The advice thread for random problems #2

Snippysnips · Dec 18, 2022

Blondeangel2515 said:
I wish I did take my supervisor up on that offer but I just felt like it looks like I’ve got them fighting my battles. I’ve told my supervisor I just try and sit there doing my work with my headphones in trying not to join in the convo doing what I need to do.

I feel like she’s not happy I’m not pally with her as some other people are or the fact I rather go to other people than her. She tries to tell me how to do my job when she hasn’t actually got a clue. I need to make sureI get service users to fill out feedback questionnaires but then question how I’m doing it or questioning why I’m doing it that way but then all I say to her is I need it doing I’m not going on bed.

she had my name down on a room booked on the system the appointment was still down so I spoke to admin over it and told them she told me to keep the room and she’ll sort it out because is was for her device user. I got worried as the user would still get a text over to and I was worried they’ll turn up but they aren’t having an appointment. Admin weren’t happy with her telling me not to cancel the room and she’ll sort it so admin had a go at her over it. I don’t think she was happy I went to them over it but I was checking if she spoke to them or not.

It's definitely not your management fighting your battles for you, at least I don't see it that way an i don't think they would either, she's over stepping boundaries, not respecting you, telling you what to do an trying to get about your business, management really do need to have a word with her, unfortunately they aren't going to be able to help unless they know there's a issue but I do think it would he worth having management talk with her

Some people will never back down unless they are basically told too like a child

Blondeangel2515 · Dec 18, 2022

Snippysnips said:
It's definitely not your management fighting your battles for you, at least I don't see it that way an i don't think they would either, she's over stepping boundaries, not respecting you, telling you what to do an trying to get about your business, management really do need to have a word with her, unfortunately they aren't going to be able to help unless they know there's a issue but I do think it would he worth having management talk with her

Some people will never back down unless they are basically told too like a child

I’m off now for a couple of weeks but I might see how she behaves after and if she says anything about my rosacea I’ll have wins than if it continues I’ll go back to my supervisor as she is aware of 90% of what has happened and she if that would eventually put her in her place.

Sugarbee123 · Dec 18, 2022

Big of a long one I’m sorry!
so last year my husband and I had a really bad year I honestly didn’t think we’d make it. I who never suffered with mental health had to take a month off work due to my mental health my husband was my absolute rock then come to the end of the year he took a turn and completely went off the rails drinking/drugs etc we finally managed back on track and we have been great since that. But after he had his final blow out (last year) he told my brother that he has done everything with my best friend apart from sleep with her (this came out like two days after we decided we were going to make our marriage work as we didn’t want to lose each other), my brother told my mum then she told me, as you can imagine I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest, I confronted him about it straight away, he said nothing has ever happened between them and it wasnt true he was just showing off although he admitted he did have a crush on her because he did confide in her a lot when he was going through his issues. I never ever asked my best friend if this was true because she’s married with two young children and I didn’t want to cause problems in their family and I’d really like to think she wouldn’t do that to me. But she is someone who likes the attention of other men. That was really hard for me to even begin to get over, but he swore blind nothing had happened even the thought of him having a crush on her I mean I know everybody has crushes but my best friend? Recently I’ve noticed he’s started messaging her a lot just banter nothing flirty or anything but it just seems to be happening a lot. And it’s just starting to consume my life again, I feel like when we’re all together I’m watching them both to see if I can pick up on anything. Do you think think this is something I need to bring up to him? I just don’t want to cause a huge argument before Christmas, I just really don’t know what to do.

