The advice thread for random problems #4

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I'm kind of 'over' my relationship atm but is it too mean to have a chat about it before christmas ? I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings at all but I guess if he doesn't see it that's part of the problem.

I've also never done this before so have no idea how to approach it.

I don't know if it's necessarily a break up but I'm not happy with how things are. For context we're both in our 20s and live at our family homes so I guess the 'stakes' aren't that high if that makes sense.

Sorry if this is inappropriate for this thread x
Definitely appropriate for the thread, dating thread might give some good advice too.

I think it is entirely your decision when to tell him. Sorry, I know not helpful!
I would just be honest but kind with it when you do decide to tell him
 
I think even though it’s Christmas, you can’t stop yourself or hold off how you feel. I think hed probably appreciate you telling him sooner when you have doubts rather than hide it from him and string it along until the new year if that makes sense. Just be honest, say you don’t know what you want from it but you want to discuss and be on the same page and then discuss going forward what’s best for you both
 
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I'm kind of 'over' my relationship atm but is it too mean to have a chat about it before christmas ? I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings at all but I guess if he doesn't see it that's part of the problem.

I've also never done this before so have no idea how to approach it.

I don't know if it's necessarily a break up but I'm not happy with how things are. For context we're both in our 20s and live at our family homes so I guess the 'stakes' aren't that high if that makes sense.

Sorry if this is inappropriate for this thread x
At least if you do it before Xmas, if it is a break up and he’s really cut up it’s a time where he’s at home with family, lots of social opportunities. Rather than January when it’s gloomy anyway and everyone’s staying in. Plus you won’t feel bad about accepting a present and being a couple over xmas then it ending.

And if it doesn’t result in a break up, you can have a happier time over Xmas together potentially.
 
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I'm kind of 'over' my relationship atm but is it too mean to have a chat about it before christmas ? I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings at all but I guess if he doesn't see it that's part of the problem.

I've also never done this before so have no idea how to approach it.

I don't know if it's necessarily a break up but I'm not happy with how things are. For context we're both in our 20s and live at our family homes so I guess the 'stakes' aren't that high if that makes sense.

Sorry if this is inappropriate for this thread x
Don't let Christmas get in the way of you getting out of a relationship that isn't serving you. Isn't it better to break up/take a break than have to play happy couples over Christmas?
 
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I'm kind of 'over' my relationship atm but is it too mean to have a chat about it before christmas ? I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings at all but I guess if he doesn't see it that's part of the problem.

I've also never done this before so have no idea how to approach it.

I don't know if it's necessarily a break up but I'm not happy with how things are. For context we're both in our 20s and live at our family homes so I guess the 'stakes' aren't that high if that makes sense.

Sorry if this is inappropriate for this thread x
I was going to say wait and see what you get for Xmas before breaking up but on a more serious note there will never be a right time. I mean Xmas is not ideal but if it's that bad then just rip the band aid off
 
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I have salt and pepper hair that is very short and bleached white. but I have to bleach it twice to get it white (it has a yellow tinge after the first bleach


What should I use to get it white the first go? At the moment I use Blonde by Choice Blue Velvet, Premium Hair Lightener with Kobe Cream peroxide 9% (30 VOL)


If I put a toner on it goes blue or purple and I don't want that.

What am I doing wrong?
 
What should I use to get it white the first go? At the moment I use Blonde by Choice Blue Velvet, Premium Hair Lightener with Kobe Cream peroxide 9% (30 VOL)
You need to use a higher volume peroxide. I'd be so careful about doing it yourself tho in case you singe all your hair (and scalp) off.
 
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I have salt and pepper hair that is very short and bleached white. but I have to bleach it twice to get it white (it has a yellow tinge after the first bleach


What should I use to get it white the first go? At the moment I use Blonde by Choice Blue Velvet, Premium Hair Lightener with Kobe Cream peroxide 9% (30 VOL)


If I put a toner on it goes blue or purple and I don't want that.

What am I doing wrong?
Might be a dumb question but do you use foils? Seems that helps develop better. 40 vol is so damaging
 
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You need to use a higher volume peroxide. I'd be so careful about doing it yourself tho in case you singe all your hair (and scalp) off.
Thank you

I've always done my own hair, peroxide doesn't seem to hurt me even on my skin. over the years I've used all strengths but before didn't use toners as didn't know there was such a thing, 😱
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Might be a dumb question but do you use foils? Seems that helps develop better. 40 vol is so damaging

No, I normally just put on a few shower caps to keep it warmer, I just spread the mixture over my head and comb it through then put the tight-fitting caps on
 
I have salt and pepper hair that is very short and bleached white. but I have to bleach it twice to get it white (it has a yellow tinge after the first bleach


What should I use to get it white the first go? At the moment I use Blonde by Choice Blue Velvet, Premium Hair Lightener with Kobe Cream peroxide 9% (30 VOL)


If I put a toner on it goes blue or purple and I don't want that.

