The advice thread for random problems #5

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

No, it’s not about the policy itself. It’s about the fact the policy was disclosed during the transaction and at no point before.

Tbf you could've asked. I always asked before paying what the returns policy is. I seldom try on clothes as I hate shopping so often need to return things

 

[yogiessexdubs]

I’m a coffee snob & I like L’or Intense. I mix in a latte sachet, some of that to save money on take out coffee.

 

[Doodlebug005]

They’re not particularly cheap but you can buy cat flaps with chip sensors, if yours wear collars, so only they can get in.

I looked those up( Amazon) it says there is a slight delay opening the door- my 2 are 10- I wonder can you teach an old cat new tricks? I am going to remove their food at night - i think that is what the attraction it - I would feed it if my poor tomcat wasn’t getting hurt ( vets this week bite on paw)

 

[becca7721]

Where does the excess income come from e.g. is it you or him (not asking for details)?

 

[tomato_paste]

Hi everyone,
Bit of a long-winded one I apologise! I've (F27) been with my current boyfriend (M27) for around 9 months and we are just about to move in together. My family and most of my friends absolutely adore him and think we are perfect together. For context, my six year relationship with my ex ended pretty traumatically last year and everyone is thrilled to see me happy and being treated how I deserve, I truly have never been happier.

However, there has been an ongoing situation over a couple of months that has been upsetting me. My boyfriend and my best mate (F27) went to school together, they have known each other their whole lives. They didn't keep in touch after school but have obviously now rekindled as a result of our relationship. A few months ago on a night out, my best friend started to really criticise my boyfriends best mate and his relationship (both of whom she also went to school with). It was totally uncalled for and she should have known better than to slag off someone's best friend in front of them. My boyfriend was upset about it and had a conversation with his friend about what she'd said and he was understandably upset. We bumped into them a couple of weeks later where my best friend continued to talk about their relationship in front of him, despite me trying to change the subject a million times.

Cut to a few months later, we were on a night out (me, my best friend and my partner), when we bumped into my boyfriends best mate and his girlfriend. They ignored each other until the end of the night when they were leaving and her sister deliberately barged into my friend which was totally uncalled for. My friend was upset and my boyfriend had a frank conversation with her where he did tell her that he was upset by the comments she had made about his best friend, so he had told him and he was clearly upset by it. We were both mortified by the sister's behaviour and are in no way excusing that. My friend was grateful for the honesty, even though she was upset that he'd told his friend what she'd said (although I'd argue that if someone was saying those things about my best friend, I would also want her to know). She also made it very clear that she didn't want us to speak to the other couple about what had happened. We cleared the air and I thought the situation was in the past.

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriends best mate and his partner got engaged and they had an impromtu engagement party. I didn't tell my best friend as I didn't think she'd want to hear about two people she doesn't like getting engaged/thought she would annoyed if it looked like I was 'asking permission' to go. Cut to this weekend, when she saw photos of the party and was incredibly upset. She called me and said that if it was her, she wouldn't have gone to the party at all and that it looked like I was 'choosing' to be mates with them because that's what my boyfriend wants, despite how it makes her feel. I tried to make it very clear that I'm not 'choosing' to be friends with them, but as they are my boyfriend's best friends I am going to have to be around them. I apologised for not letting her know about the party and that I appreciated for her, it looked shady even though in that moment I really thought I was doing the right thing. By the end of the conversation, she accepted (I think) that I am going to have to see them as a result of them being my boyfriends friends and that I will be transparent about when that is happening in the future, but it doesn't mean that I'm best friends with them or excusing their behaviour.

However, as an anxious soul I feel like I'm now just constantly on edge about it all. I can totally appreciate that she is upset and her feelings are valid, but I do think she's putting me in an impossible situation. My boyfriend is here to stay and as a result, so are his friends. I will never be best friends with them but as a fact of life, I am going to have to see them.

Any advice on how you would handle this/how I can stop feeling so anxious about this situation would be really appreciated!!

