The advice thread for random problems #4

[Rodneytrotter]

One of those awkward moments just came up.

I was picking my daughter (5) up from school and she came running to me with her friend in tow and said “Mummy Mummy can Toby come for a sleepover at the weekend?” The kids mum overheard and this mum adores palming her kids off and declared it was a great idea. I just said “Maybe, we might have plans.”

Problem is, I don’t like this kid. Whenever we have him over he’s rude to me, he laughs when I ask him not to do something, he doesn’t listen, he’s hit my daughter before, then if you have to actually tell him off he screams and cries and stamps his feet. In his parents eyes he can do no wrong.

I’ve tried to distance myself from his parents a bit but my daughter and him are still best friends. The mum is already texting me about this potential sleepover that I’m apparently hosting and I just… don’t want to. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to start a rift but I don’t want this kid in my house. I can put it off this weekend but I can’t put it off forever. How do I get out of this? The people pleaser in me is struggling.

I get this a lot from my daughter when she invites friends over for tea in front of them and I just say 'oh what a shame, we can't today/ tomorrow/ whenever but maybe another time.

 

[Snippysnips]

Good luck to him and you today x

Thank you very much x

 

[TheGlossy]

TBF An interview with someone you know to be abrasive so likely 'tough' interview would be better for experience than an easy one. Unless you think it could jeopardise your current role, which it's not allowed to do it might be worth going through with it?

I don’t know because I’m also invited to an interview without having been provided with a job description beforehand. I don’t mind a tough interview but I can’t prepare if I only know the job title and nothing else. This is also part of my issue.

 

[KK77]

Where I live we have a massive rat problem - in both senses of the word. Our council decided to radically reduce our waste collections to once a month, from Monday one black bag per building, cos that’ll help loads (and they’re doing away with that section of environmental health as well, gotta save them pennies)

I reported ours to the council and all they did was have a go at people - those with bird feeders were made to get rid of them, those putting waste out before collection (literally, none of your popping your waste out before the lorry heads down the road for us, nope we gotta be up at 5:30am and sit by the window on the off chance they turn up before 6pm) and those not taking in their waste when it’s not been collected

Ours are huge, I know smaller ones can manage drain pipes and scale walls so that’s something to keep an eye out for. Ours cant. They’ve no need anymore.

You know it’s bad when they literally sit there staring you down, even during the day, as if YOU are the vermin, despite taking a broom to them and yelling. Eventually it, literally, wandered off. No doubt muttering to itself ‘who does she think she is?!?’. It was distinctly unimpressed by my attitude.

OMG where do you live?

 

[Lollylaylow]

The freezer has been left ajar , probably overnight , would you still eat the food inside.?
It's still pretty cold, but not the temp it runs at and some of the food is still firm .

I do and always have. food only deteriorates at the rate it would have not frozen. I know they say do not re-freeze but the only things I've not re-frozen are fish and seafood. but only then because I'm a bit sensitive to that anyway so that's personal

But for something that is still cold, I would just freeze again and not give it another thought.

I've only just found out that my freezer was on too low a setting for over 4 years but none of us died or even got a dicky tum.

 

[Thank(space)you]

i wouldn’t in any way be trying to be POLITE about that wtaf?! i’d be telling him if he tried that again i would literally bite his hand (hopefully off).

i would tell him that no actually means no and to attempt to have some degree of decency in respecting people’s wishes. dickhead.

I just don't want to cause any issues between my friend and I because of his behaviour

 

[littlepup]

I put this on the skin and make up thread but thought I’d try here too.
Does anyone do an at home toner for blonde hair? I can’t get my colour done for another 7 weeks and it’s looking really dull (dark blonde with highlights) but I don’t want to wreck it by doing something I shouldn’t before then?
Can I use a toner to brighten it up without permanent changes?
Something like this https://amzn.eu/d/f16RYQp?

 

[Snippysnips]

Can you cut the wires that go from the sky dish to the box? So we got a sky dish put in years ago, got them to add wires to the living rooms an bedrooms, but now we don't have sky an for some reason they left us about 4m of cable which I assume was so we had freedom to move the TV an box around if we wished, mine an my brother's (now my nieces) rooms have been done up an we have been left with a mass of cables in the corners which I'd love to get rid of, can't get them under the carpet as for some reason they have laid the carpet then put the skirting board on top an I don't want to rip it all apart, can't put them through the wall as it would end up with cable flying about outside an I presume sky will charge a fee to come out an remove it all so I was wondering if I could just snip them or are those still "live" cables

 

[nataliaaaaa]

That’s all very fair, thank you. My GP has referred me for talking therapy so I will go to that and I’ll have a look at BetterHelp while I wait. It seems it’s a severe hormone imbalance / reaction to medication. I guess what I find hard is I do actually try to deal with these things on my own or with help from others, but my partner then usually says I should have asked him for help. So I guess I was trying that approach although I realise what you’re saying, he is now at such a breaking point that he can’t help maybe. The thing is, I KNOW this isn’t the ‘real’ me, and everyone that knows me also knows this. But I also know it’s not okay to ruin some else’s life by being this way so I do want to get help.
---
The thing is, I know I have REALLY messed up and I just don’t know how to go about the immediate future! I think I’ll give this afternoons party a miss and see if I can speak with him tomorrow. I think it’s me that needs to make the effort going forward but I also think if he needs space I don’t want to be too full on?

