The advice thread for random problems #4

[loveanatter]

I don’t think of this as a problem, but maybe more so seeking some advice? I’m looking at buying a new sofa etc and I’ve found one I really like in next. I suppose what I’m asking for is information on the quality of their furniture, what’s their customer service like etc

I really don’t want to make a purchase if they just leave you hanging should something go wrong

I have a house full of next furniture so I do rate it. But, some things you pay a lot for and come flat packed and so depends how capable you are. You also can only pick delivery dates for when they’re in your area (if you live in a town/city not a big deal but if you live more rural I wonder if it’s harder?) but we rate it. My husband is very handy though x

 

[littlepup]

I don’t think of this as a problem, but maybe more so seeking some advice? I’m looking at buying a new sofa etc and I’ve found one I really like in next. I suppose what I’m asking for is information on the quality of their furniture, what’s their customer service like etc

I really don’t want to make a purchase if they just leave you hanging should something go wrong

I think their customer service is really good. However, I don’t think their furniture is built for longevity and a lot of wear and tear. At least at the lower price end. If it’s an adult household you’ll be fine, maybe just get the seat pads refreshed after 5-6 years. If we’re talking about kids jumping over it, spillages getting cleaned up, frequently using it as a guest bed etc I’d not expect it to last too long much longer than that without getting really tatty.

 

[Rxt156]

I don’t think of this as a problem, but maybe more so seeking some advice? I’m looking at buying a new sofa etc and I’ve found one I really like in next. I suppose what I’m asking for is information on the quality of their furniture, what’s their customer service like etc

I really don’t want to make a purchase if they just leave you hanging should something go wrong

I have a Next sofa. It is really good, I picked them because the delivery date was within a week whereas from actual sofa shops it was months for a delivery date. I have had no issues. The delivery people were helpful as it was a struggle to get in the house and through doorways etc

 

[boomska]

Does anyone know how to stop being messy?? and be more organised?

I’m embarrassed to say this but I’m a 33 year old, and my bedroom is constantly messy, like for example. I’ve got a big pile of stuff on my floor my mum is the same, like constantly tidying cause she’s messy too so I know it’s been passed on.

I do suffer from depression so now and again, I have no desire to tidy. But I do wish that I was one of those people who need to tidy even if 2 or things have been left on the floor!

 

[Mamacita]

Does anyone know how to stop being messy?? and be more organised?

I’m embarrassed to say this but I’m a 33 year old, and my bedroom is constantly messy, like for example. I’ve got a big pile of stuff on my floor my mum is the same, like constantly tidying cause she’s messy too so I know it’s been passed on.

I do suffer from depression so now and again, I have no desire to tidy. But I do wish that I was one of those people who need to tidy even if 2 or things have been left on the floor!

Set a 5- 10 minute timer every day and see what you can tidy in that time. Don't do any more than that, you'll be surprised how much you can do in that time.

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone know how to stop being messy?? and be more organised?

I’m embarrassed to say this but I’m a 33 year old, and my bedroom is constantly messy, like for example. I’ve got a big pile of stuff on my floor my mum is the same, like constantly tidying cause she’s messy too so I know it’s been passed on.

I do suffer from depression so now and again, I have no desire to tidy. But I do wish that I was one of those people who need to tidy even if 2 or things have been left on the floor!

Honestly being at the other end is just as bad, I wish I could be ok with a bit of mess but it will literally drive me insane if something is laying around an even when I really don't feel like getting up I just cannot handle having stuff sitting about

A few tips, I have little baskets inside drawers to keep things organised, like pens in one little basket, battery's in another, chargers in another etc, means when when an throwing things in a drawer its still being kept tidy, a laundry basket with different sections so white can go in one, colour in another an darks in another so clothes can just be thrown in an I don't need to sort through it when I need to wash, decluttering can help so much, I usually have one day a month where I'll declutter an send things off to a charity shop or sell or give things away that I no longer need/want, you could also set up a "schedule" or some sort, like I already have a routine in my head, I know what am doing each day, but even if it's something like Monday you will put clothes away, Tuesday you will put shoes away, Wednesday is dusting an hoovering etc those little things add up an you dont need to do more than one task unless you feel like it

It can be hard be getting started but give yourself a week for say one room an then once it's done just do a little each day to keep on top of it

 

[boomska]

Set a 5- 10 minute timer every day and see what you can tidy in that time. Don't do any more than that, you'll be surprised how much you can do in that time.

