The advice thread for random problems #5

[LittleMissMuffet]

Mine will be and I know there’s plenty of others on here but only from threads about influences with similar age kids, I’m not aware of a specific one.
Perhaps try the toddler thread?
What are you feeling guilty about? I often see people post on local Facebook groups asking for first hand experience of the local schools.

The guilt is worrying that we may not sell and move in time for the school year to start. Where we currently live we have an amazing primary school so it’s really hard to think about a new area that I have no insider info about ie schools (also all the schools are CofE/church type schools. We aren’t religious) but we have so outgrown where we live and just can’t afford to buy a bigger place here. Yay London . I’ve joined a local Facebook group so just waiting for the approval. Thank you!

 

[littlepup]

Does anyone know if it’s at all possible to self study for A-levels at home for free when you’re 16 , rather than go to college ?
Context … my niece is absolutely hating college , to the point wheee her mental health has massively worsened . She had a panic attack on the journey there this week , and had to go home and hasn’t been able to go since .
She has an awful lot going on on her personal life , and genuinely doesn’t think she can physically / mentally handle going into college , but would still like to study A-level at home
We’ve googled and there our places that offer an online learning experience for A-levels , but they cost £££££….. is there anyway do student home for free , for 16-18 year olds ?
Any advice would be much appreciated xx

I don’t know re home study but if she was ok at school, is there a 6th form she can attend - less intense environment?

Hi it’s not a road it forms part of the pathway to my house/drive if that makes sense

if it’s your land I’d have a word and say you didn’t realised it wasn’t a 1 off and you’d like to keep the space free for your own visitors. You could say you’ve got someone coming to stay if you need to soften the blow. It’s unlikely they’ll come back and question you on it when they see you don’t.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thanks, it's quite a lot of work both back an front of house, basically they are changing quite a bit as well as extending

The noise is kept during decent hours so can't complain about that, personally they are quite lazy, start about 10, go for lunch then leave around 3, but it's the numerous vans abandoned all over the road, blocking drives, rubbish that's more the problem, an mentioning anything to them directly just results in them being smart arses an laughing about it

I just would like a finish date Tbh, I'll check with the council an see if maybe they have any idea, because it's private housing I just wasn't sure if the council would care about it

Take photos of the vehicles and the litter and forward to the council. As someone else mentioned if it’s a bigger company they will probably take it more seriously

 

[smooth_operator33]

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

Need some ideas for hobbies...
I like reading and gardening. I’m early forties. I just need some distraction and distance at the moment and on working on me I’ve realised I don’t have any hobbies? Don’t know what to do? I’m quite creative. Hobby ideas please?

I'm not really sure if it qualifies a 'hobby' really but I've gotten into those gem painting kits lately - a fab distraction as you're just laser focused for a while and you get a nice picture at the end of it.

 

[BearOnChair]

Our house went on the market 2 days ago and today we've received a planning notification from the attached house. Bit annoyed as we know them well and they've never said anything about it.

It's for a massive extention.

But do we object or not? I believe there are material grounds and i wouldnt like to live next to itif we're staying. The estate agent said wait and see what people say but we'd loose the time to object if we're not careful.

What would you do??

 

[Snippysnips]

My birthday is coming up, am meeting some friends in London during the day, they have suggested going to a wine event but I really am not keen (I'm not really a wine drinker although they are) - should I go along even though it's not really my thing? Or if not what else can we do as they seem to want to 'do' something more than just meeting for lunch.
This is me all over btw, complain I never get invited to anything then when I do I don't want to go

Is there something you could do that is a bit of a half an half, like something you will enjoy but also offers the option to have wine so that they can enjoy it? Really it's your birthday so you should pick something more to your tastes but perhaps you could find a compromise

 

[becca7721]

Thanks I'll change spell check to UK, honestly didn't know it was the US version because I don't know what words are different so couldn't pick it out that I was on the US version, what bugs me more is that clearly the one who's grading it has no problem because my last module would have been done with American spelling an nothing was mentioned to me about it so it's not the one who's grading it that has the problem as my last received a passing grade

I don't have any sort of student support because this is being done privately through the council, I was originally on a scheme with them to help me get back into work after losing mine to COVID an its this scheme that's doing the qualification even though am technically finished with the council now as it was only a 6 month support an am now a year in the job

I do have a guide that tells me what must be included in the module but nothing else, so when I first started it was up to me to find what worked for me an so long as everything that was included was there it was fine so once I done my first an got told it was perfect then I done my second the same way which now is apparently wrong because it's not "her" way but she won't tell me what "her" way is because they aren't allowed to interfere an help out, so am left not knowing what to do

She's just getting to me because she also had a bitch about me not putting 7/8 hours per week into it which is impossible as I have my own job to do an am not turning round to my boss who's paying me to do a job an telling her I can't work because I've got a module to do, an my work is already hectic as it is, at first I was told I could have a year to complete it because they knew I'd only have limited hours to put into it but now she's changing it as she wants it done much sooner, she honestly just bugs me because I detest being called "sweetheart" an "honey" an she does it in this tone that makes me feel like some 8 year old that can't do anything right like "oh we spell that word with a s here hooooney"

I honestly feel like telling her to go fk herself at times

Sorry if I cam across as patronising about the spellcheck. It’s always set to US and I forget people don’t always know that. Same goes for grammar check if you use that. One thing I will also mention is do not argue with it and add words you think are right - I had a fellow student who did that (unbeknown to everyone until I helped him with something) and failed his essays about to be failed and his next one he got top marks. Nine times out of ten it’ll be right unless it’s a really technical essay or specialist.