What am I doing wrong?
You probably can’t lift the colour in one, a stronger bleach could just disintegrate the hair.
Perhaps a visit to a salon and see how they do it then use the process yourself in the future.
Also, you don’t want to be conning the solution through, just thoroughly cover and let sit.
 
I’m invited to a winter wedding and I’ve been looking at dresses. I can’t seem to find one that is 100% what I’m looking for (navy). IVs come across the following two dresses but I’m not sold on them. Ideally, I’d like something a bit more versatile I can recycle regardless of event/season. I would appreciate some opinions.
792033EA-4876-47B5-A031-9C8B75AA667D.jpeg

1st: The color seems a bit too summery for my taste and I’m not sure about the semi-open back. I like the material and the cut though.
539F4D31-D1EF-465F-ACB4-8B457C903599.jpeg

2nd: Love the color but not a fan of the pattern. Length is great but the dress doesn’t seem to be ‘wedding guest’ vibes enough.
 
I’m invited to a winter wedding and I’ve been looking at dresses. I can’t seem to find one that is 100% what I’m looking for (navy). IVs come across the following two dresses but I’m not sold on them. Ideally, I’d like something a bit more versatile I can recycle regardless of event/season. I would appreciate some opinions.
View attachment 2621911
1st: The color seems a bit too summery for my taste and I’m not sure about the semi-open back. I like the material and the cut though.
View attachment 2621912
2nd: Love the color but not a fan of the pattern. Length is great but the dress doesn’t seem to be ‘wedding guest’ vibes enough.
Definitely the first one for a wedding.
 
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I’m invited to a winter wedding and I’ve been looking at dresses. I can’t seem to find one that is 100% what I’m looking for (navy). IVs come across the following two dresses but I’m not sold on them. Ideally, I’d like something a bit more versatile I can recycle regardless of event/season. I would appreciate some opinions.
View attachment 2621911
1st: The color seems a bit too summery for my taste and I’m not sure about the semi-open back. I like the material and the cut though.
View attachment 2621912
2nd: Love the color but not a fan of the pattern. Length is great but the dress doesn’t seem to be ‘wedding guest’ vibes enough.
I love the 2nd, 1st is a bit "bridesmaid" for me.
 
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I really like the peachy one but agree it’s very summery.
ASOS has lots. The satin shift is a really versatile style for future?
IMG_1709.jpeg

Or JL has this a little less conservative than your second option but covered sleeve and a similar fabric to your first.
IMG_1711.jpeg
 
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I’m invited to a winter wedding and I’ve been looking at dresses. I can’t seem to find one that is 100% what I’m looking for (navy). IVs come across the following two dresses but I’m not sold on them. Ideally, I’d like something a bit more versatile I can recycle regardless of event/season. I would appreciate some opinions.
View attachment 2621911
1st: The color seems a bit too summery for my taste and I’m not sure about the semi-open back. I like the material and the cut though.
View attachment 2621912
2nd: Love the color but not a fan of the pattern. Length is great but the dress doesn’t seem to be ‘wedding guest’ vibes enough.
The first one is lovely. It would go with a faux fur stole/jacket in cream/taupe/gold to winter it up a bit.

I think the second one looks a bit too much like work wear for a wedding. I'm not keen on the pattern either but the blue and buttons are lovely.
 
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I like the navy printed one , but it rather modest .it would be nice with nude or tan shoes and bag I think . It could also be worn less formally with boots and a biker jacket.
The first dress be a tricky colour to wear . Not everyone will be able to pull that off.

The ghost dress is lovely
 
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I really like the peachy one but agree it’s very summery.
ASOS has lots. The satin shift is a really versatile style for future?
View attachment 2622159
Or JL has this a little less conservative than your second option but covered sleeve and a similar fabric to your first.
View attachment 2622169
Thank you so much! That’s super helpful!

The Ghost dress is lovely! Absolutely Love it! I will check if they have my size.

The 1st one is also along the lines of what I want. It’s beautiful.

Agree. Satin is very versatile.
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The first one is lovely. It would go with a faux fur stole/jacket in cream/taupe/gold to winter it up a bit.