And_that's_okay! · Dec 18, 2022

Sugarbee123 said:
Big of a long one I’m sorry!
so last year my husband and I had a really bad year I honestly didn’t think we’d make it. I who never suffered with mental health had to take a month off work due to my mental health my husband was my absolute rock then come to the end of the year he took a turn and completely went off the rails drinking/drugs etc we finally managed back on track and we have been great since that. But after he had his final blow out (last year) he told my brother that he has done everything with my best friend apart from sleep with her (this came out like two days after we decided we were going to make our marriage work as we didn’t want to lose each other), my brother told my mum then she told me, as you can imagine I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest, I confronted him about it straight away, he said nothing has ever happened between them and it was a lie and he was just showing off although he admitted he did have a crush on her because he did confide in her a lot when he was going through his issues. I never ever asked my best friend if this was true because she’s married with two young children and I didn’t want to cause problems in their family and I’d really like to think she wouldn’t do that to me. But she is someone who likes the attention of other men. That was really hard for me to even begin to get over, but he swore blind nothing had happened even the thought of him having a crush on her I mean I know everybody has crushes but my best friend? Recently I’ve noticed he’s started messaging her a lot just banter nothing flirty or anything but it just seems to be happening a lot. And it’s just starting to consume my life again, I feel like when we’re all together I’m watching them both to see if I can pick up on anything. Do you think think this is something I need to bring up to him? I just don’t want to cause a huge argument before Christmas, I just really don’t know what to do.

I'd be waving goodbye to this idiot. Drink. Drugs. Lying. Flirting with your friends.

What a dick.

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo · Dec 18, 2022

Sugarbee123 said:
Big of a long one I’m sorry!
so last year my husband and I had a really bad year I honestly didn’t think we’d make it. I who never suffered with mental health had to take a month off work due to my mental health my husband was my absolute rock then come to the end of the year he took a turn and completely went off the rails drinking/drugs etc we finally managed back on track and we have been great since that. But after he had his final blow out (last year) he told my brother that he has done everything with my best friend apart from sleep with her (this came out like two days after we decided we were going to make our marriage work as we didn’t want to lose each other), my brother told my mum then she told me, as you can imagine I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest, I confronted him about it straight away, he said nothing has ever happened between them and it was a lie and he was just showing off although he admitted he did have a crush on her because he did confide in her a lot when he was going through his issues. I never ever asked my best friend if this was true because she’s married with two young children and I didn’t want to cause problems in their family and I’d really like to think she wouldn’t do that to me. But she is someone who likes the attention of other men. That was really hard for me to even begin to get over, but he swore blind nothing had happened even the thought of him having a crush on her I mean I know everybody has crushes but my best friend? Recently I’ve noticed he’s started messaging her a lot just banter nothing flirty or anything but it just seems to be happening a lot. And it’s just starting to consume my life again, I feel like when we’re all together I’m watching them both to see if I can pick up on anything. Do you think think this is something I need to bring up to him? I just don’t want to cause a huge argument before Christmas, I just really don’t know what to do.

My advice would be that you are going to have to bring it up with him and sadly, I think you'll have to talk to your friend about it too. You'll know by her reaction if it's true.

The marriage isn't doomed if you don't want it to be but he sounds like he's being quite inconsiderate. Even if what he told your brother was a lie due to the state he was in at the time, he must realise that him texting her is going to be problematic.

If you choose to work through it, some counselling might be helpful. What I would say though is that he needs to be as committed as you to working through things. It's probably going to be a difficult process and you need to be in it together.

Future wise, I'd say assess things regularly and be honest with yourself. You don't deserve to live in a constant state of worry and doubt and if it goes on long term it will eat away at you.

I really feel for you, it's a horrible situation to be in. I hope things work out for you.

Edited to add. You could wait until Christmas is out of the way if that would make things easier. It just depends if you might boil over before then. It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself to keep quiet.

And_that's_okay! · Dec 18, 2022

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo said:
So, I have a question...
It's a mental health thing I think.

The way I process traumatic events has always been a bit odd (I suspect I'm neurodiverse).

I've had a really difficult year and don't get much time to myself. I'm finding that my mind drifts to events in the past that have been difficult at random times. I sort of live it for a bit and then am able to pull myself out of it.

I had quite a big issue with what I think were flashbacks when an ex partner died in 2020 but I understood why they were happening and was able to move past them.

The way I process things has always been a bit weird in that things build and then suddenly everything comes out at once.

The time a lot of my emotions seep out is driving to work. I think because it's the only time I have to myself to let it out.

I'm watching Cliff on bbc2 and it's brought up so many feelings about my childhood. The best way to describe it is like some sort of freeze frame shots, like they do when someone dies. Does that make sense? Like a movie but of static photos playing through my mind.