It’s not up to her about how much time you put in and have available. If your work have already said they’d allow a year then that’s what you should get. I know exactly what she’s doing, trying to get you through faster so she looks brilliant at her job, when the opposite is true. Is it really up to her or your employer? I know what you mean about being called “sweetheart” etc that’s not an easy conversation but one you need to have. I’ve always hated that in work so a clear but firm “I’m not your sweetheart and we need to keep this professional please” tended to sort it out, not always, but mostly.

 

[Snippysnips]

What's a good excuse not to go to a wedding? I don't want to go as I'm pretty sure I won't know anyone there which makes it worse and even if I do know someone it'll be probably 1 person max 2.
But this persons given me over a years notice (still not a year away yet) so I can't really say sorry 'I couldn't get it off work'.
I went to a wedding recently where I knew no one and I just felt awkward didn't have anything to talk to anyone about and they all knew eachother so were talking about things/people I had no idea about.
Plus I really want to go on holiday at the time of year this wedding is but I won't be able to get enough time off for both

Either just say you got holidays booked or a family engagement has come up, honestly I wouldn't worry about it, they will have enough family there anyway, when it was my bros wedding he invited friends an only a handful come because they had other things on, another come an stayed for a hour an went, he wasn't fussed because he knew it was going happen, you can't expect everyone

 

[littlepup]

How do you cope when a parent is in and out of hospital with heart issues? Last surgery was a close call and mum almost died. She's been home 2 weeks maybe and been readmitted. I feel like I'm close to a mental breakdown. So genuinely, please, any stress management techniques are welcome

Sorry you’re going through this.
there are resources here if you scroll down to ‘The importance of looking after yourself’

Caring for someone with a heart condition

"Care" can mean a lot of things. There's short-term, long-term, practical, emotional and many other parts to think about. Find out where you can get support while caring for someone and yourself.

www.bhf.org.uk

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My daughter is 10 and really struggling at school with not fitting in and not having friends. It breaks my heart dropping her off at school knowing that she will spend lunch alone. She hasn't been eating properly because she packs up to follow some girls around who she says ignore her.

The school have tried to help, but my daughter only likes having one friend at a time so can be quite controlling and kids won't put up with that (understandably).

Yesterday a child told her that nobody likes her or wants to talk to her.

She has asked me if she can start a new school because everyone will want to play with her if she's the new girl, bit she's starting secondary in September anyway.

I think it will be the same there

Can you enroll her in some after school clubs? Maybe a sport, so she learns more about being in a team.

I feel so sorry for you it must be awful to watch.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m so sorry. I actually typed out then deleted how I I’m ok with my fiancée doing this because it’s harmless but with my ex it fed into my fears and it’s about what I knew deep down.

Is he playing this as like “can’t be with someone who questions him” or has he said he’s actually looking for a way out? If the former, don’t let him gaslight you, it shouldn’t be enough in a stable relationship to cause him to leave. You should be allowed to be open about your feelings to at least discuss them.
Lots of love to you x

I agree. There must be more to the story than somebody looking at people. I mean you can’t go through life looking at the ground/sky for fear of upsetting the other half.
I’d also leave.

 

[littlepup]

Thanks, might enquire about it, it's starting to turn into a monstrosity if am being honest, more an more crap is being put up out front, personally at that stage you are as well just buying a house you like rather than practically change everything about the one you have, they only moved in last summer as well

You also have 3 years to start development from planning so it could be that and the previous owners secured the permission. Plus, if they started the work within 3 years but didn’t finish they’re still allowed to finish. No way of telling unless you speak to the planning department if there’s nothing online.

 

[Snippysnips]

I’ve not had these specific models but Vauxhall and Toyata are vehicles that me and my family have driven through the years and imo you can’t go wrong with either.
In terms of the hill I can’t answer

Thanks, I'd like to imagine modern cars these days can handle them, I just always think back to my parents car they had that used to roll back down the hill going to Scarborough because it couldn't handle it 🫣

 

[Thank(space)you]

And do you have history with this guy? Like do you know him? Or has this all transpired since you took your car in for a service? If the latter I'd be screenshotting those messages all over Facebook tagging his business. I'm freaked out that you're not a bit more... freaked out by this

No I don't know him other than him being my mechanic. I've only been driving since 2021 so fairly new a driver

 

[Tommyb]

Thanks for the suggestions. The only possibility out of those is the menopause. I'm 42 and still having regular periods. I am quite tearful at the moment. And a bit meh about stuff in general.

It does sound hormone related. Are you finding similar feelings with anyone else? Is it every day or ebb and flow?

Is depression a possibility?

 

[shadawayo]

I think you're just going to have to be honest with him about where the money came from. Will you be entitled to any benefits whilst he's job hunting? Did he get redundancy pay?

I’m worried because I lied haha :/ I think that’s my only way out though.
He’s signed on luckily and he’s been there 1 month short of redundancy! What a bummer!!

 

[JodieGreen123]

I think Evri are going for the record here


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sorry I don’t think they are in order

They’ve either lost it or broken it, what have the company who posted it said?

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I have to blend my greys with blonde and deep caramel highlights - they don't take colour up anymore and like you say seem to enjoy growing vertically especially on the front of my head. I get it done every 6 to 8 months and it makes it more bearable.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I find YouTube is a goldmine for this sort of thing. You might want to search for Makhani gravy.

I have recreated the meal without the kit (because it was so tasty) a few times and just use tikka paste

Thank you both. Yeah I ended up googling it and just making the flavours with what I have. We’ll see what happens
@HoGi good shout about tikka paste, normala I have some but will definitely try again with that.
I’ll let you know how it turns out!