TLDR: Best friend making me feel guilty for spending time with boyfriends friends

Agree with the other voices here - she needs to grow up. Being civil isn't hard, and trying to control who you're friends with is just a big fat no. Your circles don't have to overlap either. Its none of her business who you are friends with outside of her.

Did she give you a reason why she dislikes them so much? Were they horrible to her in school or sthg? I would understand her reaction if it was something like her being bullied by them or having abuse heaped on her, but then she's the one that needs to tell you.

 

[littlepup]

Yeah I do, but I have no other choice. We've had performance reviews this year for the first time and my team lead is just not happy with me, hasn't been the entirety of 2024. And I'm tired of disappointing him, and I'm tired of disappointing myself. I just don't know how to fix this. I keep trying but I can't even find it in me to go to bed at a decent time so I can at least be present, and well rested, during normal working hours.

I have some hobbies but the interest and energy to do them come in bursts and are solitary hobbies - reading, writing, long walks with the dog, doing home reno / improvement projects, gardening, gym. None of those are conductive to a good social life, I know, but I don't have it in me, at the moment, to be consistent enough to do any sort of team sports or weekly thing. It's like, no matter at what point of this horrible loop I'm trying to apply changes, because I know I need to change something in this loop, it just doesn't stick. And doing all the changes at the same time seems overwhelming.

I guess there's nothing but trying, is there. I can either try, or it can stay as it is, which is terrible, terrible enough that unaliving myself seems like a decent option sometimes, to be honest.

But I've given up alcohol (not that I ever drank much, it just doesn't mix well with my meds) and it hasn't exactly been hard but it isn't easy when I just want to let loose sometimes and see others around me have a fun time being tipsy - but for the sake of my mental health I did it, and I need to apply the same to other parts of my life too.

I would request a meds review.
How old are you and do you have any savings?

 

[griftalo]

Found one more:

Not sure where the rest are!

 

[Thank(space)you]

The advice thread for random problems #6

Previous thread: https://tattle.life/threads/the-advice-thread-for-random-problems-5.44984/page-55#post-20879285

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New thread

 

[Rxt156]

I would take nothing else just in case n it ruins the outfit/you have to hold it/you have to put it down and potentially forget it. If it’s indoor event certainly no outer layer for me

 

[cowtastrophe]

I know that ours has them on the towns court website, our council website has a link to it, you could try your own however you'd need to be certain it was going to be held at the court that the council owns an it's also a nightmare to hunt through every single one that's happening

Am not sure if asking the court where it's happening would allow you to know the outcome if you knew names an such, worth a try or they could hopefully give some information as to how you can find it out

Thank you, I'll give that a try.

 

[becca7721]

Have you popped up to have a chat with the people doing the work? If it’s happening at night it must be by the people living in it.

I’m disabled and can’t climb stairs. Doorbell disconnected.

The landlord has let people working in the flat stay there between tenants before.

 

[Snippysnips]

Is there a way you can see what emails you have blocked/muted? I think I might have blocked a company's an now I need to log in to get a old order but I forgot my password an its saying it's sent a link which an not getting so am not sure if I've muted or blocked them, it's on Gmail

 

[Snippysnips]

A random long shot

Does anyone own a Vauxhall Adam or a Toyota Aygo?

There's are the two I have my eye on, looking for pros/cons of them, are you happy with them, are they good cost wise, how are they with visibility vision (my last car was a Ford Ka convertible an when the roof was up it was incredible restricted seeing out the back) what are they like with hills? my work has a god awful corner hill going up to it

Also had my eye on the little VW beetles but they have discontinued those an I'd rather not have another discontinued car, just looking for something kinda small

 

[rivermonster]

My husband became disabled 3 years ago and I bought him the best things I could to make his life easier but he took to his bed after I bought these things, I am wanting to sell them but have not idea what to ask - _I am really struggling to now what to asK HELP
A Wheel Chair which cost £300 with everything on it, cushion, blankets and a shopping bag. --- used for one week
An Ableworld Reclinging chair used for about 20 times which cost £1300 and goodness know how much to ask for this
How did anybody cope with this or did you sell the lot

 

[Snippysnips]

Those of you that have had Covid and lost their sense of taste and smell, how long did it take to come back? Did you just wait it out or do anything specific to help it? I’m just coming out of having Covid for the first time, still not feeling 100% better yet but I am really struggling with not being able to taste or smell anything at all. I’ve barely eaten or drank anything this past week due to being so unwell and now that I’m starting to feel a bit better I’m still struggling to eat because I can’t taste or smell anything. Not sure if this is something I should see the GP about?