When I feel emotion, it's like I'm having to relive every single thing I've experienced that is vaguely connected again at the same time.

I'm having counselling, although it's early days but is there something I should be flagging to her? How do I approach all this stuff that my mind is doing?

Tell your Therapist what you want to share. When you're comfortable. When you've built good trust and rapport. There are no rules.

You've potentially seen these before but do have a read (if you are able to) because they'll explain what and why your brain is doing what it is. Oftentimes, an explanation gives us some clarity.

If you've got a decent therapist they can cure these symptoms. There is treatment available to help you overcome these symptoms.

You're not odd. Your symptoms are easily explained. Experienced worldwide and an understandable reaction to a traumatic event.

Good luck xxxx

Sugarbee123 · Dec 18, 2022

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo said:
My advice would be that you are going to have to bring it up with him and sadly, I think you'll have to talk to your friend about it too. You'll know by her reaction if it's true.

The marriage isn't doomed if you don't want it to be but he sounds like he's being quite inconsiderate. Even if what he told your brother was a lie due to the state he was in at the time, he must realise that him texting her is going to be problematic.

If you choose to work through it, some counselling might be helpful. What I would say though is that he needs to be as committed as you to working through things. It's probably going to be a difficult process and you need to be in it together.

Future wise, I'd say assess things regularly and be honest with yourself. You don't deserve to live in a constant state of worry and doubt and if it goes on long term it will eat away at you.

I really feel for you, it's a horrible situation to be in. I hope things work out for you.

Edited to add. You could wait until Christmas is out of the way if that would make things easier. It just depends if you might boil over before then. It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself to keep quiet.

Thank you I really do appreciate it, you are right in what you say. Sometimes you just need to hear it from an outsider looking in! I think I’m going to talk with him tomorrow, I don’t want it hanging over me over Christmas. Thank you again

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo · Dec 18, 2022

And_that's_okay! said:
Tell your Therapsit what you want to share. When you're comfortable. When you've built good trust and rapport. There are no rules.

You've potentially seen these before but do have a read (if you are able to) because they'll explain what and why your brain is doing what it is. Oftentimes, an explanation gives us some clarity.

If you've got a decent therapist they can cure these symptoms. There is treatment available to help you overcome these symptoms.

Good luck xxxx

Thank you. I haven't seen any of those before but they make a lot of sense.

I'm having a bit of an internal struggle with it all but I think that's mainly me fighting the urge to shove everything back into that metaphorical cupboard x

Purrrrrrr · Dec 19, 2022

I have a really daft problem

I now have a cleaner helper and right now she is in my garden tidying it and making it look nice after all the plants dying and leaves falling ETC
I am suffering so much anxiety, how do people just sit there when others are doing work for them? She isn't even in the house and I'm stressed that I'm sitting and doing nothing while she is working hard. How on earth will I cope when she is in the house doing the cleaning?

I have had a cleaner helper before but we worked together and it was great but I can't do physical work anymore and it's killing me.

I once did some cleaning jobs to supplement my carer pay and didnt give it thought that people were sitting chatting with a friend or watching TV while I was cleaning .. I want to be able to do that but feel like I can't breath

I feel like a right nob sitting here so stressed.

Snippysnips · Dec 19, 2022

Purrrrrrr said:
I have a really daft problem

I now have a cleaner helper and right now she is in my garden tidying it and making it look nice after all the plants dying and leaves falling ETC
I am suffering so much anxiety, how do people just sit there when others are doing work for them? She isn't even in the house and I'm stressed that I'm sitting and doing nothing while she is working hard. How on earth will I cope when she is in the house doing the cleaning?

I have had a cleaner helper before but we worked together and it was great but I can't do physical work anymore and it's killing me.

I once did some cleaning jobs to supplement my carer pay and didnt give it thought that people were sitting chatting with a friend or watching TV while I was cleaning .. I want to be able to do that but feel like I can't breath

I feel like a right nob sitting here so stressed.

