The advice thread for random problems #5

[GalaxyGirl70]

My taste took about 4 weeks to fully return post Covid but I hate to say that my sense of smell has gone batshit. I'm almost hyper sensitive to smells and often can't eat or drink something because it smells odd. Walking after it had rained this morning made me feel queasy as there was such a strong smell coming from the ground. I've seen the GP and they said it's a reported long term effect - it's miserable.

 

[griftalo]

Where I live atm (private rent) is very cheap for the area, and therefore I cannot afford to find somewhere else to private rent.

Does anyone know if I go to the council & explain issues I'm having in my house, if I'd be eligible for homefinder?

I have a young child, single mum working part time.

The issues are: black mould in the kitchen which landlord has said is due to not properly insulating it. Pipe being held together with duct tape. Water leaks through the floor into kitchen (from bathroom floor through to kitchen ceiling and down kitchen walls) damp in the living room (to the point i have flowers growing on the wall inside the house), rotting, broken skirting boards.

Thanks if you got that far!

Contact the health and safety to come round and look at it. They can force them to repair. Is the landlord saying insulating is to blame and that was YOUR responsibility?? It sounds worse than where I used to rent and that house nearly killed me with pneumonia.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Yeah I thought about getting her to join cadets but she's not keen. I'll have to keep pushing the idea. She is in a tennis club but worries about who her partner will be and then has a problem with whoever the partner is. She loves horse riding and ice skating, she'll do those if she can drag her little brother along.

If she comes out today and has made a friend she will be on a massive high and will copy everything that person does until she morphs into them.

Yeah, those are all single sports she enjoys. I think you need to just enroll her in cadets and tell her if she does it for at least a year there is a "reward" at the end.

 

[littlepup]

Hi all, new to this thread but have a very lengthy problem I need some advice on. Please see below:


Backstory: I have been with my partner for 8 years, we have one 5 year old child together and have had a very happy relationship. Like all couples, we have had minor issues but they have been about things like lack of communication etc, nothing too testing. We have had friends describe us as a “perfect little family” and my partner is described by everyone as all things good.
Two weeks ago, I decided to have a little snoop through his phone. I really did trust him, I just had this intuition that night to have a look while he was asleep. I noticed a new app was downloaded. It was yahoo mail, so obviously I clicked it.
There were tons of receipts for a webcam website, so I confronted him and he admitted to it instantly. He was very apologetic and said that it started one night because he got a bit bored of porn when I was out one time and saw an ad for the website so clicked it. He signed up and tried it out of curiosity which led to him having a huge addiction. He also admitted to having subscribed to a couple of people on onlyfans.
The worst part is, this addiction started in January 2018, and he has been doing it consistently since. That’s 6 years of our 8 year relationship. Our sex life has always been good, and he agrees too, he said it was never something that I wasn’t giving him. He just became addicted and would go through the guilt and regret every time but couldn’t stop.
Looking at the bank statements, I would guess he’s probably spent anywhere from 5-10k on this over the 6 years. A lot of that has been put onto a credit card that I thought he paid off and got rid off years ago.
He had times in those years where he felt so awful he debated ending his life, he said he always had guilt and it was eating him alive but couldn’t tell me as he knew it would hurt me.
How do I even deal with this? I’m so hurt, confused and blindsided, but I also know that addiction becomes not a choice and it takes a lot of professional help to overcome. Do I take into consideration it was an addiction?
He has said that now the secret is out, as much as it’s caused a lot of pain, he feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders and that he no longer is struggling with this alone. He wants to make this work, and has offered counseling for addiction and as a couple, he said he’s happy to go through all the steps needed to build trust, he’s happy to spend a long time not having a normal relationship while we rebuild. He even has suggested for my own peace of mind to have full control of all finances, child lock his phone etc (he said he doesn’t need that to stop, as his addiction has now become a painful reality and he thinks the websites are poison for how they affect the human brain), but he is trying to suggest things that would make me feel better.
In those 6 years, he continuously made me feel good about myself, he put in effort to our relationship etc. he said he never chose that over me, it would be when I was out, not in the mood or asleep and before he went to work.
Just to add, he never had favorites. He would watch different people all the time and only ever watch one person a couple of times before never watching them again. He never had his own camera on, so they never saw him and he said he would literally turn it all off straight after and aside from feel the guilt and regret, he would never sit and think about it further. He said it was the same thing to him, as when you watch porn (although he knows it’s different and is empathetic about that).
He has now been very open and honest with me, even when some of the details are painful to hear. He has also been very honest with friends and family about it now too, and has shown a lot of remorse for what he has done not only to me but to everyone else.

thoughts??? I’m going crazy with all the ways to look at this issue!

He seems to be contrite and understand what he’s done.
If you can forgive or at least move on from the betrayal then I don’t think it would be foolish so long as he gets the help he needs to stop the addiction.

 

[littlepup]

Hi random advice gurus! Anyone in the position of their little ones starting reception next year? Does anyone know if there’s a thread for it? We’re in a rubbish position where we are looking to relocate but don’t know much about the area and my mum guilt is going into overdrive.