I love this idea! It definitely takes the pressure of having to do it all the time!
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Honestly being at the other end is just as bad, I wish I could be ok with a bit of mess but it will literally drive me insane if something is laying around an even when I really don't feel like getting up I just cannot handle having stuff sitting about

A few tips, I have little baskets inside drawers to keep things organised, like pens in one little basket, battery's in another, chargers in another etc, means when when an throwing things in a drawer its still being kept tidy, a laundry basket with different sections so white can go in one, colour in another an darks in another so clothes can just be thrown in an I don't need to sort through it when I need to wash, decluttering can help so much, I usually have one day a month where I'll declutter an send things off to a charity shop or sell or give things away that I no longer need/want, you could also set up a "schedule" or some sort, like I already have a routine in my head, I know what am doing each day, but even if it's something like Monday you will put clothes away, Tuesday you will put shoes away, Wednesday is dusting an hoovering etc those little things add up an you dont need to do more than one task unless you feel like it

It can be hard be getting started but give yourself a week for say one room an then once it's done just do a little each day to keep on top of it

I definitely love the idea of a schedule! I’m currently giving up my 2nd job so I will have more time in my week/month to do this!

 

[Shoequeen91]

Thank you @Moth, @loveanatter, @littlepup and @Rxt156. Definitely helped me a little more with my decision making 🤍

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone know if you can email ancestry directly, I have a very specific question for them which isn't on their site or through the online chat bot, but I can't seem to find a email for them

 

[cowtastrophe]

Honestly being at the other end is just as bad, I wish I could be ok with a bit of mess but it will literally drive me insane if something is laying around an even when I really don't feel like getting up I just cannot handle having stuff sitting about

A few tips, I have little baskets inside drawers to keep things organised, like pens in one little basket, battery's in another, chargers in another etc, means when when an throwing things in a drawer its still being kept tidy, a laundry basket with different sections so white can go in one, colour in another an darks in another so clothes can just be thrown in an I don't need to sort through it when I need to wash, decluttering can help so much, I usually have one day a month where I'll declutter an send things off to a charity shop or sell or give things away that I no longer need/want, you could also set up a "schedule" or some sort, like I already have a routine in my head, I know what am doing each day, but even if it's something like Monday you will put clothes away, Tuesday you will put shoes away, Wednesday is dusting an hoovering etc those little things add up an you dont need to do more than one task unless you feel like it

It can be hard be getting started but give yourself a week for say one room an then once it's done just do a little each day to keep on top of it

The separate baskets is a great idea. We have three drawers in our kitchen which drove me mad for years being full of random crap and every time I opened them stuff would fall down the back or get stuck. I lost my tit last summer with them and hauled everything out then got a load of lock n lock boxes which I sorted everything into. So I have a box for random metal items, a box for keys, a box for batteries, a box for random plastic items, etc. I cannot put into words how satisfied I felt when it was done.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

The separate baskets is a great idea. We have three drawers in our kitchen which drove me mad for years being full of random crap and every time I opened them stuff would fall down the back or get stuck. I lost my tit last summer with them and hauled everything out then got a load of lock n lock boxes which I sorted everything into. So I have a box for random metal items, a box for keys, a box for batteries, a box for random plastic items, etc. I cannot put into words how satisfied I felt when it was done.

Ooooh, I need this in my life!

 

[griftalo]

You've had a fair bit going on recently (from stuff you've mentioned on threads) so it's not surprising you're feeling a bit strung out. As another poster (Becca) said, if you're operating at overwhelm then the default can be irritation.

The ironic thing about this is that it's taken me giving this advice to apply it to my own life.

You're not alone so keep talking when you need to.
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This is interesting. I'm obviously not the poster but I can relate to what she's said. Does peri affect your memory as well because I'm starting to worry there's something seriously wrong with me.

Yes, in my experience. It’s like dementia suddenly took hold. Hrt patches have helped.
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Does anyone know how to stop being messy?? and be more organised?

I’m embarrassed to say this but I’m a 33 year old, and my bedroom is constantly messy, like for example. I’ve got a big pile of stuff on my floor my mum is the same, like constantly tidying cause she’s messy too so I know it’s been passed on.

I do suffer from depression so now and again, I have no desire to tidy. But I do wish that I was one of those people who need to tidy even if 2 or things have been left on the floor!

