevent access to their bank accounts and everything else they can do to prevent him causing any damage if things come to a head. Personally, I think they are going to find the whole scenario very hard and I would actually move house myself to get a clean slate, ensure the issue came to a natural end and he can hopefully see it as a natural step and not become vindictive. I think tough love works sometimes but they need to do it with notice and in a way that protects them.