Mine will be and I know there’s plenty of others on here but only from threads about influences with similar age kids, I’m not aware of a specific one.
Perhaps try the toddler thread?
What are you feeling guilty about? I often see people post on local Facebook groups asking for first hand experience of the local schools.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I signed up for income protection just incase as there were redundancies at my work a few months ago and they said if there are anymore it won't be until next year. I'd rather just be covered. When they ask my yearly income I wasn't 100% what it was I put roughly what it is, probably just under what it is, I have emailed work to check what it is. Do you think the insurance company will have an issue with this? Once I find out I can call them to change it. Also it says when signing up is there any knowledge of possible redundancy are rumours enough for this to effect them paying out? Nothing official and just people worrying but I'm worried they'd use it to get out of paying so I'd be wasting my money paying for the insurance.
I think in one of the safest if there was redundancies though so I'm hoping I won't need it for long. Someone said they'd take voluntary redundancy if it did happen and at most I think they'd get rid of 2 people.
I just have no experience in this kind of insurance and reading online confuses me

 

[Brightstar72]

How do you clean the glass doors of an oven? I've tried hot fairy liquid and water a few times but it's still stained brown. Also tried this astonish orange soap thing. I've bought a box of oven pride which I will use for the inside and trays but it says not to use on glass.

Is it inside the glass? You should be able to dismantle the door and get the glass out if you follow the manufacturer’s guidelines.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope you feel a bit better now. It certainly can impact your confidence.

That’s my fear to be honest, and right now, I’m more scared than relieved which solidified the idea that my original fears around dentists were not fully delusional.

I went to get my teeth sorted because I was not confident due to my 2 missing teeth, now I may be stuck with something else to consider.

I will get a second opinion elsewhere and see. While he is probably telling the truth, I’m not too fond of putting in an implant where there is a fragment of root.

His answer of ‘I would have liked to remove the entire root’ when I asked about the risk of infection with the implant was a . I would have liked a numerical estimation.

While the roots needed to come out anyways because I kept bleeding and the smell in my mouth was horrendous in the last few weeks, I’m not happy with this result at all.

Root removal is a pretty basic procedure and I understand roots may break etc, this is not an ideal scenario and I would rather avoid adding an extra issue down the line by going into this implant situation without being fully informed of the risks.

Could you not get a partial denture? Essentially it’s just one false tooth (or how ever many you may need) and they attach to the teeth next to them. You take them out at night etc. A friend has one for his front tooth, he’s had it since he was 25 and he gets on with it great. But nobody would notice. It’s like this

 

[Snippysnips]

hi guys, so my 8 year old sibling got invited to classmate birthday, however their not close etc so as shocked. anyway could not find a gift and haven't been invited to kids parties often so didn't know the etiquette. they went to bowling and had pizza after. i feel guilty now as i only gave £10 and a card. they did a lot of fun expensive stuff / had food which is expensive. now i think i should've gave £20. i'm worried that the parent will think i'm stingy and potentially not invite my sibling next year. but i also feel guilty for not giving a enough gift. what can i / should i do now. buy another gift at £10 and give them at school so value of overall present is £20 or give my sibling £10 to give his classmate etc. what is the etiquette for how much gift/cash to give for birthday

The gift sounds fine, £10 is more than enough an is what my aunt done for whenever my cousin's got invited to party's, parents don't know your circumstances an as far as they are aware that party could have been the 3rd or 4th one in a short amount of time so they won't mind what you give them, one of my cousins had about 5 in a month just because the kids were all so close together in birthdays an it was also close to her own kids birthday as well so money was obviously tight for her

It seems to be the norm now that it's no longer a hall for a party with some games but bowling or the cinema an then food, if parents want to do that then it's fine but don't feel like you need to up the present to match, most of the time you get a deal if you book party's at these things (I know our bowling does kids party deals) or the parent could have gotten a deal through work or someone working there, when I was a kid we always went to the swimming place for a pool party cause my mum worked for the company that owned it so she got it really cheap but people didn't know that

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Because the cat is staying with me for 5 weeks so if she’s showing now, she’s sure as hell having those babies in my bedroom and I kind of do find that stressful?

Make a birthing box for her. I would go to the nearest supermarket and ask if they have any large boxes. Cut a hole, like a dog kennel, put down some old towels and let nature take it’s course.
You’ll love those kittens and refuse to give then back!

 

[Lalla]

Bought a bargain blazer from Vinted which turned out to have marks on it, it’s one of those polyester/shell mix lining jobbies, should I risk it and fling it in the machine?

I probably would, stick it on at 30, maybe a delicates wash? I am one of those people who washes everything though - even the stuff that says dry clean only - so I am probably not the best person to ask! That said it all generally comes out ok

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

The first line probably will be a blood test. Tiredness and leg pains on their own probably won't set off enough red flags to signal another pathway but obviously I'm not a doctor. You could check the NICE guidelines but really all a GP will do is follow the path they're told to follow. Assessment for underlying cause | Diagnosis | Leg cramps | CKS | NICE
Have you tried magnesium, vitamin B & D and fish oil supplements? Have you recently had covid or anything else that could explain it?