 

[Lollylaylow]

There is a thread about it in OT a old thread

 

[TheGlossy]

I love the 2nd, 1st is a bit "bridesmaid" for me.

Thank you.

This one reminds me of what some girl from Suits wore to Meghan and Harry’s wedding The bridesmaids are wearing black. The palette is very wintertime.

 

[SassyShetland]

Hey wonderful Tattlers! Hoping this is the best thread for this!

I’m sure amongst you wonderful lot there are some UK HR bods! I’m wondering whether I can get any advice on a friends predicament! (genuinely a friend not a friend )


They’ve been approached by their manager to fill a role which has opened due to the person currently doing that role getting a new job with the company.

However my friend is currently working as a Project Executive and the Role they’re being asked to fill was a Project Manager. But they’re being told their title would not change, which is a bit of a stumbling block for them as they’re keen to progress in career and be recognised for the job.

To be clear the role and responsibilities remain the same as when they were fulfilled by someone with the ‘manager’ title.

Is this legal? I feel like something sneaky is definitely happening here, it’s hard because my friend is so fed up with working with their current client and this move would alleviate a lot of the frustrations they have.

They have approached their manager to explain why the title is important (Getting respect from the new client, being able to sway stakeholders, and having recognition on the CV of what they’re actually doing), the main reason they are being given for not getting this is that there is another member of the team, also an exec level who joined at a similar time and has been acting up to cover long term sickness leave recently, and has been wanting a title change to reflect that, the manager has directly said giving my friend a manager role would make things difficult with the other team member.

I’m obviously my friends biggest hype girl, so I’m fighting the corner that this all sounds dodgy as heck! But I’m a collector of shetlands, not a HR prof! Anyone able to offer any advice

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone do virtual races? Thinking it might be fun to do an get me out, what sites do you use? I seen one on FB but I've lost the name of it an can't see it again

 

[Snippysnips]

ok can someone please help me clarify when a gift card expires it says expiry is 20th November, does that mean today is my last day to use it or tomorrow? Just discovered that Clarks won’t let me use a voucher on the website and it’s Sunday trading so can’t go to a store, nightmare!

When I worked in retail the expiration date was usually the last day you could use it, so if it said expires 20th Nov then the 20th would be the last day, but every store might be different, their website should have a question section about their gift cards that hopefully explains it

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

People with young families - what car do you have? Due to upgrade our car in September. Currently got a Suzuki Vitara and we love it but fancy a change. Need a big boot for the pram/bike/scooter/shopping etc.

Any recommendations?

The Nissan Qashqai is a great option, compact but surprisingly spacy inside. Good sized boot.

 

[bozlem3080]

Surely that was to assess your eligibility for legal aid? This is the Non-Molestation Order application form that is sent to the court and unsurprisingly it doesn't ask about rent or valuables:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6504717c6771b90014fdab75/FL401_0223.pdf

But according to them they don’t take any utility bills like council tax or food into consideration they only asked how much rent I paid, if I had a car & if I owned anything over £500, they were just really strange questions, even when go into a debt management agreement they ask about every outgoing.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Has anybody worked full time in the office and successfully managed to work from home instead? I’ve done the odd day from home in the past but I’d like to make it a permanent thing once a week. They’re really funny about working from home though and I don’t know what the best way is to request it. I want to be able to do at least one pick up and drop off a week now my eldest is in school and to work around that.

 

[stargirl23]

You’re kidding I tried the online chat but they told me they can’t do anything until Friday

Yeah that’s what they did to me, I waited 4 days being told wait till x day then got annoyed and called instead as I was fed uo of being told stuff on chat and no one helping me. Person on the phone said they won’t help investigate without a police report it’s a joke especially this time of year they know thieves will take any opportunity to steal parcels if they see them you’d think they’d be more willing to refund/resend/investigate better

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks, I've no idea what type of door/lock it is, I just know it's a barrel, the ring that the handle is on is completely fine, it just the handle itself that's coming away an I need to keep pushing both sides in to click it back in place again

 

[littlepup]

I’ve tried googling this but maybe I haven’t got the wording right
Does anyone know if an illegitimate (adult) child can contest the will of their biological father, if the child was never acknowledged by the father? I can’t go into too much detail but the mother never outright told the father he had a child, but other people have told him, and it is known locally that he has a child. I hope this makes sense