Is there something you can do that will make it feel you aren't just sitting there, like work on a laptop with emails or some paperwork you need to catch up on, just something that you've been meaning to catch up on

I've never had someone in doing cleaning but I do get a bit uncomfortable an awkward when someone's in like the boiler guy since he can take a while an I feel like a spare part just sitting there so I'll usually catch up on sorting the mail out or if there's emails needed dealt with etc

NordieGal · Dec 19, 2022

Purrrrrrr said:
I have a really daft problem

I now have a cleaner helper and right now she is in my garden tidying it and making it look nice after all the plants dying and leaves falling ETC
I am suffering so much anxiety, how do people just sit there when others are doing work for them? She isn't even in the house and I'm stressed that I'm sitting and doing nothing while she is working hard. How on earth will I cope when she is in the house doing the cleaning?

I have had a cleaner helper before but we worked together and it was great but I can't do physical work anymore and it's killing me.

I once did some cleaning jobs to supplement my carer pay and didnt give it thought that people were sitting chatting with a friend or watching TV while I was cleaning .. I want to be able to do that but feel like I can't breath

I feel like a right nob sitting here so stressed.

I would take myself off to the bedroom and close over the door (ajar, not fully so as not to seem like you don't want to be disturbed). Have you got some organising you can do in there, like sorting clothes/tidying up dressing table etc? Something productive but out of the way? Or even read for a bit on your bed?

Mamacita · Dec 19, 2022

Purrrrrrr said:
I have a really daft problem

I now have a cleaner helper and right now she is in my garden tidying it and making it look nice after all the plants dying and leaves falling ETC
I am suffering so much anxiety, how do people just sit there when others are doing work for them? She isn't even in the house and I'm stressed that I'm sitting and doing nothing while she is working hard. How on earth will I cope when she is in the house doing the cleaning?

I have had a cleaner helper before but we worked together and it was great but I can't do physical work anymore and it's killing me.

I once did some cleaning jobs to supplement my carer pay and didnt give it thought that people were sitting chatting with a friend or watching TV while I was cleaning .. I want to be able to do that but feel like I can't breath

I feel like a right nob sitting here so stressed.

I know what you mean, I think I'd feel a bit awkward too since it's even like that if I have someone in to, I don't know, fix a boiler, even though I literally cannot help with that if I tried but in the end just try to remind yourself the person is getting paid for it, it's literally their job. Thanks to the fact you're paying for the service, they earn money and make a living, so they definitely have no issue with you not doing anything. If you wanted to/could clean yourself, she wouldn't be paid.

Purrrrrrr · Dec 19, 2022

Snippysnips said:
Is there something you can do that will make it feel you aren't just sitting there, like work on a laptop with emails or some paperwork you need to catch up on, just something that you've been meaning to catch up on

I've never had someone in doing cleaning but I do get a bit uncomfortable an awkward when someone's in like the boiler guy since he can take a while an I feel like a spare part just sitting there so I'll usually catch up on sorting the mail out or if there's emails needed dealt with etc

NordieGal said:
I would take myself off to the bedroom and close over the door (ajar, not fully so as not to seem like you don't want to be disturbed). Have you got some organising you can do in there, like sorting clothes/tidying up dressing table etc? Something productive but out of the way? Or even read for a bit on your bed?

Mamacita said:
I know what you mean, I think I'd feel a bit awkward too since it's even like that if I have someone in to, I don't know, fix a boiler, even though I literally cannot help with that if I tried but in the end just try to remind yourself the person is getting paid for it, it's literally their job. Thanks to the fact you're paying for the service, they earn money and make a living, so they definitely have no issue with you not doing anything. If you wanted to/could clean yourself, she wouldn't be paid.

Thank you

I think I will take myself to the bedroom and sort a few things, maybe put together some fidget blankets

Snippysnips · Dec 19, 2022

So anyone with a air fryer, do you just put everything in a drawer on top of one another or space it all out?

Folks finally managed to get a two drawer one but the drawers are tiny I feel, ended up using the two drawers to cook the wedges because I had them all spaced out so none were on top of one another, do I need to do that so they cook fine or would they cook just the same if I had them all in a pile?