I was only a day but then I wasn't even aware I had COVID as first, my folks however were around 3/4 before it started to come back so I think it will vary person to person, I'd say if it's still not back after 6/7 days then see your GP, but am sure you can also go to the pharmacy now as well for small things, maybe you could call them?

 

[littlepup]

Thank you both. I thought it would probably be restricting calories combined with more exercise. I'm just so bad at counting calories, I always get it wrong

Breakfast - A big bowl of low cal fruit with fat free yougurt
Or spinach and mushroom with poached egg on 1 slice toast

Lunch - 3 ryvita & 2 scrambled eggs no butter
Or
Ham salad (no cheese, potato, chickpeas etc) with dressing of no fat yog, tiny bit of mustard and lemon juice
Or
Baked potato with salt and pepper, no butter but coleslaw made with grated carrot and cabbage & a table spoon of lighter than light mayo or FF yog.

Snacks - 1/2 grapefruit or veggie sticks or 2% fat turkey mince meat balls or cucumber salad with a soy sauce, garlic and chilli flake dressing or frozen grapes

Dinner - grilled/air fried seasoned chicken breast/white fish/pork medallion with steamed/boiled veg.
Or
Half small pack 2% fat turkey mince fried without fat with chopped peppers, mushroom, onion, chilli and garlic served in lettuce cups
Or
Seasoned roasted cauliflower steaks topped with 2 slices of crispy bacon

You’ll be hard pushed to go beyond too many calories if you stick with that sort of thing and water or zero cal drinks.

On goingly you need protein to feel full but for a crash diet that’s just about dropping pounds for the very short term just use the lowest calorie things to fill up. So piles of homemade coleslaw on a small potato, small chicken breast with tons of green beans. If you feel too hungry add half a baked potato or 1 cup cooked pasta and avoid fats and oils.

 

[boomska]

I want to get into a morning & evening routine at 33! My job I can turn up between 8-10am but everyone else starts at 8am while I start at 9.30. I don’t do my skincare and I’m always rushing etc.

So if I want to start work at 8am, be at work for 7:50 so enough time to log on, get a coffee etc and travel time is 15 mins max.

I prefer having breakfast when I’ve been awake for about 2hrs so happy to have that at work etc.

What time should I wake up and go to bed if I need about 8hrs sleep? And do my skincare etc.

 

[xbxbx]

My taste took about 4 weeks to fully return post Covid but I hate to say that my sense of smell has gone batshit. I'm almost hyper sensitive to smells and often can't eat or drink something because it smells odd. Walking after it had rained this morning made me feel queasy as there was such a strong smell coming from the ground. I've seen the GP and they said it's a reported long term effect - it's miserable.

That’s awful. I’m really hoping everything goes back to normal for me, I’m a huge scent person and love my perfumes, candles and scents and I will truly be devastated if it changes my sense of smell forever. As horrible as all of the other symptoms were, I think this is by far the worst and the most upsetting.

 

[Snippysnips]

From what I know it's just a small local company doing the work, had a look at the name an its not anything like a franchise, it's just a pain in the ass that now the seagulls know they are being fed they are constantly coming down am seagulls when they have young can be vicious

It's a pity I wouldn't get an end date, even if it was a rough estimate it would be enough, it just seems to be going on weeks when others have had work done an its been a fraction of the time

 

[littlepup]

Thanks I'll prob check it out, if I could just print out a ton of my cards I probably wouldn't need to use it again for a few months as well

You can’t go wrong with Brother or Canon then IMO. Like I said, just make sure it accepts the GSM of your card. You won’t need to spend more than £60 if that.