I take multivitamins and iron, additional B8 and B12, biotin and cranberry supplements - not considered fish oil but I'd thought that was more for joint pain rather than bone pain. I probably should have added as well I'm in my late 30s. Had Covid 3 times previously but not for 18 months, although the pains are very similar to ones I had when I did have it but it's been going on too long to be that...

 

[Captainmouse]

Another problem, more my parents but they aren't on here

How do I go about reporting a garage that's sold a car that's apparently not been road legal?

So parents got a car last year, it went for it's very first MOT today an has failed it because it's tires were the wrong size, we replaced the front two yesterday due to wear an tear but have never replaced the back two an it's the back two that failed the car, so they have sold us this either not caring the tires were the wrong size or haven't had the car checked properly before selling it

Trading standards

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Ive not been well for a few days, now I've got a really sore, stiff neck and headache. Would you go to the pharmacy for this? GP have no appointments free.

 

[littlepup]

I think it’s one thing (and normal) for people to discuss it. I think it’s quite another to analyse a colleague’s timesheets then phone them on their day off and accuse them of fraud by falsifying their timesheet.

They shouldn’t be calling them on their day off and they shouldn’t be confronting them directly. It’s an HR issue. How did they get their number?

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

There is a way you can set your FB to stop people tagging you, so I'd set up the FB to the point she can't do anything like that without you knowing

I know you said you are scared to go no contact but personally I think it's best to really look into that, if you are able to sit in your house without anyone knowing you are home (like living area to the back) then I would do that an just not answer the door, maybe look into a ring doorbell so you can see who's at the door as well? Just so you don't miss anyone you don't want too, an just straight up an block all contact

I assume you have the cats registered to a vets? Maybe ask advice there on where you stand with having her cat, do you have anything where she's said she was handing it over? Messages, written paper? If you have anything keep it, but maybe see if the vet can advise, personally if she's said you are to keep it then Tbh you aren't under any obligation to even keep her updated, she's handed the animal an all rights over to you an needs to learn that

Or you can take a real risky chance an say that due to funds or due to a new job you are "moving in with friends/family" an state a place that's miles from you, like other side of the country

Good to know about the FB tag! I'll get my daughter to set it up. I actually share an access gate with a few houses - a bit like the front door in a block of flats - and for deliveries we have our names and house numbers on the buzzer. It's a very outdated phone system we've had talks about replacing but for now, it's almost impossible for her not to know I'm still there (and we also tend to just buzz in whoever calls as it's a safe area and usually just post for each other).

I'll reach out to the vet and see what they say. What makes me nervous is that despite now not having seen the cat in over a year and no actual requests to, we never signed any kind of formal contract. Any time she's mentioned it now, she seems careful with her words - she's 'entrusted' him to me but never 'XXX owns him now' outright. But I've registered him to a vet, taken him regularly, and he's well looked after now and I have all of his medical papers from her.

Thanks @Clickbait and @Rodneytrotter also!

 

[yogiessexdubs]

Thank you so much!

 

[Thank(space)you]

You wait at home forma phone call to say if it went well and then if allowed you go and see her.
My dad had bypass surgery years ago and there really is no point hanging round the hospital.
Just ensure you are available

Thank you, I appreciate the help

 

[wtafisthis1980]

What's a good excuse not to go to a wedding? I don't want to go as I'm pretty sure I won't know anyone there which makes it worse and even if I do know someone it'll be probably 1 person max 2.
But this persons given me over a years notice (still not a year away yet) so I can't really say sorry 'I couldn't get it off work'.
I went to a wedding recently where I knew no one and I just felt awkward didn't have anything to talk to anyone about and they all knew eachother so were talking about things/people I had no idea about.
Plus I really want to go on holiday at the time of year this wedding is but I won't be able to get enough time off for both

Easy for me to say, BUT I’d just say you don’t want to go. I sat and decided when someone asked me the other day to go for coffee and I sat anxiously thinking what excuse I could give to not go. Truth was, I didn’t WANT to go And that’s ok.

So I told them and they accepted and that’s that.

 

[chickhicks86]

Question about best before dates.

A friend with her husband has opened a new shop. I went to buy some things and all had expired “before before”. I mentioned it after he asked me why I was looking at dates and didn’t I trust them, and he went for me calling me stupid and it’s totally ok to sell as it’s not “use by”. BUT the food doesn’t have a “use by”, then he had a go at me about lying about my age - he’s determined I’m almost two decades younger than I am (yep I took it as a compliment, which actually made him worse) so yep he’s a git

I know best before doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but how does someone (business/customer) know if it’s ok to sell if there’s no use by? I’m worried for my friend (for more than one reason now having met her husband!).

She’s illegally giving out free carrier bags because he says it’s fine (in wales it’s not and is very strict, they’ve moved here from England where the rules are more relaxed).

I don’t want her business to fail or her to get into trouble.

I believe you can sell foods that are past their best before, as still safe to eat. It's a bit shady if they're not declaring it though!