Don't want to be using two drawers for wedges since the idea is one drawer for something an the other drawer for another thing but I have no idea how well it will all cook especially meat if it's all just laying in a pile

Purrrrrrr · Dec 19, 2022

Snippysnips said:
So anyone with a air fryer, do you just put everything in a drawer on top of one another or space it all out?

Folks finally managed to get a two drawer one but the drawers are tiny I feel, ended up using the two drawers to cook the wedges because I had them all spaced out so none were on top of one another, do I need to do that so they cook fine or would they cook just the same if I had them all in a pile?

Don't want to be using two drawers for wedges since the idea is one drawer for something an the other drawer for another thing but I have no idea how well it will all cook especially meat if it's all just laying in a pile

I have them on top of each other and give a shake here and there to toss them about

Snippysnips · Dec 19, 2022

Purrrrrrr said:
I have them on top of each other and give a shake here and there to toss them about

Thanks, everything I make is home made an just thrown in the oven so am used to food not cooking right if it's not properly spaced in the oven, but the folks want to cut down oven use an I have no idea what am doing with this thing took me 10 minutes just to work out how to even get it on an cooking

xbxbx · Dec 21, 2022

Not a problem but a general query:

I’ve been gifted an Amazon voucher and I have no idea what to buy! I don’t use Amazon often and when I do it’s mostly for little things I can’t find in stores (hair oil, spices etc).

The voucher is for £20 and I want to make the most of it. Anyone a frequent Amazon user and can give me ideas of some things I can buy?

I’ve been trying to learn how to do gel nails at home so my first thought was buying some nail art brushes or gel polish but I’m open to other suggestions.

Also I realise this is very vague and there’s a million things to buy on Amazon but my mind is blank

JoeBloggs · Dec 21, 2022

xbxbx said:
Not a problem but a general query:

I’ve been gifted an Amazon voucher and I have no idea what to buy! I don’t use Amazon often and when I do it’s mostly for little things I can’t find in stores (hair oil, spices etc).

The voucher is for £20 and I want to make the most of it. Anyone a frequent Amazon user and can give me ideas of some things I can buy?

I’ve been trying to learn how to do gel nails at home so my first thought was buying some nail art brushes or gel polish but I’m open to other suggestions.

Also I realise this is very vague and there’s a million things to buy on Amazon but my mind is blank

You could get a decent gel lamp for £20. Or you could buy boring stuff, cleaning products, toiletries and then spend £20 cash on something you want?

Snippysnips · Dec 21, 2022

xbxbx said:
Not a problem but a general query:

I’ve been gifted an Amazon voucher and I have no idea what to buy! I don’t use Amazon often and when I do it’s mostly for little things I can’t find in stores (hair oil, spices etc).

The voucher is for £20 and I want to make the most of it. Anyone a frequent Amazon user and can give me ideas of some things I can buy?

I’ve been trying to learn how to do gel nails at home so my first thought was buying some nail art brushes or gel polish but I’m open to other suggestions.

Also I realise this is very vague and there’s a million things to buy on Amazon but my mind is blank

They will probably be doing their Xmas an new year deals soon so you might be able to get a good nail set for £20 or even a cheaper set an something else, or you could even have a look at their flash deals an see if there's something you might like but hadn't thought about

Not sure if they have a expiry date on them but I'd check that an then just keep browsing every now an then till something eventually comes up you like

shadowcat5 · Dec 21, 2022

xbxbx said:
Not a problem but a general query:

I’ve been gifted an Amazon voucher and I have no idea what to buy! I don’t use Amazon often and when I do it’s mostly for little things I can’t find in stores (hair oil, spices etc).

The voucher is for £20 and I want to make the most of it. Anyone a frequent Amazon user and can give me ideas of some things I can buy?

I’ve been trying to learn how to do gel nails at home so my first thought was buying some nail art brushes or gel polish but I’m open to other suggestions.

Also I realise this is very vague and there’s a million things to buy on Amazon but my mind is blank

Do you have an E-reader or the kindle app on a smartphone? You can get E-books with it.

Or audiobooks too I think but I never have

The advice thread for random problems #2

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