I think the second one looks a bit too much like work wear for a wedding. I'm not keen on the pattern either but the blue and buttons are lovely.
Thank you! I didn’t think of the faux fur. I’ll look into it for sure!

Yeah, the second one is too workwear.
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I like the navy printed one , but it rather modest .it would be nice with nude or tan shoes and bag I think . It could also be worn less formally with boots and a biker jacket.
The first dress be a tricky colour to wear . Not everyone will be able to pull that off.

The ghost dress is lovely
Agree! The color of the first one is very hit or miss. I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off. I’ve tried thinking of shoes to go with it and I can’t think of a suitable color. It’s a difficult color to pair.
 
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Help please! Could really do with some relationship advice, hate to ask but just can’t work it out in my head. Sorry to post a serious one!

My partner (well, ex partner as of Saturday) and I had been together nearly 2 years. We live separately but most of our time is spent at his and that’s where I was planning on moving to. Over the past few years I have been suffering from some kind of weird mental health concern / lack of confidence / feeling like a black cloud is over my head and when at my partners it has made me run back home. I’m still to work this all out, I have thought maybe PMDD / perimenopause but am not diagnosed. Anyway on Sunday I felt it again and told my partner I wanted to come home, he was angry as we have this week off work. I left his, went to get some fresh air and before I got home I got a text from my mum saying he had been round, was in tears and had dropped off all of my belongings. My mum said he was in a bad way and she could tell he was heartbroken. I know he loves me and I love him but this black cloud thing I cannot seem to control. So he was effectively saying he can take no more, although it breaks his heart to do that. We haven’t been in contact much since, I did text him and try to call him to say sorry but the problem is he’s heard it all before. I just don’t know what to do now going forward. His last messages were along the lines of that I need to take some responsibility for my actions, I said I agreed and he has now messaged me randomly today just saying ‘So?’ like he’s waiting for an update. But I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him forever but I’m also conscious of the fact that only days ago he made it quite final by taking all of my belongings to my parents. And if I say I want to change / get better he has heard all this before. Can anyone offer any wise words on what to do please? Should I be chasing him as maybe that’s what he wants? But then I think if I had taken my partners belongings to his parents it would mean it was fully over and I would want him to respect that. Help!
 
Help please! Could really do with some relationship advice, hate to ask but just can’t work it out in my head. Sorry to post a serious one!

My partner (well, ex partner as of Saturday) and I had been together nearly 2 years. We live separately but most of our time is spent at his and that’s where I was planning on moving to. Over the past few years I have been suffering from some kind of weird mental health concern / lack of confidence / feeling like a black cloud is over my head and when at my partners it has made me run back home. I’m still to work this all out, I have thought maybe PMDD / perimenopause but am not diagnosed. Anyway on Sunday I felt it again and told my partner I wanted to come home, he was angry as we have this week off work. I left his, went to get some fresh air and before I got home I got a text from my mum saying he had been round, was in tears and had dropped off all of my belongings. My mum said he was in a bad way and she could tell he was heartbroken. I know he loves me and I love him but this black cloud thing I cannot seem to control. So he was effectively saying he can take no more, although it breaks his heart to do that. We haven’t been in contact much since, I did text him and try to call him to say sorry but the problem is he’s heard it all before. I just don’t know what to do now going forward. His last messages were along the lines of that I need to take some responsibility for my actions, I said I agreed and he has now messaged me randomly today just saying ‘So?’ like he’s waiting for an update. But I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him forever but I’m also conscious of the fact that only days ago he made it quite final by taking all of my belongings to my parents. And if I say I want to change / get better he has heard all this before. Can anyone offer any wise words on what to do please? Should I be chasing him as maybe that’s what he wants? But then I think if I had taken my partners belongings to his parents it would mean it was fully over and I would want him to respect that. Help!
Ah this sounds very stressful! Some things to consider:

Are you in the right place for a relationship at the moment? If health is causing this issues, would focusing on that for a bit while single be a good idea?

I'm not sure he's the right person to support you on your journey to getting better. It can be really tough being in a relationship with someone with mental health issues. I think you need some with empathy, understanding and patience to give you the support you need.

From the messages you mention it sounds like he wants some grand gesture from you to kinda win him back. The way he said 'so...?' like he's inviting you to promise to be completely different. But are you in the head space to be able to give this? Would that be a healthy relationship? And what then...will he call it quits the next time things get tough?

You mentioned he was angry at you for saying what you needed when you didn't feel great. That doesn't sound very loving to be honest. Sounds like he was annoyed that your health needs caused him an inconvenience.
 
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