Making sure you’ve decluttered stuff you don’t need first before starting to organise helps. I have adhd and it’s a constant struggle then having a place for everything helps too. It’s a constant thing for me. I have kids and any surface gets stuff left on it. If everything has a determined place it gets easier, however, it’s not easy!

 

[Squittel]

One of those awkward moments just came up.

I was picking my daughter (5) up from school and she came running to me with her friend in tow and said “Mummy Mummy can Toby come for a sleepover at the weekend?” The kids mum overheard and this mum adores palming her kids off and declared it was a great idea. I just said “Maybe, we might have plans.”

Problem is, I don’t like this kid. Whenever we have him over he’s rude to me, he laughs when I ask him not to do something, he doesn’t listen, he’s hit my daughter before, then if you have to actually tell him off he screams and cries and stamps his feet. In his parents eyes he can do no wrong.

I’ve tried to distance myself from his parents a bit but my daughter and him are still best friends. The mum is already texting me about this potential sleepover that I’m apparently hosting and I just… don’t want to. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to start a rift but I don’t want this kid in my house. I can put it off this weekend but I can’t put it off forever. How do I get out of this? The people pleaser in me is struggling.

 

[TheGlossy]

Can’t make this up today.

I was approached for an external role which I know is a dead end, but I wanted to use this interview as training for future interviews given I’m aiming for a more senior role.

Fast forward, I received the invite today and the person interviewing me used to work in the same department in my current company (literally used to sit across from me), probably knows my current manager and from past experience of overhearing them on calls, they can be pretty abrasive.

The interview is Monday but with all this in mind, I’d rather not even bother. I need yo find something ti cancel.

Update: I didn’t cancel the interview but I should have. I joined the call then the hiring manager asked me if I knew this was for a contract role (I didn’t!). He said it’s for a 6 months contract role and asked if I was interested in the role still. I said ‘in all honesty, no, there is some flexibility on the contract type’.

I have a permanent role and I’m not about to leave it for a 6 months contract.

I honestly had to be clear about the fact I wasn’t aware it was for a 6 months stint. The recruiter completely gaslighted me by sending me to an interview with no job description and on top of this not informing me it was for a 6 months contract!

I could have pretended I knew and dealt with the recruiter after just for the sake of the interview, but I don’t like being lied to and gaslighted because it’s already happened to me beforeso the interview ended right there. Recruitment firms need to be called out on there BS to lure candidates.

I think the hiring manager did me a favor by asking if I knew it’s for a 6 months contract, because a lot of hiring managers don’t and take it for face value you’ve been told by the recruiter.

Blocked the recruiter’s email and phone number. I had this situation happened to me two years ago and the recruiter kept blowing my phone when I called them out and withdrew my application. I don’t have time for this.

 

[chickhicks86]

Update: I didn’t cancel the interview but I should have. I joined the call then the hiring manager asked me if I knew this was for a contract role (I didn’t!). He said it’s for a 6 months contract role and asked if I was interested in the role still. I said ‘in all honesty, no, there is some flexibility on the contract type’.

I have a permanent role and I’m not about to leave it for a 6 months contract.

I honestly had to be clear about the fact I wasn’t aware it was for a 6 months stint. The recruiter completely gaslighted me by sending me to an interview with no job description and on top of this not informing me it was for a 6 months contract!

I could have pretended I knew and dealt with the recruiter after just for the sake of the interview, but I don’t like being lied to and gaslighted because it’s already happened to me beforeso the interview ended right there. Recruitment firms need to be called out on there BS to lure candidates.

I think the hiring manager did me a favor by asking if I knew it’s for a 6 months contract, because a lot of hiring managers don’t and take it for face value you’ve been told by the recruiter.

Blocked the recruiter’s email and phone number. I had this situation happened to me two years ago and the recruiter kept blowing my phone when I called them out and withdrew my application. I don’t have time for this.

I wonder if they'd interviewed other candidates that also didn't know?

 

[Snippysnips]

One of those awkward moments just came up.

I was picking my daughter (5) up from school and she came running to me with her friend in tow and said “Mummy Mummy can Toby come for a sleepover at the weekend?” The kids mum overheard and this mum adores palming her kids off and declared it was a great idea. I just said “Maybe, we might have plans.”

Problem is, I don’t like this kid. Whenever we have him over he’s rude to me, he laughs when I ask him not to do something, he doesn’t listen, he’s hit my daughter before, then if you have to actually tell him off he screams and cries and stamps his feet. In his parents eyes he can do no wrong.

I’ve tried to distance myself from his parents a bit but my daughter and him are still best friends. The mum is already texting me about this potential sleepover that I’m apparently hosting and I just… don’t want to. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to start a rift but I don’t want this kid in my house. I can put it off this weekend but I can’t put it off forever. How do I get out of this? The people pleaser in me is struggling.

My mum used to be in the exact position you are in now with my brother consistently asking for his friend to be over an she would always be put right on the spot with it that she would end up agreeing to it even when she didn't want too an it ended up causing rifts in the house (I don't know if you have other kids) because it meant plans were put off an it would anger me which would mean id take it out on her, so it's best maybe to talk with your daughter that she needs to ask privately if she can have friends sleep over BEFORE she asks the friend, I know 5 is young but it's better to teach it now

As for the weekend, I'd say that family are having something on to the parent so you can't manage it, an take your daughter out for the day, an for future you could just say that you kid maybe has a activity at the weekends now or family are starting to get together more, so you won't be able to have them, I guess the problem would be your kid would tell her friend what she done so is there maybe a way you can get her out the house at weekends? Even if it's to other family, kids don't share 100% of the details, so if she's always out she will just say where she was

 

[TheGlossy]

I wonder if they'd interviewed other candidates that also didn't know?

I’m thinking they probably did because when they opened the call, they asked ‘do you know what’s role you’re interviewing for’ and then proceeded to ask about whether I knew it’s a contact role.

For sure they had a situation before me because I’ve never had these questions come up in any interview before.

I also made it clear I was not provided with a job description, so I only knew the role title and the area covered (in case they’d ask the ‘why are you interested in this role’ question). Honestly, the lack of job spec was red flag number 1.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

One of those awkward moments just came up.

I was picking my daughter (5) up from school and she came running to me with her friend in tow and said “Mummy Mummy can Toby come for a sleepover at the weekend?” The kids mum overheard and this mum adores palming her kids off and declared it was a great idea. I just said “Maybe, we might have plans.”

Problem is, I don’t like this kid. Whenever we have him over he’s rude to me, he laughs when I ask him not to do something, he doesn’t listen, he’s hit my daughter before, then if you have to actually tell him off he screams and cries and stamps his feet. In his parents eyes he can do no wrong.

I’ve tried to distance myself from his parents a bit but my daughter and him are still best friends. The mum is already texting me about this potential sleepover that I’m apparently hosting and I just… don’t want to. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to start a rift but I don’t want this kid in my house. I can put it off this weekend but I can’t put it off forever. How do I get out of this? The people pleaser in me is struggling.

Text her and just say you’ve got plans and can’t have him, then leave it at that.
Don’t give details and don’t offer any either.
Talk to your daughter about having friends for sleep overs and that she needs to ask privately at home first.
I would also check with her which other kids she likes to try and encourage those relationships.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

One of those awkward moments just came up.

I was picking my daughter (5) up from school and she came running to me with her friend in tow and said “Mummy Mummy can Toby come for a sleepover at the weekend?” The kids mum overheard and this mum adores palming her kids off and declared it was a great idea. I just said “Maybe, we might have plans.”

Problem is, I don’t like this kid. Whenever we have him over he’s rude to me, he laughs when I ask him not to do something, he doesn’t listen, he’s hit my daughter before, then if you have to actually tell him off he screams and cries and stamps his feet. In his parents eyes he can do no wrong.

I’ve tried to distance myself from his parents a bit but my daughter and him are still best friends. The mum is already texting me about this potential sleepover that I’m apparently hosting and I just… don’t want to. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to start a rift but I don’t want this kid in my house. I can put it off this weekend but I can’t put it off forever. How do I get out of this? The people pleaser in me is struggling.

I get this a lot from my daughter when she invites friends over for tea in front of them and I just say 'oh what a shame, we can't today/ tomorrow/ whenever but maybe another time.

 

[Squittel]

I get this a lot from my daughter when she invites friends over for tea in front of them and I just say 'oh what a shame, we can't today/ tomorrow/ whenever but maybe another time.

I’m hoping I can just get out of this one indefinitely honestly if it was any other kid I’d be up for it but my daughter and him are just bad for each other and he’s unfortunately (probably through no fault of his own) a badly behaved child.